wife suspects...or does she???

[jamiepabicd]

hi ladies,
my wife either supects or she's upset that i downloaded yahoo messenger or both.
i didn't even use the damn thing and now i might as well delete it. i found evidence that she was on here snooping around looking to see if i was chatting with anyone. my fault for letting her no i got it in the first place.
as far as my lingerie stash, it was in my dresser but i moved it to the car and she was in there for something unrelated but she had to have seen the bag. did she look in the bag? is the sky blue?
i will get rid of the messenger but i will not stop crossdressing and being a part of this forum. no way.
i do not consider having a feminine side to myself and wanting to show it and experience it as dirty or perverted.
who know's where this is headed?
when i slept in my panties or changed in front of her, that may have been foolish but i know she didn't know of those incidents. just having the lingerie would be enough for her to have a problem.
any feedback would be appreciated.

hugs and kisses
jamie

[Stephenie]

Even with the issues that I am having because of telling my wife I think that you might consider talking with her before she catches you or makes the wrong conclutions from what she has found. Just something to think about. Hope for the best.

[SohoRose]

It seems like she might be on to you, so the best thing you can do is sit her down and tell her.
You are right in the fact there is nothing dirty or perverted in what we do. I fully understand you wanting to be in touch with you feminine side.
I hope things turn out okay for you.
Is there something about the name Jamie?.
My name is Jamie too.

Klinger the loopy crossdresser on M.A.S.H. The actors name was Jamie as well :eek:

Anyway take care "hugs"

[Renae]

[B]hi 'g-4'g, my heart goes out to your wife for the hope that seh will realize that she has a special person' as her spouse, caring & loving someone cannot be based on your genitals whether they are inside or outside your body...the mind & emotional loving of that person is it....i hope she would not dislike me because i am grey haired or that i like to eat mostly chicke...we are 'us', a person, a people, an individual emotional makeup inside oursleves...i wish she could be in the company of a truly dedicated lesbian couple to see that the genitals & emotional makeup are a beaautiful thing....renae(my wife knew of my panty(jockey-for-her) as my only underwearchoice on our srd. date...she laughingly accepted that & me whom she married 5 yr's.ago...at night, on my pillow, she will put out a pair of stockings & old fashioned g/b when she is in a frisky mood...be well & ask het to undrstand that her hubby is still her hubby....clothes do not make the gurl any less of a man...

[Johanna]

You are right there is nothing wrong in CD'ing. What seems wrong is your attitude towards your wife. Why hide it from her? You download Yahoo Messenger, hide your clothes in a cer trunk, and change panties in front of her it seems to me that you are doing things to be caught. Why not just sit her down and have an honest talk with her. Ease her mind on what she is seeing or suspecting.

Hugs Johanna

[Sharon]

If you're not willing to talk to your wife about being a crossdresser, then you should learn how to delete your history, and/or set up a separate account with a password that only you know.
But I believe that honesty is always the better choice.

[Wendy me]

if you think she knows and might have been here chatting with some of us ....move your stash she problye will read that as well.......

[Priscilla1018]

Honesty is the best thing,we are not perverts,we are not doing anything wrong,we are just allowing a side of our personality to be expressed.I was in the closet for 46 years,always hiding,always fearful,the closet is a dark place that we feel safe in but it also becomes our prison.The relief I found when I finally got the courage to come out to my wife is wonderful.After being a member of this forum for one month and reading about others who had come out gave me the courage to come out.I owe all of my sisters here a debit of gratitude for being so helpful,loving,and caring.

[CharleneCD]

At this point, our advise coming from another married couple, is you dont have much choice but to be honest. After reading your post both BunnyGG and me agree that your wife suspects something and it is probobly not your crossdressing. Your hiding followed by her searching, lead us to believe that she is probobly worried about an affair. That will definitely destroy your marriage over time even though you havnt had one. Telling her may be the best way to save your marriage. Or it might end it faster. But it is a whole lot better than living under mistrust and the hard feelings it will cause. Either way we wish you the best of luck.

[StephanieCD]

An effort of honesty will be more highly regarded in hindsight than being forced to confess. It will be difficult but if you really feel "caught" then I suggest the same thing - being caught AND CONFRONTED will be far worse than confessing - no matter how shameful it may feel at the moment... consider the mindset she'd have to be in to actually confront you - don't let it go that far.

Do the right thing.

[Holly]

Jamie,

If you have an ounce of respect for your wife, if you care to remain married to her, then you must tell her, and tell her NOW! It will be nothing short of cruel of you to allow her to speculate as to what you are up to for a moment longer. Like it or not, you've already damaged your relationship. Only the truth about your CDing will have a chance to mend your relationship.

[nancy58]

If I were her, I wouldn't be so upset about the crossdressing, but I'd be PO'ed about the instant messenger. But anyway...

I feel your pain. I went through a similar experience a few months ago. The urge to crossdress became overpowering, and the guilt of keeping my secret grew as much. Luckily, the rabbi who married us is also a licensed psychologist and had helped us through some other issues years ago. I poured out my soul to him, and he advised me to talk to my wife, offering to meet with her jointly or separately if I thought it would help. I unburdened myself to her that night, and she was surprisingly accepting.

My wife hadn't suspected anything, but she was glad to know about it. She still doesn't want to see me dressed up and is a little uncomfortable with the idea, but she knows my crossdressing is not about anything to do with her, and she knows she isn't going to find herself married to a woman someday. She also knows that if she stumbles across lingerie that isn't hers, the "other woman" is just her hubby.

I cannot say your wife will react the same way as mine, and you may not be lucky enough to get lingerie on the pillow like the girl who wrote a few posts before me. She may be disgusted, all hell may break loose. But you owe it to your wife to trust her, and you owe it to her to be trustworthy, yourself. If you are concerned that she will lose it on you, seek out a counselor and come up with a plan. But keeping it inside will just make it worse, like in Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter.

One other thing: Be sure you are honest with yourself and with her about what your CD'ing is about. I don't read that you want to go have sexual-reassignment surgery, but if you think it's a possibility that you want to become a woman, rather than just dressing as one for fun, be honest about that.

There, I think I'm about the tenth one to tell you to 'fess up, and I don't think anyone so far has said you should keep your secret hidden. That should tell you something.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

[Ibuki_Warpetal]

What's wrong with the instant messenger?

If you go into the settings and tell it not to record your convos there is no way to track its use.

As for the wife, just look at her. You might be able to read what she's thinking. I dunno whether you should tell her or what she could possibly know or why it would matter.
Lay low for a day, play your cards, make a decision.

[jamiepabicd]

thanks for the feedback ladies.
i'm fairly confident about the fact that she still is in the dark about the crossdressing, after a little prodding last night. she was disturbed about the messenger so i got rid of it.
you all are right, she needs to know, but with that comes my next question, how do i tell her?????
and with me, i'd rather hide this than have it be out and not accepted.
or is there a compromise that could be possible if acceptance isn't achieved.
help.

hugs and kisses.
jamie

[Ashley in Virginia]

[QUOTE=Ibuki_Warpetal]What's wrong with the instant messenger?

If you go into the settings and tell it not to record your convos there is no way to track its use.


Thats not true....

Yahoo leaves several log files with your history of who you chatted with and at what times on your computer....

yacs.log

and there is a hst file but I am a lost for the name...

[DonnaWI]

Hi Gaga

My wife is slowly learning my love of crossdressing. It began at Halloween last fall and I'm introducing her gradually. She's definately not a fan but is accepting. This year I plan to be a fortune telling woman at a friends party. I've already started assembling my costume. It is quite exciting. I'm an older guy that has repressed this for years. I was a witch last year - not much to look at but with a dress, tights and heels. What a rush. I was in heaven all night! Good luck.

Donna

[Ibuki_Warpetal]

What's wrong with the instant messenger?
If you go into the settings and tell it not to record your convos there is no way to track its use.
Thats not true....
Yahoo leaves several log files with your history of who you chatted with and at what times on your computer....
yacs.log
and there is a hst file but I am a lost for the name...
It can be deleted and you can use Trillian in place of YIM. (:

[Maria Louise]

Gaga,

Girl, you've got to tell her. Let's face it, the most important thing in any marriage is honesty. After all, your wife should also be your best friend and that's what friends are for!

Sure, she may go nuts but if so you can dress privately so as not to involve her. Your confession may even have excellent benefits for both of you.

So be open, be honest. Let her make the decision with all the facts. If you don't, this thing will eat away inside you and your wife and you may regret it later.

Hope it goes well, honey! Let us know!

Hugs
Maria Louise
xXx