Your wife meeting other CD's / TG's etc.

[jina]

Just wondering if there are any stories. My wife and I went to a couple of support group sessions, and one of the members pulled her aside and started telling her (I wasn't present at that moment) how many times the CD / TG phenomenon leads to divorce. She was a bit unnerved after that unfortunately.

The funny part of the evening for me was when everyone was going around the circle introducing themselves, and her comment about herself was that her breasts were real. I laughed and thought it was mischievous of her, but I think there was a bit of a catty reaction with some. Might be why one of them took the opportunity later to scare her :) .

[sterling12]

I just don't think that's a true statement. I think most couples who actively participate in Support Groups tend to see their marriage strengthened. It's been a long time since I have witnessed a divorce within the couples of my Tri-Ess Groups.

Factors that seem to help: The wife gets to find out that hubby has a lot of Sista's just like him, she finds new female friends who she can commiserate with, both of them usually find friendship with other couples.

Occasionally, you will also find some bitter people. Perhaps that's the kind of person your wife encountered. No one has a crystal ball, so we can not say which couple will end up with a divorce. If they do get divorced; they will be joining the other people whose marriages have failed irregardless of crossdressing; I think the number is around 50%. I think it was rather strange for that person, (you didn't say which sex) to come up with that statement. Maybe we would have to know the context of how the conversation got started.

Anyway, if yourself and your good lady are happy with the social and support aspects of your group, I would shine that person on. Your wife has a lot of other people she could be talking to. Not much point in talking to someone throwing out negative vibes.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Jonianne]

That's sad. You might want to find another support group. My wife, before we were married, went with me to my first triess meetings back in 2000 and it was a really good experience. My wife said she had the best advice she ever received about crossdressing. The presidents' SO took her aside and told her to always remember that the CD'ing never goes away. That really stuck with her and prepared her to accept that this really was a lifetime aspect of her husband to be (me).

She also was really afraid to go because she didn't know what to expect - she didn't know if we would be swinging from the chandelier or what. By the time the meeting was over, she felt very welcome and rather than us being a bunch of wackos, really were quite a boring (not in a bad way) group.

Funny, she also got mistaken as a CD once at the meeting. Would you call that not "passing"?

[yms]

Lori also found it stressful being around other crossdressers and even the wives/SOs of other crossdressers. She attended a SPICE conference because she wanted to meet other wives and came back (I did not go with her) wondering if maybe crossdressing was a bad thing. Everyone told her "You'll see. It will get worse."

She found too that a lot of crossdressers wanted her to "befriend" them as a way of validating their own status as "women." She found these relationships very one-sided. Once she said to that she felt like "a giant ear." One pre-op TS told her intimate details about her male anatomy. Lori said to me "she doesn't even know what I do for a living."

In fairness, I should say that the group we attended had numerous cases of divorces and failed relationships.

After a while I stopped asking Lori to join me because I knew it just wasn't much fun for her. She has, however, remained completely supportive of me in every possible way imaginable.

[ggtracy]

I am a GG and my experiences have not always been good either. Most of the CD/TG's I have met are perfectly nice to me and on the surface seem supportive of my relationship with my SO.

However, when i am not around they are always trying to get up his skirt.

[Sara Jessica]

I am a GG and my experiences have not always been good either. Most of the CD/TG's I have met are perfectly nice to me and on the surface seem supportive of my relationship with my SO.

However, when i am not around they are always trying to get up his skirt.

That is a troubling comment, one that I've seen here before. Not only do some of the gg encounters described here boarder on irresponsible on the basis of the advice given, any perception by our s/o gg's that support groups have some kind of sexual component is wrong and can be even more damaging to relationships that are struggling with the tg factor being in the mix.

I'm not saying it can't happen but I've been to many gatherings of at least four different groups over the years and NEVER NEVER NEVER has anyone even remotely tried to "get up my skirt", nor have I even been witness to such behavior. My wife accepts reluctantly that I have a need to get out and about and attending a social group (hate the term "support") is part of that. I wouldn't attend out of respect to her if a group ended up being pick-up central.

[Margot]

Although my wife is very supportive of my crossdressing I don't think she wants to meet others. I believe she feels this is just a relationship we have between us. I will not push to cross another border. I respect her opinions and wishes.:hugs:
Margot
btw it's our 24th anniversary today.

[jina]

I am a GG and my experiences have not always been good either. Most of the CD/TG's I have met are perfectly nice to me and on the surface seem supportive of my relationship with my SO.

However, when i am not around they are always trying to get up his skirt.

These are my wife's thoughts too. She refers to the group as a "dating service". There's really no direct proof of this... uh, wait a sec.. yes there is. Nevermind :o

BTW Margot... Happy Anniversary !!! :)

[Kendra Irene]

My wife's first exposure to other CD's was an overload for her. She wanted to attend our group's anniversery banquet. This was also the first time that she had seen me made up. (only had my beard of 30 years shaved for 3 weeks)
She was exposed to a lot of girls in various stages of transgendering. Her biggest fear was that this is what I would want. In hind site, I should have introduced her to the smaller monthly support group first. Unfortunatly that was not possible, with her work.

Now, like Karren, my dressing is not "in her face". One thing though, this week she wants me to dye my hair. (My grey hair makes her feel old. LOL)

Kendra

[DonnaT]

My wife went with me a couple of times to a couple of clubs in Richmond, an got along really well with some of the CDs and TSs.

But she has a hard time when anyone refers to me as, she or her, etc. She can't bring herself to think that way. Anyway, she decided not to go back, as it really wasn't her thing.

[sandra-leigh]

However, when i am not around they are always trying to get up his skirt.

One of our club members makes me feel a bit uncomfortable sometimes. There hasn't been any specific / explicit come-on, but the way they look at me sometimes. I don't mean like infatuation, always looking at me or anything like that. It is hard looks with almost a shudder, a seeming to have to pull themselves away by force, as if they are saying to themselves, "My God, I can't believe how attractive Tess is; I better turn away before I blurt out something foolish!"

At least that's what it feels like is being conveyed when I get one of Those Looks. There hasn't been any attempt to meet with me outside of the club or anything like that. A bit of bottom pinching (which I'm also a little uncomfortable with under the circumstances), but I am not the only recipient of those pinches.


I haven't been the recipient of any come-on's by any of our club members, nor by any members of the Edmonton or Calgary clubs when I visited there. The come-on's that I have been the target of were, interestingly enough, at a "straight" adult entertainment bar: a couple of gay guys have tried to pick me up; one of them knew for sure that I was a guy (and he was very polite about the whole thing), the other one thought I was a guy but was drunk enough not to be sure and not to care (and he was persistent and rude.)

[Phoebe Reece]

Not all support groups are the same. Sigma Epsilon, which is a Tri-Ess chapter based in Atlanta, has strict rules against anyone approaching anyone at our meetings for any kind of sexual relationship. This applies to both heterosexual and gay encounters. Any member doing that loses their membership immediately and permanently. We pride ourselves on providing support for the wives. The wives of our members that choose to attend our meetings find a friendly atmosphere where everyone is treated with respect.

[Holly]

My wife has accompanied me on several occasions to social events with other individuals and groups. She has commented to me many times how fun this community is and how nice the TG citizens are. Just this past weekend, we attended a Halloween party with 60-70 T-girls and their partners.

I have found that maintaining communication with my wife has helped her enormously and by participating in "normal" social situations such as dining out or going to shows has furthered her acceptance of this way of life as one that can be viewed as acceptable and even enjoyable.

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

Our first encounter with a support group in New Orleans, my (then 2nd) wife was pegged as the CDer and I as the GG, by the host/greeter. That did not make for a comfortable day for any of us.

She did come with me to other meetings after that though.

Zara

[Joy Carter]

Never happen in my relationship. She can't bare the thought of me all dressed up. I'm free to do what I want. But I don't abuse the privilege.

[CD_DIANE]

Just a comment on what you have seen/experienced……
When you have such a diverse group of people who are brought together under the banner of “crossdresser” you will experience many different ideas and motivations. You (and your SO) will also be exposed to individuals who see a situation from only their perspective.

There is a poll entitled “Where are you on the continuum?”. I’m not a statistical expert, but it does show 2 distinct groups; those who are predominately male, and those who are predominately female. It seems logical, that those in group “A” will not agree, and may be very uncomfortable with group “B” and vice versa.

One of the more frustrating factors in this particular situation is that there is a very wide spectrum of people, ideas, desires, and experiences. The comments that were made were foolish ,to say the least, and potentially damaging.

The name of the magazine “Tapestry”, is derived from the idea that we are NOT all the same. What is acceptable to some is grossly over the line for others. I do not belong to any support groups at present, but would probably identify with Tri-Ess rather than any other group, since I am heterosexual. One concept that should be adopted is “first do no harm”.

I guess my only hope is that your wife will hopefully understand that we are not all the same. The direction of our journey is a personal choice for each of us.

Diane

[sandra-leigh]

There is a poll entitled “Where are you on the continuum?”. I’m not a statistical expert, but it does show 2 distinct groups; those who are predominately male, and those who are predominately female. It seems logical, that those in group “A” will not agree, and may be very uncomfortable with group “B” and vice versa.


The local social group I go to (not Tri-ess, that doesn't exist here) is quite diverse. Some of the key members are people that Tri-ess would (officially) only admit as guests: some of them are gay, some of them are post-op, some of them are transitioning or trying hard to get the medical clearance to transition, some of them just decided a couple of months ago to take hormones after decades of cross-dressing. But it isn't a TS support group: that's a different group that meets in a different place on a different schedule.

Do some of the "just-CD" members have difficulties with the members who are noticeably more TS? I don't know, possibly, but the people I can think of that that might be true of are likely also to have difficulty with the members who are more accomplished whilst being "just-CD", something along the lines of "I'll never be that good, I'm not even going to try". And possibly some of the newer members are put off by the degree to which the more involved members are likely to go out in public -- not in the sense of the more involved members being into "****-wear" (none of them are), just in the sense of "I'm just a small time CD'er, just at home and maybe a bit at the meetings, but I'm not ready or interested in going out in public and here all of these gurls are going out all the time... I'm not comfortable with that, it's not my scene."

So I don't think it's the "mostly-male" vs the "mostly-female" that is the key, but I think differences in confidence and purposes can make a big difference in interpersonal interactions.

[mykhelee]

First of all, any of you who have a support group you can seek solace and comfort with, be glad. Nothing closer than 90 miles away here. As far as the whole, up the skirt, only been propped by males on the down low myself. Creeps are everywhere.