Divorce ?

[CandyDarling]

So - my wife knows about my CD'ing and does not want to participate. I respect her boundaries as much as I can. Last week she mentioned it and said she had done some research and found out that most wives of cd's divorce their partners. True ? False ?

She the said she had no intention of divorcing me and we went on to a lovely time together.

I wonder if any of you know the statistic or trend on this one ?

[smokey]

where is the research from and how was it done? just curious.

[Sandra]

Well this wife isn't going to divorce :D

[Shelly Preston]

I wonder if any of you know the statistic or trend on this one ?

Lies, Damm Lies and Statistics

I dont think statistics make a lot of sense when divorce is the subject

Every couple is different

[CandyDarling]

Thanks friends - you see - I really have never seen any such statistic. In fact most of the posts I read here ( which is the definative site for interaction and information exchange between us) say that most of the wives are tolerant even if not supportive. I wonder if you have seen any such statistics or if she in a conversation with another SO outside this forum and giving me what she hears and not what is true.

[Karren H]

Don't think mine is either... Unless I do something really outrageous... Like retire so I can play ice hockey full time!! Lol

[Paulacder]

I guess I fall in the majority. I was divorced 6 short months after my wife found my stash. Now remarried to a wonderful woman who dosen't fully understand C.D.ing. She has said many times, go for it.........

[brina_cd]

It hovers around 40% in the US according to the census Bureau (according to this article: http://www.divorcereform.org/nyt05.html). I don't think anyone has done any CD-specific studies...

[chelle]

Mine accepts me, but is only tollerant, more as time goes by. But no divorce
Chelle

[Ruth]

Brina made a good point. Divorce hits around 40 per cent of marriages in general, so if it happened to a couple where the man CD'd, it wouldn't be unusual anyway.
And many of our divorced sisters have said quite plainly that it wasn't the CDing that ended the marriage.

[Nadia-Maria]

So - my wife knows about my CD'ing and does not want to participate. I respect her boundaries as much as I can. Last week she mentioned it and said she had done some research and found out that most wives of cd's divorce their partners. True ? False ?

I wonder if any of you know the statistic or trend on this one ?

We have done here several polls about the subject for the last 12 months.

I would say very roughly speaking that the majority of wives are either more or less tolerating (or even accepting) or not knowing.

A minority of wives is very accepting and even encouraging. About a fourth of wives are completely against it and could even divorce just for this reason.

The problem is that they are as a rule several reasons to divorce, more than just the CDing, and CDing may be mentionned as the main reason whereas it is only an easy excuse to try to win the divorce and the children custody.

It's probably not necessary to go beyond these rough statistics, because the major factors seem to be the level of communication in the couple, the level of acceptation in general given by the woman to her husband, and the level of caring and love that the husband is able to give to her wife.

Good news are :
whenever the woman is truely in love and very accepting in general, whenever the husband is caring and loving, and able to apply the "baby steps" strategy, the chances are very high that all will be handled more or less fine in the course of several years.

Obviously if you live in a very narrow-minded area, and if the wife is very narrow-minded and limited, both factors are negative ones.


Nadia
"Miss statistics"

P.S. Condolences for the many people who hate statistics.:devil:
It's one of my top hobbies. And there is a proper french saying :

"Les chiens aboient, la caravane passe ...":tongueout

[Annaliese]

There are liars, there are dam liars, and there are statistican.

[debbeelee1]

I personally know two other CDing couples. Of the three of us, all of our SO's know and we all seem to be happily married! We are 3 for 3. That's 100% happlily married!

[Tina B.]

There can not be any reliable numbers on this, since no one seems to know how many of us there are, and if you can't count cross dressers, you can't figure out a thing like that. I have been married twice, both wives know, so I guess I am batting a .500 my second wife has known for around 30 years or so, and we are still going strong, I doubt that the first marriage could of lasted with or without the issue of CD'ing being apart of it.

[BeckiB]

I would have to agree that those are going to be some pretty lame stats. I think the people here are living proof that CDing is not a major cause for divorce. I think if a marriage or any relationship is strong and they care for each other it can make it. On the other hand how many bad marriages use CDing as an excuse for getting a divorce? There are a lot of other things that can play into all this but I would be up all night typing.

[Maria2222]

I'd love to see some genuine data, but I doubt that any exists. My wife has been tolerant, though not supportive, but I don't see divorce on the horizon. I'm guessing that that is fairly common.

[CandyDarling]

My question is answered in that ( Despite Nadia-Maria's fabulous answer) for the most part theere is no definative rule here - my wife was talking trash to get my goat !

Thanks

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

Being a part of that 40% statistic, I can say that though its hard to have to divorce, one can find happiness again and I have. I'm now married to an accepting SO who really has an open mind about life as a whole. Going on six years now and things are very good indeed.

They are out there ;)

*hugs*

Zara

[Vicky_Scot]

Most wives of cd's divorce their partners. True ? False ?

In my humble opinion that fact is false.

I think using the fact that your husband is a cd as a reason for divorce is an easy get out for a woman looking to end the marriage, would probably be heading that way without that factor, but may just take a little longer.

At the end of the day it comes down to loving someone completely for who they are.........warts and all.

Xx Vicky xX

[Mary Morgan]

Until we know who crossdresses, we cannot possibly know who divorces a crossdresser. I for one beleive that if a partner leaves a crossdresser, it isn't because of the clothes, it is because of her lack of feeling loved. protected, nurtured, cared for, attended to. I don't doubt that many women find the dressing a tough pill, but all things being equal, where there is deep and abiding love, it won't destroy a relationship. Just My Two Cents!

[prene]

Good Luck.

[docrobbysherry]

That's the law in Calif. Probably in many other states as well.

That means any discussion in court about why you're getting the divorce is eliminated. My CDing, and my wife's "girlfriends" never came up during our divorce. It mite have come up if there was disagreement over child custody. But, we agreed on that issue.

So, in my case, and many others, there would be NO RECORD of WHY a couple divorced!

[Nadia-Maria]

Another survey of 290 of us in April 2007 (Marital Status)
(...)
That's actually 3% divorced because of cross-dressing and 11% for other reasons, giving a divorce rate of 14% -- much less than the national average.

So I don't think there's any kind of case for saying that cross-dressing causes divorce.



Sorry, Katie, you misinterpreted the figures of this poll.

<< Out of 290 votants :
196 were married
36 not married
17 "other"
9 divorced (dressing related divorce)
32 divorced (non-dressing related divorce). >>

So 41 were divorced whereas 196 were married , meaning slightly more than 20% were already divorced.
Yet, out of the 196 married, you must expect other ones will divorce later, may be another 20% for instance (?).
Hence, nothing allows you to assess that the divorce rate among CDers is less than average. In any case, this poll doesn't allow even to guess.

What is useful in this poll is the ratio between "dressing related divorces" to "total number of divorces", that are 9 out of 41 , hence slightly less that 1 out 4.

Yet these figures are based on a too low number of occurrences to be much meaningful.

However, from the careful exmination of a higher number of studies, I concluded that :
up to 1 out of 4 divorces are dressing related.

Kisses

Nadia
miss "stats"

[Rachaelb64]

Ok me and my ex-wife seperated when she found out about my crossdressing and later divorced.

But my crossdressing was the straw that broke the camel's back. My divorce was coming whether or not I crossdressed.

And I think this probably the case in most CD divorces, it usually the final nail in a troubled marriage.

:2c:

[MsJanessa]

50% of all marraiges end in divorce, crossdressing or not---so I wouldn't worry specifically about your cding.

[KandisTX]

4 marriages, 3 divorces, all used my CDing in one way or another in the divorce/split up.
Wife #1 used it as a way to get custody of my son.

Wife #2 used it as an excuse after I changed once I followed her request that I stop dressing, and so she did not have to admit she was wrong and allow Kandis back into house, she left instead.

Wife #3 used it as an additional excuse for her to pack up and take off one day while I was at work. (she left for some guy she met on the internet).

Wife #4 has known since we met (13 + years ago), and supports, understands, and even participates in my CDing.

So, in my case 75&#37; of marriages ended in divorce ;) I guess that makes me above average then right?

Kandis:love::rose2:

[Nadia-Maria]

50&#37; of all marraiges end in divorce, crossdressing or not---so I wouldn't worry specifically about your cding.

I must confess I can't agree with such a philosophy.
As a rule, in any field of importance to me, I try to do much better than average. I would advice my wife and friends doing the same, in any field of much importance to them.

As an example, if you like playing the piano, but you are just playing as the average person , please don't let me to be your neighbour !!

On other fields of less importance to me, I may be much lower than average but it doesn't matter to me since they are fields I don't value that much.
Same advice for others according to their own values scale.

Marrying a women and raising children happen to be issues of a top importance for me. As a consequence crossdressing is not something to consider as unimportant.

Hugs

Nadia

[Sheila]

And I think this probably the case in most CD divorces, it usually the final nail in a troubled marriage.

:2c:

You may just have hit the nail on the head ........... but ( and ain't there always a but :heehee:) ...... i think when CDing is introduced into a well established relationship it is not the cding that causes the problems but the deceipt and lies, add them to all the other crap that has been happening in a troubled marriage then it can be the last straw.

Having said that, sometimes it can clear things up ....... why u were troubled, moody, withdrawn and can actually make a marriage/partnership stronger after the initial shock .... just my 2 cents :hugs:

[Nicole Erin]

Even if a couple divorces because of CD'ing, it is not something that would happen overnight.
Maybe in a very few cases the CD's wife might pack up and leave on the spot [lucky ducks!] but usually that ain't the case.

And with the marriages ending in divorce, I find it hard to believe that the divorce rate is anything less than 80&#37;. Does it not count if the marriage lasts so long or something?

I mean some people marry and divorce with the indifference of someone picking their nose.

[Annie D]

My wife says that she is stuck with me and I am her free ticket to heaven. Married 18 years last week. When she says, "remember that you asked me!", I reply, "remember that you said yes!", to that she says, "after 5 years of asking, you wore me down!". Well you get the picture........We have to stick together no matter what I am wearing......we have two teenagers and we can hold our own if we're together but apart, we certainly will sink.