How Does One Find Self Acceptance

[Jae]

Deleted By Jae

[Nicole Erin]

Even after 11 years, I still sometimes think "Oh my gyod, is this really what I am? Is this really what it has come to?" Well save for one of the reasons I think I dress [not sexual] but it is hard. I do not let that stop me.
The best you can do is try to enjoy it instead of worrying.

Honestly, if you have supportive people it helps. My wife is highly tolerant, and no one in my family has given me grief, not even my da. I was real worried about that one...

Just try to enjoy it best you can and if it doesn't work...
So you have never actually been en femme?
At least dress all the way and see how it feels. If you just cannot stand the feeling, then un-femme and call it a day and don't worry about it. However, do not toss your stuff [don't "purge"] cause you will need it again.

Look, there is Nothing wrong with wearing clothes. There is nothing wrong with enjoying one's feelings or sexuality. It is your body, your feelings, your life, so please enjoy it.

Sooner or later the woman in you will want to come out. Maybe you are not quite ready and that is fine. Take your time. But once again, don't purge your stuff.

[divamissz]

Self acceptance is just that. YOU have to accept yourself first, before anyone else.

How do you do this? By becoming comfortable with yourself, with who you are. Don't be ashamed of yourself. Don't let other people's negativity or biases drive you down. Because the only opinion that matters?

Yours.

[tamarav]

Could it be that you did not have a chance to dress in solitary and now witl be under scrutiny whenever you do dress? It seems that pressure is being applied to dress, when it is the most natural feeling there can be, so something must be holding you back.

Embarrassment has often been used as a reason many of us don't want our loved ones to see us dressed, but still desperately want them to know about us. It is such a struggle sometimes. I am hoping you can come to grips with the situation and possibly with some help from your therapist learn to accept yurself and start having some fun.

Good luck and I hope to see more posts from you.

Your sis,

Tami

[charlie]

Hello Jae!
If you really wanted to dress then I would think that you would toss the clothes on and then see how they felt....both on and by you. If you are hesitating then perhaps this dressing in ladies clothes really is not for you. My advice would be to put the clothes carefully away and store them for when you really need to be in them. Why force yourself to do something that you are not comfortable doing? Cross dressing really is no panacea. Society does not like it. Save yourself time, money and embarrassment and don't start if you can help it.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Start with one thing. I would recommend a pair of panties. If you are really anxious, get a pair of cotton ones, or "your boyfriends undies" womens boxer shorts, like the Hanes Originals available at Target, among others. Try them on alone. It's hard enough to accept yourself without seeking someone else's acceptance. Oh, and make sure the counsellor is accepting and not trying to "cure" you. Good luck.

[Nicki B]

Umm... Try giving yourself permission, just for 5 mins, to put something on? :strugglin



Are you desperately holding the floodgates because you are afraid of what it might reveal, do you think?

[pickles]

The only thing you truly have to be affraid of in your life is yourself...

[sterling12]

Nicki's idea is very good. Start with one item and for a limited time. Then you can progress.

Just about all of us would advise you that the feelings will not go away. You can sublimate them, but always they will be in the background. And then one day, Kaboom! Everything comes back in full focus right in front of your face. But, you may have already figured that out.

IF, you have accepted whom you are; it's time to figure out what the hang-up is. You don't have to have the exact answer the first time or for many times thereafter. Just keep trying out new ideas until you find the one that fits. You will know when you have it right.

Otherwise you have a huge conflict that as you probably understand, will eventually tear you apart. It's counterproductive, forget that option and start looking for some ideas that give you some peace. I would also dress as soon as possible with that Group you joined. They will be accepting, they will help you. You just have to let yourself be open to that help and acceptance.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[MJ]

take it slow pick a day and dress do nothing else just stay dressed it takes time

[Jonianne]

Jae, just relax and be at peace with yourself. I went through years of depression until one day it really dawned on me that it was me that was making me feel bad about myself, no one else was, I was the one who was making me feel bad. When I realized that, the depression lifted and never came back. That was about 12 years ago.

[Edyta_C]

Jonianne hit it out of the park with her answer. Years of depression and counseling and all the medicos could do is drug me. But studying how some of the girls on the forum thought and how all of that related to me bought some real progress. It was me making me feel bad. Even with an understanding therapist, the only thing they really do is help you help your self. I wish you all the best and take steps slowly.

Hugs Edyta

[docrobbysherry]

Take your lady's things with u, and go away for a weekend by yourself. If u still can't put on the clothes, when you're many miles away from home, in a hotel where no one knows u, I have GOOD NEWS FOR U!

U r NOT a CD!:balloons:

[Carin]

I desperately wish to dress with all my being yet at the same time there is a force in me stopping me doing want I want to do.

My logic tells me that I should not be ashamed and it is not my fault, but obviously my emotions are getting the better of my logic.


It is called guilt. I could conjecture to years of a certain religious upbringing, but i might get :spank: for it.

If you really want to do it, then with your wife's assistance, maybe ask her to choose, pick a pair of panties at bedtime and wear them to bed. Then kiss her. Make the rest of the evening about her. That will take you mind off you own guilt feelings and hey, you might even have fun. You don't have guilt feelings about having fun, do you !

[Ballerina]

Aside from putting one thing on or tossing everything in the drawer for later, I say that you should grab something and hold it up to yourself in front of a mirror. If things feel a little rushy and wrong, tough it out for a bit and then put everything back. Then later on in the day bring it back out and repeat. Get to a point where you can feel comfortable wearing something, and repeat.

Guilt, fear, intimidation, and everything in between is something that we all have to pass through, crossdressing or not. In the end, it is nowhere near a bad or purposeless thing to be happy in your life. That is the whole idea to being on this planet.

[Wendy me]

see this http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=92343 i think it's all about you the more you try to make some thing happen the less likely it will .... get comfy just being you..........the rest just will flow on in............

[VeronicaMoonlit]

How does one find self acceptance. I'll have to get back to you, I'm still working on it bit by bit over time myself. I think the big thing is Time. It takes Time.

Veronica
Rondelle (Ron) Rogers Jr.

[Ruth]

Well, this goes to show that it pays to tell the whole story!
It sounds like you are very much a perfectionist in the matter of dressing: this is going to lead to a lot of frustration, it seems to me.
Like you, I don't get anything from underdressing or partial dressing, but I also accept that I don't look that good when dressed, and I have to prepare very carefully if I want to go out and pass in public. But the trying and the doing are very rewarding. There's also that old saying that practice makes perfect.

[Jonianne]

Just after writing the above, I asked my wife to read what I had written and she said don't be so bloody stupid, go and dress and I will make you up. As any good husband would do, I did as I was told and now about 2 hours later I am the happiest bloke around. I know I do not look that marvellous, but by heavens it feels so right and for a first attempt not too bad. I will post a couple of photographs if I can manage how to do it.


Well what a wonderful wife you have! A precious jewel! Take care of her and you will remain the "happiest bloke around". Don't worry about the looks, just do the best you can and enjoy your dressing time and if you get that chance to go out, go for it!

[Maria2004]

if you get that chance


"Chance favors the prepared mind." -- Louis Pasteur

[Nicki B]

Jae, just relax and be at peace with yourself.

But that's often the hardest part, IMHO... It helps if someone else can distract you? ;)




The realisation that any attempts to replicate the look from the dressing service at home are doomed to fail are stopping me even trying.

Don't be afraid to fail, on the way to a dream. Nothing really worth achieving can ever be done straightaway? The value to you always relates to the effort you have to put in.. :)


my overwhelming desire is to go out into the world dressed as the person I have dreamt about all these years

Then you're not going to be able to do it instantly, are you? You need to practice (I know, cracked record) and build up to it, step by step. You'll find going out is harder mentally, than getting the look right? And it'll be easiest, in company - remember what I said about being distracted? ;)

You know where I am..