Why Don't More of Us do it?

[tricia_uktv]

Wow girls!

Have just spent eleven days dressed as Tricia. I have been to Manchester (twice) and London. I have met an American t-girl and taken her everywhere I could given the time. We have been on trams, busses, trains and the tube. We have eaten and drunk at at restaurants, pubs, coffee bars and cafes. We have been to the cinema and the theatre. We haven been taken round the Houses of Parliament by an MP.

So - the big question - and I know many of you have difficulties - but why don't more girls come out. It would make it so much easier for others to follow. I honestly had no problems throughout the time we were doing it.

Any thoughts?

[Nicole Erin]

Well that is cool you showed a sister a fun time around town. :) What a way to visit another country, with a CD sister.

Now why don't people come out more?
I really don't know, I think people worry too much about losing everything.
Hey I do what I can to be out and about and educate. I don't even care much if i pass, I would rather help people understand we are normal people.

[Joanna-Louise]

you ask a v good question tricia... Personally id love to meet people and have a "grand day out". I think in majour cities most people are going about there business with there heads down and eyes fixed on what there going to do next to care who or what's going on around them.

[Ronni Seymour]

Hi Tricia,
I'd like to join with you and 'gently' nudge other sisters to work on coming out. I understand there are a lot of things we have to consider, e.g. family, work, etc. But having come out, finally, to myself, wife and partially to step-daughter within the last year, I have found a big ingredient in success is self-confidence and acceptance. Those first steps can be full of apprehension, but the more you do it, the easier and more enjoyable it becomes. There really are no blue meanies out there after all. Well,... maybe a few, but I've yet to meet any.
Golly, I sometimes feel like a horse biting at the bit. I want to introduce Carol to everyone I know, but.....you know how it goes.

[Michl41]

It would be great to get out with other girls. I live in a large population area and can't even find anyone to correspond with, let alone get together with. It must be that the majority of us must stay indoors and isolated......I'm wondering whether or not I will ever see one of us in person.....:daydreaming:

[Deborah Jane]

In my case, self confidence and shyness is a big issue in why i don,t really go out in daylight.
I just don,t have the confidence to do it and feel safe here in my closet, although i,d love to go out properly in daylight. :daydreaming:

[slamddoger]

it depine were you live i live in red nick state so you have to be carfule were you go out to

[jayme357]

When I attend a meeting with my sisters I can't help but marvel at how beautiful many of them are. I also can't help but notice that there are many that struggle with appearance. We all dream of being able to present ourselves as bonafide members of the gender of our choice. In the cold hard world of reality not all of us succeed. This does not necessarily detract from our pleasure and enjoyment and the illusions that are so important to many of us. But there is the world of reality, and it isn't always the world of choice. I would love to experience the world of freedom where I could enjoy visiting historical sites, cocktails at the local "in" pub, or a myriad of other places where others feel total freedom to enjoy.

Unfotunately, I am not beautiful, am rather "old", and am far outside the realm of "the norm." I'm okay with all this, I guess, but there is no way I can project myself into that world where I can be part of the normal world. How sad, but as Walter Cronkite used to say, " that's the way it is."

[tricia_uktv]

When I attend a meeting with my sisters I can't help but marvel at how beautiful many of them are. I also can't help but notice that there are many that struggle with appearance. We all dream of being able to present ourselves as bonafide members of the gender of our choice. In the cold hard world of reality not all of us succeed. This does not necessarily detract from our pleasure and enjoyment and the illusions that are so important to many of us. But there is the world of reality, and it isn't always the world of choice. I would love to experience the world of freedom where I could enjoy visiting historical sites, cocktails at the local "in" pub, or a myriad of other places where others feel total freedom to enjoy.

Unfotunately, I am not beautiful, am rather "old", and am far outside the realm of "the norm." I'm okay with all this, I guess, but there is no way I can project myself into that world where I can be part of the normal world. How sad, but as Walter Cronkite used to say, " that's the way it is."

Jayme, but you can and that is my point. Your pic looks lovely and you are able to go out and do it - promise. I am only saying that its not as hard as you think. I know its a ridiculous statement but if all us girls just went out and tried, it would bring a whole new generation on. Remember, we are special!


It would be great to get out with other girls. I live in a large population area and can't even find anyone to correspond with, let alone get together with. It must be that the majority of us must stay indoors and isolated......I'm wondering whether or not I will ever see one of us in person.....:daydreaming:

So, be the first one, and show them! You can do it hon, you look great.


Hi Tricia,
I'd like to join with you and 'gently' nudge other sisters to work on coming out. I understand there are a lot of things we have to consider, e.g. family, work, etc. But having come out, finally, to myself, wife and partially to step-daughter within the last year, I have found a big ingredient in success is self-confidence and acceptance. Those first steps can be full of apprehension, but the more you do it, the easier and more enjoyable it becomes. There really are no blue meanies out there after all. Well,... maybe a few, but I've yet to meet any.
Golly, I sometimes feel like a horse biting at the bit. I want to introduce Carol to everyone I know, but.....you know how it goes.

Yay Carol, go there and do it! We can and I think we must.

Hugs

[Karren H]

Not a clue.... probably a million different reasons why not... I just never really had any really over whelmingly good ones so I went out..... never a problem either.....

[JC]

I am quite happy doing what I do. My wife knows and supports. I am able to dress as i see fit each evening, under dress 7*24, wear night gowns to bed, dress as we make love. ALl of this doen at home.

I have dressed and drove one time. i had to get out of the vehicle and close a hatch. Then i had to ask why do this? This even added stress to my life and this is not why i dress.

I do have access to land that is very isolated. There I can dress as I desire and walk, work, ride an ATV, fish, hunt, etc.

So i do not ahve the desire ever go out . i know that I would never pass. so I enjoy my role as it is. THis is my definition of happy!

JC

[renee k]

It would be great to get out with other girls. I live in a large population area and can't even find anyone to correspond with, let alone get together with. It must be that the majority of us must stay indoors and isolated......I'm wondering whether or not I will ever see one of us in person.....:daydreaming:

Hi Michl,

Just out of curiosity, what large population area do you live in here in the Midwest. I know plenty of girls here in the Detroit area and go out and do things with them. If you were nearby, I'd get you out too.

Huggs, Renee

[Susan4]

Y'know, in the mainstream world ... people talk about the greatest human fear. It's actually not the fear of death ... it's the fear of getting on your feet and speaking to an audience.

Imagine that! ... many people would literally rather die than speak in public.

Now ... if appearing crossdressed was added to this mix ... I rather suspect that the greatest human fear ... would not longer be speaking in public but going out CD in public.

The thing about public speaking, and going out, however ... is that once you overcome the hurdle and do it ... it is easier the next time. And, easier the time after that.

That's easy to say, of course, but ... as someone on this board suggests in their signature, it takes a lot of couraage to wear a dress.

I'm not sure courage is the right word. But, I do think we each have a fear, such as the fear of embarrasment, the fear of being laughed at, and so on ... that is stopping us.

We have to face that fear and decide, for ourselves, what to do.

I've just started to go out ... finally. And, the sky hasn't fallen (yet).
I deal with my fears by making rules ... where I will go, where I will not go, what risks I will and will not take, when I will go, etc.

By reducing the risks .. I reduced my fears. It worked for me.

Good luck and best wishes to everyone else who is still thinking about it.

Hugs

[Brina Halloween]

The problem with the question is....if almost everyone did do it and kept repeating, they would all become good enough to pass in most circumstances and then you could not tell they were doing it....thus it becomes that almost no one does it or almost everyone does it and you have no method to figure out the correct answer. You cannot even use this forum as a true research tool since the 10,000 or 15,000 members is just a tiny fraction of the population of the countries represented by the members.

I have seen several threads that in one way or another wondered about the commonness of cross dressing. I personally suspect it is much more common than many believe.

I really suspect that I will be doing a weekend out of town sometime to build up more confidence. Traveling to Chicago, doing the science museum, having lunch dressed was really refreshing and I enjoyed it greatly. I agree that it becomes easier the more often you do it. Public speaking is not something that I often need to do but, in most circumstances, it does not bother me. My first party dressed, I had butterflies several times during the day (it had lessons, dinner as a group, then a dance) but, last weekend, I never got one butterfly and the only thought of concern was not to sread my legs wide when sitting.

Brina

[Tess]

Now ... if appearing crossdressed was added to this mix ... I rather suspect that the greatest human fear ... would not longer be speaking in public but going out CD in public.

The thing about public speaking, and going out, however ... is that once you overcome the hurdle and do it ... it is easier the next time. And, easier the time after that.

That's easy to say, of course, but ... as someone on this board suggests in their signature, it takes a lot of couraage to wear a dress.

I'm not sure courage is the right word. But, I do think we each have a fear, such as the fear of embarrasment, the fear of being laughed at, and so on ... that is stopping us.



Well said Susan. Once I tried public speaking I found that I quite enjoyed it. There was always a nervous rush before I started but once I was underway I loved it, probably because there is a bit of ham in me. Certainly the greater fear for me is going out dressed. I don't think I'll ever find out but perhaps if I actually did it I might like the performance aspect of the experience.

[littleme]

For me I have only begun to find out that I do indeed enjoy womans clothing and not just in a sexual manner. It recently came up between me and my ex-gf (we broke up but not because of the CD thing). She was actualy turned on by it and helped me dress up for a night in the house and it was very relaxing and exilerating!

Why do I not come out? I live in a VERY secluded state in it is very bible belt/red neck to a degree. People here are very agressive in how they react and the younger kid set in town is notorious for their violent behavior against the gay/TG/CD community. I have seen peoples house vandalized, some drunken beatings and an overall dissrespect of human rights.

the papers here publish every little thing that goes on in what they insist is not a gossip column, but a record for the people. Anyhting like a beating against a gay male for example is listed and more so with a full name. I'd rather not be the target of hate right now and would like to be back in Vegas or somewhere with a bit more of an open mind.

[avril findlay]

Yeah you just spend some time making yourself look as good as you possibly can, then you float out the door, "Hello sky!, hello trees!"
unfortunately it dosen't work like that. (Well it might do in your world, but it dosen't in mine!)
I have to pick and choose where I go when dressed.

[ashlee chiffon]

try mixing up with another cd or gal friend when you go out somewhere and try to do it in the evening....it's always easier with a companion and gives confidence...and the evening darkness helps hides the flaws, makeup issues, and other giveaways that make one feel insecure when out. After a few outings, it will get Much easier as one feels more comfortible in their dress and mannerisms. I find it worked to go out to a "dressing friendly" event where others are dressed or no one cares what you are wearing...or go to a movie!
Like others, I am pretty insecure during the daylight and its not fun to do in public...
but a blast to dress at night with a group of accepting people about!

[MJ]

it's basic fear. we all have our fears. because we just don't know what to expect. i was the same as everyone else my first trip out was terrifying but nothing happened. the same thing the next time i went out nothing over time the fear just goes away but it's that first big step. it's so much better with a friend to be there for you..

[Michl41]

Hi Michl,

Just out of curiosity, what large population area do you live in here in the Midwest. I know plenty of girls here in the Detroit area and go out and do things with them. If you were nearby, I'd get you out too.

Huggs, Renee

Renee.................I like your attitude:thumbsup:, too bad I wasn't a few hours closer:sad:....................Michelle

[Alice Torn]

Never met up with anyone yet, did go out one night last week driving, then into several stores, got read, by some cashier girls, had fun with it! Might try going to an evening movie, as it is dark early now. But, at my height, six foot nine in heels, I stick out like a beanpole. I feel for "littlemee", in South Dakota. It sounds like staying inside, and keeping the shades down, is the only safe thing to do, with so many rowdy rednecks, and violent kids. I guess the big cities are safer in certain ways.

[Willa]

I am so proud of all of you who dress and go out into the world, if I thought I could pass I would give it a try and hope that some day I will...

What I have been trying to do is show a little courage and out myself at the same time by walking around in high heel women's shoes. I have been taking small steps in this regard by taking short walks in down town areas, but I am gradually trying to put myself out there more and more. I find that people either don't notice or don't care which is a little disappointing...

[Sarah...]

I spent a weekend out and about a while ago and it was great. It was somewhere away from where I live. I wouldn't do it where I live - too scared of the adverse reaction.

Here's the thing. If I lived where I'd been out that weekend, I wouldn't have gone out. But I would have gone out where I am now. So it's irrational fear in a geographical sense.

So is it because I'm not bothered what people I don't know think? No. Because there are loads of people around here where I live who I don't know but yet I'm bothered about their potential reaction to me being out and about as Sarah.

It's mostly about protecting my family I think. I can't risk my kids being upset by others reactions or seeing my wife have to deal with my issues in public when she might not always be emotionally able to do so.

So I don't think I can just go out and do it. I have no-one around here to go with either. So I stay in. Which is almost as bad as I need to be female full time and I can't be.:sad:

In conclusion it's about the balance between being the true me and living up to my responsibilities as the "family man". The true me just loses out to the obligations I took on when I started a family. And I love my family too much to just barge ahead and do what really suits me!

Sarah...

[Jonianne]

For me the greatest fear was to be recoginized as a crossdresser. So I built up enough courage to go out expecting to be read. And you know what - most people did not even pay attention (which greatly shocked me). And the ones that did, either went on about their way or smiled. The world did not come to an end!

[Brina Halloween]

I just walked over to the tanning salon wearing forms and wedges....left the hair loose and clean shaven. Nothing happened. Fear of being recognized by people I know is probably the worst. I noticed last weekend that it became easier the second day. I was more relaxed, I did not rush my walking as much (more lady like), putting on make-up seemed easier (practice) and I found it easier to speak softly and sound more passable.

We will see what the future holds...

Brina

[Nicki B]

It would be great to get out with other girls. I live in a large population area and can't even find anyone to correspond with, let alone get together with.

Well.... Why don't you, for a start, put your location in your profile? And search the members list for other people here, from your area?


In my case, self confidence and shyness is a big issue in why i don,t really go out in daylight.
I just don,t have the confidence to do it and feel safe here in my closet, although i,d love to go out properly in daylight. :daydreaming:

Debs, if you really want to, why not go in drab first time and make some contacts - then you might find you can get someone to help you, it's much easier if you're not on your own? ;)

Sadly, work's not likely to allow me to get anywhere down your way for quite a while. :sad:

[Suzy Harrison]

it's basic fear. we all have our fears. because we just don't know what to expect. i was the same as everyone else my first trip out was terrifying but nothing happened. the same thing the next time i went out nothing over time the fear just goes away but it's that first big step. it's so much better with a friend to be there for you..



Yes "Fear is the Key" - I think they made a film with that title, but it had nothing to do with this subject !

I've been out heaps of times and have done just about everything there is do do in public as a female - and I still feel nervous !

So I can understand how someone who has never been out before, finds it really difficult to get out in public.

Of course MJ is so right when she says it's easier if you're with a friend when you're out. A great example of this was at the SCC in Atlanta. There we all are in a lift (Elevator to the US girls) - 6 TG girls - and a 'normal' guy walks in and stands in the middle of us. Guess who was feeling nervous now !:heehee:

[LA CINDY LOVE]

Way to many of us Cd's do not have the confidence that we need to go out, we feel that if we can not pass then we can not go out...but that is not true.


LA CINDY LOVE

[Sonia Greene]

Tricia---you did wonderfully well. I am convinced it's all about self-confidence.....after all, the chance of being read is the smaller part of it, not the MAIN bit! The sensations of the fresh air on one is well worth the slight courage to step out!

And the more of us there are out there more often.....we would become part of everyday life. Isn't that what we'd all like?

New Year resolution time soon......but don't wait till then.

[Nicki B]

Way to many of us Cd's do not have the confidence that we need to go out..

Confidence comes eventually, but only after you've been getting out for a while? :strugglin

[Paula UK]

Wow girls!

So - the big question - and I know many of you have difficulties - but why don't more girls come out. It would make it so much easier for others to follow. I honestly had no problems throughout the time we were doing it.

Any thoughts?

Simple - cuz (me incleded) havent got the balls - but we SHOULD have!!

good on ya babes!!

paula xx

[sherib]

I think the toughest part about coming out is, you want to look good. If your the least bit concerned about passing you just can't get up the courage.

[danygirl]

I sometimes feel guilty of what I do as my partner doesnt know. Its not something I do all the time, very rarely infact. Not sure I should come out over something thats under control.

I do find that stress builds up but once ive done it the stress is released. If its helping me in this way and I'm not doing anything wrong I dont want to upset the cart. I do feel that I'm living a lie at times but I cannot tell my partner.

[tricia_uktv]

Confidence comes eventually, but only after you've been getting out for a while? :strugglin

Yes, Nicki is exactly right. If you follow my blog you will see how I built up to this. Firstly going out in a safe place, then and slowly moving into the City, then going on the train to another City. It is also about attitude and hopefully I get that across too. We need to be so determined, so confident, almost brash to do it. But I promise it is so exhilerating and for the first time in my life I actually feel I'm expressing myself.

There are worries about passing out there but I would say that its more important to be who you wish to be and try your best. Passing is hard because we don't dress all the time and accepting that opened my life as Trish.

We can all go out there if we really want to, and I think we should all try if we can. Its so much fun I promise,

Hugs, and thanks for your replies,

[sometimes_miss]

O.K., it's really pretty simple:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=94538

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=94598

[Rachel Morley]

It's true, people don't see "that" many of us around in the mainstream so if you do get read then you are a little bit of a side show (depending on where you are and who reads you).

I used to get very scared about being read as a guy wearing women's clothes "pretending to be female" but I got used to the fear, mainly because if I did get read, not many people let me know that they read me, of if they did let me know I could tell they either weren't offended or didn't care. No one has laughed at me yet :D Is that what you think happened to you?

Anyway, I do agree that despite our biggest fears, more often than not there really is not "that much" of a problem going out in mainstream public places providing you look like you're trying and you (as best you can) present as a woman of your own age and try to blend in with the rest of the GGs around. :2c:

[renee k]

Renee.................I like your attitude:thumbsup:, too bad I wasn't a few hours closer:sad:....................Michelle

Hey Michelle, Cleburg is only a couple hours away if you drive fast!

[Teri Jean]

This past weekend I hit a low spot and decided to get out so I dressed and went over to a CD friends house(100miles away), dropped in and had a wonderful time talking and getting to know one another a little. We had only e-mailed to that point. We had a great time and it helped me. So anytime you can get out with a friend or by yourself it is a confidence booster.

I'm glad to hear you had a great time. Best of wishes and huggs. Keli