The Desire to Get Caught

[Veronica27]

This post is aimed primarily at those who are in the closet, or at most, out to only a small handful of people or situations. Do you ever feel a desire to be caught while crossdressed, despite the worry over the very real implications to you of being found out, and all the efforts you make to avoid having that happen? Is this a part of your crossdressing fantasies?

If so, do you think that this desire reflects your inability to make a decision about coming out or does it represent something akin to a desire for forced feminization where the responsibility for what happens is out of your hands?
Is there some other explanation for it?

I often feel a secret wish that my neighbour, for instance, would walk in on me, even though my wife and I do not want our friends and neighbours to know.

Any thoughts?

Veronica

[StaceyJane]

Veronica, I think my neighbor from across the street may have seen me for a moment this morning. I was in full girl mode and I was only out for a moment. If I got caught now I would just say I was working on my Halloween costume.
I really don't want to be caught, I'm just not ready yet.

Stacey

[suzy cool]

It's a pretty common experience I think, but I'm not sure if it some sort of exhibitionist streak or a desire to get the secret into the open.

[Deborah Jane]

I do think sometimes it would make things easier in a way, to be caught, rather than keep trying to hide it from people.

[Jenny Beth]

I don't have a desire to get caught but since I dress most of the time the possibility exists, especially since I sometimes venture out in the garden where it's very private. I know I'm taking chances but I feel I should be able to live my life in my own space as I choose and if I get caught I'll deal with it then. I haven't a clue what I'd say but I'm sure I'd find out who my friends really are.

[Tina B.]

No I don't have that fantasy, I would just as soon stay in the closet. The wife knows and that is enough for me.

[Alice B]

I got caught by one neighbor (I think) and nothing has ever been said. I have dressed on Halloween night twice and answered the door to pass out candy, with neighborhood parents standing by the street while their kids were at the door. Nothing has ever been said other than a comment or two about having nice legs and I interact with them on a regular basis. So I guess that I sometimes want to be openly outed, but at other times do not. Kind of a catch 22.

If OK with my wife, I'll most likely dress again this year and then the next day I get to start a complete weeks of dressing as much as I like because my wife will be away. Can't wait.

For those of you in San Diego I'll be at SRO Saturday evening. Would love to meet some of you.

[Cary]

I don't have the desire to get caught. The thought scares to hell out of me!

[jennCD]

While I have no "desire to be caught" as such, if I were ever approached by anyone about the idea, I know that at this point in my life, I would be open and honest and have no insecurities about admitting to who I am... not that is really should matter in any case to anyone else.

:)
jenn

[Teri Jean]

It is natural to want to be careful but the neighbor brought over a dish last night so this morning I returned the dish dressed for halloween and they thought I looked fine. The cats partway out of the bag. Keli

[TommiTN]

IMO anyone who leaves the confines of their residence has a desire to be caught. For many, perhaps most, the desire is likely subliminal. I won't attempt to speculate on reasons as there would be as many reasons as there are CDers. If none had the desire then no one would leave the closet.

[fay]

IMO anyone who leaves the confines of their residence has a desire to be caught.

..but lots of us under-dress and have no desire to be caught... that's the beauty of it, it's your own little secret..

and the answer to the original question for me is Hell No!!

[TommiTN]

..but lots of us under-dress and have no desire to be caught... that's the beauty of it, it's your own little secret..

and the answer to the original question for me is Hell No!!


You could still be caught when underdressed. What if you're in accident or something similar, God forbid, and the EMTs need to remove your pants and/or shirt? Busted! But, for the sake of conciseness, I probably should have said "those who go out wearing fem outerwear".

[StaceyJane]

I don't have a urge to be caught. I just have to let Stacey out of the house. She deserves it.

Stacey

[AliciaWeb]

I occasionally have an irrational urge to "get caught" which I attribute to the desire for acceptance. I know that it would most likely lead to disaster but the thought will crop up from time-to-time.

Alicia

[Sam44]

I'm not sure it's a desire to get caught as much as the adrenalin thrill of almost getting caught or something more complicated:

In my case if it weren't for my wife's feelings I'd be a lot less circumspect. Yesterday when I opened the front door and looked out I saw that my neighbor across the street bent down as she was putting her son in a stroller. I figured that that gave me plenty of time to get to my car... It probably didn't but I really didn't care.

As I think about this behaviour I realize that I get more acceptance as a crossdresser than I got most of my life or at least it seems that people warm up to me faster when in a skirt than not :)

[Kelsy]

Social suicide here!! but I still take my chances. It is a diffcult thing to hide the part of me I like the best!!

Kelsy

[Ruth]

I'm only out to my wife and three close friends, and I wish to keep control over who knows about Ruth, so no, I do not have any desire to get caught.
I go out in public as Ruth but I believe (and so far so good) that I pass well enough that I don't get "caught".
I understand the thought behind the question but I am sure about my own motives.

[Karren H]

My secret desire was always to dress as a woman not to get caught dressing as one... And although now that I get out dressed.. The initial rush of doing something that society didn't approve of is amazing.... Better than sex!! Lol. And the nice thing is, unlike bank robing, you can't get arrested.. Or shouldn't at least..

Used to have daydreams of getting "accidentally" locked in a department store and having access to all the clothes and shoes and wigs and makeup!! And though that was just a dream.. It still would be fun!! Lol

And after being discovered by my wife... Not dressed but discovered all the same.... that I crossdress.. That's something that was NOT in any sense of the word exciting or fun...

[Tess]

I'm in the "hell no" category, at least in my conscious mind. It's certainly a thrill for the brief moments that I'm beyond the front door so maybe there is a subconscious wish for discovery...but I doubt it in my case.

[Tasha McIntyre]

I'm firmly in the closet at the min, and have zero desire to get caught. I'm only out to my wife (and everyone on here), but like Jenn said, if I was challenged or sprung, I don't think I would deny it.

[Terrihoney]

The few times I've been out and about, I'm either passing (Yay!) or no one knows me anyway. In or out of the house is the only time to be 'caught'. I'm not ready for that, but if I was sure of a positive outcome, the issue would be solved years ago.
So, in public, it's a thrill because of few consequences. At home, scary, but might be a relief after all. It would be nice to ask those closest to me 'how do I look?'

Terri

[Susan4]

Reading this, very interesting, thread ... I am struck by the thought that as a group, and as a society, we may have moved beyond some of the ideas and concepts originally used to frame the CD or TV.

You know ...

A lot of CD/TV literature deals with bondage .. not because bondage was cool ... but because it was seen as a way to handle the 'shame' issue. That is, I only dress because I was forced to do it.

For most of us, today, that's just silly.

In the same way, the whole notion of being 'caught' frees us from the responsilbly of coming out of the closet. That is, we out out because we were 'caught' ... someone else pulled us out.

Again .. today that's just silly.

Shame no longer has to enter into it. While the world is not a bed of roses. It's certainly not the scarry place for CD it was 100 years ago when the above 'ideas' became part of the literature (and I'm talking about both the literature of the medical community as well as fictionmania - smile).

It is time to move beyond 'shame' ... move beyond letting someone else take responsibility for our dressing (bondage) or our coming out (getting caught)?

Hugs

used by the early pioneers of the

[Miss Tessa]

I'm full tyme now Transsexual.

In my early transition I was careful of who I told or what I wore out at certain places.

At that time it was a rush to be out at night while most the other girls were just trying to catch a date to make their money, I was in it to meet other transsexuals and to learn how to be out in public.
...You get away with alot at night. I slowly felt more confident when I was acosted or when someone tried to trick with me.
Then I started going out in the day, and by myself, and after a while I began having the courage to live full time.

I still have my own issues to work through with my TS and gender dysphoria.

My hormones make me CRAZY. I hate the irrational moodswings yet I love what it does for my body.

The psyhotic symptoms estrogens give to T-girls is why so many end up incarcerated with men. They get a bit psychotic and catch a charge.

HRT is like second puberty, a female one for a genetic male.
It's like a 13 year old girl's common sense and emotional developement in a grown (developing)woman's body...
I'm getting therapy for dealing with my emotional problems caused by the hormones.

[JennieL]

Kelsey is right about 'social suicide', especially for those of us who live in conservative places. I've had the misfortune to have been 'outed' and know that I'm paying a price. Nothing is ever said directly, but hints are dropped here and there. There are usually nasty or sneering, and even when someone is on my side they're embarrassed anyway. The whole guilt trip would be easier if it weren't for the need to take account of the feelings of people we love or are friends with.

[Jonianne]

I occasionally have an irrational urge to "get caught" which I attribute to the desire for acceptance. I know that it would most likely lead to disaster but the thought will crop up from time-to-time.

The "desire for acceptance" was very much the reason I wanted to "get caught" when I was younger. I wanted and needed someone to be OK with me, but I was absolutely horrified at sharing it with anyone directly, so outing myself by wanting to "get caught" was an easier way. However, I was so careful, I was never caught.


.......In the same way, the whole notion of being 'caught' frees us from the responsilbly of coming out of the closet. That is, we out out because we were 'caught' ... someone else pulled us out. Again .. today that's just silly.......

Susan, I have to disagree that not coming out is irresponsible. Many would very much be open about their dressing if the consequences only affected them. However, sometimes being responsible involves taking into consideration how it will affect others who you are in relationship with. Not everything is a "need to know".


.......The whole guilt trip would be easier if it weren't for the need to take account of the feelings of people we love or are friends with.

On the other side, I was forced out by my ex who was going to out me anyway to everyone, so I ended up sharing before she did and guess what - the world did not come to an end! Everyone who knows me deeper than surface, at home, work, church etc, knows I like to dress and I have been amazed how that no one has rejected me (I don't push it in their face either - attitude has a lot to do with whether others accept or not).

[Susan4]

Jonianne ...

Thanks for your note. I have re-read my post.

"In the same way, the whole notion of being 'caught' frees us from the responsilbly of coming out of the closet. That is, we out out because we were 'caught' ... someone else pulled us out. Again .. today that's just silly."

And ... I agree with you. I didn't explain myself very well. I wanted to suggest that the "notion of being 'caught' is somtimes enticing in that it can free us from having to take responsibility for coming out". In other words, the decision is made for us.

I certainly didn't mean to suggest a) that it was irresponsible to NOT come out or that b) one should ALWAYS come out. I am in the closet myself most of the time and certainly to my friends and family. I would never suggest that people don't have good reasons for keeping their CDing private. I was just thinking through why we are so captivated by the notion of 'being caught' ... and why some of us often take risks as if we wanted to be caught.

[DAVIDA]

OK, catch me if you can!:tongueout

[Jonianne]

.......I wanted to suggest that the "notion of being 'caught' is somtimes enticing in that it can free us from having to take responsibility for coming out". In other words, the decision is made for us........

Hi Susan, I see what you were saying now. You were essentially saying the same thing I mentioned in my post about being afraid to share with someone directly, so risking getting caught is an easier way out. Thanks.

[suzypier]

I don't have the desire to get caught. The thought scares to hell out of me!

I agree with you. :o

[Paula Siemen]

I got busted this morning. I'd just sent my wife off to work and I have a couple of hours before I go to work, so its my responsibility to walk the dog for his morning outing. I put on a long faux suede tan skirt, a green blouse that doesn't quite button at the bust (so I left it open showing my whit lace bra), some tan ankle boots, minimal makeup, wig and felt pretty well dressed to be outdoors in my neighborhood. Not too many people are social, so I would just look to most people as someone they didn't recognise, if I passed...which I usually feel like I do.

Anyway, I live in a townhouse on a busy street with the front sidewalk just 6 feet from our front door. I had the dog on his leash and opened the door. Now our door has a wind chime on it so the dog can let us know when he needs to be out for his business. When I opened the door, carefully but still a bit noisily, and poked my head out to see if anyone was coming, there was one of our most nosey neighbors walking his dogs. He had me made pretty well dead-on.

He and his partner (they're gay) were walking their dogs last Saturday morning. I had left with my dog for a walk a good 30-45 minutes earlier and had already walked about a mile and was heading back to the house, when ahead came these two with their dogs a good distance yet from our townhouses. I was in full fem and was pretty well trapped with only one quick oppertunity to avaoid full confrontation with my neighbors. I crossed the street and walked down a dead end drive of some other condo complex. there was not asccess to an alley or other means of escape. I waited a few minutes hoping my neighbors would begin heading back toward our houses and I could backtrack to a ppoint where I could take another route home and avoid a run in with them. I was finally able to find a route to my back door which did not follow their path. I'm fairly sure they may have recognised my dog and thought... that lady has a dog just like our neighbors. But today, may have revealed that it was actually me in fem...a crossdressing neighbor.

They are very friendly guys and we often stop to chat with our dogs in tow when I or my wife are out, but not when I'm enfem. They keep an extrodinarily close watch out over all the properties and are real gossips. I'd prefer to not run into them as Paula. Additionally, I'm on the condo Board of Dir's with this guy and we have a meeting mext Monday evening????????
Should be interesting.

Meanwhhile, my dog's legs are crossed because he needs to pee real bad!

[mykhelee]

I am out to a few very select people, My daughters, a couple of ggf's and a couple of close male friends of the heterosexual variety, one not. While they stilll accept me for who I am, they still have no interest in seeing it.

This is something to keep in mind when thinking about going out. There may be a price to pay if you are outed, even if it is subtle, peoples opinions of you may change. The main one around here is if you dress you simply must be Lola, a straight guy could not possibly want to dress.

Maybe if I could find a group of us in my area I would fel more comfortable coming out, for now the closet door is open, the front door is still shut and locked.

[Sheila]

I do think sometimes it would make things easier in a way, to be caught, rather than keep trying to hide it from people.

Read the posts where wives/partners, or family caught you out .......... most reaction were not good ........... so if you are looking for it to be easier, then sitting down with those you want to know and saying " I am something to tell you, and it may come as quite a shock, and i would appreciate if you waited until the end and before you say anything"

Or words along those lines but just my 2 cents:)