Kate Simmons
10-27-2008, 08:38 AM
I was born a GM, that much was obvious. As I grew and became more self aware, however, I began to realize there was another dimension to myself. I was a boy who also had feminine feelings, so what does a young kid do about that? While on the surface I "pretended" to be a boy my self perception was that I was really a tomboy as I liked rough and tumble stuff but also liked the nicer things that went along with being a girl. Therefore I became Heather who dressed in secret and kept in the shadows for the most part in my teeage years and early 20's.
Even when I entered the work force after High School and eventually went into the Army, the Heather aspect was always there and I even went out occasionally when I got the chance. Even though I had a purge before I got married, Heather didn't go anywhere and was always there to manifest when opportunities arose but other than the obvious presentation, Heather didn't develop much personality wise over those years but still persisted in manifesting, despite my attempts to stifle the CDing at my wife's urging because she did not like me doing it. It continued this way for a long time and the dichotomy just would not go away no matter what I did.
Fast forward to 27 years of marriage and when the kids were preparing to leave the nest. I decided to join a TG Org and become my femme self openly but this time as Victoria I really got into it and my feminine feelings went full bore and the end result was losing my family. I presented as Victoria pretty much all of the time other than working really but I realized this wasn't working as I needed my male feelings to exist as well, so Ericka was born who was kind of an in your face tomboy. Eventually, though I realized there was much more to all of this than just presenting or acting like a woman and that in order to really become who I was meant to be, I needed to get in touch with and balance and integrate the feelings but there was also a spiritual aspect to the whole thing as I subsequently realized.
This is when Salandra entered the picture as the aegis under which my Ericka and Rich aspects operated or shall I more correctly say co-operated with one another. The name Salandra is actually a title and means "keeper" and as such she kept my male and female aspects together. Even at this time my real new name was Arianna which means melody or spiritual one. Bear in mind though, I never pick these names, they more or less pick me and they come to me from somewhere.
At this time, I am near Zero Point which is defined as a point of all things being equal or more correctly the polar opposites canceling out or annhilating one another with the end result being an entirely new creation. It seems to be timely in any case as events in my personal life have changed wherin it seems I'm needed more as Richard these days which is okay really as the feelings have been balanced and integrated. While it seems like things have come full circle and I'm going "back" to the more "male" outlook, I don't think that is the case really as I never had a "male" outlook on things to begin with, I just pretty much went through the motions of what was expected of me in that role.
I'm no one special really and am just myself but the essense of that self is much more than just being male or female and the whole is greater than the sum of it's parts. In that respect my presentation actually means very little with regard to who I am and the real adventure for myself, it seems, is just beginning.:)
Even when I entered the work force after High School and eventually went into the Army, the Heather aspect was always there and I even went out occasionally when I got the chance. Even though I had a purge before I got married, Heather didn't go anywhere and was always there to manifest when opportunities arose but other than the obvious presentation, Heather didn't develop much personality wise over those years but still persisted in manifesting, despite my attempts to stifle the CDing at my wife's urging because she did not like me doing it. It continued this way for a long time and the dichotomy just would not go away no matter what I did.
Fast forward to 27 years of marriage and when the kids were preparing to leave the nest. I decided to join a TG Org and become my femme self openly but this time as Victoria I really got into it and my feminine feelings went full bore and the end result was losing my family. I presented as Victoria pretty much all of the time other than working really but I realized this wasn't working as I needed my male feelings to exist as well, so Ericka was born who was kind of an in your face tomboy. Eventually, though I realized there was much more to all of this than just presenting or acting like a woman and that in order to really become who I was meant to be, I needed to get in touch with and balance and integrate the feelings but there was also a spiritual aspect to the whole thing as I subsequently realized.
This is when Salandra entered the picture as the aegis under which my Ericka and Rich aspects operated or shall I more correctly say co-operated with one another. The name Salandra is actually a title and means "keeper" and as such she kept my male and female aspects together. Even at this time my real new name was Arianna which means melody or spiritual one. Bear in mind though, I never pick these names, they more or less pick me and they come to me from somewhere.
At this time, I am near Zero Point which is defined as a point of all things being equal or more correctly the polar opposites canceling out or annhilating one another with the end result being an entirely new creation. It seems to be timely in any case as events in my personal life have changed wherin it seems I'm needed more as Richard these days which is okay really as the feelings have been balanced and integrated. While it seems like things have come full circle and I'm going "back" to the more "male" outlook, I don't think that is the case really as I never had a "male" outlook on things to begin with, I just pretty much went through the motions of what was expected of me in that role.
I'm no one special really and am just myself but the essense of that self is much more than just being male or female and the whole is greater than the sum of it's parts. In that respect my presentation actually means very little with regard to who I am and the real adventure for myself, it seems, is just beginning.:)