Going out.

[Delila]

I was wondering, how many here try to pass when they go out and if you try to pass what do you do? I saw someone out and about today not dressed as you would expect a normal woman to dress in that situation it definately made them stand out. Just curious if you tend to go with the flow or just not care what others think.

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

When I do go out in normal femme mode, i try to blend in with a secretary kinda look. Haven't had any problems with it. For the outlandish, I go to RenFaires and such ;) There no one cares what someone looks like.

*hugs*

Zara

[renee k]

When I go out I try to blend in. If it's during the week. I'll wear a skirt suit, trying for the business woman look. If it's a weekend and I'm shopping it's jeans and a top. I just dress for the venue I'm going to.

Huggs, Renee

[jennifer24]

You have to blend in most of the time, don`t stick out you will draw attention to yourself. Before you go out think about where you are going, if it`s to the mall you can dress a little flashy, dress, heels and a sexy top but don`t go over board, pay attention to what the other girls are wearing, if you are just going to the grocery store or something like that try to dress casual maybe a pair of tight jeans and a decent top, not to flashy. A mini skirt early in the morning at a grocery store is a little to much for me, unless you want to get noticed. Like I said just pay attention to what other girls are wearing and where and you shouldn`t have any problems.
JENN

[battybattybats]

Now I believe that "as ye sow, so shall ye reap". Put another way: some people just ask for trouble

Speaking as a Goth whose been out dressed as a Goth in public at all sorts of times and under all sorts of circumstances I have lived the experiences that show that that attitude is the problem.

Back in the late 80's and early 90's Goths were very rare in rural NSW. I have seen the social attitude change. From near universal fear and hostility to general acceptance with little more than an occassional sidelong glance at absolute worst. It's been years since I've been heckled. This change has come about precisely because us Goths ignored the advice to stick to halloween or to tone down our weirdness to just long hair and heavy metal t-shirts so we could pass amongst the bogans.


But it's pretty obvious that you get less hassle if you blend into the background -- T-shirt and denim at the supermarket, business suit on the train, long skirt at the opera ... and Queen of the Fairies for carnival.

How about white frilled 17th century shirt with lace cuffs, green satin vest with rose pattern, skinny leg pants, a long black velvet cloak, brass topped wood cane and a top hat when going to get pizza on an average day?

Blending into the background changes nothing, it's just hiding well. It alters no social attitudes. Breaking unfair and stupid social rules till people realise its no threat to them and get over it makes real change.


This isn't anything to do with cross-dressing, it's just common sense which most women learn by the age of 17.

Most women learn to acept the conformist rules of a sick and twisted society, thats why they support beauty-ism, age-ism, size-ism, able-ism and sex-ism. Thats why most women believe that they are ugly and unattractive. They then reinforce the worst of society with fashion fascism about age-appropriateness, current clothes trends and much more with the cruel and vicious ways they often tear one another down in brutal competition and psychological violence that does to others what has been done to them.

Thankfully there are a significant number of women who disregard such evil sickness and wear what they like to wear not what they are told they must wear to fit in and who don't put down other women for what they wear.


Unfortunately some of us only came out of the closet a year or two ago, so we sometimes act like kindergarten girls who haven't worked out how to pass in high society.

High Society is a corrupt and sick and cancerous blight upon our species. I've seen aplenty it's rot amongst my wealthy relatives, especially the branch of my family that owns newspapers and international TV networks.

Society is filled with bigotry. Society needs to be reformed according to real values of equality and ethics. At the end of the day the best way to do that is often to defy society. Often the great improvements of society have come from defiance, not violence, but often open defiance.


And then we blame "them out there" for discriminating against us.

Rightly so! It is their fault for discriminating against us and only their fault!

The Enlightenment was centuries ago! Surely thats been enough time for people to begin to grasp what freedom of expression actually means! Surely it's enough time for them to realise their own right to their freedom requires them to respect the differnces of others and the way others use their freedom.

When I go shopping wearing dark eyeshadow and eyeliner, a necklace of handcarved bone shaped into tiny human skulls, in a black velvet (womens) 'pirate' shirt, with my painted nails extending half an inch beyond the tips of my fingers, with chains with pewter bats set into them hanging on my hip over my unisex black pants and getting smiles or casual indifference from the people in the street it's because 20 years ago I and other Goths disobeyed the rules and we kept it going.

20 years ago i got occassionally hassled for what I wore. 15 years ago i got maybe three or four comments at most a year. For the last 10 years I have had not one negative comment made about my being a goth even though I've been increasing the androgyny of my goth appearance and rarely been wearing things from the non-goth guy parts of my wardrobe.

If Goths can make dressing like vampires, being bedecked in skulls and spiders and bats and appearing to many like walking symbols of death while overcoming stereotypes of being suicidal self-harming satanists out to turn good kids into drug adlled sex crazed baby sacrificers, if we can ,despite that stereotype, make that into something so socially acceptable that elderly people smile, say hello, compliment our style, tats, piercings, make-up etc within 20 years by breaking the rules maybe the CD community can get further by breaking the rules than by following them!

It might not help in passing and it might get negative attention in the short-term but it has worked in the mid and long-term.

And now there are Goth cartoons for kids on tv.

[Jess West]

When I have gone out I just went for "trendy" office style clothes. So far either folks think "that is a pretty tall woman" or just choose to say nothing or are so focused on the world they are in they dont notice me at all.

I figure if you are wearing something a woman could be wearing in the same situation you dont stand out negatively in someones mind.

[LindaTS]

When I go out it's usually for shopping during the day so I usually wear what most other women wear; jeans with an appropriate top for the season. However, I always wear heels, not sneakers like most others. I should also mention that most of my jeans are black or pink, not blue denim. Any time I choose to wear skirts, etc., I always seem to attract more attention because it's just not what you see around here, the exception being late afternoon when a lot of women just got off work and are doing some shopping on the way home. When I do get the attention it's not the kind where I've been read, just appreciation. So like the other responses, just try to blend in.

[LisaElizabeth]

Battybattybats,
I truly applaud your attitude and the way you are trying to enlighten society. That method of 'in your face' is not for everyone. The so called 'Goth ' lifestyle is ok, it is a way to show your individuality, yet it has it's own conformist's rules!
If you were to 'take a break' and dress preppy and perky, the comments you would recieve that day, would be from your Goth friends. They might be a little confused on why you changed so dramatically.
So you have to decide for yourself just where you want to blend in! In our own way we each blend in with our own group. Me? I'm in my 50's, so Goth is like way-y-y-y-y not possible. Neither is micro-mini's and navel baring halter tops!! But that is true of the majority of women in my age group. (exception might be Heather Locklear....)
So I dress to fit in with the middle aged lady out for the evening. Skirt length just at or above the knee, a cami with an overshirt or a nice not too low cut top, jst enough to show a little cleavage, hose and 2-3" heels.
I just picked up my first 'Jeans and Top' outfit and it looks really nice! First time I wore it, the girl I was with asked if I lost more weight!! So I guess jeans can be flattering to our figures.
As a final note, it is our personal choice how much attention we want to bring on ourselves. If you wear a mini and halter top to the grocery store, expect to be noticed!!
If you wear that same outfit to a 'T' friendly club at 1AM, no one will notice!!
Hugs,
Lisa Elizabeth

[tamarav]

I do the best I can dressing daily to pass. But, there is a side that gets away from me and always has to stand out just a bit. It might be hair, makeup, outfit or shoes or all of the above, but something will catch the eye. Of course I want that or I wouldn't do it, you all know how strange hair stylists can be....

Just my average work day look..now you see what I mean.
74867

74868
Your sis,

Tami