Being hassled by counter girls

[PrettySatinNightgown]

I bet there are plenty here who get a little angry when we get the odd or disrespectful look when we go dress or lingerie shopping. I'm not just talking about other shoppers, I'm talking about the counter girls themselves. I cant shop in my hometown at all because of this, so I prefer to shop in Melbourne (an hour away by train). There is one place though in my hometown where I do feel comfy though, because the lady there happens to be a little older than most counter girls and is by far, understanding.
One morning I purposely got up early just to beat the rush, just to go and buy a new nightgown without being embarrased or caught by anyone. When I walked into this lingerie store I walked straight up to the nightgown section and started browsing. The counter girl came up and said "We sell vouchers here" and I quietly said "Aah, I'm just looking", she looked at me in a odd way but kept pushing me. She then said "Is there anything special that you want" and I said "Yes, I'm after the longest fullest range of nightgowns that you have" then she said in a grumpy and rude way "Theres some long ones at the back, why dont you just bring the girl in, then it might be easier for you". I was astounded. Has anyone else here been treated like this? From that day on, I have shopped for anything in this town once, except for the reguler shop I go to.
I admit, I get the odd look now and again in Melbourne too, but there are alot in Melbourne too, which are understanding and caring. If there is a painful side of crossdressing, its shopping. When I go to shop for a evening gown or dress or just lingerie, I like to take my time and browse. I dont like having to go in there red faced and nervous, jeez the world stinks sometimes.

[Kimberly]

"Theres some long ones at the back, why dont you just bring the girl in, then it might be easier for you". I was astounded.
And I would have said, "The girl is here! She's standing right in front of you!"

... in an ideal world. In real life, I would have probably have just looked embarrassed. :rolleyes:

[Wendy me]

i just say eather (if i can't find what i am looking for ) yes i need to find something like ..... or thankyou i think i am ok if i need you i ask thankyou.....

why dont you just bring the girl in, then it might be easier for you".


thats just so easy ....replay what if i am the girl????? or do you think that would ruien the supprize if she saw it before .... her birthday ?????

just ask the sales girl if she has a probleme with you shopping .....in a nice way say "look miss this is hard enough for me to do let alone without you treating me so badly...could you eather get me someone that is a little nicer or please tell me of a shop that likes to have people buy things as i thought thats why you were open .... thank you""


or when all else fails (i have used this) excuse me but are you just a bitch to me or is this the way you treat every one??????

[sarah8553]

Hi,

As I keep saying, eBay is pretty faceless, and you get some cracking bargins off there...

Give it a go. I do not know what it's like in Australia, but it cannot be that different to the UK.

Hope that helps...

Hugs n kisses,

Sarah. x

[morwenna]

It is unfortunate but that's how shopping can be sometimes and that's why some of us our still in the closet here. The world looks at us much different but please don't let that get to you. Still shop and if they don't like it, that's just too bad.

Love - Peace
Morwenna

[Melissa A.]

The thing is, if you politely let her know that she can't embarrass you, she loses whatever power or superiority that she, in her mixed up little head, thinks she has over you. She's not your boss, or parent, or any kind of authority figure. You are a shopper and have the right to buy whatever you want to. I would take Wendy's advice, or say something like, "Yes, does this look like it's my size?" and stand your ground.

I have never been treated so shabily, but would actually have liked to have been there with you. People like that need to be put in their place.

They are not gatekeepers, and you don't need their permission. Who cares what they think?

Good luck with your shopping.

Hugs,

Melissa :)

[Katie Ashe]

I got treated like a freak in Frederick's of Hollywood stores a few times, and I was with my wife. I get no respect, just a peeping tom in the store. I have had better luck in Victoria's Secrets though... I prefer to cataloge shop first then hit the stores when there empty, for my sanity of coarse :cry: I read: statiscly men buy 40% of the worlds fem items of clothing. I'll never understand the disrespect :(

Katie

[Stlalice]

Being given a hard time by sales people is something that NO one, wether TS, CD, or whatever should have to deal with. For those rare occasions when a sales person wants to play power games or be less than polite for other reasons the best response I've found is "Lets go talk to your manager - NOW !". Your money spends the same as anyone else's and you are entitled to respect and courteous treatment. In the years since I came out and started living as Alice this has only happened once - and an appoligy was given immediately by the manager and the clerk has been polite ever since. Some clerks just need to learn that being polite and helpful pays off in the long run. And if they can't learn this then they really have no business being in retail sales.

[Billi49504]

As others have said, no one should have to put up with bad service. If I have really bad service, as with Avenue, I went to the manager and paid off my charge account, and closed it. When asked why, I explained what had happened. The best way to let people know how you feel about their business, is with your dollars.
On the other hand, I've never had a bad day shopping at Lane Bryant. Not just the 2 stores that I normally shop at. On vacation, I stopped at a LB in an other city, where I found a bra I had to have, the lady asked if I wanted to try it on. When I said no, she told me they had dressing rooms in the back, if it would make me more comfortable. I was definately in guy mode. But I told her I had many LB bras, and I knew it would fit. On the way out, I spotted a cute skirt, asked if I could try it on. "Right this way sir," was the answer I got. Then she asked if I was interested in a cute top to go with the skirt. The shirt I had on didn't look good with the skirt. I went in to buy a bra, and ended up buying a skirt and 2 tops to go with it. The wife and I both have platinium card with Lane Bryant. Some of the clothes I don't care for, but the customer service is fantastic...Billi
ps. Sorry for the rambling. :)

[jenny c]

Many girls go shopping dressed in the UK and they get treated with respect as a whole some Stores like Marks and Spencers actually train their staff to deal with those who are Transgendered, Some of the Groups here in the UK actually go on shopping trips to London or Manchester and do not come up against many barriers. but i suppose there is always some people who do not know how to handle those who are TG but i know what i would do just not shop in those places if they cannot be civil and treat one with some kind of respect.

[Sharon]

I've never had a negative reaction at all on any of my shopping excursions. I behave the same way when paying for my clothing as I do when I buy a pail of paint at Home Depot: I approach the cashier and give him or her a friendly "How are you doing today?" and everything goes fine. The friendliness usually elicits some small talk as many cashiers are inundated with surliness all day long and they really appreciate a bit of kindness and empathy.
If I were to be confronted with a surly sales person or cashier, I would most likely drop my purchases at their feet and calmly walk away and not return. It would be better to tell the manager about the offending employee, but:
1) chances are that they already are aware of them; 2) I used to be a retail manager and I know how difficult their job is; 3) there's an off chance that the employee is simply having a bad day and you're the unfortunate victim of their wrath; and 4) I'm not emotionally prepared to make an issue about my right to crossdress. I'll just take my business elsewhere and make sure I tell everyone I know how bad the service is at that store.

[azure]

A shop assistant who behaves in an abrasive way could just have had a bad experience with a customer a few minutes before, or they could be tired or simply unhappy. It is the duty of the company to train shop assistants to be professional, and provide a consistent and satisfying service. They are not there to judge, but shop assistants are human, with human flaws. Its a crappy job, low payed, and I admire them for doing such a tough job!!! In my job, I meet people from across the spectrum of society, and yes I do meet individuals who are tv cd and tg, and I simply do my job,I comment when Im asked my opinion, keep them to myself where necessary. One thing I will say, is that is to visit and have a prior knowledge of where your going to shop. I find that I'll avoid a shop which is staffed by giggly 17 year old girls who are likley to vent thier boredom and fuel thier gossip when serving you!

[eileen1969]

plain rude little girls! There's a lot of them out there! those ones can actually get fired over this kind of inapproapriate behavior. I do get either nasty bitch eyes and snaps of the eyes! I smile at those kinds of girls. I pray for those who either do not understand or just plain closed minded. They say keep your freinds close! Your emenies even closer! Love thy neighbor! I think they are the ones that keep things intresting around here! take care and do not give in or give your power away to those who try to take it! stay sexi! Ronxxxx :thumbsup:

[azure]

when your out and you walk past a group of teenage girls, or one with her boyfriend, Ive found that she'll read you and immediatley tell him, because she A. wants somthing to fuel her gossip, and B. She wants to make sure her bf doesnt fancy you, so your one less girl in competition. coz , as soon as he knows, its time to getcha sorry ass outa there!

[Kimberly]

You are a shopper and have the right to buy whatever you want to.
I learn that, in the UK at least, the shop can refuse the purchase of an item. They do not specifically have to say why, but they can. Just like, if we're not happy with the product, we can take it back.

The other side to this coin, of course, is the fact that not selling to someone based on the fact they are TG = discrimination. Something you can appeal to the courts with.

[Cissy Suzie]

I agree with Sharon, I go in shops in boy mode, with a smile and a nod for anyone who makes any eye contact.

Usually the sales girls are ok, like when they ask the inevitable, "What size is she?" I simply smile and look down at my waist, or chest or what ever and they instantly understand.

I have only once had a really bad experience and it was at Victoria's Secret and the sales girl was just glaring at me, but was still going through the motions. Her manager walked over and whispered something to her and she left, the manager said, "I'm terribly sorry sir, can I help you?"

Let's face it, our money spends just like anyone else's, and we live in a retail driven economy.

I find it odd though that someone got treated shabbily at Frederick's, they are usually the most open, helpful sales people I have ever run across. I told one girl there that I was shopping for myself, she was young and kind of smiled oddly. I said, "I don't mean to embarrass you." She smiled and told me, "I work here, why would you think you embarrass me?" I go there often now to shop for hose ;)

[Katrina]

I got treated like a freak in Frederick's of Hollywood stores a few times, and I was with my wife...

I can't believe that you have had problems in Frederick's of Hollywood. I have gone in with and without my GF and the girls there have been nothing but helpful and friendly. They should be, I've spent a pretty penny there.


... If there is a painful side of crossdressing, its shopping...

Wow...we need an intervention! Shopping is the best thing ever! I think I enjoy shopping almost as much as wearing the stuff. Honey...I will go shopping with you any day of the week...but you will have to foot the airfare for me :(

[Marianne]

A shop assistant who behaves in an abrasive way could just have had a bad experience with a customer a few minutes before, or they could be tired or simply unhappy. It is the duty of the company to train shop assistants to be professional, and provide a consistent and satisfying service. They are not there to judge, but shop assistants are human, with human flaws. Its a crappy job, low payed, and I admire them for doing such a tough job!!! In my job, I meet people from across the spectrum of society, and yes I do meet individuals who are tv cd and tg, and I simply do my job,I comment when Im asked my opinion, keep them to myself where necessary. One thing I will say, is that is to visit and have a prior knowledge of where your going to shop. I find that I'll avoid a shop which is staffed by giggly 17 year old girls who are likley to vent thier boredom and fuel thier gossip when serving you!

Words of truth and deep wisdom.

read and learn.

(I've worked retail in my distant past, it takes a while to learn to be a 'professional'. It takes a while to be able to recognize a 'professional'. Which is why I am very very fussy when it comes to shopping, I can get away with tossing a pair of tights or some makeup into the grocery cart without woprrying about who happens to be on the supermarket register. Dress shopping is a completely different subject. If/'when I ever to that in a store I'll be doing my research ahead of time. :)

[Natasha Anne]

Usually the sales girls are ok, like when they ask the inevitable, "What size is she?" I simply smile and look down at my waist, or chest or what ever and they instantly understand.



This response is so cool and unique (at least I've not read about it before), I'm definitely going to try it. They say sometimes a picture speaks a thousand words, and in this case I think it's so true. No need for excuses ;)

[sophie/girl]

thats why i lift geelong i knew to many people there now i live in werribee now i am thinking of living in stkilda or fizroy [ i think satin knows what i mean ]
love sophie

[norbie]

Hi,
I am from NSW, but it should not make any difference in Victoria. Honesty, straight forward is what Aussie Girls like.
Just say ' its for me 'Miss I am a Cross Dresser', and you will get all the help you need, everywhere. ;)
Love from Norbie

[sarah]

Living in Tasmania you develop an attitude to deal with ignorant sales people .I usually tell them when they ask that i am just browsing and if i need help i will ask !!!! :Power:

[Darlene.]

Hi all,

This is a post I found on another forum that addresses this issue. This poster works for Lane Bryant.

Darlene.

Disclaimer (since I like my job and would like to keep it):
These opinions are strictly my own and do not reflect any official LB policies. None of this has been handed down to me from higher-ups and if you use any of this against me, I'LL CUT YOU.

As far as I know, Lane Bryant doesn't have any sort of official policy, and this sort of thing never came up during my training. I think there's a feeling of non-committment about it because LB is thee biggest plus size retailer in all the land... and people who shop there might include women who aren't very open minded. It's all about keeping a middle ground, I suppose.

I read through some of the posts about LB and other retailers and a good point was brought up - some women are going to be uncomfortable if there's a man in the next dressing room. I've only been to one LB that even had a man working on the salesfloor (and he was so gay, by the way). If there's a guy in the store he's either a husband, a son, a stock guy (let them do the heavy lifting!), sometimes a regional manager, etc.

Let me put it to you this way - most women would be uncomfortable in this situation. A fat woman, who's even more self-conscious of her body, will be even more uncomfortable. These are women who don't even like shopping with their girlfriends because they feel fat.

I have a lot of gay friends (and yes I know that many cross dressers are straight!) and I'm very open minded about everything. To me, a guy shopping for himself is a customer like anyone else. We get a lot of husbands shopping for their wives, so it'd be unfair to assume that any guy who walks into the store is shopping for himself.

If the guy is non-creepy and is just looking for stuff, we're very cool with it. We'll even give opinions and put together outfits. In most cases, he's more nervous about it than we are. I mean, think about it - the women who work at LB are fat, and fat women are looked down on and judged everyday. So, we try not to judge other people because we know how it feels. I can't say that EVERY LB employee is like that, but most of the girls at my store certainly are.

Sometimes though, a guy will give off a very creepy, pervy vibe. I'm sure just about any woman's store, especially those that sell lingerie, get guys like this. Usually, these are the kind of men who will call the store and ask us what we have in terms of lingerie, what we prefer, etc.

I know there are levels to cross dressing and that mostly, it has nothing really to do with sex. But if a guy is overtly sexual about it - it's going to make us uncomfortable. I have this belief that if you're into something sexually - that's great! But don't bring me into it, y'know?

So here are my tips for shopping for yourself at LB (and probably also Fashion Bug but maybe not Catherine's because old ladies shop there):

1. Come in when it's not very busy. We try to have at least 3 associates on the floor at all times. If it's crazy busy, you might feel ignored but really, we're just trying to help everyone at the same time. Non-busy times in my store are generally weekday mornings and afternoons, or later in the evening. But if you come in very close to closing time and decide it's time for a shopping spree, we'll hate you no matter what your gender :D

2. This might not be true in all cases - but look for a younger associate. If you get yucky vibes from one associate, try another. I'm 25 and I'd love to help a guy pick out stuff for himself because well.. I love the glamour. But someone older might not be so down with it.

3. You totally don't have to make a big to-do about it. "ATTENTION LADIES I AM A MAN WHO'S READY TO SHOP!" isn't really needed. Just say "I'm looking for something like this... in my size." A wink and a nudge might help. But don't be creepy. Don't be creepy!

4. Use common sense - if you live in the bible belt, your local LB store might not be full of open minded associates. If you live in a big city, you'd probably be received with open arms. If you don't feel comfortable in the store - shop online. Check your measurements against the size charts and order a couple of different sizes, if you can. The website has better selection than most stores anyway.

5. Over time, you might become a "regular" and you'll probably become friendly with some of the associates (this is the best case scenario, of course) Find out what general hours she works (say something like "You're always so helpful and I'd love to shop with you again, what kind of hours do you usually work?") She'll be happy because the money you spend will go towards her sales goals (no, we don't get commission, it just makes management happy when we sell a lot) and you'll have a new shopping buddy.

6. The fitting room thing will definitely be an issue, even in the most open-minded situations. I would say that if it's not busy, and you're not trying on panties (that's gross even when women do it) and you feel comfortable, then go ahead and ask if you can have a fitting room. Many of the stores have locks on the fitting room doors and if you have a good associate, she'll keep an eye out for you while she's doing other things. You can call her over and ask for another size, color, etc.

The bottom line -
If you're friendly, not creepy, and laid back about everything - chances are you'll have a fairly pleasant shopping experience. I'd really suggest checking out a store a bit before making any brave moves. Just keep an eye for body language - if everyone seems "fake polite," nervous, etc. it might not be the best store for you.

[Ruby M]

Got dressed visited Myers Melbourne, looking for cosmetics I received extremely nice treatment, might just phone or write to the dept manager to pass it on. good advice good service,,um creme eyeshadows by Revlon