No one wants us/me!

[dianeleah]

I believe that no one wants us/me! I feel I don't fit in anywhere! Not gay so don't fit in with the gay crowd. And gay men like men, not men who dress like women and act like women. Lesbians want women, not men who dress like women. The transgender crowd seems to me to be all caught up in transitioning. So if you aren't interested in transitioning you don't have much in common. The radical gay/lesbian/transgender crowd is just that, radical. No I'm not going dress up in a flamboyant costume and march at a gay pride day parade!

GG want men who dress and act like men! This is the hardest to figure out of all. Let me explain. I've responded to several GG on web-based dating sites. When a woman says; I love to cuddle and snuggle, long walks, and shopping...(and other girly things). I respond so do I! I like the same things you do! Wow, we're a perfect match! No!!!!! Not so!!! They want a guy that hunts, fishes, gambles, spends his time watching sports on tv, and has a Harley! Here's the funny (or not so funny) part. They say one thing but after talking to them they really want another! They don't want me! They run the other way when I'm open and honest about my desires, likes, and dislikes! I've never even gotten to be honest about the fact that I like to wear women's clothes. They are completely turned off by the fact that I like to do the same girly things that they do!

So no one wants us/me! If you are married to a woman who accepts your dressing and feminine side, you should feel very, very lucky! And you should kiss the ground she walks on, because there aren't a lot of women out there who want us/me!

The bottom line is that I feel so alone, and don't see that ever changing! I know there are other single girls out there is anyone else feeling the same way?

[StaceyJane]

Being alone is my biggest fear in transitioning. I just am not ready to risk losing my family.

[tommi]

Being honest is still the best , hiding who we are only leads to bigger problems.
But I truly believe if you stay open and honest and keep looking you can find
someone it just takes time.

[AKAMichelle]

Things will improve for you. I will tell you my story about meeting GG's.

I had put a profile up on MSN and later on Yahoo. Both times I got one hit. The first time was on MSN and I met a woman a few years younger than me. We dated for one week and hit it off ok when I dropped the bomb. She didn't run. I showed her all of my clothes and explained a lot about crossdressing to her. We did break up later but it had nothing to do with crossdressing. She moved far away and we are still friends.

The second woman came from Yahoo personals. We talked through IM and later on the phone for hours. We had talked for about 4-5 hours when we went on our first date. When I asked her out, I said since we have talked so much I feel like I already know you, but I will never know until we go out. So let's go out. I went out with her on one date at a restaurant and then a second one walking a few days later. For some unknown reason I told her on the phone after I got home from walking with her. She was very interested and talked me into coming up to her work as Michelle. Fear was the only feeling I had, but I did it. So there I was dressed and walking into her work. She saw me, but avoided contact which might have drawn attention to me. After she got off work we walked that night as Michelle. To date we have spent most of our time together as Michelle. She goes out with me a lot of places. Movies / Walks / Shopping / Long Rides to see the Fall Color change in Colorado.

I think a lot of it has to do with how comfortable you are about your crossdressing and how confident you are with yourself. I don't think my profile is good by any means, but I have now met 2 for 2 accepting women. I don't know that the relationships will ever lead to a long lasting relationship, but it's a lot of fun now.

By best advice for you:
1) Quit feeling sorry for yourself
2) Keep trying, and don't bring up crossdressing until you have connected. Tell the woman you are more than meets the eye. You are an open book with many twists and turns. Remind her of the fun of finding out all of the deep creavices of your being.
3) Let her know that you are a man who cares very deeply for her. You are interested in something much more than a one night stand. You want "magic". That electric feeling between 2 people that no one can explain, but everyone knows what it is when they find it.
4) I think this is the most important element of the experience. Self-Disclose. Let her know who you are. Talk about pain that you have felt as well as the joys. Let her know that you are a real man. A man with a heart and compassion. Women want someone to share with. If you cause them to share and each of you connect, then she will move right on through the system. When she has connected with you, then share. Share by telling her that you want her to know all about you. That includes the embarassing all the way to the proud parts of your life. Tell her that she means so much to you, that you don't want to start a relationship with her without putting everything out there. The minute you become vunerable is the moment she realizes you are for real. A real man with understanding and compassion can beat any jerk with a harley.

I think you are wrong or just meeting the wrong women. Women want a man to protect them - that's true. They also want a best friend. Someone they can talk with and share themselves. Sometimes acting like a girlfriend to them is the best approach. Not everyone will accept you, but letting them know that crossdressing is just a part of who you really are will help you defuse the urge to run. Any woman who finds you as something other than a shallow jerk will give you a chance.

[PamelaTX]

Well, you could tell them that hugging and cuddling kinda creep you out, but you might be willing to try it -- for the right person!

And all those dresses and skirts in your closet? Well, that's just your hunting and fishing stuff!

You never know. It might work ... :)

[Karren H]

God... You got me so depressed now......... if my office window opened I'd be laying on the pavement...


Sigh......


Lucky for you I'm on the first floor....

[avril findlay]

Well here's a surprise for you sister.
I do!

Love

Avril

[Sharon]

If it helps you by knowing this, then maybe you should be aware that many couples, gay and hetero, have gotten together because of the forum, and I'm sure I'm not aware of all of them. Some were short term relationships while a few others have blossomed into something more. It does require putting yourself out there and trying to make friends though -- don't sit back and wait for people to contact you first.

Don't give up!! :)

[Sally2005]

I doubt the part about meeting women is impossible...It is usually a challenge to find someone who is compatible no matter what you are like.

I feel your pain related to the groups though...I wish there was a group in my city that you could just hang out with and meet for the occasional outing...no politics, no hang ups etc...just socializing for something to do instead of staying home.

[MJ]

FYI were not all the same I'm transitioning and i am not all caught up in transitioning. and i have many t-friends. so you might want to just concentrate on making friends

[Jonianne]

I would suggest getting involved in some volunteer work and get to know people. Let women see your kind, gentle and caring qualities as you work with people. Someone looking for a friend will take notice. As you get to know them, you can gradually open up to those who you are interested in. Also show some of your femme self in some small way while you go about your day. That will do two things, 1) let others know that you are not a super macho kind of guy and 2) it could be a conversation piece that a woman could start talking to you about.

[KellyCD]

GG want men who dress and act like men! This is the hardest to figure out of all. Let me explain. I've responded to several GG on web-based dating sites. When a woman says; I love to cuddle and snuggle, long walks, and shopping...(and other girly things). I respond so do I! I like the same things you do! Wow, we're a perfect match! No!!!!! Not so!!! They want a guy that hunts, fishes, gambles, spends his time watching sports on tv, and has a Harley! Here's the funny (or not so funny) part. They say one thing but after talking to them they really want another! They don't want me! They run the other way when I'm open and honest about my desires, likes, and dislikes! I've never even gotten to be honest about the fact that I like to wear women's clothes. They are completely turned off by the fact that I like to do the same girly things that they do!.....

.....And you should kiss the ground she walks on, because there aren't a lot of women out there who want us/me!

The bottom line is that I feel so alone, and don't see that ever changing! I know there are other single girls out there is anyone else feeling the same way?



A part of me knows EXACTLY how you feel. I remember the whole "sensitive guy" phase years ago. Part of me is still very angry at the world for that BS. Because that's what it was- BS.
After seeing girl after girl go after the a-holes (not even attractive a-holes either) time and time again like lemmings I grew very depressed and angry. I couldn't understand why women didn't have any interest in me, I wasn't an a-hole. Then I became one of those a-holes, I stopped dressing, I drank alot and had a "didn't care about anything except boobs" attitude and guess what happend? Girls started to notice me. I became popular with the ladies and to be honest it disgusted me on the inside.

I met my wife during that time and she opened up my heart, I feel so deeply in love with her that I stopped being an a-hole and things were great-for the first couple years. Now things are falling apart. I'm too "sensitive" for her tastes and she isn't attracted to me anymore.


Anyways before I ramble on more I want to say this. Yes it's no secret that their are millions of women out there that don't want anything to do with us. It's a very depressing thought but you have to realize that their are women out there who are caring and accepting enough out there. Those women who don't shouldn't bother you, let their insecurities and closed-minds make someone else miserable.

[dionne xdresser]

babe i know exactly how you feel im exactly the same xxx its hard isnt it xxx

[Rachel Morley]

I understand you point of view ... because I used to think similar thoughts about my life. I was single for 12 years before I met my wife. She loves my feminine side and actually likes crossdressing and thinks I look cute dressed en femme (I kid you not!) notice I said "cute" not sexually attracted. Anyway, so how did I meet this wonderful woman? ... on a crossdressing forum! (not this one).

My advice is be patient, don't try to be something or someone you're not, and above all trust in your luck and believe in love. There is someone for everyone, you just have to find her or wait for divine intervention (as in my case).

[Schatten Lupus]

I was in a similar position just over a year ago. I thought no one could ever want me, but for different reasons. I was so alone that I had contemplated suicide many times in the past, and attempted it once. Even to someone who had made themselves emotionally hard, and was use to be alone, it was still a depressing and unnerving having been fully convinced I would be alone for all my days.
All I can say is do not give up hope. For me, it was definitly worth the wait. Not only did I find someone who I love very deeply, and my love equally returned, she also accepts me for who I am.

[paulaN]

I have to say for the most part your right. My soon to be x wife is a perfect example she does not want a girly man. She wants an a hole. I hope she gets one.

[Christinedreamer]

Believe it or not there ARE truly sensitive guys who act like gentlemen who are interested in TGs and not for just a quick roll in the hay. I have heard this same lament from many TG ladies -not drag queens- that they just wanted someone to be open with and have platonic fun with and maybe something more may develop. There are GGs out there as well, it just takes time to find them.

As you can see from my avatar I enjoy CDing too but that was on halloween and in a daily sense I am not at al passable and really dont have the desire to go out en femme as size-wise I would never be seen as more than a guy in a dress. I am a big guy but I have a gentle soul and enjoy just talking and being platonic friends with both TGs and GGs. I am not alone.

You may have to look past the vixens or the surfer dudes to get to the emotionally solid and self confident folks. Remember also that there are many of us who desire to be able to pass and feel comfortable "out there" but since we can't or don't we CAN be a close confidant or strong shoulder when you just want to be yourself and relax with a trusted friend.

Keep looking but look in oplaces where down to earth folks are found, not bars or such.

It does not mean you're gay if you cultivate close male friends while you are en femme, so relax. In my case if someone TG or GG acts like a lady I treat them like a lady.

I wish you happiness and contentment in the near future.

Bill

[Maria2222]

Hi Diane,
You know that there are CD's who have wives that are supportive, or at least accepting. I'm sure they haven't all been taken and that there are new ones coming along all the time. Easy for me to say, but keep looking. Your soul mate may be just around the corner.
In the meantime, you're lucky to have many supportive friends right here.
:hugs:

[docrobbysherry]

( That's a quote, But NOT from me!) Diane, I know exactly how u feel! I was divorced some years back, and I've been doing on line dating, too. Not having much luck, but getting better as I go!

I lost my wife because I started saying, " No", too late in our relationship. Women find jerks attractive! Sensative, emotional, needy guys, r last on their list! Never mind what they say!

I can't be a jerk, because it's NOT who I am. But, I have developed some tricks which keep their interest longer than I used to. I try to be less accomodating, and less up front. I ask them questions and answer theirs with honest, but short answers. Never tell the whole story. Never even CONSIDERED telling them I dress!:eek:

Make a date, then cancel the last minute. Never make excuses! Just don't answer, or change the subject. Pretend you're busy, especially on weekends, even when your not. If they can't figure u out, and think you're dating others, you'll intrigue them. If your too easy, you'll bore them to death!:sad:

I'm NOT advocating lying or cheating, just keep them interested long enough for u two to get to know each other. I find dating to be difficult and unpleasant. But it's the only way I can find that SPECIAL woman! There's one out there for me, and for u, too!

Dress like a woman, but ACT like a man! I believe it works!:D

[Nicole Erin]

Well, you can dress how you like but unfortunately to at least find a woman, you will have to "man-up". Handle the talk about dressing as best you can...

I asked a woman I work with "So if you were dating a guy and whenever you got mad at him, he started crying and begging your forgiveness, would you like that?" She looked at me sternly and said "No if he doesn't have the balls to stand up for himself he is out the door."

No it was not someone I was trying to hook up with, just a lady at work that her and I are always talking about gender issues...

I know I am about as sensitive as a hungry alligator, so if I ever have to date again, I can hang up the dress and probably do alright.

Save the sensitive male junk for later IF it needs to come in...

Jonianne - What you wrote is exactly how NOT to get dates with women. Some guy who acts like that wouldn't be able to pick up a woman at even a women's prison.

[Alice Torn]

It has not gotten easier, despite all the dating sites. I know none of my brothers, or sister, is with a SO, or SOB! We are all loners now. I dated a lot in my 30's, but slim pickings, since the 90]s. I have told two women about my dressin g, and let them see pics, but, one was disgusted, the other, old enough to be my mom, laughed, had mixed feelings. I was not trying to date either one. Yes, I have lost girlfriends, to less than sensitive men. It hurts. We are "damned if we do, or damned if we don't". Nice, sensitive guys, are considered boring. If only they knew our other, wild dressing side! Or, our modest dressing side! I am 54, and am becoming more set in my lifetime single ways, know that i can sometimes get a first date, or second, but, seldom a third. The bad asses have more of what they want, and the high income guys, have what they want to. A poor, old bachelor, sensitive, like me, sometimes has a platonic friendship with a lady, but almost never, have women wanted me. One day at a time, in a fool's paradise--this crazy, cruel world.

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

i feel the same way,,all alone,,whos gona want a 45 almost 46 yr old half toothless guy whos got a gut and wears woemns clothes, paintes his toenails and wears pantyhose 24/7????????and has a roommate who also happens to be his X wife????? :sad:

oh and i forgot,,is on meds so he can keep from killing the stupid people he comes across everyday....

so i ask AGAIN,,who would want ME?????

[battybattybats]

We have lots of admirers, most closeted too!

Many men and women both find CDs, TSs etc attractive. The trouble is many are too afraid to admit it openly so they dismiss the idea of being able to have a long term relationship with a transgender person for fear that society wont accept them... sound familiar? The people who find TGs sexually and emotionally attractive are deeply in the closet about it.

Most men and women are bisexual. Many people find transgender people an ideal combination of the two.

I recall one Big Brother Australia contestant Camilla during a discussion of sex and fantasy confessed that she always fantasised about a person who was a combination of male and female, especially with female breasts but with male genitals, only to be stunned when other housemates told her about transexuals and that the imaginary ideal of her fantasy actually existed!

I have met people who went through the same too, but they do not feel it possible to have a trelationship with a CD or TS because of the prejudice in society!

It's not just men looking at CDing and TS pornography online either. 1 in 3 porn users are women and it turns out that a significant number like man-on-man porn like so many men like woman-on-woman porn and a significant number of women like TG porn. Contrary to what is admitted publicly the reality is very different.

I have met here and elsewhere online though people who have the courage to admit they find TG folk attractive and who do live in relationships where CDing isn't just accepted but rejoiced and where it is a distinct part of the partners attractiveness to them.

The world is filled with people who find as attractive. But they are so afraid of being judged for it by their peers that they repress their desires to be with TG people just as we repress our desires to be out and about for fear of the same judgement.

Those brave enough to be open about their desires have their pick of those brave enough to be open about who they are. As TG people gain acceptance in society so too will people who find TG people attractive and who want relationships with them gain acceptance in society.

While for some a partners crossdressing is just something to bear, to put up with but for others it is attractive, endearing and arousing. When more people are open about that the world will have some major changes.

And just look at the brief times when Androgyny in men was the height of fashion! David Bowie and the rest of the Glam music scene had plenty of screaming teenage girl fans. Boy George was on the wall of many a girls bedroom.

We need the admirers to come out of the closet too. We need men and women to be brave enough to not just look at porn in secret and visit working TGs on the sly but to be willing to openly date, love and stay with the TGs they find so attractive.

[jackie_p]

I'm afraid I have to agree. This is exactly what keeps me buried
deep in the closet. Right now I have a wonderful, lovely wife and
three beautiful children. I'd do anything to protect that and not
have to feel alone again.

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

This is a hard topic because there are no real words that can make someone feel that much better when they are in this kind of a situation. I wish I had them, but I dont.
Others have already said what is important to think about and I add that you CAN find someone that will be everything you want for a mate and more.

I've found two in my life.

You will find yours. Ask our board sister KathrynTX. I've known her for 7 years and the first six of that was listening to this very problem. Look at her now! She found hers and she is glowing from ear to ear everytime I see her. Eight months and going strong. Let that be a little ray of hope for YOU.

Here is to your happiness, sisters no matter what your situation may be.

*hugs*

Zarabeth

[mykhelee]

You can run across the occasional gg who is not only accepting of our fashion proclivities, but an active participant. Had one once, years ago. Went the hard A route for a while after my last marriage, yes it was easy to score, but the type of women who want a man who treats them like that kinda turn me off. I have yet to meet anyone within an hour of me who I could hang out and dress with or go out but, hope springs eternal.

[Brooke Smith]

This may seem curel and insensitive but stop trying so hard.If you feel alone and desperate you project that image and people read that in you and it turns them off.
Be upbeat,be yourself,go to places you like to go.Do the things that you like to do. People like other people with a positive attitude.
Don't play games and try to be somethinng that you are not. People can see through an act or type of front you put up. If you are honest and just be yourself, others will see your good qualities and be attracted to you.
It's easy to be yourself,just stop trying so hard.:2c:

All the best, Brooke

[Miss Tessa]

That sounds so untrue to me.


I think you're just not looking for the right women for you.

GG's like me, even when I was living as a boy prior to transition.

I hung out with girls all my life and have never had male friends.

Girls liked me when I was a boy because I was so sensetive and on their level emotionally. (well cuzz I'm a girl inside)

And lesbians like me since I'm a TS girl but the face is they liked me even AS A BOY prior to transition. Especially these two girls that lived with me for a while, one was bi and the other lesbian and they liked me because they knew I was a girl on the inside.


You might be lonely for what seems a long time hunny, but stay TRUE TO YOUSELF... This will pay off like a jackpot when the RIGHT people come along to befriend you or love you hunny.


Stay honest and true to yourself is the best advice I can give.You'll be happier and more compatible with the friends and lovers you EVENTUALLY will attract.

[Di]

This may seem curel and insensitive but stop trying so hard.If you feel alone and desperate you project that image and people read that in you and it turns them off.
Be upbeat,be yourself,go to places you like to go.Do the things that you like to do. People like other people with a positive attitude.
Don't play games and try to be somethinng that you are not. People can see through an act or type of front you put up. If you are honest and just be yourself, others will see your good qualities and be attracted to you.
It's easy to be yourself,just stop trying so hard.:2c:

All the best, Brooke

Agree with the above and one thing I also found when you are not looking thats when love finds you.I do not agree that most GG's want someone that fishes and likes sports and so one...yuck....and I think you should tell someone after you are dating and already see you and you like one another...then they will see....it's not a big deal.:D Unless you meet them here:D Best Wishes and stop being so negative...that sends out a bad vibe.and if you act like there is something wrong...they will sense that there is something wrong. Be proud of yourself it is a blessing.

[KathrynTX]

This is a hard topic because there are no real words that can make someone feel that much better when they are in this kind of a situation. I wish I had them, but I dont.
Others have already said what is important to think about and I add that you CAN find someone that will be everything you want for a mate and more.

I've found two in my life.

You will find yours. Ask our board sister KathrynTX. I've known her for 7 years and the first six of that was listening to this very problem. Look at her now! She found hers and she is glowing from ear to ear everytime I see her. Eight months and going strong. Let that be a little ray of hope for YOU.

Here is to your happiness, sisters no matter what your situation may be.

*hugs*

Zarabeth


You're right on the money Zarabeth. And I'll always be grateful that you were (and are) there for me. :hugs:

I found myself struggling with these very same issues for many years. Thank God I had Zarabeth to talk about this with, because I had some real dark, hopeless periods during my search for that special someone who could accept all of me. I count myself as extremely fortunate to have a sister TG I could turn to.

Make no mistake, finding a lady who will accept cd'ing is a difficult challenge. But it is not impossible and the rewards are well worth the effort. But the effort must be made if you're going to find her.

[Sheila]

Women find jerks attractive! Sensative, emotional, needy guys, r last on their list! Never mind what they say!
:Angry3::Angry3::Angry3::Angry3::Angry3:

How dare you make that sweeping statement about women

[jennylogan]

Like Stacy and so many others, the only thing keping me from transitioning is the family. I am one of the lucky few who have an SO who is completely accepting. If that weren't the case I would have divorced and set off down the road to SRS long ago. Life is too short after all. Still, without her love and support my life would be infinitely less satisfying and I cannot do something so drastic as transitioning and in the process destroy our relationship. It's a trade off but one I am okay with because life as a female without her in it is a terrible tradeoff. My advice is to keep the faith and keep looking and don't compromise. My grandmother always said girls are like buses, there will be another one along soon. It is possible to have a long term committed relationship and integrate your female side as part of your every day lives. I am living proof of that.

[docrobbysherry]

:Angry3::Angry3::Angry3::Angry3::Angry3:

How dare you make that sweeping statement about women

Maybe I should have added, " In my experience." Which has NOT been insignificant. Growing up in a SoCal beach city. Not getting married until after age 45. I've had more than my share of girlfriends and dates. Especially with attractive women, even tho I'm not great looking! I even dated a Playboy centerfold!

Looking back, I realize how I lost some of the wonderful women I knew, including my ex. By being too wimpy, accomodating, and dependable, (predictable). Too nice, too much of a gentleman. Giving in too easily to their demands, and NOT demanding things for myself.

In my recent dating experiences, (with women over the age of 45), I'm still ME on dates. But I don't blurt out my entire history, background, and life experiences, like I used to. I'm more mysterious and intentionally unavailable for some dates. With no explanation. Cancel meetings at the last minute, etc. It now seems they r usually available whenever I have the time and inclination to see them. And now I'm the one breaking it off, when I feel there's no future for us! This has NEVER been the case in MY past!

What I'm talking about is my experience in; how to date, and keep dating women until u get to know each other. Then, I DO feel it's VERY important to let your sensitivity and emotionality show. Once two people get to know each other well, then u both NEED to be who u r! But, I think at first meetings, women expect men to be men!
First, act like a man. After u get to know her, wear your dress!

Jess, if you have had vastly DIFFERENT experiences with women, I'd love to hear about them!:)

[Patti Remick]

GG want men who dress and act like men!


Isnt that is only natural? If you were an non-CDg hetero male you would want/accept/tolerate a genetic female for a companion who wants/likes/needs to act and dress like a man?



This is the hardest to figure out of all. Let me explain. I've responded to several GG on web-based dating sites. When a woman says; I love to cuddle and snuggle, long walks, and shopping...(and other girly things). I respond so do I! I like the same things you do! Wow, we're a perfect match! No!!!!! Not so!!! They want a guy that hunts, fishes, gambles, spends his time watching sports on tv, and has a Harley! Here's the funny (or not so funny) part. They say one thing but after talking to them they really want another! They don't want me! They run the other way when I'm open and honest about my desires, likes, and dislikes! I've never even gotten to be honest about the fact that I like to wear women's clothes. They are completely turned off by the fact that I like to do the same girly things that they do!


They are just expressing that they want a masculine man. What is wrong with that? And hetero genetic males want feminine women, and what is wrong with that. And I dont think most women 'say one thing but really want another. 'Cuddling' is not exclusively a female thing. But genetic women want to cuddle with masculine men. I do not see any hypocricy in that. And I think it wrong and mysoginistic to say most women 'want jerks'. That is an insult to women.

Put yourself in their place, but from the other side: you are a non-CDg hetero male. You really know very little about CDrs (which is true for a lot of the population, male and female - not because most people are uneducated or stupid but because its just not a very common thing for most non-CDg people to know alot about) and your genetic female wife/girlfriend/SO comes to you one day and says "I have to tell you something about myself. I want/like/need to wear mens clothes and I want to cut my hair very short and have facial hair, and a male physique with muscles (or the appearance of), and want to wear a device that flattens away my breasts, and a device that gives me the appearance of external male genitals, etc, etc, and I want us to pall around like a couple of guys and do [stereotypically] guy things, etc, etc. I want/like/need to act and appear as a masculine male." - how would you feel? Would you be accepting? Remember, this coming from the feminine woman that you wanted, and wanted for her femininity. And now she is telling you - Mr. non-CDg hetero guy - that she wants to act/appear as a male - at least some of the time.

Many CDrs are basically hetero genetic males - I am - and as such we want genetic female companions. But to question why - and you are far from the only one to do so - many/most genetic women want a masculine genetic male companion is in my opinion is an almost a mysogonistic attitude. We want to 'blame' them for not 'accepting' us (CDrs). We (CDrs) want to say "its not fair - you can be feminine but you wont accept us if we (CDrs) want to be also".

There are many genetic women out there who tolerate/accept their CDg male companions. Some even embrace/encourage it. That is wonderful as they love the 'person within'. But to question those genetic females that do not/will not/cannot accept or even tolerate her genetic male companion's expression of 'femininity' is wrong.

I know Im coming on strong - and probably not saying what you want to hear - but its a subject I feel strongly about. I mean no disrespect to anyone here. Everyones point of view is important. This is just the way I see it and I am a lifelong CDr.

Luv and Hugs,
Patti Remick

[Sally24]

It's not impossible, but it is difficult. I know that most of the women I was attracted to in my youth were dating the "bad boys". At least most of them changed as they go older and started looking for nice guys.

There are women that can accept crossdressing, there is even a smaller subset of women who really enjoy the crossdressing part of our lives. You have to be both patient and lucky.

I hope things will work out for you in the long run.

[Sheila]

Jess, if you have had vastly DIFFERENT experiences with women, I'd love to hear about them!:)

Doc I am a GG :heehee::heehee:

[Lisa Golightly]

GG want men who dress and act like men!

Had a few GG's who've actively sought out a girl like me... You'd be surprised who's out there and just what they dig... Go out with a open mind and you might just find someone to :love:

[Sam44]

...I'm still ME on dates. But I don't blurt out my entire history, background, and life experiences, like I used to...

Jess, if you have had vastly DIFFERENT experiences with women, I'd love to hear about them!:)

I'm not Jess but FWIW I agree with part of what you said but not in general with what I think you are saying. Why would you be any different on a date than you are in the rest of your life? Don't you want to meet someone that you don't have to play games with, etc.? Don't get me wrong, there's no reason to air all of our dirty laundry on the first date, etc. But on the other hand I find game playing to be repugnant and am happy that there are women out there who agree :) Perhaps it's just me or perhaps it's because I met most of my dates thru eHarmony but none of this attraction to bad behaviour was apparent in the people I dated between my first and second marriages. I don't deny that they exist, I just didn't date them and I think they are in the minority, at this age anyway.

[Vicki65]

Dianeleah, I know EXACTLY where you're coming from. I'm not gay, I'm not wanting to transition, I'm happy in my own skin etc etc. However, I AM married to a fantastic lady who DOES appreciate my sensitive side, who DOES like the fact that I love nothing more than a good cuddle, who LOVES my honesty and accepts me for who I am. I guess this is MUCH more important than the fact that I look crap in GG clothes! :D

Yes, I am damn lucky, and tell her as much, but there ARE others out there like her. Dont give up looking.


I asked a woman I work with "So if you were dating a guy and whenever you got mad at him, he started crying and begging your forgiveness, would you like that?" She looked at me sternly and said "No if he doesn't have the balls to stand up for himself he is out the door."

So thats what a sensitive man is!? A whiner?

Tut! There's me thinking it's someone with an ear for listening, who can hold a conversation, and who cares about the feelings of those around him. :heehee:

TBH, a GG who cried all the time would brass me off too!

[carolinoakland]

Being alone is my biggest fear in transitioning. I just am not ready to risk losing my family.
But at some point you realize that you are happy as the person you are becoming, and that if the price of your happiness is the lonliness. Then it's a small price to pay. Carol.

[KandisTX]

I guess I'm one of the "lucky ones" then, I have a wonderful GG as my wife who is supportive, understanding, and even participates in my dressing.

It's not that nobody wants Us/You... it's just that you haven't happened across one of the many that are out there. I seem to recall a number of GG's on this board who have broken relationships with their CDs because their CD was not being open with them. There are women out there who do appreciate our sensitive, feminine side. We just have to be patient in finding them.

Kandis:love::rose2:

[Jemanda]

Ok, this was supposed to be a quick reply.. and may contain a tad too much information from a newbie anyway, so please ignore if you wish.

Long time ago I lived in hope of finding "the one" (or whatever my mind thought would be "the one"), and as I got older I never did find her, I was ready to throw it all up for meeting Miss Right, dedicate my life to her and have 2,7 children and 1.4 dogs and a picket fence house. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) it never happened. I never met Miss Right, or even Miss Wrong. In most of my relationships it was just too difficult to play the sparring games of "do these pants make me look fat?" or "do you look at other women?" etc.

It became easier to withdraw into a nice sheltered place of my own where I didnt have to try to be somebody else to pander to the whims of another. It became easier to not have to fight the urge to don a frock and potter around. I learnt about comfort, about the place where I am king and queen all in one, I rule the roost and call the shots and wear the pants and the dress in the house. It did mean that my dream of the 2,7 children, 1.4 dogs and a picket fence house did go down the loo. It also means I will one day shuffle off this mortal coil on my own, leaving lots of strange questions about the contents of my wardrobe.
For the sake of my sanity I conciously made the decision that chances are my Cd'ing would offend a large portion of South African men and women anyway, so rather than offend, just withdraw into my own sheltered place and learn to be comfortable with myself and my whims and whoever lives inside of me. I am fortunate that I am not a very outgoing person (or became like that) so can survive reasonably well on my own. I learnt to fight the loneliness, I found ways around the deafening silence that greets me when I get home, and I occasionally haunt places like this looking for answers or assurances but I very rarely expect to ever find a partner or a like minded friend. I do however often live with the regret of what I have become. I know that there are a number of great women out there, and I do not condemn them for what happened to me, the fault was mine, as was the direction I headed into.
The irony is that I was never really a bad person, in fact I was kinda mundane little grey man, I may even have made a good husband or father.

I suspect in a few years time I will be one of those grumpy lonely old men who go around clutching a brown paper wrapped parcel and muttering to myself. But, chances are I will be wearing nice cotton nickers while doing it.

My best advise is to find yourself and make peace with yourself, be aware of the pitfalls of a relationship that are possible when you present a partner with your own life choices, and if need be take the path of least agro and angst and which will help you retain your own sanity. Dont give up if you can, but be aware that dissapointment is always a possibility.
bleh... now I feel gloomy.

[KimberlyG]

I believe that no one wants us/me! I feel I don't fit in anywhere! A lot of us have felt and expressed these same feelings for long periods of time. There is someone out there for you - don't give up.

GG want men who dress and act like men! This is the hardest to figure out of all. They say one thing but after talking to them they really want another! This is when you walk away. Either they don't know what they want or they are not being honest with you or themselves. They run the other way when I'm open and honest about my desires, likes, and dislikes! I've never even gotten to be honest about the fact that I like to wear women's clothes. They are completely turned off by the fact that I like to do the same girly things that they do! Being honest with yourself and with others is best. Only you "have" to live with you. For a some of us having someone to share our lives with is what we really want.

If you are married to a woman who accepts your dressing and feminine side, you should feel very, very lucky! We all should treasure our spouses or SO's. A show them our appreciation often.

The bottom line is that I feel so alone, and don't see that ever changing! I know there are other single girls out there is anyone else feeling the same way? Yes, on many occasions I have felt the same way. All people are very complex and having another dimension to our complexity is a challenge to some women. What doesn't kill you will make you stronger.

Hugs,

[Jonianne]

Jonianne - What you wrote is exactly how NOT to get dates with women. Some guy who acts like that wouldn't be able to pick up a woman at even a women's prison.

MlleErin, doing volunteer work is where I met my wife now. That was in '99. She approached me and months later when we started getting serious, I told her about my dressing and she was willing to go with me to triess. So from my own personal experience, its OK to be a sensitive male.

[goofus]

Well said Michelle!!

[docrobbysherry]

Doc I am a GG :heehee::heehee:

Jeez! Jess! I, uh--- don't know what to say!:o:brolleyes:

Sorry if I pushed your buttons. That was not my intention.:D

I didn't know!:love:

[sometimes_miss]

Dianeleah, Kelly, I've written virtually identical words to yours on many forums over the years. There is still no answer for us. Yes, there are some women out there, somewhere, for us, but there is no way to find them, other than to go one by one, date for a while, then hit them with the news that the otherwise wonderful man they have in front of them is a crossdresser. Between those who might have been interested but are now ticked off at being deceived, and those who wouldn't have been interested anyway, the odds are slim indeed. But what other choices do we have anyway? Absolutely none. And after the disastrous coming out to my ex-wife, I don't know if I'll ever have the courage to tell a woman I'm with ever again. Add to that the feeling that I wouldn't feel right NOT telling her, and I'm back where I started, stating up front that I'm a crossdresser, and getting no interest at all. And I know, I KNOW it's the crossdressing. I've posted ads online which were identical other than mention of the crossdressing. The plain ad gets lots of responses, the one with the crossdressing gets answers from guys and prostitutes. That's it. It seems quite clear that I have a better chance of winning the lottery than ever having a girlfriend again.

About six months after my divorce, I started going into what I refer to as 'affection withdrawal', a craving to hold someone, hug, cuddle, which when not fulfilled, leaves me with a feeling of something constricting my chest (no, I'm not having a heart attack, but I do believe that other people experience this same feeling, and just labeled it 'a broken heart' pain). So since then, I've spent a fortune 'cuddling up' with sympathetic lap dancers, who are usually rather surprised that I'm not interested in the usual squirming about routine that the rest of their customers want. I could have bought a house for all the money I've spent this way, but at least I'm still alive. Without them, I would have killed myself by now. It gets me through the week, hoping, maybe next week I will meet someone. But like tomorrow, next week never comes. It's always today. I haven't given up hope completely, but it's almost completely gone. So each time I wake up, I promise myself to wait at least one more day. One more day.

[Nikki A.]

I'm going throughthe same thing as you, trying to find some one who is comfortable with both sides of me.
On the one hand, look at their side. They want someone who they know will not change on them. Let them know the real you and then add this important part of your life. It's not easy to meet Ms Right even if you aren't a CD. It just makes it a bit more difficult, but not impossible. Have fun make new friends and eventually I think we'll both meet the right person.

[Janie Gunn]

Dianeleah, dont give up, I think you need to start making some friends out there, and not be feeling sorry for yourself as if it is impossible to find a woman.

My biggest fear, also, is to end up alone for all my years, regardless of being a CD, it is hard to find a woman to have a relationship with, but I keep trying. I've been looking for the last 16 years, without any luck. I feel the most important thing for me is to find a woman with as strong an interest in the music/entertainment industry as I have and I'm always looking in bars, most times hanging out with a younger crowd in their 20's and 30's (I'm 46, can pass as more than 10 years younger, but dont tend to think much about my age anyway).
Christinedreamer:
Keep looking but look in oplaces where down to earth folks are found, not bars or such. Each to their own, but I find your comment quite naive, there are plenty of decent down to earth people to be found in bars.

Janie

[tamarav]

How often have you been approached by someone who was way too needy? Did you back-peddle as fast as you could to get away from them? Sometimes people tend to attempt to push themselves into relationships simply to prove that they can.

Relax, let life take its course. It may not be with a GG. It could turn out that a young puppy is your best bet. They at least appreciate all of you.

[valenstein]

MlleErin, doing volunteer work is where I met my wife now. That was in '99. She approached me and months later when we started getting serious, I told her about my dressing and she was willing to go with me to triess. So from my own personal experience, its OK to be a sensitive male.

I have to agree with Joni on that. Doing something positive with something you believe in gives you instant common ground. Volunteering in a time when "what's in it for me" seems to be the norm shows conviction and selflessness. If a regular commitment isn't an option, here's one thing you can do whenever the opportunity presents itself: Help someone move. I've cemented friendships that way and you'll meet new people. If it's someone you barely know, it'll count even more.

Not standing up for yourself and lack of confidence is different than being sensitive. I wouldn't want to be with a woman I could walk all over all the time, and with a few exceptions, I don't believe most women want a guy they can walk all over.

[sometimes_miss]

Yes, but that's not a big problem is it? You follow up a number of the responses from genuine women, and then you raise the mention of cross-dressing, after you've grown to know them better
At what point do I bring up the crossdressing? It's about misrepresenting myself as a 'normal' guy. Crossdressing is I think, a deal breaker for the very vast majority of women, as far as her mate is concerned; I don't know a single one who can even not laugh at the idea of a guy who likes to wear girl clothes. I wouldn't be able to live with someone who 'tolerated it but really hated the idea', no matter how much I want to be with someone. Sometimes, anyone.