okay girls a GG question for you

[haapykat]

How do we as supportive SO's go about making you feel more comfortable? I try to do what Sabrina wants but sometimes feel I am pushing way to hard. So a little help here what is it we can do to help you be more comfortable and show you our love and support?

[Christina Horton]

frist off I am not sure , Are you the GG or the CD

[marykrissmithcd]

Not alot of info to work with. Based on the little info, I would say continue to be supportive but let her drive the boat in the direction she wants to go. Be there to help and make recommendations. Always talk talk and talk. Ask her what you should do to help her and what doesn't she want help with. Marianne

[haapykat]

I am the GG. I am the wife of the CD her name is Sabrina

[Christina Horton]

ok better. Now the best way to support you So. Tell her that you love her as your SO and tell her if you have any RULES about going out in Public. There sould be no lies. Go shopping help her with her makeup, Tell her how to pass better be A girl friend to her. Most of all tell you trust her (should she go out alone or with friends EN-FEM) and that you know she wll do the right thing. Just be truthfull with each other.thats key. OK that my :2c::hugs::canada:

[Dana]

I beleive that the answer to your question would be in first establishing the base line. And this has been something very hard for me, myself and I to come to terms with.

I've taken then the GOTI test (did I get the spelling right?) the on-line test to see if you're a transexual or not. I took it more than once, and tried to be very honest in my honest in my answers to myself

The end result? I'm androygious, in that my personality and being incorporates triaits and interests of both genders, and that's very true of my actual personslity.

Sexually? I'm all about GG's? But I would have to admitt that I have fantasies about being girly with a guy. But that's all that is FANTASY, and it feeds off my want, need, and desire to be girly.

Fantasy never matches up to reality

Would I ever act on it? Hell no, not because I'm homophobic, I'm just not into guys! Just do not have any mental, intellectuall, emotional attachment to them!

In an Idea world? I think I would like to be a "Hubbit" where I was the wife and played the lesser~submissive role to the 'wife"

[Delila]

I would say that the best way to go is to be honest and open about your feelings good and bad at all times. The hardest part for those of us that are open to our SOs or at least for me is the constant wondering whether your wife is really supportive or just pretenting.

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Hi Haapykat....

First of all what's your take or interest in the CDing other than she's your SO and your supportive? Is there any aspect that you enjoy in her dressing????

If so take that element and work on it together....you might enjoy her dressing in a certain style or simply enjoy going out together to shop for female attire...whatever aspect of it that you enjoy see if that's a common elelment there and work on that and go forth and see what elese comes along that you all can do togetherand let it grow from there...

Most of all communicate with each other...be open and honest....if there is something that your not happy with express it and do keep it under the scope and let it boil there until it comes out some day when your upset about something else....

[AliciaWeb]

Hi Haapycat.

Try to be relaxed about your situation, Sabrina is probably just as nervous as you are about it. As the other girls have said talk it through, your preferences, her preferences, likes and dislikes. Keep the dialogue open, attitudes and situations change so the only thing that should be for ever is your relationship.

Good luck, and make sure you both enjoy it all.

Alicia

[sometimes_miss]

I think the best thing to help an SO feel good about themselves is to preen them while they are 'dressed'. Let them know that you want them to be pretty, you want them to feel good about themselves. Fix our hair, help us with or fix our make up when we have it on, touch us lovingly while we are dressed. Walk up behind us when we are sitting somewhere, gently caress us the way you like done to you. If our bra strap looks crooked to you and we don't notice it, straighten it for us. Basically, GG's, treat us the way you want us to treat you. You like to feel beautiful, pretty, attractive, sexually desirable, so do we. You like it when we go out of our way to try to buy you something nice to wear, so do we. Be a girlfriend and a girl friend. We're not really all that different.

[Sheila]

Happy cat from a GG who has been where you are now, talk to Sabrina ... seriously, unless they comfortable with our level of participation, we can push then out of their comfort zones .... I did that, way back at the beginning, "HE yes HE" could not understand my not running screaming out the door shouting weirdo all the way down the street ............ he, (yes the he again) needed time to get his head round the fact that I didn't, and it caused us a load of problems, because I could not understand why he was not jumping up and down with joy at having an accepting SO, and he could not understand my general acceptance

Sometimes having an accepting SO is as scarey to them, as discovering their CDing desires are to some SO's :doh:, I know it sounds crazy but trust me it happens more than you think

[sissystephanie]

All the posts offer good advice. Christina W probably has the most cogent advice in the shortest form. Hope I didn't offend ony of you other ladies with that statement.

As a long time CD (over 60 years) and having been happily married for 49 + of those years, let me tell you how my dear late wife responded. I told her about my CD activities before we were married, so there would be no surprises. Her immmdiate response to my declaration was, "do you go out in publis dressed as a girl?" When I told her "no," she asked why. I told her I was not good with makeup or my wig. She said, "if you are going to dress like a girl, you need to look like one, and I can help." We wore matching white silk lingerie to our wedding and on our wedding night. Not that it stayed on very long!

Over the next 49+ years we became not just husband and wife, but also best girl friends. Our children never knew about Stephanie, but she was always around somewhere. When we could, my wife and I went out as two girls. She made the point early on that I must always remember that even if I was wearing panties, I was still her husband! That wasn't hard for me. I did fantasize about being with a man, as others have stated, but it was never more than a fantasy. I was a one woman man and was totally devastated when I lost her to cancer in 2005.:sad: I have a found another darling lady for whom I have the same feelings. Unfortunately she is married and I respect the marriage vows so can only have her in my dreams. She also does know about Stephanie and is as supportive as she can be.

So, in summation, if you truly love your SO, be as supportive as you can be. Let him know how you feel, while reminding him that he is "your" man!! Even if he is wearing a dress, bra and panties!

Stephanie

Lady on the outside, but man underneath!

[hskrchic]

As with any relationship open honest communication is key. Just reassure Sabrina that you accept and love her for who she is. My bf is a CD...at first he was nervous that he was taking the "dressing" to far but I reminded him often that if there was ever anything I didn't like I would be open/honest with him about it. So don't ever hide your true feelings...

[Sophia de la luz]

What I enjoy most in terms of support is mellow, normal behavior. I like sincere compliments and a recognition that it's only clothing.
My concern is that my SO is not totally honest with herself, but time will play that out.
I have an awareness of her boundaries and I have an awareness of my need to explore self expression. Both are important.

Again, the crux is that it's only clothing. And getting love and safety messages during authentic self expression... isn't that one of the greatest joys of life... and what family is all about?

[Joann0830]

I can only say to you what My wife and I discussed and that was a constant means of communication, I told her if there was anything that she did not like or what bothers her to tell me as she was a Very Wonderful and Understanding Lady. The only thing she ever told me to never kiss her with makeup on. We laughed and I agreed. Communication is the basis of any realtionship and your S.O. should be your best friend first and that means no secrets, on either side tell your S.O. what you really feel in side as mine explained to me it was having me be a CDM, I was more understanding to female wants and what they go through and my undersatnding was appreciated as much as she appreciated me as Joann or Josefina as she called me. Your S.O. surely appreciates you and Loves you as you do Her/Him. I wrote a Thesis on what is male and what is female as far as clothing and after the class I was truly amazed at how many females came up to me and said they never looked at it the way I had explained it. We are who we are underneath all the fancy and beautiful clothes that we wear but it is nothing but an expression of feeling pretty and nice and in no way it should ever change who we are to whom we are with. That with the Love,understanding and definite communication is what its all about to make a romance work. Joann0:battingeyelashes::heehee::love::2c::hugs:83 0

[Sarah...]

Oh, good question HappyKat!

I suppose our needs for support are all different. As it happens I've just had such a discussion with my wife (2 nights ago). I asked her (if she felt she could do it) for more use of my chosen name (and the appropriate pronouns) and more recognition of my true gender. No more than that. We have ground rules we established between us as regarding when I am able to present in my true gender and these still work.

Sarah...

[Sonia_cd]

Ok I am not in a relationship but I had to put in my 2 cents on this one. To be very honest, I don't think it's a good idea to ask what the other persons idea of support is, or ask the CD what, in her mind, constitutes supports. The reasons for this are simple: (a) a relationship is a 2 way street - support evolves and is mutual. You need just as much support as he/she does and unless he/she asks you the same question there is an inherent disparity in the relationship.

(b) Depending on the person, he/she might ask of you complete and total participation and acceptance with little or no boundaries. Whilst you may be ok with this, it is again skewed in favour of the CD without accounting for your needs.

(c) Assuming you ask him/her this question and do get a reply, what becomes of it then? In other words you may not be ready to provide that level of support or might se things very differently. You immediately have a conflict situation (that can be resolved through communication) but the important point for me is that it might create a sense of expectation in the CD that could be misplaced. In that case he/she feels a little let down at the end and how does the relationship deal with that?

To conclude, I believe that best way to take a relationship forward is to evolve your on levels of comfort and from that support.

Again, I am sorry for having commented despite not being in a relationship and therefore having no grounds or basis to comment. Please disregard my comments if you feel they are misplaced or incorrect.

Love,
Sonia

[TGMarla]

For me, I'd be happy if my wife would just tell me that it's all right with her if I dress like a woman from time to time, and that she loves me anyway. That would be a fabulous beginning. She doesn't have to participate, or meet Marla, or buy her stuff, or do anything....just tell me that it's okay, and that she loves me anyway.

Simple, eh?