Why are you in the closet?

[battybattybats]

So if your in the closet it might be interesting to know why.

[bimini1]

I voted all of the above lol.

[Sam44]

I don't believe that fear is the only reason that someone might be in the closet.

It might just be their comfort level: not everyone chooses to analyze any deeper than that.

Perhaps it's just the definition of being in the closet: are you in the closet if you never publically dress in outerwear?

Are you in the closet if you underdress but haven't told everyone you know?

What if (to you) the whole point is to be doing something that people don't know about (like say, not wearing underwear to church?) Are you closeted in fear then?

My answer to your poll would be Mu (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mu_(negative))

[battybattybats]

I don't believe that fear is the only reason that someone might be in the closet.

It might just be their comfort level: not everyone chooses to analyze any deeper than that.

Perhaps it's just the definition of being in the closet: are you in the closet if you never publically dress in outerwear?

Are you in the closet if you underdress but haven't told everyone you know?

What if (to you) the whole point is to be doing something that people don't know about (like say, not wearing underwear to church?) Are you closeted in fear then?

My answer to your poll would be Mu (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mu_(negative))

You raise good points. Clearly no poll could cover every possible reason someone is in the closet and sure somefolk are private dressers without being closeted simply because they have no desire or reason to do so publicly.

So I suppose my question does have an implied requirement for people to desire to be uncloseted yet to be choosing to remain closeted.

That not every private-dressing person fits that question is a good point and well worth discussing further.

One value for combining this poll with this one: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=93378 is to evaluate concern versus risk for many people here.

So far 31.82% have voted that concern for their physical safety is a reason for them to remain closeted yet so far 47.06% have had nothing bad happen to them when out at all and 41.18% have only had 'Some laughing or rude comments, nothing serious'.

I hope a great many people vote in both polls. As thus far it shows that concern of people in the closet on the forum is dissproportionate to the experiences of people out of it on the forum.

[JaymeCD]

Why am I in the closet? Like I clicked on above, I'm seen by my family and friends as a big masculine guy. No one has a clue that I would wear woman's clothes. I go to the gym a few times a week, ride a motorcycle, have a girlfriend and live a normal life. I guess it's just the fear of being outed.

[Ballerina]

Umm, mine really isn't on the list.. I'm afraid that I'll get kicked out of my parents' or that my mom will tell her really nasty, horrible jokes to me.

[Nadia-Maria]

I don't believe that fear is the only reason that someone might be in the closet.

It might just be their comfort level: not everyone chooses to analyze any deeper than that.

(...)
My answer to your poll would be Mu (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mu_(negative))


Very insightful response, Sam.
I like very much your Mu option !:devil:

As for me, when I was deep in the closet, fear was present yet obviously not the only reason to keep in the closet. For a long time I have been living alone, by personal choice, and I would not need (or accept) any interaction with another person when dressed. I considered then CDing as a very private activity, I wanted to do alone. Such as take my shower, or write a book.

In any case I hadn't to take the poll, since I am no more in the closet, especially thanks to this forum. Thanks to all of you, I understood the very meaning of my crossdressing, so that I'm now a happy TGirl, expressing her feminity. All my perspective about CDing was transformed.

---

And I would advice to add - as a rule - an option in any poll trying to be exhaustive such as :

. other reason ; none of the above ; not listed ; etc.


Kisses

Nadia

[hollylicious]

My family knows - My mum, my sister and my dad and even my work colleague (girl) knows. I think there is a difference of "coming out" to your family and "coming out" to people you know publically however, we always hide something to everyone. That is our defense :)

- holly x

[Angie G]

Some of my friend just wouldn't understand why I like to do this.:hugs:
Angie

[Tomara]

Hi , I have remained in the closet for several reasons , the first is not being even close to passable , next I own my own business which is in a very male dominated field (heavy truck and equipment repair) I do not think my customers would be very understanding of my feelings , and I am not in a position to loose the way I make my living !
Tomara

[Audrey34]

Two of my sisters know about Audrey but the rest of my family would never understand. Some of my friends in the fetish industry know but I would prefer the rest of my friends to not know. They just wouldn't understand at all.
-Audrey

[StaceyJane]

I think about coming out. I have thought about what I would say. But when the opportunity comes up I can never do it.
I have a daughter was is lesbian and my wife and I have always been very supportive of her and her girlfriend. It would seem like it would be ok to come out to her but I can't. I guess I still have fear that people would think less of me or they would think I'm ridiculus or just sad. I ccna't say I'm worried anyone would think I'm less of a man because being a man really isn't much of a priority for me.

Stacey :)

[quietone]

i feel that being a croodresser is harder than some one saying their gay. its hard 4 people to understand .

[TGMarla]

Dressing has always been a private activity for me. I have had very little desire to go out and mingle with society while dressed en femme. When I have, it is still a solitary activity for the most part. I'm not one who loves to shop; I do that online anyway. I don't go out to bars, except with friends to catch a game or have a few beers. So my needs are usually met at home by myself.

I don't publicize my crossdressing for the most part because I really don't want to explain myself to others. It's none of their business anyway. My friends like me the way I am, and I do not wish to compromise their opinion of me in a negative way. This is not something they need to know, and I choose not to tell them. Some of them might not understand anyway. My colleagues would definitely not understand, and it would compromise my standing at work.

So I've grown to like my closet. I can leave it any time I choose to, and go right back in again. It's safe, it doesn't judge me, and I actually like it there.

Oh, and the primary reason: my wife, although she knows I crossdress, really isn't down with it, so in deference to her, I keep it private and out of her life as best I can.

[TommiTN]

Fear of social consequences is what keeps me in the closet more than anything else. My physical safety is a close second. I do get out but must travel to a safer area to do so. When you live in a small town the probability that someone who knows you will recognize you is much greater. If I CD'd in public where I live I would become about the only tourist attaction in the area. Hey! Maybe I could charge admission and sell "I Saw the Crossdresser" T-shirts and coffee mugs. Hmmmm!:)

[Tess]

I've been happily married for 38 years. Why would I want to risk screwing that up by suddenly telling her about something I've been doing the whole time without her knowledge? The loss of trust might be catastrophic. My comfort zone is in the closet and at this point in my life I can live within that boundary. I've picked up lots of tips since finding this website which I can use but coming out to my wife and family is not in the cards.

[Jenny Beth]

Depends what you mean in the closet. For those who live as women they are fully out. My wife is supportive, my daughter and a few of her friends know and have seen me dressed and my wife's sister knows but we've never spoken about it since I came out to her. Does this mean I'm out or still in? The way I see it I'm out to those I want to be out to and the rest it's none of their business and I don't care to share this part of me with them for many reasons. If I had to pick one reason why I'm not fully out it's because I'd be committing financial suicide, there is a price for everything!

[bah-bah-bobbie]

My reasons are a little more complicated. I have no idea how my kids would respond to it, but I know thier mother would use that agaist me and try to take custody (after 8 years) because of it. I know I wouldn't lose any freinds over this, I would find out who my real friends are. I just don't have the desire to be out and about enfemme. I will drive around in heels in public under certain conditions, and if I can I even have a skirt on as well. But it's just not something I want people to see of me. I would like to say it's a private thing but here I am on an internet forum, so I guess I am sharing. I don't know how to properly explain.

[TerriM]

For me the reason Im in the closet is my children. My wife has known for over 25 yrs. As far as I know my children don't. I see no reason to tell them. They have known me as one person all their lives. Why change that ? To make me feel better? If they do find out I will try to explain my femme side, but I see telling them would be a selfish act.

Yours Terri

[Christina2008]

I have underdressed for years, since I was 15, a few girlfriends sort of knew. I liked the fact they caught me and both did not seem to mind. Was I out the closet to them?

I hadn’t thought of actually going out in public, fully dressed, until more recently and mainly due to reading this forum. I didn’t know it was something CD's done. Thank god for the internet. I dress fully at home quite regularly, so now I think to be out the closet I must venture outside.

I still don’t think I could let any friends or family know about what I was up to. So for me, that probably means I will be staying in the closet.

[Daphne Renee]

I am in the closet more or less. The only time I will go out in public is on Halloween when its more acceptable. I would like to go out more maybe one day I will.

[Lilith Moon]

Semi closeted nowadays. I get out under certain conditions as agreed with my wife. She is concerned about my well being here in rural Wales in a tiny village. I think she is more fearful then she needs to be but I go along with our agreed limits...mostly.

[Kayla_CD]

There's no choice on there for people who choose to be in the closet because that's where they want it to end. I will come out to my gf because I don't want to end up marrying her and never telling her, but for me I just think what business is it of anyone else's?

[LA CINDY LOVE]

The social consequences are just to great why come out of the closet anyway.....what is it going to prove....our what are you trying to prove ?

People have a hard time accepting gay people today so that should tell us all how they would feel about us, coming out of the closet has nothing to do with passing or confidence, it is telling the world that you love to wear woman clothes............and yes there will be a back backlash.

Look you can still dress when you like you can go out dress when you like you can still shop or have dinner when you like...in a sense you are out of the closet so why make it harder for you and your family.

I love the fact that I have this secret, it gives me a inside look on how people are.


LA CINDY LOVE

[Nicki B]

You raise good points. Clearly no poll could cover every possible reason someone is in the closet and sure somefolk are private dressers without being closeted simply because they have no desire or reason to do so publicly.

So I suppose my question does have an implied requirement for people to desire to be uncloseted yet to be choosing to remain closeted.

Batty, couldn't you ask a friendly mod to add another option, along the lines of 'none of the above (explained further in my post below)' or something similar? :strugglin

Otherwise the poll only allows those who are scared to answer and you aren't getting a true picture..

[lynn2c]

I live in a small conservative town which keeps me in the house there.
I'm also involved in activities that I really love and if it came out, I might not be able to participate. The main reason is although my wife is very supportive, she considers it private between the two of us and I repect that.
Although I'd love ideas on how to change her mind :battingeyelashes:

[Janet Bern]

At my age I would not think of "comming out". With that said, "going out" enfemme is another story.. smiling
Janet

[sometimes_miss]

I also vote all of the above. Crossdressers aren't exactly held in very high regard among the general population. Most people think we're perverted sexual deviants, prone to stealing their children.

[anouk]

Sometimes I wonder why it's so unquestionable to stay in closet...

Well, I have been married, had children and made my public career as a man. I love very much my new wife who doesn't seem to be especially interested in crossdressing. I'm also especially sensitive to other people's reactions, especially negative ones. May be I'm afraid that my total world collapses in a way I cannot handle or don't have strenght to accomplish the whole outcoming.

If being in closet on the other hand turns too intolerable I might have no chance to choose. But I'm rather lazy and tolerate quite much things before I'll act, so may be it's not going to happen.

[mykhelee]

I don't go out alone, far too dangerous in my area. My friends who know mostly have a don't ask don't tell attitude towards my dressing. Could never dress for work, be out of a job toot-sweet.

[Emma26]

I live in Oklahoma, which could mean all of the poll options (except for job loss because I don't have a job.)

Not only am I a cross-dresser, I'm transgendered... Luckily I have friends on my side now.