TerryTerri
11-02-2008, 05:41 AM
Here's the deal, Terri comes and goes in cycles. I can slowly feel her fading into the background again and Terry resuming his typical life. Then, a week, month, several months from now WHAM Terri wakes up, usually in such a way that I can think of nothing but wanting to be female, look flmale, do female things, etc. Terri, over time, seems to come out more often, stay longer and I have a tendency to believe she will eventually become dominant in the jest of things.
I assume that this cyclic nature is sort of normal, I could be wrong in that assumption.
I am also saddened, which probably seems silly. In the last two years, everytime she has come out to play I have done my best to explore, as honestly as I can, all this and her and I continually get thunked on the eyes with honest revelations, I call epiphanies, about who I really am and what's going on with me. I find more answers, some pretty scary in their honest truth. I don't want her to go. I'm not done trying to obtain my answers about her and my life.
Anyway, this latest phase has been VERY VERY wonderful. I was able to get a special GG friend as a confidant. I've known her and her mother for many years. She's a very awesome gal and about as gorgeous as they come, in my opinion. She is an ear, an accepting soul and a coach of sorts.
My deal is, if becoming the girl I should have always been is what my destiny and fate have in store for me, I'll do it. Scary. but I've done other scary things in my live that were the correct thing for me to do. I know first hand the concept of flying blind into destiny. So, I'm not frightened away.
But, I just don't understand why this whole female stuff runs in cycles.
I've been engorged in female these last two months, so maybe my brain is just finally feeling satisfied enough to let me start to see other things now and that overall Terri won't go into hibernation this time. But, in the past something seems to always cause her to slip away for some time.
by the way, wanting to be female and take hormones has given me the motivation to quit smoking AND at the same time to try and lose weight, especially the tummy, dah!! Anyway, I realized on the evening of October 7th, while talking about all this to my GG friend that smoking was a hurdle to taking hormones. Wasn't sure if I was wanting to do hormones or not. But, while smoking I had no option. Also, the tummy gut thing is just a mental self image thing. I've seen myself in femme clothes and due to a belly way to big, it don't look good (feels great thorugh). So, as on 10/8/08 at 12:47 PM I have been smoke-free, I have had little trouble staying from a smoke. I think of not being to take hormones and the strength to overcome the craving is there. Also, I started dieting, of sorts, and cardio exercises. I've only managed to lose about 3 or 4 pounds in the last 3 weeks. But, it has been done in a healthy manner, which is the most important, and I figure with the smoking cessation, as long as I don't gain weight, I'm ahead of the game. I figure that this female stuff must be pretty imprtant to me if it gives me the power to quit smoking ( 35 year pack a day smoker) and lose weight at the same time. Must be a very important thing to me!
Anyway, at what point did your female persona not fade back into the woodwork of your personality?
I assume that this cyclic nature is sort of normal, I could be wrong in that assumption.
I am also saddened, which probably seems silly. In the last two years, everytime she has come out to play I have done my best to explore, as honestly as I can, all this and her and I continually get thunked on the eyes with honest revelations, I call epiphanies, about who I really am and what's going on with me. I find more answers, some pretty scary in their honest truth. I don't want her to go. I'm not done trying to obtain my answers about her and my life.
Anyway, this latest phase has been VERY VERY wonderful. I was able to get a special GG friend as a confidant. I've known her and her mother for many years. She's a very awesome gal and about as gorgeous as they come, in my opinion. She is an ear, an accepting soul and a coach of sorts.
My deal is, if becoming the girl I should have always been is what my destiny and fate have in store for me, I'll do it. Scary. but I've done other scary things in my live that were the correct thing for me to do. I know first hand the concept of flying blind into destiny. So, I'm not frightened away.
But, I just don't understand why this whole female stuff runs in cycles.
I've been engorged in female these last two months, so maybe my brain is just finally feeling satisfied enough to let me start to see other things now and that overall Terri won't go into hibernation this time. But, in the past something seems to always cause her to slip away for some time.
by the way, wanting to be female and take hormones has given me the motivation to quit smoking AND at the same time to try and lose weight, especially the tummy, dah!! Anyway, I realized on the evening of October 7th, while talking about all this to my GG friend that smoking was a hurdle to taking hormones. Wasn't sure if I was wanting to do hormones or not. But, while smoking I had no option. Also, the tummy gut thing is just a mental self image thing. I've seen myself in femme clothes and due to a belly way to big, it don't look good (feels great thorugh). So, as on 10/8/08 at 12:47 PM I have been smoke-free, I have had little trouble staying from a smoke. I think of not being to take hormones and the strength to overcome the craving is there. Also, I started dieting, of sorts, and cardio exercises. I've only managed to lose about 3 or 4 pounds in the last 3 weeks. But, it has been done in a healthy manner, which is the most important, and I figure with the smoking cessation, as long as I don't gain weight, I'm ahead of the game. I figure that this female stuff must be pretty imprtant to me if it gives me the power to quit smoking ( 35 year pack a day smoker) and lose weight at the same time. Must be a very important thing to me!
Anyway, at what point did your female persona not fade back into the woodwork of your personality?