Hi! Jesse Here! aka Jessica! Advice Needed! HELP!

[jessica_gifford_78]

Ok I know that this may not be all that big of a deal but it is to me. So if someone could help me out and possibly give me some advice I would appriciate it. I hav been married to my wife whom I love very much for going on 3 years. She has always known that I "used to" dress up in full female attire but she does really know that I "still do". I have mentioned 2 or 3 times since we have been together that I might want to again. The fact of the matter is that I never stopped. I dress at least 2 times a week sometimes more. If I could get away with it I would stay dressed all day every day. Here's the thing. It's holloween in case you didn't know and we were haveing costume problems. So my wife says to me we'll why don't you dress up as a girl. So tonight, the night before holloween we tried things out and I dressed for her. I kept asking if it was bothering her and she kept saying no. So I was like ok... but something didn't feel right to me. So right before bed I asked her one last time and she finally came out with, "No it doesn't bother me... I mean it's holloween!" I am now officially dumb founded. I don't know what to do and it's not very often that I don't know what to do. I am at a loss on how to get her to understand that I don't just want to do this on holloween. I mean when I dressed for her, it was supposed to be show and back to normal. I stayed dressed for like 2 hours and I'm still dressed now. About 90 minutes after I put the closes on she accually asked me if I like wearing them or something. I said yes... it sucks that woman have all the sexy things. I don't know what to do or how to make it any clearer other than spelling it out for her.

Any advice would be appriciated. Thanx

[luvSophia]

In my mind I see three choices:
1. You can continue to maintain the status quo and hide your dressing from her. Not a good choice as far as I'm concerned because I don't like keeping secrets from my wife and it'll build up stress in you;
2. Drop subtle, or not so subtle, hints about how much you enjoyed dressing up for Halloween;
3. Come right out and let her know that you'd like to dress again, not just as a costume. If she knows of your past history this may not be as hard for you as for others.

[Teri Jean]

Jessica, I have to agree with Sophia and you need to sit down and discuss this. Let her know you do enjoy this and not just on halloween. When I told a (gg) friend at work it was tense for a minute but she has been so supportive and understanding I wish she had known sooner. Give your wife a chance and it will be easier than if ten years from now she finds this out. Good luck and hope the best. Hugs Keli

[Shari]

Jessica, having been there I can tell tou what happened with me. I've been out with my wife just about a year now.
During a very intimate conversation (pillow talk), I somehow found the words to tell her. I think it was, "I'm not really sure how to say this, but..........and then the words just came. I was really afraid of what I'd just said, and almost wished I hadn't, but it was too late to take it back. I felt relief and a great dealof angst at the same time.
What I tried to do was emphasize that, yes, I do this and have done this all my life, but I don't want to throw it in your face. I'm the same man you married, only this is something I've hidden from everyone my whole life. I need you to be okay with it. If not, I'll never bring it up again. I want this, but your happiness takes priority over my selfishness.
Long story short. It worked out great.

One thing she'll probably think right off is that you're gay. Don't know why so many think that of us. try to work that in too.
Go for it and good luck.
Shari

[Shari]

Jessica
You would also do well to read the sticky thread by Marla. "How to tell your partner."
Very informative and even something your SO should read if she's willing to do so.
Shari

[MJ]

if as you say she knows you use to dress. and since you went out dressed why not tell her that you loved it and wish to dress from time to time.
better still tell her everything if you love her truly love her there should never be any lies...

lies hurt they cut deep once the trust is gone you may never get it back it's like if you can list out what love is then take out trust a part of love dies and your marrage will not ever be the same. be honest with her

[Sheila]

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=90231

That might be a good thread to read it is the loved ones section but if u click on the link it will take u straight there.

Pleas no more lies they hurt hun:hugs:

[Shelly67]

Well for starters I know one way to stop all confusion. Sit down and talk to her maybe? After all you picked up vibes ...you dont need such diffefferences - its stressful to you both and just think if there is confusion it is,nt fair on her - she maybe worrying . You mentioned that youre history is known by you both. Well ,why not sit down calmy , ask her firstly is there any problems or concerns she may have ? Perhaps it'll all come out and you then decide weather to confide or not .
Only you can decide , but I think with gentle open talking you can only ever move on...

Good luck

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Well if this is not the best time to lay it all onthe line and let her know what you want I really have no idea when you will have a better chance. Tell her the full extent of your desire to dress, if you want to be full time or just part time, if you want to be totally out or just with her. don't sugar coat anything and see what she says. If she can't live with it then you can try to negotiate from there. My mistake was to spoon feed my wife with a little at a time and if I had told her that I wanted to dress full time, which I do I could have saved her a lot of anguish. I would have then been able to negotiate down to where we are at now and would have saved all the turmoil in between.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi there

You may like to read the link in my signature on telling your partner

It has some useful advice

[Violet]

I highly recommend both Shelley and Jess's links.

And really, just be straight with her. I'm guessing it didn't bother her because you never came right out and said, "Honey, I still like to do this, it's an intrinsic part of my personality." I mean, if my fiance dressed up like Superman, ostensibly for Halloween, and asked me if it bothered me, I'd say, "Uh, no. Of course not." But if my fiance really meant that he wanted to be dressed like Superman every day, then I might feel differently. I might want to have a more in depth conversation about what that meant for us and our relationship.

[Sophia de la luz]

"Honesty, is such a waste of energy.
Just give me some tenderness."
-Paul Simon

What I mean to contribute is find a balance between revealing yourself authentically and coming from love. The great thing about being yourself is that you get to be yourself.

[Sandra]

Stop the lies and tell her, but be prepared for a rough ride especially if she thinks you don't do it any more.