Ever met an ex-crossdresser...?

[deja true]

Katie B put an interesting statement into a thread from a new member...


'Let's put it this way, I bet nobody here has ever met an ex-crossdresser!'

Not that I'd ever consider it (Lordy, No!), but do you think that's the case?

I've heard of aversion therapies forced on some youngsters, but anybody of the opinion that, with the most powerful of will-power, we could actually give this up voluntarily?

[steftoday]

like Bigfoot...

no such thing... :D

[Kate Simmons]

Sometimes circumstances make it necessary Deja or at least desired. When I first went to therapy to deal with this, I focused on what my options might be if it came to that. This is how I determined that for myself at least, it was mostly about the feelings and managing them. I had to get past the being ashamed part and being afraid to express myself. The problem was, I initially went way up there in the pink fog and could think of little else and was totally absorbed with it. I had to come back down gradually, make the feelings my own, take ownership of myself and take responsibility for myself and the things I did. The problem was that I was split, on one hand being a girl, the other being a guy. This was too confusing and frankly too much work.

After I integrated the feelings and balanced them, I realized I could be a much more responsible person. Now it's always a choice what I want to do rather than a compulsion. This puts me in a better position to manage it all. While I know the feelings will never go away entirely, I always keep my options open and am able to function either way really. This was a much better approach than simply trying to quit as that is never without complications in itself and I simply look at things as an overall person rather than this or that. In any case, I always reserve the right to express myself when the need arises or when I just feel like doing it.

More to your question, yes I do know ex-CD's. Some have made radical changes, some felt that they lacked control and gave it up, a few others now consider it a sickness and have convinced themselves they are "cured". I do always question whether these folks are really happy with the decision though. Only they know for sure really. My personal opinion is that trying to suppress it doesn't work. Addressing the feelings and dealing with them does. :)

[Miss Tessa]

When I was still confused with things I tried a couple times to "force" myself to be happy as a man and to push my feminity away. It didn't work. One day I had the urge to get up from what I was doing and dress up all like a girl and soon after that I began my permanent transition.


I think aversion therapy causes more pain deep down than good which can manifest itself in other areas of your life.
And medication does not help at all to stop people from CD'ing and living trans.

When a TS friend of mine was a teenager, her parents and doctor put her on testosterone regimen to help stop her transsexuality. But that can't be cured by that.The only thing that helps is the opposite kinds of hormones, female ones to make the feelings feel right.

[deja true]

Indeed, ya'll...

And lemme clarify my thinking behind the question a little...

That we can accept ourselves for crossdressers or trans did not necessarily mean for me that it's only about giving up wearing the clothes. There are quite a few here who accept themelves as dressers without even owning any clothes at all.

Those who may be "cured", as Arianna mentions, may still be dressing in their heads, therefore not really cured at all, eh?

For most of us, I think, no matter what mode we're dressed in, we're still thinking the same thoughts...

[MJ]

Those who may be "cured", as Arianna mentions, may still be dressing in their heads, therefore not really cured at all, eh?

For most of us, I think, no matter what mode we're dressed in, we're still thinking the same thoughts...

so i beg the question are we thinking with the mind of a woman or a man ?

and this cured thing who would want it.

never met an ex crossdresser

[Toni_Lynn]

Ooooh this is such a good topic that I so totally relate to!!! I immediately think of Alex in A Clockwork Orange. The film closes with his words "I was cured all right". For no matter what was done to me, emotional blackmail, being made to swear to the Blessed Virgin Mary that I'd never CD again, seeing a shrink, etc, here I am at 51, still crossdressing.

As I've said before (using other words or phrases), I can no more not be the girl and crossdresser that I am than a lion be a tree. That girl is me and I am her. There can never be an 'ex-'. It is simply not possible.

I like something that someone else said around these parts that I shall have to paraphrase. They said 'Once silk and lace hits the scrotum there is no turning back'. I liken it to the way Timothy Leary and others described things like LSD, for it is truly a mind opening experience that finally, for me, brought sense to everything in my life.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Karren H]

I personally know two ex-crossdressers... One locally who's crossdressing ruined his marriage and almost his carraer.. He's a very priced lawyer with a lavish lifestyle and basically told me that it wasn't worth persueing anymore... And although he likes to chat with me about crossdressing he said he will never go back

The other one now considers himself an admirer and had simular marital problems and quit.. His father lives here and we have lunch when ever he's in town.. He told me he wasn't very good at it anyway and his wife wasn't approving.. So he quit too..

Doesn't mean they both won't fall off the wagon but they consider themselves ex_crossdressers...

[tommi]

As hard as I've tried I still will mentally dress and end up dressing any how
learning this has kept me from discarding my wardrobe it goes in deep storage for extended periods.
If a long weekend alone presents itself a the desire is there I my take it out
resently had it out and never got dressed too tired from work.
I believe it is impossible to totally leave behind.

[Angie G]

Ain't no such animal.:hugs:
Angie

[tamarav]

I was once an ex-crossdresser, I think, I can't remember...

[jamie55]

Hi Deja: I liken it to an alcoholic. Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic. You just might not have had a drink lately.

[Natasha Carlo]

I don't believe there are EX-crossdressers. If someone says they're cured, or they quit, etc... I bet they've already thought about it too much to be an EX.

I feel like most others, sometimes life occurances demand that our feminine sides be put on hold, sometimes for much longer than we'd like, but the urge is always there. Being "cured" means the urge/desire is completely gone. If you have to put any effort into not doing it, or even not thinking about it, you're a dresser on hiatus :p

[Deborah_UK]

I'm an ex-crossdresser - I realised I was really TS

:D

[Niya W]

Some that has truly stop Cding wont talk about it. The ones that talk about it , ts still in their heart. While they might not dress they are not ex CD's . Well there is one exception to the rule. a some that transitioned. Now they dont have to CD every day :)


Looks at self. Looks forward to the day I can stop cross dressing at work. :)

[sterling12]

AT AA Meetings the standard salutation is: "Hello, my name is _____, and I'm an Alcoholic." "I've been clean and sober for ____months/years."

If we had CDA Chapters, I would imagine it would have to be the same. No doubt you have people out there who have refrained from actually putting on clothes. But, they are still crossdressers. You can't turn off your brain, there are so many "cues" in the media, in society, in daily life, that subtle and not so subtle reminders are everywhere.

You can pray, try to blot it out with alcohol or drugs, try just about anything you want, but somewhere in the back or front of your mind, the feelings will still be there. That's at least part of the reason that Karen's friends are still "discussing" things with her. If they had completely wiped it out of their minds, I imagine that they would have moved on to other things.

Another interesting idea. There are lots of AA Chapters, even in tiny little towns. Did you all ever hear of a Crossdresser's Anonymous Chapter? That ought to tell you something!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Sally2005]

They might exist (for a while). Given the somtimes long dry cycle and purging that some people do over a period of several years, you might feel like an ex-crossdresser then. I would believe it is possible, but I've never seen evidence of it...I mean, you would think if someone knew how to stop they would be selling their secret to others who want to stop... and I think most of us have been at that point at least once in our lives.

[Deborah Jane]

I was once an ex-crossdresser,

Me too, but it wasn,t any fun :sad:



Did you all ever hear of a Crossdresser's Anonymous Chapter?

I did once, but they were so anonymous i couldn,t find their phone number or address :doh:

[Niya W]

I was once an ex-crossdresser, I think, I can't remember...

Well no one likes a quitter :)

[Nicole Erin]

I have met one guy who "purged and quit". Of course I talked to him only once, a friend of a friend...

I think the only way to be an ex-CD is if you purged and really didn't look back or worry, like if it came naturally.

And yeah, some CD's may not even own femme stuff but are CD by way of accepting it...

Being CD is a state of mind, the clothes are only the external thing.
So I doubt there are any true ex-CD's.

[meg_dc_00]

I can only imagine that trying to quit crossdressing causes alot of internal pain... so why even try? Life is way too short.

[Susan4]

I'm in my 50's ... I've gone through long periods (a few years at a time) when, had someone asked me, I might have said I was an ex-crossdresser.

But ... in time. It always came back and as far as I can tell it allways will. And, I'm glad.

Someone with the willpower of a god might stop the behaviour ... but they can't stop the urge. Af first it will be fantasy, then a little bit .. then a bit more .. and, Wheeeeee! it's back full force.

So, if someone is ex today ... just wait until tomorrow.

:)

[sexystephie]

I've quit and purged a couple of times. The last time I quit I knew better then to purge. For me I would be ok for close to a year, then I would start thinking of cd'ing again. I would try and choke it down, but before I knew it I was dreaming about cd'ing. (Yeah, yeah, I know i'm a nut). Till next thing I know im obsessing about it, much like an itch you cant scratch that keeps getting worse. Untill I would finally go order some clothes and shoes, waiting anxiously for them to arrive, Hands shaking like a junkie needing a fix as I open the packages, shaking as I dress till I'm dressed and then finally................... Peace. So I don't think I could ever give it up forever. And the more I think about it, the thoughts of never wearing pantyhose or highheels leaves me with such an emptiness I can't begin to describe.

I forgot to add it was easier for me to quit smoking then cd'ing. March will be 5 years since I last smoked I never made it close to that with cd'ing!

[Tina B.]

It's, easy to be an excrossdresser, as many times that I have purged and the long periods with out dressing, I must be an ex-ex-ex-ex-crossdresser, but since I dress as often as I do these days, I guess that makes me an ex excrossdresser, now I confused?

[Maria2222]

I firmly believe that being a CD is inborn in us and an integral part of us. One cannot walk away from that. You can pretend that it isn't there, but it always will be.

[docrobbysherry]

If, in fact, it is "someone who wears clothes of the opposite sex", I would disagree with the previous posters here. Examples:

The rare poster who wonders if he is a CD. Then, decides he isn't and disappears from the forum.

Someone who tries on his SOs things in a private moment. Sees his image in the mirror. Laughs and forgets about it.

Someone who plays with dressing because it suits his partner. They split up and he gives it up.

Someone who has dressed, but is unhappy with his looks. Gives it up in embarassment.

Someone who was very involved with dressing in private. But, met a special SO and had no more time to CD, and just moved on!

( Any and all of these could be, or have been, me!):eek:

Just because u can't see angels, doesn't mean there r none. It's kind of whatever u believe in! I haven't met any ex-CDs. But, I choose to believe they exist!

[Marjory]

I've stopped dressing for long periods of time but the CDing was always in the back of my mind... I'll never quit

[emmicd]

When my son was born I quit crosssdressing and purged all my clothes thinking that I could stop by choice. I also purged several times before including when I got married.

I had stopped crossdressing with the birth of my son for approximately 5 years but as my son developed some health concerns the stress of getting him the medical attention was to much and resulted in my starting to dress again for relief. My so is doing better and I am still dressing.

I believe once a crossdresser always a crossdresser!

Just like once a marine always a marine!

Do you think there are marine crossdressers?

emmi

[arlene123li]

Every time I've been an ex-crossdresser I've purged and lost tons of money in clothes. Relationships make me quit, and when I'm left to my own devices I become an ex-ex-crossdresser. I can't even remember how many ex's I have now.

[Jonianne]

.......Did you all ever hear of a Crossdresser's Anonymous Chapter? That ought to tell you something!.......

Actually, there is a religious group that works with those who want to stop and their families. My ex joined them trying to cure me. My ex was at least somewhat tolerant untill she joined them, then she became hostile. They told her she needed to threaten me and make ultimatums. I will never forgive them.

[Lisa Golightly]

Never met one... Well they'd have no interest in meeting me would they !?! :)

[Raychel]

I was an Ex-Crossdresser also for about 10 years. Thank god that is over. Life is good now and I will bet that quiting will never happen again for me.

[Rachel B]

I've given up so many times and purged my wardrobe so many times (damn I still miss my little black kilt skirt though I doubt it'd fit me now) I guess I have been an ex ex ex ex ex crossdresser.

Something I dont get though is the thing about clothes being gender specific......It's okay for women to wear what is technically men's clothing, but it's not okay for men to wear what is deemed technically womens clothing.

But this throws up an interesting question for me, as I dress for a sensual/sexual feeling. I obviously get turned on by wearing womens clothing, especially fabric specific skirts, tops, tights/stockings and shoes. But what would happen if there was no such thing as womens/mens clothes and we all just wore clothes?

[Genifer Teal]

Never known an ex crossdreser. Cute statement though. I have known two "girls" who decided not to transition, after years of hormones ect.

Gen

[Rachel B]

Actually, there is a religious group that works with those who want to stop and their families. My ex joined them trying to cure me. My ex was at least somewhat tolerant untill she joined them, then she became hostile. They told her she needed to threaten me and make ultimatums. I will never forgive them.

I love the term "cure" like it's a disease or something. Let's just "cure" everything that doesn't conform to the standard shall we.

Most of my early pain came from being brought up as a catholic and the feelings of guilt that is indoctrined into you from a very early age. I hate anything religious now and would love to re-visit my old church dressed in the tartiest outfit I could find........though I'd probably be running as fast as I could in my heels to get away from the priest:heehee:

[LindaCD63yoNJ]

You can stop doing it for a while, suppress it , even repress it, but if you have been a cd, you always will be, whether active or not. The urge not only does not diminish, it continues to grow over time, although not necessarily uniformly.

[cdmindymi]

Yes there must be ex crossdresser out there. If someone clams to be an ex cd then they are, at least for the moment. To me an ex cd’er is someone who dose not want to crossdresser anymore. Someone must have made to the grave without ever dressing again.
That been said lets remember that they are still a transgender, just not actively pursuing their desires of crossdresser. I hope that I am using the term transgender in the right way. To my understanding we are all transgender, then it breaks down to tv, cd, ts.
:2c:

[jayme357]

When my son was born I quit crosssdressing and purged all my clothes thinking that I could stop by choice. I also purged several times before including when I got married.

I had stopped crossdressing with the birth of my son for approximately 5 years but as my son developed some health concerns the stress of getting him the medical attention was to much and resulted in my starting to dress again for relief. My so is doing better and I am still dressing.

I believe once a crossdresser always a crossdresser!

Just like once a marine always a marine!

Do you think there are marine crossdressers?

emmi

I'm an ex Army Ranger/Special Forces. Does that count?

[Kerrylee61]

Ooooh this is such a good topic that I so totally relate to!!! I immediately think of Alex in A Clockwork Orange. The film closes with his words "I was cured all right". For no matter what was done to me, emotional blackmail, being made to swear to the Blessed Virgin Mary that I'd never CD again, seeing a shrink, etc, here I am at 51, still crossdressing.

As I've said before (using other words or phrases), I can no more not be the girl and crossdresser that I am than a lion be a tree. That girl is me and I am her. There can never be an 'ex-'. It is simply not possible.

I like something that someone else said around these parts that I shall have to paraphrase. They said 'Once silk and lace hits the scrotum there is no turning back'. I liken it to the way Timothy Leary and others described things like LSD, for it is truly a mind opening experience that finally, for me, brought sense to everything in my life.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

You have stated the case in exactly the terms I would have Toni-Lynn. Thanks
Kerry Lee

[avril findlay]

I can't see how you can possibly be an ex-CDr!

[trannie T]

I quit drinking 12 years ago so I am now a former drunk.
I quit smoking 25 years ago so I am now a former smoker.
I am on a diet so I hope that some day I will be a former fat person.
The only vice I now have is crossdressing and I have no desire to quit, and I doubt that I would be able to.

[marny]

SHOES!




Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Lancaster NY
Posts: 62 I don't believe there are EX-crossdressers. If someone says they're cured,
Natasha: I hope that is just a poor choice of words. I mean REALLY!!!! CURED!! :eek:

[LilSissyStevie]

You are probably not going to meet any ex crossdressers here on this forum. On the other hand, you'll meet plenty who tried and failed here because this is where many failed ex crossdressers end up. You're not likely to meet any on the street because people don't usually come up to you and say something like, "Hi, I'm Bob and I'm an ex crossdresser." Most CDs are secretive when they're active and I assume they would be even more secretive if they thought they had safely put it behind them.

There was a time in my life when I spent every conscious moment thinking about drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. I simply could not imagine life without them. But, I haven't had any alcohol or dope in over 30 years. I haven't had a cigarette in over 22 years. I suppose I won't be an ex addict or smoker until I'm safely 6 feet under. I'm sure that applies to crossdressing as well even if I never dressed again. If it's possible to not dress today, then it's possible to not dress each and every day. In my case, I just can't think of a single good reason to do that.
:love:

[raleighbelle]

I agree with most of the above. I don't think there is such a thing as an 'ex-CD'. There are repressed CDers, and there are those who have made a transition as transexuals, but anyone who is truly an 'ex-CDer' may have worn women's clothing at one time, but was not a true CDer. And, why would anyone truly want to be an ex? They may have to repress it for someone else, or for work, but not for themselves.

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

Well the question deals with absolutes. The simple answer is that I know two or three that do not dress at all anymore due to health, financial or mental reasons. Whether they think about it is a different answer if that is inclusive to the question.

*hugs*

Zara

[joann426]

i think if you were a xcder and quit and come back again its like riding a bike yoy never forget or qiut doing what you like doing ill never never quit dressing