Am I going to be found out?

[ZoeUK]

For the last few Halloweens I've dressed as a woodland fairy and a French maid and my wife suggested that I've exhausted the dressing as a female idea. I've persuaded her to allow me one more Halloween enfemme and I've really pushed the boat out and will be dressing as a bride with a beautiful dress, petticoat, veil and all the accessories. My wife has made a few comments about my dressing as a female but do you think she'll feel that I've went too far by dressing as a bride? and if so do you think I should let her know about my desires to dress outwith the Halloween season? :daydreaming:

Your comments would be most welcome.

Thanks & lots of love

Zoe xx

[Mirani]

Honesty is the best policy" . . . .

[debbeelee1]

You got the dress, you may as well show it off and have some fun with it!

[Sandra]

Honesty is the best policy" . . . .

Yup totally agree

[Sallee]

Let her know you like to CD Know one will think twice about it on our Holiday unless they are CD too:battingeyelashes:

[mykhelee]

Allowing you to dress on Halloween is a whole different fish from you telling her you like to cd. My second wife knew I dressed, don't ask don't tell was her policy. She did not want to ever see any of my clothes much less me in them. All sorts of unpleasantness could result, make certain that she won't have a freak fit.

[Sandra]

Allowing you to dress on Halloween is a whole different fish from you telling her you like to cd. All sorts of unpleasantness could result, make certain that she won't have a freak fit.

True she could freak, but it could be a whole lot worse if she finds out herself, instead of being told.

[TGMarla]

You may be intelligent, clever, subtle, and very bright, but sooner or later, no matter how good you are at hiding it, she will find out. Like many, I dove at the chance to do the en femme thing for Halloween, and I was perhaps too good at it for her comfort. Every now and again, I failed to put away some article of my feminine arsenal, be it even so small as a hair brush or a bracelet. She's not stupid, and my best kept secret was a secret no more. The more you push the envelope, the sooner she will figure it out, that is, if she hasn't already.

Go ahead, be a bride. I'll bet the dress is gorgeous. I'll bet it's to die for, and you can't wait to wear it. But I'm also betting that your wife isn't stupid, either, and that she at least suspects that you really like wearing dresses and doing the feminine thing.

Happy Halloween! :halloween:

[MJ]

honesty is the best policy in fact honesty is the only policy. why think of the worse all the time. how about she approves and helps you in your dressing and in shopping as well and she joins this forum and we all become a better happy family your dream come true. so then if you don't tell her you will never know ?

[charlie]

Hello Zoe!
I do not know if honesty is the best policy or not when it comes to our hobby. However, in going with that idea, why not go for it. Wear the bride outfit have a great time and after Halloween, tell your wife that you have enjoyed wearing girls clothes each time that you did. You really would like to wear them at other times besides Halloween. Either you will get an ear full or maybe even a sympathetic ear. At the very least, you will have stated you are interested. It gives cover if you are found out later as well.

[susan fuller]

Honesty and communication is the key. Talk to her and let her know how you feel bfore she finds out on her own. She more than likely already knows that something is going own if you have done it for three years.

[bah-bah-bobbie]

She may already be suspicious with how giddy you get about female costumes at halloween. She may have noticed the same emotion from you while shopping with her. The day may come all too soon the two of you have a heart to heart. In the meantime try downplaying your bridal thing by asking her to go as a groom.

[vivianann]

Hiding cding or any other thing from your wife is not good for the marriage, it tells her you dont trust her, and she will be devastated if she founds out the wrong way. You need to tell her Zoe, deception is not worth the price you may end up paying. There is nothing worse than a scorned woman. We do not know how strong your marriage is, however you must quit hiding this from her, my quess is, she already knows. She may be in denial of thinking her man likes to wear dresses. That is why she is objecting to you dressing enfemme again.:2c:

[Shelly Preston]

I think you have to sit down and explain it to her

As has been said the longer youleave it the worse it becomes

check out the link in my signature it might help

[Angie G]

She may have an idea already. but doesn't want to say anything. You my want to tell her. My wife knows and it the best thing I've ever did telling her. I can't say it would work out good for you but it has for me I dress 5 day a week Zoe.:hugs:
Angie

[Nicole Erin]

Yeah I tell ya, it is way easier to not have to hide. Even if there is the whole "don't ask don't tell" even if she finds something, it wouldn't be as bad...

The more you come out to people the easier it is cause people love to stick their nose in everyone's business. If you do like me and rub your business in people's noses instead, there is no hiding.

I'm telling ya, freedom from a secret is great.

[PamelaTX]

To answer your question: yes, you're going to be found out. Maybe not right now, but sooner or later you're going to be found out.

But you have a choice about how it's going to happen. She could find out on your terms, with you in control of the situation, or you could get found out by accident and have no control at all. You're risking disaster either way, but the risk is far less if you just go ahead and tell her. Let her know that this is scary for you, and that it is hard for you to tell her.

And most of all: read everything on this site about telling your spouse first.

Good luck to you.

[Rachel Morley]

Go ahead, be a bride. I'll bet the dress is gorgeous. I'll bet it's to die for, and you can't wait to wear it. But I'm also betting that your wife isn't stupid, either, and that she at least suspects that you really like wearing dresses and doing the feminine thing.
I'm with Marla on this. I think you should definitely do it, but I also think that your wife can (maybe?) already can tell you like it otherwise why would you always want to be dressed as a female each time. If it were me, I would not tell her you are a full blown crossdresser that has a "woman within" or whatever (not yet anyway) just tell her that you like wearing the clothes because it feels nice and is a lot of fun. In other words, if it was me, I would "sound her out" by telling her some of the truth but not all of it (not just yet). If she takes it well, then cautiously go ahead an tell her more, but whatever you do don't lie to her. :2c:

[Tamara Croft]

You know, constantly using Halloween to dress up and not hurt your wife really is a cop out... how about being honest with her, stop lying to her, stop using holidays as an excuse already and give her the choice whether she wants to live with it or not.

She's already said you've exhausted the constant femme ideas... maybe she's trying to tell you something... you aren't being fair to her, it's like you're shoving it in her face... and now with the bride... seriously? you really want to push her over the edge? :rolleyes:

[Natasha Carlo]

Everyone has such great advice.

I think of it this way. She already has an idea... telling her now won't be a big shock.

But by not telling her, you're putting yourself through unnecessary torment, by not being able to enjoy more potential freedom.

I'm all for honesty. I told my ex wife, and she wasn't too hot about the idea, but it wasn't why we got divorced either.

I have also told my current girlfriend, and she was a little shocked, but was very accepting, and has not only been supportive, but has also been very helpful with makeup tips, and helping with outfits :)

I think what counts most is HOW you tell her. Sit down together, quiet, open up to her. Be HONEST. Don't lie about anything. most people can tell when someone lies. Come clean about everything. It could also be a chance for you to teach her a little about crossdressing/gender dysphoria.

In the end, it's your choice whether or not you tell her. Whatever you decide, I wish you luck.

[joanne anderson]

Time to tell I would say. It's funny but I too had dressed as a maid for a fancy dress party and my wife, who was unaware of my dressing, thought I was mad but we had a great time. It was another six months before I told her that I dressed often while she was at work. The strain of keeping this secret for many years,began to worry me until I found this web site. I sought advise from fellow members and the advise finaly convinced me to TELL.
It has worked out very well for me and our relationship has grown stronger since.
So go for it GIRL.

Love Joanne

[Holly]

Zoe, I think your wife is telling you something and it would be in your best interest to start listening. Continuing you CDing activities under the cover of Halloween is risky... believe me I speak from experience. It wasn't until I faced the reality of my own TG issues and sat down with my wife and opened my soul and my heart to her that we were able to face the issue head on and rid ourselves of the "elephant in the room." By the way, we did reach an amiable conclusion and she more often than not accompanies me out. Most people will respond favorably to honesty. Rarely will anyone respond positively to deceit.

[KatieZ]

Tell her, and depending on her reaction you may be able to keep that dress.
Don't tell her and it goes to Goodwill right after Halloween.

[Sally2005]

I'd say, do halloween and when the topic is hot (like the day after the party) ask her if she had fun and if she was okay with yours? Then let the discussion begin. Then you will know if it is a good idea or not to open up. My situation is similar and I wish I had told her years ago, the only issue I had then was I didn't know exactly what to tell her. Now I know better who I am and I plan to tell her this time...

[DanaR]

I'd say, do halloween and when the topic is hot (like the day after the party) ask her if she had fun and if she was okay with yours? Then let the discussion begin. Then you will know if it is a good idea or not to open up.

I agree, this would be a great way and time to bring it up.

[Lady Jayne]

For the last few Halloweens I've dressed as a woodland fairy and a French maid and my wife suggested that I've exhausted the dressing as a female idea. I've persuaded her to allow me one more Halloween enfemme and I've really pushed the boat out and will be dressing as a bride with a beautiful dress, petticoat, veil and all the accessories. My wife has made a few comments about my dressing as a female but do you think she'll feel that I've went too far by dressing as a bride? and if so do you think I should let her know about my desires to dress outwith the Halloween season? :daydreaming:

Your comments would be most welcome.

Thanks & lots of love

Zoe xx

Zoe I'm sure judging from most of the other responses you've had that this will be an un popular opinion but it seems to me you wife may suspect that you enjoy it a bit too much and she may feel a bit un comfortable about what other people might think. For this reason I would think of her feelings and choose another costume this year. After all if people do start talking she has to live with the consequences as well as you. That said i would perhaphs mention the costume you had in mind to her and that you were really exited about getting to wear it. It would be an ideal oppertunity for you to broach the subject and gauge her reaction.

Sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear but I think that sometimes we have to put our feelings aside and consider those of our loved ones.

[karynspanties]

Why don't you just plain ask her how she feels about you dressing as a woman?

[Nadia-Maria]

Tell the wife. The longer you wait the worse it will be. You can't have a proper relationship without intimacy and without openness, there is no intimacy. Whatever happens, happens.

I am a little disturbed by the roughness, sort of brutality in this statement. I can't see things that way, only in black or white, good versus bad. I presume it may depend on the involved people, the context and the circumstances. I am not too fond of sweeping generalizations.

I came out to my SO last year ; of course, I'm happy to have finally opened myself. I was in the closet for more than half a century. And my life has become easier. From my point of view I have won something. From my SO's point of view it's not so obvious. I guess she preferred a little the life before she knew I was a crossdresser, even if it's no more big deal for her.

Yet from our relationship's point of view, there is hardly any noticeable change. Intimacy is as good as before. And certainly not better.
And I easily could have kept the secrecy for myself. I'm private enough.

I think Zoe is to be careful and should think enough about it, before to throw the big stone in the pond.

"Whatever happens, happens". And it might be the worst ...

Kisses

Nadia

[Sarah...]

Zoe I'm sure judging from most of the other responses you've had that this will be an unpopular opinion but it seems to me you wife may suspect that you enjoy it a bit too much and she may feel a bit uncomfortable about what other people might think. For this reason I would think of her feelings and choose another costume this year.

I've got to say, I think this is the most balanced response so far. I think "stoking the fire" by going bridal before having "the conversation" is a bad idea. It just fills me with a sense of foreboding for you. If I was your SO I'd want to know why you didn't discuss the issue before turning up amongst friends in your proposed costume. Her suggesting that you've exhausted the dressing as a female idea is an early warning in my view.

Sarah...