Pet Theory

[Paige.]

I realize this question is like asking the fox to guard the chicken coop but I’m not referring to animals here when I say pet theory.

I understand there are many men that dress only for themselves, in private, and no one ever knows except themselves. It is their personal secret and they carry it around like sack of heavy rocks, feeling guilty for having off-the-wall desires that are frowned on by family and society in general. I also understand the vast majority of CD’ers are completely heterosexual.

Given that backdrop, I think many straight men would love to dress as a woman if they knew for certain that they would be accepted completely, with absolutely no fear or thought they would be ridiculed, or laughed at, or called a homosexual, weird or any of the other derogatory labels that we have. I’m talking about men that have never in their life put on a piece of women’s clothing and perhaps have never even thought about it. When I say accepted I mean accepted only by GG’s, not by men or other CD’s.

Do you think this straight man would do it, or try it, if he would never be found out except by his partner, or are there too many negatives built into different personalities? I know it is a hypothetical question and it has many varied answers. I think there would be some, but many men might just get sick at the thought.

[StaceyJane]

I don't think that most men would try it even if there were no consequences. I imagine a few more men would try it but I really don't think most men really have any urge to CD.

Stacey :)

[jina]

I'm going to say that based on my experience,... there are not that many men that would really get into it past trying it out of curiosity once or twice. You used the word theory,.. and I see in your profile you are a scientist; I myself am a bit of an amateur scientist and I look at things from that direction often times.

I believe that the genders represent a natural polarity that maybe worked completely well sometime in the distant past (actually, back in the stone age they probably killed variants routinely... keeping the genetic pool polarized to some extent). From this perspective I think the original design has been corrupted somewhat. Now some might find that offensive, but keep in mind I include myself. What I'm saying is that i believe the majority of men and women are sufficiently polarized. The rest of us carry a heavy burden.

Ironically,.. growing up, I believed as a way of coping with my problem that all men kinda had a secret that we all drew the short straw and none of us talked about it (that we all wanted to be girls / women). My experience forced me to see another explanation.

Now in the future,... our species may correct what living in the modern world has made possible (flourishing genetic mutations).. in a sort of a scifi twist (I like scifi) people may be able to someday just choose their gender by something as simple as having a few shots. Then the polarity is restored (whether it arose originally by natural selection or God's design is irrelevant).

This theory doesn't speak to people that are content being in the middle... but there are a lot of variables too numerous to analyze in any meaningful way. I believe the polarity of the sexes is the design of choice... and if the world went mad max suddenly, the polarization would become important again.

My solution,... let those who would be boys be boys, and those that would be girls be girls. Maybe someday that will be possible.

[ElaineB]

I don't think most men would try it or enjoy it, just because most men don't really care about clothes or style much at all.

[renee k]

I agree,with Elaine and Stacy Jane, I think it's something in our genetic makeup that gives us an appreciation for womens clothes. I know for me it's the variety styles and colors that are available in womens clothing. That you just cannot find in men's clothing. Plus I definitely like how I look in womens clothing. Not to mention the makeup and hair part of it.

Huggs, Renee

[Rachel_CDS]

I think that a lot of men would like to try wearing womens clothing, but are too scared too admit it even to themselves!

Funny thing is that I got a lot of attention from guys at the last fancy dress party where I went dressed as a schoolgirl. I had no negative comments & most thought I was brave to do it. this suggested to me that they were a little jealous!

Some of the women even told me that they wished their husbands/boyfriends would be a little more adventurous in their costume.

I know that fancy dress is not really dressing properly as a woman, but it is a way to at least try it a bit.

[Jennifer Cox]

... I think it's something in our genetic makeup that gives us an appreciation for womens clothes. I know for me it's the variety styles and colors that are available in womens clothing. That you just cannot find in men's clothing. Plus I definitely like how I look in womens clothing. Not to mention the makeup and hair part of it.

I was about to skip this post when I read the above. For me when I started CDing it was mostly about underwear, I eventually moved to outer clothes and makeup but only in a small way, only to largely ignore these in later years. Never really appreciated fashion much. From what I've read here, I think many others are similar.

However, after many years of low level activity, I'm suddenly enthused about fashion, clothes, makeup etc. Why now ? I don't think my genetic makeup has changed in the intervening years.

[Farrah]

I don't think that most men would try it even if there were no consequences. I imagine a few more men would try it but I really don't think most men really have any urge to CD.

Stacey :)

I agree. CDing usually starts early in life. If a man ever wanted to do it, he probably already has by the time he's an adult. Hence, here we are!!

[RebeccaLynne]

I’m talking about men that have never in their life put on a piece of women’s clothing and perhaps have never even thought about it.

Paige, I'm afraid you've just disqualified 99.99% of your target audience here, myself included.

I'll answer, anyway.

I'm "out" to my GF, and I'd really enjoy spending time together as girlfriends. She has flat-out told me she's not attracted to me dressed en femme. and that I can be feminine without the clothes. Mind you, I'm not seeking sexual intimacy when I'm dressed as a woman, just acceptance for my femme persona. And the clothes are a big part of that expression.

So, yeah, I would love to be accepted by her, and I'm working on it. But she's too negative!

[Carol Crossdress]

Very intersting question and the answers seem to be dictated by each individuals experience. I don't think most men would crossdress as we all seem to understand it. I think some men would try on various women's items as either a joke or a sexual experiment but I don't think many would want to present themselves as feminine. My own experience is I started dressing in my 20's with ****ty looking outfits, bad makeup, cheap wig...you get the picture...but I always wanted to look feminine, feel feminie actually. I think that's what sets us apart...feeling feminine when we are dressed up. Anyway...that's my 2 cents...:)

[deja true]

Polls that we often refer to tell us that probably between 5 and 8 % of men in western populations may have admitted to crossdressing. You can bet that if those numbers are near correct that the real number (those who wouldn't even admit it in an anonymous poll) that have at least tried it is a lot higher.

I think there are a lot of "potential" xdressers out there. Who keeps all the trans porn sites going? It's not us. Who are the hundreds of thousands that tally up the huge visitor numbers on these sites? Admirers? Many of us, myself included, think that "admirers" are generally potential dressers who just haven't worked up the courage to try it yet and admit it. (Didn't you too think of yourself as an admirer once?)

There are also the thousands (millions?) who as Elaine says, realy don't care much about clothes or style, but those same thousands DO care about what matters to many of us...sexuality. And as many of our members admit, xdressing is as much about sexuality as it is about the clothes alone or about gender issues.

Even to a totally avowed hetero macho guy, the feel of satin over warm flesh is a sexually stimulating one. To many there might be little distance between feeling that on someone else and feeling it on oneself.

Without the social strictures of our polarized society, I think there would be a lot more of us in the open than there are already. Most of us say we're closeted, but, in truth, if we've gotten up the courage to at least come here and bare our souls and desires to thousands of strangers, we're only partially closeted. The truly closeted are those thousands and thousands that we'll never ever hear from, and they outnumber us many fold.

[Kate Simmons]

I believe your theory is sound Paige, mostly because I know that as human beings, we are all a mixture of both male and female and we all have the capability of the full spectrum range of feelings as a genetic heritage regardless of what our physical sex is. The willingness to embrace those feelings is what remains in question though, especially in view of (sometimes harsh) societal programming. Because of that most men tend to suppress these feelings and urges which quite honestly are completely natural and dressing is an outward demonstration of that.

How many little boys have tried on Mommy's lipstick because they wanted to be like Mom only to be threatened with ostrasization? How many boys enjoyed playing with the girls but would never admit it for the same reason? As a society we tend to shoot ourselves in the foot with this stuff because what we may consider "right and proper" may not be necessarily so as far as people are concerned. I know one guy who was so afraid of being accused of being feminine, he would not even touch his wife's purse which is totally absurd.

It's all part of exploring really, especially exploring one's self and contrary to popular opinion, that does not end once we "grow up".If we are denied exploring who we are and why we do things, especially by ourselves we are doing ourselves a disservice and quite honestly our full potential as a person is never realized, no matter how "successful" we may seem to be.

In any case, most men don't have the gumption to do this on their own and need an excuse, usually Halloween or whatever to justify their behavior. While sometimes TG folks may take advantage of the same opportunity, their intent is really to get in touch with themselves and their feelings. To me it takes a real man to admit his feelings regardless of what he looks like.:)

[Tess]

Remember the neighbour in American Beauty who was so locked in his macho self-image that he turned to murder rather than admit to himself that he had gay tendencies? I think there are a lot of men like that about (possibly up to 3/4 if that survey is right) who could never admit to themselves they are not 100% macho.


I think this explains at least part of the male population that wouldn't try crossdressing under any circumstances. There are guys that I know who won't go to the theater to see a play or musical because they perceive it to be something real men do not do. Unfortunately they miss out on so many wonderful experiences because they're self image has painted them into a corner.

[Alana65]

The only thing I can say for sure is that my brother would NEVER do it.

[Penny]

I believe your theory is sound Paige, mostly because I know that as human beings, we are all a mixture of both male and female and we all have the capability of the full spectrum range of feelings as a genetic heritage regardless of what our physical sex is. The willingness to embrace those feelings is what remains in question though, especially in view of (sometimes harsh) societal programming. Because of that most men tend to suppress these feelings and urges which quite honestly are completely natural and dressing is an outward demonstration of that.

How many little boys have tried on Mommy's lipstick because they wanted to be like Mom only to be threatened with ostrasization? How many boys enjoyed playing with the girls but would never admit it for the same reason? As a society we tend to shoot ourselves in the foot with this stuff because what we may consider "right and proper" may not be necessarily so as far as people are concerned. I know one guy who was so afraid of being accused of being feminine, he would not even touch his wife's purse which is totally absurd.

It's all part of exploring really, especially exploring one's self and contrary to popular opinion, that does not end once we "grow up".If we are denied exploring who we are and why we do things, especially by ourselves we are doing ourselves a disservice and quite honestly our full potential as a person is never realized, no matter how "successful" we may seem to be.

In any case, most men don't have the gumption to do this on their own and need an excuse, usually Halloween or whatever to justify their behavior. While sometimes TG folks may take advantage of the same opportunity, their intent is really to get in touch with themselves and their feelings. To me it takes a real man to admit his feelings regardless of what he looks like.:)

Conditioned behavior; happy TG's accept their self reprogramming!

[trannie T]

Many men have worn some item such as a bra belonging to a partner. They only did it once or twice out of curiosity. They have worn things for entirely different reasons than most of us do.
If it were accceptable for them to wear female clothing would they do it? I doubt it, they have no motivation to dress, if a partner encouraged them with a promise of a "happy experience" they would have sufficient motivation to wear anything.

[Deidra Cowen]

Go to any of those online computer games where you can choose your avatar for playing the game. Tons of guys go with a female avatar...which got me to thinking if you take down the barriers to dressing, take away the stigma and make it easy to do...then lots of guys will do it.

Someone posted about the online deal a while back...forgot the percentage but something like 10% of the men in those games will 'crossdress' as a fem avatar. I know I saw that for myself.

My theory is that lots of guys enjoy being pretty! Give them the chance they will do it. Lets face it. The female form is so beautiful...and these days a woman can do so much in real life or even in virtual life such as those online games. No longer tied down to just being a housewife by society due to the womans liberation movement a woman can be beautiful and powerful these days....thats a heady mix.

Is this most guys? No...but a lot more than people think is my guess...maybe that 10% or so.

[TSchapes]

I would find it hard to believe that a normally straight guy would even want to try cross-dressing even is there were no stigma attached to it. I've known too many guys that I have told I'm a CD and they have never said, "wow I wish I could do that!" Most of them have been nice about it and have not been condescending to me, but I didn't get the feeling that they wanted to have anything to do with it.

And just their attitudes about women's clothes! I was shopping in the women's section at Target the other day trying on coats and there was this guy with his wife. He tells her, "I'll just stay out here and wait for you." He had to wait out in the aisle so he wouldn't get contaminated! LOL And I walk right by this guy giggling and trying on clothes...

-Tracy

[sometimes_miss]

I think this falls into the same category as the concept that we aren't all that different from anyone else, that crossdressing feels 'normal' to us, and we start to believe that it is. We want to believe that most other men want to dress up as girls too. We want it to be true, that we are 'normal', we want it so much that we convince ourselves of it, using the same faulted logic that the guards at Auchwitz did to justify what they did. We all want to believe that we are good, that we are normal, that other people are just like us, so they will like us. And once we convince ourselves that other men are really just all like us, it's a short jump to believe that women should like us just fine because, after all, we're just like all other men. And that's where this thinking gets us into trouble, because the truth is, we are not, and the very vast majority of women have no romantic interest in men who like feeling feminine, or dream of being women. There is no natural attraction working for us here, a guy in a dress expressing all those wonderful feminine qualities does absolutely nothing to turn on a woman the way the qualities of an alpha male does. A little child trying on mommy's clothes is just trying to be closer to her, show his love for all the things she is, he's not expressing his desire to become a sexual woman; at that age, we didn't even know the difference.

[Shari]

Polls that we often refer to tell us that probably between 5 and 8 % of men in western populations may have admitted to crossdressing. You can bet that if those numbers are near correct that the real number (those who wouldn't even admit it in an anonymous poll) that have at least tried it is a lot higher.

I think there are a lot of "potential" xdressers out there. Who keeps all the trans porn sites going? It's not us. Who are the hundreds of thousands that tally up the huge visitor numbers on these sites? Admirers? Many of us, myself included, think that "admirers" are generally potential dressers who just haven't worked up the courage to try it yet and admit it. (Didn't you too think of yourself as an admirer once?)

There are also the thousands (millions?) who as Elaine says, realy don't care much about clothes or style, but those same thousands DO care about what matters to many of us...sexuality. And as many of our members admit, xdressing is as much about sexuality as it is about the clothes alone or about gender issues.

Even to a totally avowed hetero macho guy, the feel of satin over warm flesh is a sexually stimulating one. To many there might be little distance between feeling that on someone else and feeling it on oneself.

Without the social strictures of our polarized society, I think there would be a lot more of us in the open than there are already. Most of us say we're closeted, but, in truth, if we've gotten up the courage to at least come here and bare our souls and desires to thousands of strangers, we're only partially closeted. The truly closeted are those thousands and thousands that we'll never ever hear from, and they outnumber us many fold.


Well said Deja.
Gosh, I believe there is another here who writes and expresses herself almost as well as I do.
I do tend to disagree with the theory of the structure in our society. If this was acceptable with all who would see us, with no fear of retribution or judgment, I believe our numbers would diminish. Sort of like sneaking a cookie when you're not allowed. "It will spoil your dinner." Did a cookie ever taste better than the one you stole and ate in your closet?
Hmmm. Closet. Neat word. Bring back any memories? And not just about cookies.
Sometimes the having is not nearly as attractive as the wanting. It is not logical, but often true. (quote from Mr. Spock on Star Trek upon releasing his bethrothed "wife" after the Kali-fee. Or was it the Kali-far?)
That aside, what guy in his right mind wouldn't want to feel a silky pair of nylons and a satiny nightie against his skin? There's nothing else quite like it.
Of course, you all already know that.
Shari