Bad news...

[Andrea85]

Well,my fiance and I finally had an in depth discussion on me transitioning. It didn't go to well to say the least. Well, she and I talked about it for a couple hours the other night, discussing everything I know about it, and talking about timelines ans stuff. It didn't seem like it went bad that night, but the next day was different. She texted me the next day while she was working and basically said that she couldn't be with me if I became a woman.:cry: We've been together two years in 5 days, and had several talks about this subject. She never said anything bad about it before now so I thought everything was cool with it. I was wrong unfortunately. I've felt like I've need to do this since I figured out the differences between genders(5 or 6 years old). I just don't know what to do. She's everything to me, but if I don't, I'm afraid I might regret not going through with it. It's just so stressing since we're both in a horrible situation financially. I really don't know why I'm posting this since it's something that only I can figure out. I guess I am just to maybe hear some comforting words or advice from someone that's gone through something like this. I don't know...

[Jessicaparkson]

I'm actually in the same situation. My fiance of 2 and a half years was fairly fine when I told her that I had made up my mine and she continued to say she was until last week. I don't know I guess something in her head snapped...anyways she is going to make me choose between her or myself. Although it may not mean a whole lot coming from me I feel for you hun.

Hugs to you

[Andrea85]

:hugs: Thanks. I wish you luck on your situation. Keep me informed on how it goes, and I'll do the same.

Andrea

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Andrea

I'm sorry this is happening to you, but you're right, only you can decide what step to take.:hugs:

Karen Starlene :star:

[melissaK]

Don't feel bad about posting. Taking the time to organize your thoughts and feelings and lay them down in a post is therapuetic; part of the process of deciding what step you believe you should take.

My wife has made the same statement - no intimate relationship after a transistion or full time living. And the fear of losing such a relationship is the same fear pretty much everyone has with a divorce. Can I find someone else? Am I worthy of some one elses' love? Can I make it living alone? Who will I talk to? Can I put that much work into a relationship again? etc. Serious concerns for most of us even without TS issues. When you throw in the TS issues, I have a professional career on the line too.

I don't find fault in my wifes position, and it doesn't sound like you fault your girlfriend. Though her delivering the message via text is perhaps too passive - but she is making sure her position is in black and white.

Given your economic position, sounds like you may have to keep the status quo for awhile. This leaves you in a relationship where your girlfriend may feel very insecure and may start to withdraw. At these times it's tempting to make reassuring promises to ker like "I'll never transistion; I'm just a cross dresser." And maybe you can go that road and mean it, only you know.

I have chosen the "I can do this without transitioning" path, and for me, the path has gotten harder and harder to travel. In recent years I have combated the uncontrollable desires to transition with mtf hormones and they help. But the side effects of breast development make this a stop gap measure until I am back to where I was - battling the desire vs following through with the desire. At some point I suppose, the internal desires will make me so miserable I won't care about the consequences of transistioning. We each get to decide where our tipping point is for happiness vs misery.

Hugs,
'lissa

[RavenAndrea]

I can sympathize with your dilemma Andrea. When I came out to my wife of 27 years about my wish to transition, She demanded a divorce. She did not want to be married to another woman. That was eight years ago.

the older Andrea

[Sharon]

My heart goes out to all of you who face this dilemma. :hugs:

I didn't have a wife or partner to consider when I finally decided to live my life as it was meant to be lived. I did, however, have children and other close family members whose possible reactions weighed heavily on my mind and delayed my going forth with this until I had no other choice.

There is no way I could or would make a recommendation as to what to do in your situations. Only you can do that after much soul searching and, perhaps, having a qualified therapist to help you find your way.

Good luck to you all and I wish you the strength to be honest with yourselves, no matter what you ultimately decide to do.

[Linda Z]

maybe try finding a balance for both of you to live with?
It is hard, but if this person is important to you, and she has lived with you this long, then maybe there is some thing to work towards.
She might be the balance you need.:2c:
Balance in all things, money and life!
good luck!

Linda Z

[janelle]

Hay dear I'm in some what the same boat. Been married 30 years & she tells me if I get the surgery its over. I ask if she can live with it to that piont why then. She has no answer but I can only guess. Keep you head up dear & be true to yourself cause if you don't who knows what kind of damage you will do to yourself.

Hugs sweetie,
Janelle

[MJ]

i am sorry to hear this. but i was just like you. this is something you must sort out yourself. life n love is a hard thing all the best