Fear of meeting other cd'ers.

[Katie Moore]

I have to admit it. I'm a big chicken when it comes to meeting others like myself. I think alot of it has to do with "word" getting out that I like to wear fem articles. That would ruin pretty much my comfy life. I've had a few chances to meet others and just couldn't get up the nerve. How do others manage to do it and not get "caught" or overcome that fear?Would love to hear about it.

:love:

Katie

[TommiTN]

I joined a support group. Since then I have met a couple of members of this forum face to face. A good group is there to help you, not out you to your family, employer or friends outside the community. Google Tri Ess. They should have a listing of a local affiliate in your area. Joining a support group is one of the best things you can do for yourself IMHO.

[Nicki B]

I think alot of it has to do with "word" getting out that I like to wear fem articles.

Well then - start by doing it elsewhere than on your doorstep?

But remember, we are all vulnerable - IME people tend to give discretion, because they expect it in return.

[Terrihoney]

Katie Dear,
Peek a Boo, we see you! You have met others like you, all of us! Just not face to face.
The one person to know not to blab to the wrong people is another CDer. Find Tri-Ess and have a bit of fun!

Hugs, Terri

[MJ]

look for events were you know knowbody. and go have fun

[Karren H]

I had the same reservations at one time.... and to me it was always "what were other proples ulterior motives" that held me back.... especially after chatting with fellow sisters on IM for years and finding that some were not advertised the way they first appeared... Soooo... After I finally met my first one... in a dressing session.... I found out that it was ok... even though dressing together didn't do anything for me personally...

I have met many sisters locally enfemme and in drab... and enjoy chatting with them and having lunch... a few of them I consider very good friends... our kids went to the same high school.... so there was plenty to talk about besides crossdressing....

So try it... it's a lot of fun!!

[Nicki B]

I have met many sisters locally enfemme and in drab... and enjoy chatting with them and having lunch... a few of them I consider very good friends... our kids went to the same high school.... so there was plenty to talk about besides crossdressing....

And, when you get to know somebody really well, what they're wearing becomes completely irrelevant - they're still the same person? :)

[Babette]

I treat it like meeting any unfamiliar person. Try to get to know them before the actual meeting. Then let your intuition be your guide. From my personal experience, the encounters have been fun and rewarding.

Babette

[Christina Horton]

I am not sure why you are afraid to meet other CDers. I think it would be great fun. I also want to join a meet up club like tre ess but they r not in Canada. So what's a girl to do. I think you should go to a make up place like M.A.C. They did my frost makeover in a privite room. Then I got dressed and had a great day out. Try it you loooovvvvvvveeeeee it Hun. Good luck. Huggs.

[Miss Tessa]

If some girl acts fierce and outs you......

I doubt that would happen!



I'm complete opposite.


I have few TS and TG friends in real life, so I feel sad everyfreakinday that I don't know more of the TG community.

[Susan.]

Katie, I can totally relate. I'm too far into the closet

[cara-ann]

Katie, from the pic you look great and are very passable so its a shame for you not to go out and show yourself off to the world. If I could I would be out all the time. I am actually looking for someplace close to home where I can go and meet other cders and socialize more with others like me.

[Jenny J]

Katie-

I joined the forum just 6 months ago and thought it would take me a couple of years to get out and experiencing the things I have so far. With the help of many of my new friends here, I’ve joined two support groups (Renaissance), made numerous friends there, went to a TG friendly night club, ventured out on my own to a mall en femme and even enjoyed dinner at a CDer’s home.

The girls I’ve met in this short time all have been very supportive, helpful and want the best things to happen for you. It’s a growing phenomenon and if anything those gals are just excited to make a new friend, exchange helpful information and guide you down the little pink road.

I highly recommend joining a support group and make some girlfriends there. I doubt any of them want to ‘Out’ you or anyone else for that matter. It’s been said about a million times here before, if anyone recognizes you on the forum or when you are at one of these support groups, what are they doing there? You just might have a friend that has a common interest with you. Interesting conversation around the office water cooler don’t you think!

My recommendation is to get out in a safe environment, of course mingle. It’ll be one of the best experiences of your life and I’ll bet you make some great new friends.

Have a happy journey.

Jen

:rose2:

[Holly]

Katie, I have been fortunate in that I have met dozens of TG/CD individuals from this forum and other places I frequent :heehee:... literally from all over the world! For the most part, these are loving, caring people who are seeking other understanding souls to share their hopes and fears with. Someone to have some fun with. I would encourage you to take a step out and enjoy yourself. Simply exercise the same caution you would in beginning any new relationship. Best wishes.

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

Great advice all around :) I too suggest joining a local support group where you can meet others in relative safety :) There are to many creeps and sex-crazed weirdos looking for something 'other" than what you may want and its best to do it with sisters who share the same interests.

If you go to the local club scene and go with sisters, its easier to handle the undesireable elements.

I cant count how many times its been a blessing to be with someone I trust when some guy comes up and is deliberate and sexually inappropriate. I've even broken a set of fingers on a "gent" that insisted on having his way.

*hugs*

Zara

[Jess_cd32]

I have to admit it. I'm a big chicken when it comes to meeting others like myself. I think alot of it has to do with "word" getting out that I like to wear fem articles. That would ruin pretty much my comfy life. I've had a few chances to meet others and just couldn't get up the nerve. How do others manage to do it and not get "caught" or overcome that fear?Would love to hear about it.

:love:

Katie

I'd only feel comfortable meeting other CDers that have the same respect for my privacy like your concerns are. I'm closet cd also and eventually do want to meet up with likeminded and discreet cd's to party and just have a good time talking to about cd-ing, and all that goes with it, makeup, funny things that happened cd-ing ect.. .

Find others that share your same confidential discreetness and meet eventually if that's what you want. I know I'm looking forward to it down the road.

[Tasha McIntyre]

2 months ago I would have thought "no freakin way" was I ever divulging anything to anyone anytime EVER........until I joined here and began what might be a wonderful journey of self discovery.

Just yesterday I met another CD in person (a regular to this forum). We had a chat over a cappucino, all the while I'm thinking "I can't believe I'm doing this!".

Like my friend said - we look like two normal guys talking about the work, football or anything......until we checked out the make up section in the department store!:devil::D

I now hope that this will be the first of many meetings with others like me (us).

[avril findlay]

Why on earth would you have fear of meeting other girls who are exactly like you?

Love

Avril

[DanaR]

Join a support group, that is the best way. If you don't want to do that in your our town, find another town close by that has a support group.

[renee k]

Katie-

I joined the forum just 6 months ago and thought it would take me a couple of years to get out and experiencing the things I have so far. With the help of many of my new friends here, I’ve joined two support groups (Renaissance), made numerous friends there, went to a TG friendly night club, ventured out on my own to a mall en femme and even enjoyed dinner at a CDer’s home.

The girls I’ve met in this short time all have been very supportive, helpful and want the best things to happen for you. It’s a growing phenomenon and if anything those gals are just excited to make a new friend, exchange helpful information and guide you down the little pink road.

I highly recommend joining a support group and make some girlfriends there. I doubt any of them want to ‘Out’ you or anyone else for that matter. It’s been said about a million times here before, if anyone recognizes you on the forum or when you are at one of these support groups, what are they doing there? You just might have a friend that has a common interest with you. Interesting conversation around the office water cooler don’t you think!

My recommendation is to get out in a safe environment, of course mingle. It’ll be one of the best experiences of your life and I’ll bet you make some great new friends.

Have a happy journey.

Jen

:rose2:

Katie, my friend Jen has made many good points, I would only add that we, CDer's are very protective of our indentity in the outside world if you will. And we as a professional courtesy to each other protect that aspect of ourselves, and others. So in closing get out there and meet people, you won't be disappointed.

Huggs, Renee

[MsJanessa]

No need to be afraid darling--start with support groups etc--if you feel adventurous and if there is a GNO(Girls Night Out) group in your area you can go to TG/TV freindly public venues in company if other Ts---no reason at all to feel nervous and once you start meeting others you will really enjoy it.

[LACD]

I am in the same boat with you Katie but with one more reservation. Dear Wife is afraid I will leave her if I meet other CD'ers. I've told her no way but the fear is still there. Also the closest TriEss is about 4 hrs. away so there is no group I can join. The closest one is about 2 hrs. away and it is mostly GLB. I would love to meet other CD'ers but I guess it's not to be. I am a stay at home dresser and would like to go to Eureka Enfemme but the worry of being seen by someone I know is to great. A lot of people I know vacation there.

[debbeelee1]

I've met some girls at a couple of GNO's in a group I've joined and they all seem "genuine". I've also met, face to face, 2 MTF CDer's thru this forum. Both happlily married and great couples! Had one couple to the house, met another couple for dinner and they will be coming to the house for a party. Also, met a FTM CD'er at a GNO and have gone out with him and his SO a few times and they've been over to the house as well. I'm also corresponding with another FTM CD'er I met on this forum, but haven't met face to face yet. We all have a common interest and a desire to be with others like ourselves! Yes, you have to be careful, just like meeting anyone else!

[Katie Moore]

Thanks for all the good points. That being said....I'm in my fifties and have met and talked to all kinds of people in my life. Most people can't keep anything confidential. Even as society has become more tolerant there are some things in some places that just don't fly. If I were in San Francisco or some other tolerant area it would make this concern so much easier to deal with. But alas, I am not so I am going to really think on this and may even start correspondence up again will some of my online friends and take the plunge. Wish me luck!!!!

:love:

Katie

[TommiTN]

Katie, I'm in a situation similar to yours. Where I live open CDing just won't fly. But I knew I had to meet others like me and get out and about. The support group I joined is about a 4 hour drive for me so I only go once every 2 months, or once a month at most but it is well worth it. I don't know what part of Indiana you're in, but I'm certain there is a group within a reasonable drive from you. Chicago has many groups and I'm sure Indy has at least one. So get out there, Girl! The world is your apple!

[Tootsye]

Katie,
I endorse the the advice you got from those that told you to join a support group. Especially Tri Ess. I am the facilitator of the group in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area. We have about 30/40 members and usually have 18/20 at our meetings. We meet in a safe and secure location. We require each member to sign a security and confidentiality pledge when joining. Both are important to us. It is amazing how quickly we bond with each other. I see Holly has offered some advice. I have met Holly two or three times in Las Vegas. It is good to see her here.
Katie, just gather up your courage and go for it. You will never regret it!
HUgs,
Tootsye

[Sheila_D]

I haven't had the opportunity to meet other CD's but I hope a do so I can get some tips on what to wear and how to become more femme

[Tootsye]

I forgot to mention that I have met two or three hundred cross dressers. I have been the registrar for Diva Las Vegas for three or four years. It is my mission and my passion to meet others. I have only met one or two that I did not like!
Hugs,
Tootsye

[sterling12]

Katie, you haven't given us a town in Hoosierland, but I'll make a guess and think it's a small one. My Family originally comes from Southern Indiana, so I kind of understand the atmosphere and your mis-givings. It seems that I have seen information on this Forum about a large Social/Support Group in Indianapolis.

One of the rules for practically all groups is "No Outing." In fact, in Tri-Ess Chapters you will have to sign papers that would get you in a heap of trouble, if you should do so. You get away from "Smallville," really doubtful that anyone would or could recognize your femme self.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Alice Torn]

Katie, I can relate to everything you said, coming from small town Illinois, but now near Tacoma Wash. I have come a hairwidth, of meeting both admirers, and CDs, but chickened out. The admirers all wanted you know what. I am a loner, too, and have been hurt by friends, badly, so I, like you want to meet Cds, but can't quite take the leap, to meet, mingle, and maybe even trust new people. If anyone I do work for, or, in the church I attend read me, it would mean problems for my reputation, friendships. That said, the advice from so many here, is worth taking, for you, and for me, if distance, and personal family matters allow. I have fears about ever being trusting, and vulnerable, too, would rather spend time with my cats, who won't hurt me. I used to go to Alcoholics Anonymous, Alanon, and Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings, and Codependents Anonymous. I was usually kind of nervous, and scared, when first attending any new meeting. Taking the first step, to CD meetings will not be easy, either, but, like other said, we share a common thing. I hope we can both meet a fellow CD, or attend a first support group, soon, if it is feasable. Its ok to stay in the closet, and ok to go meet.

[VeronicaMoonlit]

And another point is that in both of the groups I know, nobody gives out their surnames or addresses except to those they trust. The secretary of the group certainly never gives phone numbers or addresses out. This sometimes gets extremely annoying but it's very secure.

Katie B


We meet in a safe and secure location. We require each member to sign a security and confidentiality pledge when joining. Both are important to us.




One of the rules for practically all groups is "No Outing." In fact, in Tri-Ess Chapters you will have to sign papers that would get you in a heap of trouble, if you should do so.

I have mixed feelings about the "Security" issue. Sure, having common sense rules about not spreading revealed/private info without permission are good. But it also has a down side. It makes communication difficult, which is one reason, shortly before I left, Chi-Chapter set up an optional form to reveal more info for better communication. Chi Chapter also now openly reveals and promotes it's meeting location. It's also kind of sad, how sometimes we don't even trust each other.

Too much secrecy implies that "this thing of ours" is something to be hidden, kept secret, something to be ashamed and guilty of, and that is not a good thing. We see the effects of that here and that's one of the reasons I put my real name in every post.

Veronica
Rondelle (Ron) Rogers Jr.

[Suzy Harrison]

There's no need to worry about meeting others.

Everyone I've ever met, who is like us, has been really nice.
But by all means take the normal precautions (gun, ammunition, pepper spray and baseball bat) - just kidding :heehee:

I find that we are more kind and friendly than most so called normal people .

:hugs:

[VeronicaMoonlit]

Contacting and joining a group is a way of feeling more secure, because you know people you can rely on. And what you learn from them can help your dressing/makeup skills.

Yep. Though I'm not a member of any group currently.



And inspired by Veronica, I've changed my signature, look:

Wow, just wow. You Rock.

Veronica
Rondelle (Ron) Rogers Jr.

[StaceyJane]

I would so love to meet any CD's that live in my area.

Stacey :)

[Paulacder]

I like many others joined a local Support Group many yeas ago. This was without a doubt the biggest confidence building step that I have taken during my crossdressing life. I met other sisters and realized there wher other people in the world just like me. I approached a C.D.er one day who was shopping in one of the local thrift stores, she was dressed, however I was in drab. I tried to strike up a conversation with her, however it became apparent that she was very uncomfortable talking, almost terrified.

[paulaN]

Gawd your gona love it when you get out there. I just know it.

[Nicole Erin]

I think every person in the gender community knows the first rule -
Confidentiality.

I have know all types of CD and TS girls and none of them are ever interested in outing anyone. One cause they want their own privacy respected and two - being that we are CD/TS, we just don't think this is a big deal and are not going to whisper - "Hey did you know Ralph wears a dress on weekends?" We don't care, we have no reason or desire to out anyone.
It is the normal folk you have to worry about gossiping.

Maybe it is the self acceptance thing. I still struggle with this time to time, and I am out and about dressed.

If you are worried that you will be like a frog in a group of princesses, don't worry about that cause must of us are not all that hot, despite what the photos show. We are not there to judge each other. If a CD or TS wants to meet other gender folks, obviously they are not going to judge, they want friends. :hugs:

Look I have taken some huge steps in my own CD development, and I tell ya, I don't regret any of them. My only regret is that I can't really do it all over to enjoy the victory.

So when you go out and meet your sisters, you will have a good time and maybe make some good frineds. If nothing else it will be another hurdle you cleared.

[Hali]

For those of us having the opportunity of meeting other CDs i will say its a blessing cos i have never mate a CD in real life.........if anything the only person i will fear to meet is a CD admirer who might lie about liking Cds and lure me into meeting him inorder to out-me, but meeting other CDs can be a dream com true. The only precaution i will take before meeting anyone who introduce themselves to me as CDs is to confirm whether they a CDs or not that way there will be no risk of outing me................cos if they out-me i will out-them ha ha ha!

[Nicki B]

.........if anything the only person i will fear to meet is a CD admirer who might lie about liking Cds and lure me into meeting him inorder to out-me,

IME, admirers have even more to lose than we do - if we are looked at strangely by society, for those who are attracted to CDs there's even more social stigma?

AND, they don't get to wear a disguise that allows them to hide the face their world recognises?