Peer pressure?

[Kate Simmons]

After reading Deja's thread about ex-CD's and some of the subsequent ones about others quitting dressing or wanting to quit, it makes me wonder if sometimes the progress some have or attaining of different "levels" of dressing may be because of subtle if not outright peer pressure from other members. While I realize the intentions are good and the point is to show how others can feel good by expressing their femme self, I sometimes wonder what the real effect is on the person who is receiving the advice as they may have a certain situation or limited opportunities for full expression.

We may have progressed to the point where we have few problems and it takes little effort to express ourselves and may say:"Just do it." but in reality not everyone has that kind of freedom to do what they want. It's kind of like what teenage girls go through in school sometimes. Their contemporaries may pressure them to dress a certain way or wear makeup and in an effort to "fit in" they may reluctantly comply even if their heart is not really into it.

Of course many folks ask advice and opinions as to what they should do or what their next step should be which is fine but any responses should be taken under advisement and tailored to fit their particular situation. While this is a support Forum and the idea is to promote understanding, it should not be used as justification for what we ourselves do and that should never affect our advice to others really.

While we stand somewhat united in TG issues, when it comes to the "real world" we are more or less on our own regardless of whether we have friends of like mind or not and it is really our personal decision as to what we may decide to do. Personal standards are fine but we have to likewise respect others for who they are as individuals. My main purpose is to support others in being themselves, regardless of who those selves may be and what they may decide to do as well.:)

[bimini1]

The power of suggestion works in a subtle but powerful way. If not careful it can have you thinking in ways and doing things that you never really wanted to or set out to do.

[Carroll]

I went to one of the local groups a few years ago. After three meetings I decided it was not for me. They seemed to want people that were CD 24/7 and/or post and pre-op.

[Karren H]

That's right.... I double dog dare you to put on the bra!!!

Hahaha.

:).

Oneupwomanwantabemenship??

I'm the worst one when it comes to putting pressure on myself.. Crossdressing or life in general.. I'm driven.. No matter what.. So I don't need any external peer pressure... I'm perfectly capable of doing stupid things on my own!! Lol.

[Kate Simmons]

That's right.... I double dog dare you to put on the bra!!!

Hahaha.

:).

Oneupwomanwantabemenship??

I'm the worst one when it comes to putting pressure on myself.. Crossdressing or life in general.. I'm driven.. No matter what.. So I don't need any external peer pressure... I'm perfectly capable of doing stupid things on my own!! Lol.LOL. Aren't we all Karren? Like you, I'm somewhat of a loner and if I make a fool of myself, I have no one else to blame :heehee:. I couldn't help but notice though when I was in a TG group that there seemed to be a "pushing" sometimes for the more laid back ones to comply with the group as Carroll brought out, so figured I'd bring that out.:)

[LilSissyStevie]

I heard a lot of the same stuff from my friends:

You'll be back, just wait and see.

You can't quit, I tried many times.

Why would you want to give up having fun?

You just need to control it better.

Blah, blah, blah


That's what my "friends" said over thirty years ago when I told them I was going to try to quit drinking and get off dope. It's always possible that they may be right in the end, but they can't take the last 30 years away from me. Just because I'm an alcoholic doesn't mean I have to drink and being a crossdresser doesn't mean I have to get dressed up.

Remember: it the first panty that brings on the pink fog.:D

[Shannen]

I've always felt "encouraged", not pressured.... peer pressure has such a negative connotation! Like it would be bad to put on a dress, but do it anyway! :heehee:

[PamelaTX]

That's right.... I double dog dare you to put on the bra!!!


I'll see that bra and raise you a pair of fishnet stockings! :)

[Nicole Erin]

Well admittedly, I have bought a few new additions to my wardrobe based on things I have seen some of the plus size girls here wearing in photos. As far as advancing in my CD life tho, I was pretty much at my level of comfort before I found this board. It is nice to read the positive stories and I do have to remind myself of them sometimes when feeling chicken about certain things...



I'm the worst one when it comes to putting pressure on myself.. Crossdressing or life in general.. I'm driven.. No matter what.. So I don't need any external peer pressure... I'm perfectly capable of doing stupid things on my own!! Lol.

Karren, you are the reason some people here pull crazy stunts. But young lady, don't you go thinking you infuence me! You and I are about equal in our craziness.

[Ruth]

Arianna, the other side of the coin, if you like, from peer pressure is reading here what is possible for a CDer and realizing you can do it. I didn't go out dressed in public until after I had read the stories on this forum.
I had literally not believed I could do it, but was reassured and inspired by what I read here.

[Kate Simmons]

Yeah, I know Ruth. Frankly, looking back, I'm amazed at some of the crazy things I used to do in my 20's and 30's way back in the stone age before we had the Internet and there were not too many others to use for a sounding board or to discuss things with. A lot of it was kind of "seat of the pants (or panties if you will)" and we kind of made it up as we went along but were happy and gay(!). Once groups got into vogue, so did a lot of the peer pressure and the oneupwomanship or whatever Karren called it. I personally never try to talk anyone into anything although sometimes it may seem that way. I've been through all the ups and downs and have now leveled out pretty much and know who I am and no longer have to prove anything one way or the other. Maybe that comes with experience, maybe it just means I'm getting old, I dunno. Works for me though.;):)

[Joanne Curl]

I don't know if it's peer pressure or just maturity. As I get older I don't care as much about what others think. I'm not satisfied with dressing up, taking a few pictures and then going back to drab. I want to go out and be accepted and present as Joanne. I'm sure some people know I'm a guy dressed as a woman, maybe that's part of the thrill, I'm not sure. I just know that I like my femme side and I want to do normal things while dressed as Joanne. One of my favorite times out was simply going to the grocery store and shopping for dinner while dressed like the other woman doing the same thing. The one thing I'd love to do but haven't had the nerve to do yet is to shop as Joanne and try on clothes in femme. I'll bet it won't be long before I try that too.:battingeyelashes:
Joanne

[Caroline C]

I feel no peer pressure from other members but I am jealous how some can look. For me this board has a lot of useful information and has made me a better "ME". But if there wasn't an internet and this board I would still be as happy with myself as I was 15 or 20 years ago. Before online purchasing and cell phones I use to find an unused landline phone while at work and place an order. I currently have no will or desire to try to go out and pass. I'm happy being "ME" at home. Maybe in another 20 years when I might be able to pass as a senior citizen (No offence to the older members but right now I will always look like a dude in a dress) The tips and tricks I've learned from this board will help me along. The nice thing about this board is knowing there is a sisterhood out there that I can relate to and be a part of.

[docrobbysherry]

When I arrived here a year ago, I was fresh out of the closet. Dressing completely on my own for 9 years. I had always thot I did it because I was secretly gay!
After arriving here, suddenly the new idea that I was TS/TG, came into my mind. Also, that I should be joining a group and going out dressed. And that dressing for sexual reasons was a No No!

U may be interested to know, I received a number of private messages from other CDs telling me I wasn't the only one who dressed sexually, and in private. Just that it was uncool to mention it here!

Those individuals, ( u r one), encouraged me to be who I really am. So, like me or hate me, I am trying to be me! And, in either case, I know I'm not alone! :tongueout

[Nadia-Maria]

I heard a lot of the same stuff from my friends:

You'll be back, just wait and see.

You can't quit, I tried many times.

Why would you want to give up having fun?

You just need to control it better.

Blah, blah, blah



I am always very amazed whenever people on this forum will say to another CDer it's impossible to quit CDing.

Obviously it is possible, for whoever who want it enough, to quit CDing.
The fact that some of these who would want it will lack the will to succeed in it don't prove it is impossible for others.

Almost all of us have the choice either to do what we want or not to be able to do it.

For almost all of us is just an issue of "personal choice".
Of course some people happen to be more or less ill or flawed, so that I won't generalize for everybody. But it most cases, they are neither ill nor flawed, they just don't want ENOUGH. They CHOOSE to feel themselves weak.

Kisses

Nadia