Help!

[Paula UK]

Hi ladies. Im currently in the middle of a persoanal chrisis - I dont think chrisis is too strong a word to use. My wife knows fully supports, accepts and even encourages Paula but recently I find myself wanting more. Dont get me wrong I love her and respect her too much to ever do anything about. Although she accepts etc etc etc i dont think she understands totally how much Paula is part of me, she has an idea, but she doesnt fully appreciate quite how much (and why should she?!)

I am incresingly finding myself drawn to the idea of wanting a relationship with another T-Girl. Ive always regarded myself as totally Hetro but im beginning to question this, may be I am Bisexual - gawd, thats the first time ive ever said that out loud!

The thought of going with another guy is not something i could even consider however i find "T-girls" very very attractive and increasingly sexually attractive, im realy struggling to cope with this newly accepted facet to my own make up/personality and i realy dont know what to do - if anything!

Theres no way i could ever throw this at my wife, shes been brilliant in supporting Paula upto now and i know she suspects my attraction to other t-girls but i could never expect her to accept that i have a real life desire to test that route.

Part of me simply wants to try and ignore this part of personality but another part of me thinks that would be futile. If its who/what i am then will i do more harm to my relationship if i try to suppress it?
Confused and at a bit of a low!

Paula x

[StephanieT]

Blunt and to the point. You are married. If you want to stay married, don't cheat on your wife. How would you like it if she cheated on you?

[Paula UK]

Blunt and to the point. You are married. If you want to stay married, don't cheat on your wife. How would you like it if she cheated on you?

Ouch! Stepahnie - I think ive worded my thread badly. I cant agree with you more! What im trying to say is how do i cope with the self denial which is what im going to have to do

[StephanieT]

I think we all have fantasies of what we would like to do or try. I know I do. I just have to keep the perspective that some fantasies I can try and they will not do harm to me or my relationships. Others just have to remain fantasies. It is part of the sacrifice we make to keep our lives intact.

[chrissie-h]

I know where you're coming from, I've often felt the same. I have to say that I'm really envious that your wife is so accepting! How long have these feelings being going on? Crossdressing is a real buzz. But over time that goes away. Just a thought maybe to ask youself ... could you be looking for that 'buzz' again in these new Bisexual feelings?

[ggtracy]

Yikes! this may be every supportive GG's greatest fear.

[Paula UK]

I know where you're coming from, I've often felt the same. I have to say that I'm really envious that your wife is so accepting! How long have these feelings being going on? Crossdressing is a real buzz. But over time that goes away. Just a thought maybe to ask youself ... could you be looking for that 'buzz' again in these new Bisexual feelings?

hi chrissie

i suppose for about 2 years but only in a strong way over the last or 6 months coming to a very high point this last few weeks. My wife is fantastic and theres no way i could ever do anything to hurt her i love her too much for that.

I dont know if its a "buzz" im looking for, may be it is. It would be great if that were the case cuz that will pass. its still very hard to deal with now though.

maybe i should just go and stick my head in a bucket of sand.

xx

[Ze xx]

I think the bucket of sand sounds like a good option.

You have an accepting wife, yet that isn't enough?? That makes me sad for her.

[Deanna2]

Often when we start something it is not easy to say where it will lead us. In the beginning it might have been fun to wear a pair of panties and to 'progress' up the scale from there. Some folks wear femme gear because they like it. Others wear it because they want to be women.

Attitudes depend on how we feel. I wear a skirt because I like to wear skirt. End of story. For those who feel that they would like to be woman and have that desire may have other desires that project their assumed sexuality. I don't know, it is all very complicated.

[Nancy (PA)]

I know exactly where you're coming from; I have these feelings myself, only I don't have a suportive spouse. I believe that it's like climbing a ladder...our first step was to recognize that we were cd, and to act thereon. The next step could have been shopping for our wardrobes, and really not caring if the SA's knew or not who it was for. Then came the need to share our siuations with others, and then comes the biggie, wanting to have sex as a woman. My SO is willing to act as the male and use the equipment that makes me feel like I'm being taken by a man, but there's no doubt that the last frontier is to actually have that real experience. Whether we venture out that far is really a giant leap, and to be carefully calculated.

[2hairy]

i too have been getting those kind of urges although im not sure if my hairy body is a turn off. can u advise

[crystal99]

Your not the only one that has had these feelings and im sure not the last of us that will.

The way i see it is that we are both sides of quite a liberal coin, most of us are hetro but we have a very strong femme side which needs to show (sometimes more than others) but we're all still trying to place ourselves:

we are attracted to women, but we like to dress as one and strive to look pretty and attractive (this is where it can get a bit blurred) we look and go, im lookin pretty hot tonight, who will be attracted to me? i dont want it to be a guy coz im not that way inclined so id like it to be a woman, but im attractive to myself and im not a woman (genetically) so i must be attracted to someone like me, who is both sides of this liberal coin thingy.

but (and sorry to continue the bluntness xx) its probably just a fantasy, as we all have fantasies, and when realized its probably nowhere near what you have at home.

Could you look at your partner if you went through with it? if not dont do it, if you could then you need to be honest with her but see previous point.

Remember the last time you were out/in with your partner, that look across a room of mutual understanding at a point/joke/comment etc thats just been made, that song that makes you both look at each other and you get the same expression right back at you. Bonds can never be unbroken

Sorry to be cheesy but im a soppy girl sometimes.

xxx

[chrissie-h]

Nancy ... sounds to me like your wife is being very supportive!

I couldn't agree more Crystal ... well put!

[crystal99]

OMG i think that may have been my coming of age rant

xx

[Paula UK]

I know exactly where you're coming from; I have these feelings myself, only I don't have a suportive spouse. I believe that it's like climbing a ladder...our first step was to recognize that we were cd, and to act thereon. The next step could have been shopping for our wardrobes, and really not caring if the SA's knew or not who it was for. Then came the need to share our siuations with others, and then comes the biggie, wanting to have sex as a woman. My SO is willing to act as the male and use the equipment that makes me feel like I'm being taken by a man, but there's no doubt that the last frontier is to actually have that real experience. Whether we venture out that far is really a giant leap, and to be carefully calculated.

I can certainly relate to what youre saying Nancy. Im lucky enough to have experienced, on many occassions sex as a women with my wife. Full makeup, wig etc etc and taken like a women. may be i just want to experience the real thing (not that i believe i ever could). sex as a women, is fantastic, for me its the "real" thing. (Sorry if that sounds crude to some of you)

xx

Crystal - i thank you. i think you may have a point babes!

[lynn1969]

Blunt and to the point. You are married. If you want to stay married, don't cheat on your wife. How would you like it if she cheated on you?


Yikes! this may be every supportive GG's greatest fear.


I think the bucket of sand sounds like a good option.

You have an accepting wife, yet that isn't enough?? That makes me sad for her.

:yt:

[Nancy (PA)]

I should have clarified the situation of reverse sex with the wife; she doesn't want to see me dressed, so that has not been part of it, but I have started off with panties and a nightgown (as far as she'll go right now).

[carolinoakland]

Yep, pretty much anything you do with out her, wether in real time or on the web is infidelity in my book. And she sounds super, I would say to you that like all the things we worry about are mostly in our heads. I think that if you sit down and do the one most critical thing needed for a successful relationship. Communicate. How will you know if you don't, and how will she either? Start there, I'm sure you will be surprised. Carol

[Brandiwvr]

please be carefull, a person is a person, and when we make promises to a loved one. we have to remember who all will be hurt.
whe4n i was single and going to shows, I WAS THE BIGGEST FLIRT YOU EVER SAW, but when i thought about it I saw that wasnt what i really wanted. and grabing someones a-- and pinching it to me isnt cheating but that would be the border. I am fortunate to have relationships dressed and not with both genders and am glad for my close relatoinship with my gg-gf. i never have nor wish to have sexual relations with the same gender but might someday?

sorry for typing mistakesw, have aqcrilics on "first time'. as my hairdresser finally talked me into it. cant or wont take them of.

[Violet]

Is there any reason it has to be all or nothing? Couldn't you indulge this new found attraction by fantasizing while you are with your wife (or, ahem, yourself)?

I guess I'm not understanding how one could skip over this step. I mean, I find myself ever more attracted to Colin Firth, but that doesn't mean I'm going to seek him out and cheat on my SO with him. Even if presented with the opportunity to do so, I wouldn't. I have other things that are great in fantasy but would come way, way too close to breaking the commitment I have for my SO if acted upon. So they remain fantasy.

[ReineD]

Part of me simply wants to try and ignore this part of personality but another part of me thinks that would be futile. If its who/what i am then will i do more harm to my relationship if i try to suppress it?


What im trying to say is how do i cope with the self denial which is what im going to have to do

I think I understand your feelings. And I admire you for seeking support rather than arbitrarily deciding to go ahead and act out on them since you know this is not something your wife could support. Hope you don't mind hearing a GGs point of view.

The challenge is to find a way to get past your desires without harming your relationship, since you feel you are suppressing a part of your emerging personality. Would it help to think of it as a potential affair, regardless of gender. Is it possible to remove the notion of gender entirely?

For example, how would you deal with your feelings if they came up over a sexy new GG at work? Or how would you want your wife to deal with an growing desire to be with another woman or a man? I'm sure you've thought of the impact on your relationship should either of you act out your fantasies. And I'm sure you've weighed the benefits of not abusing the trust in your relationship over the potential harm of being with someone else. The advice I most often hear given when a partner thinks about going outside the marriage is to talk honestly with the spouse and perhaps seek counseling.

In other words, maybe it is not about wanting to experience sex as a woman so much as an indication there is something lacking between you and your wife?

Just a thought.
:hugs:

[Ruth]

Fantasy has been mentioned a few times and fantasies are OK. "Regular" men fantasise about infidelities with film stars etc. so there is no harm in you fantasising about a girl-on-girl relationship - as long as you accept that it's going to remain a fantasy.

[kittypw GG]

I think the bucket of sand sounds like a good option.

You have an accepting wife, yet that isn't enough?? That makes me sad for her.

I agree Ze. The lament is that cd's want supporting wives yet when they have one they can't be happy. It always has to be something more and more. I think I agree with whoever said that Paula is trying to catch that "buzz". Sadly crossdressing, for some is like an addiction. One has to keep upping the ante to catch the "buzz".

I have seen this situation many times. Paula you will ruin your relationship then cry over and over again because you lost something special for a quick high.

I think you need counseling before you really goof up your life.
:hugs:
Kitty

[DemonicDaughter]

We all have fantasies but more often than not, reality is NOTHING like we thought it would be.

Ultimately you would be sacrifices a loving relationship on the HOPES of that fantasy being better than your current reality.

Sex is one thing, love, real love where someone accepts you for who you are, is something altogether different.

Why not bring that fantasy to your wife? Why not express you want to have sex in the manner you are referencing and actually see if she's willing to play the male role? Why even entertain the idea of losing something you may never find again over a fantasy?

[haapykat]

As a supportive wife I can tell you that would be the end for me because it is just like cheating. That being said I look at t eh pics with Sabrina and talk over which tgirls she thinks are hot and why? Part of being supportive is understanding this may come up. She/he stays home with me and I "feed his fantasy" Seems to work for us but be very careful I agree with other GG's you cross that line you might lose everything. Fantasy is good reality cause far more problems.:2c:

[Paula UK]

Thanks to everyone for your honest comments, especially the GG's, I was hoping you may comment on this.

i think i can see things more clearly now. youve all certainly put things into perspective for me.

thx girls

paula xx

[Sheila]

Paula, glad we could be of help, and dang it is nice that you have taken to heart some of our GG comments :hugs:

[Paula UK]

Paula, glad we could be of help, and dang it is nice that you have taken to heart some of our GG comments :hugs:

hi jess its the gg's posts i was particulalry interested in reading. on a matter like this i wanted to hear the GG's perspective. We tranny folk can be very very selfish, not deliberately so, but when we reflect i think we all know that we are being very selfish. especially if we have a SO, accepting or not.

im gratefull for the GG's here, i think youve realigned things for me and now things are more in perspective. im notr saying it will be easy to suppress these urges but im sure i can. my wife is more important to me than a roll in the sack. heh! i may not even enjoy it!

thanks to everyone

paula xxxxxxxx

[ReineD]

heh! i may not even enjoy it!

Well, there is that too! :heehee:

[abundantly_me]

Here I am late with my 2 cents worth, but yet still need to get it out of me. So here's my rant ~



Im lucky enough to have experienced, on many occassions sex as a women with my wife. Full makeup, wig etc etc and taken like a women. may be i just want to experience the real thing (not that i believe i ever could). sex as a women, is fantastic, for me its the "real" thing. (Sorry if that sounds crude to some of you)

xx



Paula, you are a man dressed as a woman, who had sex with a woman using male props. Where in the hell is that the "real" thing?

what you also had was a woman who loved her man so much that regardless of how dressed she wanted to be able to please him. that's the bottom line, that's the real thing.

Because you fantasize to be a woman, do you think that your wife therefore fantasizes to be a man???????

Good Lord, are you living in a dream world? Well let me pop that bubble for you sweetie.

[Paula UK]

Here I am late with my 2 cents worth, but yet still need to get it out of me. So here's my rant ~




Paula, you are a man dressed as a woman, who had sex with a woman using male props. Where in the hell is that the "real" thing?

what you also had was a woman who loved her man so much that regardless of how dressed she wanted to be able to please him. that's the bottom line, that's the real thing.

Because you fantasize to be a woman, do you think that your wife therefore fantasizes to be a man???????

Good Lord, are you living in a dream world? Well let me pop that bubble for you sweetie.

Hmm - before i start with my answer to you, i ask you a question - do you take the stance of an "accepting wife" or a "tollerant wife" or a "wife that doesnt want anything to do with it"??!!

You clearly havent read the entire thread deary!!!!!!!! And with that in mind ill discount your comments, although i do understand your point. but if youd read everything youd have already realised that!

.................................................. ..............................

I dont want to "sour" what my wife has given me, shes unbelievable (weve been shopping for ME again today!) shes fantastic. i was only ever asking how i deal with these thoughts!

Anyway - moving on. we had a chat tonight, and as always shes been fantastic! she clearly would rather i didnt go down this path but she says its not the end of the world if i realy felt i needed too. She says it would simply be something we'd have to work with.

to fill you in entirely, we''ve been swingers in the past. not now, but in the past. She is actually bisexual, she has said on many ocassions that Paula is her "girlfriend" - she meant it!. may be all that puts a different perspective on things, and our relationship, for some of you. we're both very liberally mided regards sex . sex is something that is simply enjoyed, its not the be all and end all regards the scencerity of a relationship!!

im not going to go against her wishes, i could NEVER contemplate hurting her and i never will (she is my life!) shes a wonderfull person , as all our wives and gf's are!

with the help of you all here, especially the GG's, ive been able to put my feelings into a box. the box they should be in! - the ignored box!

im gratefull to you all for making me realize what i stood to lose. i stood to lose everything! ,my wife, to me, is everything. shes a wonderfull person, a person that many people here would dream to have - i am gratefull to her!!!!

Thanks to you all - i will never CHEAT on her!!

paula xxxxxx

[jina]

I would have to start about 3 threads to fully cover my thoughts on this subject. Here's a few things:

An "involved and wound up" *bi*-gg is a lot of our ultimate scenarios in the CD/TG community. I would definitely stop while you are ahead my friend :) . Seriously :)

There is something I think should be considered. It seems to me that the risk that M2F's take, being in a relationship with a bi-gg is that she could just up and decide at any time... I want the *real* thing (a gg). That is who *I* really am. This would hurt enormously... most of us M2F's want to measure up to gg's on some level (imagine being told by the most intimate person in your life that you're close,.. but nah.. I want more). That event would be deeply hurtful in a committed relationship from my point of view.

In fact,.. really I think CD/TG's are vulnerable either way because with a hetero F there is always the risk of them wanting more M passion into their intimate life. If they are bi or les... then what I said above applies. So tread carefully.

You said you were swingers at one point,... so maybe you wouldn't be hurt if any of this happened to you. I don't know. What I'm trying to say is it seems to me you are equally vulnerable here... and that should weigh into your thoughts and give pause. What if she were saying "anything you want dear" just to make something she wants easier for her. It's a can of worms imo. Maybe you are ultra confident in this regard... but then I would ask why... and wouldn't that be a double standard?

To the gg's out there,.. I know this type thing is your biggest vulnerability in all of this (and I applaud you for taking the risk). If my wife read this thread I think she would be very uncomfortable with the premise (because this vulnerability crosses her mind from time to time I know).

Again,... you've got it made. Take up knitting or something :)

[suzy]

Paula,

Get a grip girl! Fantasies are things that float around in your head and don't always come out, nor should they. You have a supportive loving wife so why would you even think of doing anything to ruin that relationship? How dare you even consider that!:eek:

Do you know how many of us wished that our SO's/wives were supportive? Your wife has gone all out for you and you apparently don't appreciate it. :sad:

If you are going to fulfill your fantasy, may I recommend getting divorced first? If your not willing to get a divorce then continue with your fantasy or not but DO NOT act upon it.:Angry3:

On the flip side, thanks for coming to the forum for guidance. It is admirable that you would seek our opinions to assist you!:hugs:

The best to you in whatever you deside.:love:

[silkysabrina]

Hi Paula... I found your post most interesting, and I think I understand some of what your feeling. I will try to answer your question as if it was me, and see if you can relate, if so good, else I missed the mark for you.... So here goes. I to love to dress, and I love everything female, and I mean everything! I love women, women's clothes, smells etc. I also love to feel like a women, at least as close as I can come. But I too also get the feeling that some T-girls are hot, and feel like I wouldn't mind playing with them. Let me say right now, I am defiantly NOT gay... I have no interest in a man, but deep down sometimes I imagine from a woman's point of view, after all I am trying to experience life as a woman at least some of the time. But when I actually think about it, what really is turning me on about another T-girl is not the physical, but the fluffy, sexy clothes. Its actually my maleness coming out. As a man I am a sucker for sexy lingerie, tight dresses, high heels etc. and so often its hard to find a "woman" who actually dresses like that, so when I see a CD/T-girl dressed up, my mind sort of gets confused with reality. But the really good news is when I get like that my wife is more than willing to fluff up and give me what my outrageous male side wants. Just as when my wife needs a "girlfriend" I dress up for her and we share some wonderful "girl" time together.

As far as cheating goes... Your on your own with that one. If your wife means anything at all to you, I would run not walk to the nearest exit that leads home. Once you cheat you can never really go back to that private intimate place called marriage.

Best Regards,

Cheers,

Sabrina

[abundantly_me]

Hmm - before i start with my answer to you, i ask you a question - do you take the stance of an "accepting wife" or a "tollerant wife" or a "wife that doesnt want anything to do with it"??!!



Paula,

I'm not a wife, just a girl friend, the SO in the relationship.

You ask a good question thou what am I, how do I perceive me?

I do have a hard time dealing with the cross-dressing, If he was to to come to bed as you did with the full getup, it would be a OMG moment for me. A total complete turn off.

I certainly don't want to deny him any of his needs, or feelings. I think I'm tolerant to a degree, accepting to a degree but yet prefer not to be Immersed in his cross-dressing. What he does when I'm not there, or when he needs to be with his 'cd' friends is ok by me. But to have him totally en-femme with me, no.

trust me this is very difficult for me, but I know that my 'needs' /'turn ons' are about men, for men. I simply enjoy men, and for a life partner, i desire that person to be a man.

He states he doesn't wish to ever become a female, that he just likes the dressing. Yet the more I get to know him, I encounter more and more doubt within my mind. I often wish it were just the simpler form, where it was just about putting female clothes on. The fake stuff like wigs and breast forms ~ ick, long finger nails ~ ick, wanting to play with him only to find him 'tucked' ~ double ick. These things when seen on him,(in person) can make my libido come to a complete halt.

to have a relationship with a crossdresser it's about the boundaries you set for each other in the relationship, I did read through your complete thread before I responded, only i got the sense that you didn't realize the full value of the partner you have in your life, I saw it that you had a woman in your life that was willing to go the extra distance to forefill your fantasies yet you seemed to want to push it further.

In my relationship, I have told him, that I may never reach that level of acceptance where I want him as a 'girl friend', where it's about shopping and grooming each other. But then again I don't even do that kind of stuff with my gg girl friends. It's about confiding in each other, being there for each other that to me is more what a friend is about. That I have with him too.

[charlie]

Hello Paula!
You have an accepting, loving wife...that is something that most of us here do not have! I know about the strong feeling to be loved as a woman. The problem is that the wanting and the doing are far different. The fantasy of being penetrated is just going to be shattered unless you are truly gay. When the wig, silicone boobs, nylons dress, and tuck all come off it is going to be you and another man lying there. The fantasy will not be as pleasant as you think in your mind. Perhaps the best thing for you to do is try it. You may really like it and think being with men is the greatest thing you have ever done. It may be a life changing moment for you. My guess is that you will come running home to your wife feeling sad, degraded and ashamed of yourself.