(Personal) Questions about Crossdressing

[Clara]

This is a personal post (and probably not too entertaining). I just feel tonight I need to talk to someone who can relate. So I'm opening a bottle of beer and I'm starting to talk...

Most of the time I am fine with who I am (a cd) but, as I said, tonight I need to talk...
First, it seems that most of you started (or were attracted to) dressing at pretty young age. I am 35 and the urge to dress came to me only several months ago. Before that thought didn't even cross my mind. So, are there others like me here that just suddenly became CDs when older? No signs, no 'warning'?

After about a month I realized that I really want to dress and I told my wife. (I am married and we have a small daughter). We have a very good relationship so she was understanding. She took me out and bought me a matching pair cami/panties. She let me buy a nightgown (I chose plain with only a little bow so not to scare her). She lets me sleep in it and also wear female underwear at home. So, where's the problem? I'm one of those cds for whom underdressing doesn't do it. I have the urge to dress about twice a week (at home, no desire to go out dressed). But I want to dress completely. And I'm sure she's not ready for it. And I understand. But when I fight the urge to put a skirt and a blouse on and paint my lips (I don't really use much makeup) I get crabby. And I am easily irritated. And when I am tired (and having a little kid I'm tired quite often) I say something or do something I regret a minute later.

Anyway, I feel that eventually I will have to be able to dress completely (a few times a week) in front of my wife...it's such a big part of me. But I don't know. When is she going to be ready? And will she? I don't want to lose her.

P.S. I'm really glad I've found this forum.

[immike]

Clara-Go to the thrift store&buy a short skirt&a blouse,it will be cheap,but they sell
great stuff.I have 4 skirts&a skirtsuit from there&I dress as I choose.I started with a
basic skirt&a white blouse,then added pantyhose&several pairs of shoes,2 pr of heels.
Hide a skirt&a blouse,ina bag,in the trunk of your car,or hide it in the attic,or the garage.I am very lucky,because not only do I own my house,but I live 10 minutes from
Mothers house&I have a key,to watch her animals&sometimes I go into her closet&
dress in her good wardrobe,mostly her dresses,shoes,skirts,blouses&all her good
pantsuits and skirtsuits.I just simply slide into my personal pantyhose stash,then just
start wearing random outfits of mothers.If she knew,she would be shocked,but she has never confronted me,or she's in total denial.I have the same problem you do.
Michelle

[ColleenW]

Hi Clara -

Why don't you just ask her if you can fully dress at home. It sounds, from your description, that you're very lucky because she's understanding.

I don't know what to say about when you started, for me it was at about the age of 12.

[Teri Jean]

I think she is open to you dressing so why not just ask her about dressing fully and would she help you pick out a couple outfits. Nothing ventured ......... She probably waiting for you to ask. Keli

[Sandra Dunn]

Yes, talk to her about. The worst thing to do is hide it from her. The anger you're feeling is the battle that is going on inside you. This is all new and you've probably been told that this is wrong by some one down the line. Accept yourself for who you are, a very gifted person.

I underdress all the time, I can't stand to wear those tighty whities any more. My butch clothes are very limited, I wear a lot of gender netrual womens clothing and I'm out and about quite a bit as me.

Just enjoy the moments when you can get them, there is a lot to learn and it sounds like you'll get the time.

HUGS Sandra

[Sam44]

I remember trying some discarded underwear from my mom when I was, say, about 10, and then when I was about 40 buying some bras to try on, but when at 46 I mentioned to a woman I was dating that I liked women's clothing and felt her acceptance was when I really started underdressing and later wearing skirts in public. I don't know if I would have gone down this path if I'd encountered someone who wasn't so accepting.

My best advise for almost any conceivable situation with your wife is to find a good time when you both don't have other things on your mind and talk. Describe how you feel, answer questions honestly and be yourself. If you can't be yourself you have bigger problems. (Note that being yourself isn't licence to being a jerk or being self centered, clearly moderation is called for.)

[Sheila]

hun I am a GG ... why not ask her opinion ? ... take a time where u can talk without the phone ringing little one has just gone to sleep, and explain to her how you are feeling, without talking to her ( and listening) you will never know .. just be careful the dreaded pink fog does not take over, it's a scarey time for us GG's when that happens:hugs:

[haapykat]

I am the wife of a CDer and I feel it is just fine for her to come visit me. But I do understand it can be hard. She took you shopping this is usually a sign she might be ready for more. I see Sabrina one to two nights a week and it is great for our relationship overall. So talk to her you may be over estimating how she feels about it. Just a thought

Haapykat

[Raya]

As far as coming into cross-dressing goes, you're hardly alone there. I've always had a latent curiosity about "how the other half lives", but it never blossomed into a full-on desire to dress until about a year ago (at the ripe old age of 24). :o

As far as your wife goes, TELL HER. I've read a ton of coming out stories like yours where the SO does react negatively. A common thread in them is that the SOs aren't reacting so much to the cross-dressing, as to being left in the dark about it. Your wife probably does have some reservations about your new desires. I'd say the worst thing you could do right now is to feed her anxiety by shutting down and being secretive. SOs are a lot more accepting than we give them credit for.

[Oddlee]

Clara,

Talk to her! As has been said, given your wife's acceptance up to now, your life could get more and more interesting the more open you are about cross-dressing.

Having said that, let me tell you about my own experience. You will have to judge whether my advice is worth anything more than it cost you...

I told an ex-girlfriend - a "friend with benefits," meaning we still got together occasionally and still enjoyed making love. I told her that I was a cd, and modeled for her. She was accepting, said it didn't matter to her what I wore. If anything, it made our relationship more open and we could talk easily about a wider range of subjects - she commented on that as well. I think she found it nice to have an ex-boyfriend who could also be a girlfriend, and it had little impact on our occasional physical interactions; she liked the access available when I was wearing a skirt...

So, my advice is to be open with your wife about your desires. I think it would be a mistake to hide anything, but be prepared to adjust your pace to her level of acceptance, and listen to her when she talks about what she can tolerate...

Lee

[Katy Dee]

Hi Clara,
I agree with all the above comments! Talk to her. I am a GG and my partner and I have no secrets. It can be so much fun sharing! My CD told me even before we became an item! You must be honest and open for it to work.
Good luck.Enjoy life. It is very preciousand so short!:hugs:

[suchacutie]

My wife and I came to this together after 30+ years of marriage, and it was she who suggested I "needed" a dress.

My wife and I are gf/gf. I rely on her advice and he complete knowledge about what it's like to be a woman. I really want to exist easily presenting in either gender, and since I just started from scratch, as you are, I need a lot of information, ideas, and critiques of my progress. I dress when I can, but never when she wants my male self present. After all she married the male me, so she gets to want my male self. Since she is so very helpful with my presentation en femme, and incredibly supportive, I can give up one time out of 20 times that I want to dress...at least I think so.

So, my advice is to let your wife know you need her help, and that it is a project for you to explore this part of you, and that you can't do it without her, but you also really can't do it unless you do it. Practice, practice, practice. A couple of times a week probably won't be an issue, and then see how it goes!

I hope this helps.

tina

[emmicd]

I believe for some the act of crossdressing developed later in life. I heard that some didn't start until their mid 40s or even mid 50s. I however started at the tender age of 5 and have been doing so ever since with many periods throughout my life of purging my wardrobes. I have since stopped purging my clothes. As far as your wife goes I believe honesty is best. She seems openminded now. As your daughter gets older it will be harder for you to dress at home. You should have a meaningful conversation with your wife about your feelings and let her express hers as well.

Good Luck!

emmi

xoxo

[joanne anderson]

Hi Carla:) Yes there are many of out there, that found their love of crossdressing late in life. At the age of sixty I found I had more free time to myself and became curious about C/D and started to try a few things of my wife's on. Much to my surprise I felt a the tensions I had, slipped away while dressed, I was so relaxed and tried other cloths on.
Realising I wanted more, I began my own collection of female clothing, all of which I hid away in the attic.
After five years of this Jekle and Hide carry on I final came out to my wife, who bless her, has accepted Joanne as the third member of our family.
Like Haapykat say's, she has an arrangement much like myself, in that I can be dressed on the occassional few days each week, if I wish.
We have tried to make this a get together of two girls, sometimes for a meal, or just a chat, then latter in the evening Joanne takes her leave and her husband will be back for the rest of the evening and then to bed.
So maybe you need to sit down with your wife and as others have said, explain how you feel and your need to truely take on the roll as a female by dressing fully as one.
I think as your partner has already accepted you dressing in lingerie etc, then I doubt if she would protest at your request to advance your needs.
Be bold and go for it Carla :thumbsup:

[docrobbysherry]

Many of us started dressing later in life. I was over 50. And I NEVER had even one thot of wearing ladies clothes before then.

My CDing progressed gradually, item by item. Until a point about a 5
years ago. After that, I hardly ever put just a few things on. It's
become, dress completely, or not at all.

One big difference between us. I'm divorced, so I can dress pretty much when I like. My divorce had nothing to do with CDing!

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

FWIW... I too started late (36) but I had wanted to for a long long time. It just took the right set of circumstances to come into play before I was ready to move forward.

Like everyone else here has said, COMMUNICATION with your S/O is paramount. If you dont believe us then go to the Loved Ones forum and do some heavy duty reading before you do anything else. You will see stories varying from good to downright awful, and that is for BOTH halves of the relationship. If you love your wife and want to keep your family intact, then you HAVE to go slowly, be totally HONEST and not let the pink fog take over.

OR you can go the opposite way and climb completely into the closet. I personally do not recommend that unless you simply have no other choice because then half of your existence becomes a BIG LIE if your S/O finds out accidently.

My two cents on the subject

I hope it works out and we're here for you either way ;)

Much Hugs

Zarabeth

[Christina Horton]

Clara DON'T HIDE OR LIE TO HER. I don't mean to shout (yes I did) but if you do you WILL ruin all . talk to her thats the best thing you can do hun . Like the saying goes " JUST DO IT" HUGGS :hugs::canada:

[Sheila]

just another thought hun ...... maybe your wife would like to join the site and after her initial 10 posts in the forum apply to join the GG section ....... it's not for everybody but she may like to :hugs:

[Jonianne]

.......So, my advice is to be open with your wife about your desires. I think it would be a mistake to hide anything, but be prepared to adjust your pace to her level of acceptance, and listen to her when she talks about what she can tolerate...Lee

Good advice!

[Nadia-Maria]

First, it seems that most of you started (or were attracted to) dressing at pretty young age. I am 35 and the urge to dress came to me only several months ago. Before that thought didn't even cross my mind.

Just curious. Could you tell me in which circumstances the urge to dress came to you so suddenly and unexpectedly ?

Kisses

Nadia

http://www.flickr.com/photos/nadiamaria/

[faltenrock]

my advise is to talk to her very soon, don't wait too long for that talk. Good luck

[Clara]

Thank you for your responses. I think you're right I need to talk to her. I need to know what the level of her comfort with my cding is and we have to progress forward together.

[Sandra]

Hide a skirt&a blouse,ina bag,in the trunk of your car,or hide it in the attic,or the garage.


and what bloody good will that do, apart from cause problems if found out, :Angry3:

Clara

Talk to her, be as honest as you can with her. Ask her to let you finish what you have to say, then listen to her.

I'm sure with discussion and some thought you can both enoy this.

Oh and Jess's idea about your SO joining here good idea :)

[Clara]

Just curious. Could you tell me in which circumstances the urge to dress came to you so suddenly and unexpectedly ?

I can, Nadia. I was looking at pictures of models (beautiful women wearing beautiful clothes) and I suddenly thought: 'I wish I was as attractive as they are'. It was just a thought and soon I forgot about it but now looking back I think it was the beginning. Some months later I wondered what it feels like to wear female lingerie. So, I tried it on. It didn't feel great nor bad so I didn't do it again for some time. Again, some time later I thought maybe I could try on some other clothes. So, I put on lingerie and a dress. And that felt really good. I did it only once though. Then, one night I was home alone. I was out drinking with friends. I continued drinking at home. Too much. Of course I didn't sleep well. And while half awake half asleep the 'urge' to dress arrived. After that night I started dressing regularly. (You can say I woke up a different man...or a woman :battingeyelashes:) And about a month later as you already know I told my wife.

[Raya]

Admit to her that you don't know where you're going, that's better than going at it like a bull at a gate and making her think you're demanding your own way. Take it gently, you're still very young compared with some of us here twice your age who still don't know what we're doing!

Good luck.
I couldn't agree more. As far as age goes, there's one more thing you and your wife should keep in mind as you explore this: there's no One True Way to cross-dress. Do what works for you. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. Don't get so hung up on what's "normal :heehee:" for cross-dressers. Everyone has a different story.

This'll sound weird coming from somebody with fewer posts than you, but you and your wife should stick around the site. This place has a wealth of information.

[Janie Gunn]

I started late. Probably about 15 years ago, at round about 30 yrs old, trying on my mothers stockings, bra, and then a bit more. Since I put her in a nursing home her room was never cleaned out properly, and in more recent times I've more frequently had the urge to put on lipstick and makeup and the rest. Sometimes if I'm not sleeping well at night and are bored in bed, I get the urge then, and it was this more frequent dressing that made me think about it in this way that I now do.

Janie

[sandra-leigh]

Just curious. Could you tell me in which circumstances the urge to dress came to you so suddenly and unexpectedly ?


Me... I was 44, and I had bought some clothes for my wife that I wanted her to wear and she wouldn't, so one day I tried them on myself to see what they would look like, and I had the sudden thought, "If she won't wear these, then I will!" -- not those particular garments (they were a bit small for me), but rather that if I saw some nice women's clothes that I could buy them and wear them myself, in public. Yup, from nothing to public crossdresser in about 3 seconds flat :o

To be honest, there were behaviours before that, that had probably been leading me to that point for a few years, but they were ambiguous and one would have to get into unanswerable questions about subconscious motivations.

I first discovered that I liked to shop for women's clothes (and that I was good at it) in about 1993, when an ex-GF in another country asked me to bring her some clothes when I went to visit her, and I picked out some nice things. But that wasn't clothes for me... and no, I really don't remember now for sure whether I tried them on to see how they looked (I might plausibly have, to double-check that they hung okay and so on, to catch any obvious problems before it was too late.) (Yeah, I do know how much that makes it sound like I was "really" a cross-dresser even back then. But if I was, I didn't know it.)

[Chrissy8888]

Clara,

This is just my experience so what I say may or may not play into your particular situation.

Cross dressing is a journey. I started early in life. For me it was the old Playtex 18-hour bra commercials that made me wonder what wearing a bra would be like. So I did and I liked it. Pretty soon it progressed to panties, bras, slips, and panty hose. I tried a dress on a time or two. I started to question how much further I wanted to go, but that is a whole different subject. I did that until I moved out of my parent’s home. Then I was stuck without money or clothing for several years but the urge was still there. Back then it was more of a fetish. When I was finely able to purchase my own clothing it was just nightgowns. I got scared and purged that pretty quickly. Then just a few months later I figured out that this is part of who I am and these feelings went away. Now I just wear what I want. The point to this is that you will need time to digest everything that has happened over the past couple of years.

You do need to keep an open line of communications with your wife. I would figure out a way to figure out how to ask her how she feels when you are dressed. She may be totally fine with it and it doesn’t bother her. She may also feel awkward when you are dressed. In which case you need to be open about how you feel and yet accept her boundaries. She may also say that she loves you but needs time to get use to all of this. Your wife may tell you that she doesn’t want your child to see you dressed, but she doesn’t care if you do. All of these things will play out in time. Be patient but enjoy the whole process as it unfolds. There will be ups and downs. I never got down on myself for the downs and learned from the ups. It for me has been a great process. So much so that this year I actually went to JC Penney and bought some actually clothing for me. I just made sure I was truly ready for the experience.

I hope you find peace and happiness but enjoy yourself too.

Chrissy

[Deidra Cowen]

Most girls do seem to start early...but there are a number of us late starters out there. I first dressed less than 4 years ago well into my forties. (personally growing up before the internet I honestly just had no clue that CDing was even possible!!!)

Just be truthful with your wife...I do see a good number of girls here in Atlanta that have wives that let them dress...a few even go out clubbing with their wife...or to functions like the Tri Ess. But from what you wrote I am just guessing that your wife is very understanding and in fact likes your dressing. She seemed to go along with those undergarments rather quickly!

Just keep communicating with her, if you can help it don't sneak around since she already knows you are dressing. Maybe don't do full makeup right away in front of her, but ask if you can dress totally up one weekend day when she is going to go out or something.

But again, its hard to go by just a few sentences that you wrote...accept advise from boards with a grain of salt...but I do have a hunch she likes your dressing.

Good luck

[Clara]

Again, thank you all for you responses. I read them several times and I also thought about those few times we talked about my dressing with my wife, what she said and how she reacted to seeing me partially dressed... I think I understand her now. I think she doesn't mind my dressing (she even used the word cute when I 'modeled' for her the panties/cami she bought for me). But I think she's afraid where this could lead. She wouldn't want me to turn into a full time cd. I know she wants her 'man' too. But I think she won't mind if I dress fully once/twice a week as long as she has her man too. So, yes, I hope this weekend we find some quiet time to talk. And I promise, I won't be pushy.