On Acceptance

[melissacd]

I have been on this forum for about four years now and I have gone through an amazing transformation in my life over those four years. I have gone from total fear, shame, guilt and a non-accepting spouse in a miserable marriage to a life where I am openly cross dressing, I am out to all of my family, I have a supportive girlfriend and I am contemplating whether I can take it to the next stage of full time cross dressing. I could never have imagined this possible four years ago, in fact then I was trying to figure out how to cure myself from this. Oh how foolish I was back then.

One of the things that I have come to the realization of is that I cannot allow anyone else to decide who I am, how I should behave and how I should live my life. I am the decider and the architect of my happiness, it is my choice and responsibility alone. I cannot blame my happiness or acceptance on anyone else but myself.

I say all this because I find it interesting now when I read in this forum now about non-accepting spouses, non-accepting friends, family and society, how unfair all this is - I realize this is all irrelevant if you can just accept yourself for who you are. By this I mean that you have to first accept yourself and realize that what others think does not really matter.

This is not to say that you should not listen to and consider the thoughts and feelings of others, just that you should not let others define your self worth, decide who you are, how you should live or how you should feel about yourself. If you can accept yourself just as you are, if you can feel happy in about this part of you, if you can let the rest of it fall off your back like the rain off of a duck's back then you will start to move to a whole new level of being, you will have the acceptance and love of the person from whom it matters the most - yourself.

Huggs
Melissa

[Kate Simmons]

You are right Melissa, We do not need a "cure", we need self actuation, that is allowing ourselves to be the full person we were meant to be. Sometimes it takes years to get to that point and when we do, we stop perceiving our condition as a handicap and turn it into an advantage. Even so, we cannot beat ourselves over the past, as with everything else there is a learning curve and things sometimes take time. It's like having a natural knack or talent to do certain things, the raw energy is there just not developed and we hone our abilities as we go. We can talk about all of this stuff until we are blue in the face but living life the way we were meant to makes all the difference.

I always say we are who we are for a reason and I firmly believe that. If we believe in ourselves we move forward, if we have doubts we get sidetracked but that is what life is really about, to experience things and make adjustments when necessary. Those who are truly successful take the "bad" along with the "good" and use it as a learning experience and nothing is wasted in the end. The most important thing, however, is to always be true to ourselves and we can never go wrong.:)

[fluffy_kingston]

Great post. Self acceptance is most important.

[Vivian Best]

Isn't it wonderful when you get to the point in your life you no longer hate yourself for what you are and what you do! You have accepted what you were born with and it's OK! So what if I'm a CDr, it's OK. So What if I'm not like other males, it's OK. So what if I love to wear panties and pantyhose, it's OK.

If you can't accept yourself, who will?

[CharleneT]

The more I accept myself, the more easily other accept me. This was well demonstrated last weekend. I went to see a band "enfemme" and alone. Started sitting at a single table and by the end of the evening I was sitting a table with 6 people, danced with 1/4 of the girls and a couple of men. Had several men tell me how much they respected me for being brave. Anyhow, I've been there before, and the difference this time was that I was comfortable. One guy that really made a point of talking to me and telling me how much he respected me, did so because he has a lot of tattoos and facial piercings. He gets stares a lot too and thought I was cool that I was sitting comfortably, even though many people were staring at me ( I had just arrived maybe 10 minutes earlier).

Your feelings about yourself are visable to others. If you are comfortable in your skin, they will see that. Many will respect you for it.

Charlene

[CD Susan]

I have been on this forum for about four years now and I have gone through an amazing transformation in my life over those four years. I have gone from total fear, shame, guilt and a non-accepting spouse in a miserable marriage to a life where I am openly cross dressing, I am out to all of my family, I have a supportive girlfriend and I am contemplating whether I can take it to the next stage of full time cross dressing. I could never have imagined this possible four years ago, in fact then I was trying to figure out how to cure myself from this. Oh how foolish I was back then.

One of the things that I have come to the realization of is that I cannot allow anyone else to decide who I am, how I should behave and how I should live my life. I am the decider and the architect of my happiness, it is my choice and responsibility alone. I cannot blame my happiness or acceptance on anyone else but myself.

I say all this because I find it interesting now when I read in this forum now about non-accepting spouses, non-accepting friends, family and society, how unfair all this is - I realize this is all irrelevant if you can just accept yourself for who you are. By this I mean that you have to first accept yourself and realize that what others think does not really matter.

This is not to say that you should not listen to and consider the thoughts and feelings of others, just that you should not let others define your self worth, decide who you are, how you should live or how you should feel about yourself. If you can accept yourself just as you are, if you can feel happy in about this part of you, if you can let the rest of it fall off your back like the rain off of a duck's back then you will start to move to a whole new level of being, you will have the acceptance and love of the person from whom it matters the most - yourself.

Huggs
Melissa

What a great post Melissa! I agree with everyting you are saying here. I came to this same level of self acceptance just six months ago and it has literally changed my life for the better. I was buried deep in the closet for 40 years and felt miserable about it. When I finally came to accept who I really am I decided that I no longer wanted to continue living a life that I had grown tired of. I have left the closet that I was imprisoned in for so very many years and feel more liberated now than I have ever felt before. I am truely happy now and live the way now that I wish I had many years ago. Thank you very much for such an insightfull post.

[Satrana]

By this I mean that you have to first accept yourself and realize that what others think does not really matter.


Sad to say this is a common problem that affects many people. Everyone is programmed to seek social acceptance and this I feel results in a great deal of unhappiness throughout society. In our case, the result is even more pronounced since we have a need to express a part of ourselves that others consider taboo and perverted causing us to feel guilt and self loathing.

The truth is you cannot take care of others until you have taken care of yourself first. This is not selfishness but a matter of survival and self acceptance. Those who love us must step back and give us the time and space to find ourselves so that we can love them back as a whole, complete and happy person.

[Margot]

Way to go Melissa. You've come a long way ,hon and you sound very happy with yourself.
:love:
Margot