Kate Simmons
11-08-2008, 10:29 AM
What is your objective for going out dressed to the nines? I have to say that over the years I have questioned my own motives on this one. This is especially true if ones seems to "pass" well as far as appearance, moves, etc. I mean, what's the real point? We have to realize deep down inside that if we look halfway decent there is the potential for getting "hit on" by guys who think we are attractive. Whether they know we are guys or not is sometimes besides the point because some men do not care. I seem to be reading a lot of trepidation about this in some current threads. I don't think I look like Jayne Mansfield but can get by well enough that if you put my mug shots as a guy and girl side by side, you may not readily see a resemblance.
While I realize many do this for validation and acceptance and are pretty much prepared to tell a guy to buzz off, I'm wondering what something like that says about our credibility when it comes to the guys who may be interested? True, it is an ego boost of sorts when we do get hit on but if we become adversarial about it to another person, especially the one interested we can potentially injure their self esteem as well which may not be so good in the long run. So, what do you do in a case like that?
Usually when I get in a situation like this, I still talk to the person and try to be civil. Of course, some guys only have one thing on their mind but this is where discernment and experience comes in and "letting them down gently" sometimes is not all that hard as it seems. In any case, I can usually hold my own unless the person is a total idiot. I do endeavor to threat others with dignity whenever possible however which goes a long way towards our acceptance as a community.
Interacting with others is an art in itself that is best honed by experience and being a people person helps in that regard. In any case, if we are unsure about how we ourselves or others will react in this situation, it's best at first to go out with a friend or group to watch out for one another. It may not always be possible though and I know from my own experience I was a loner for a time but picked up new friends (lesbian couples, TG folks, TS folks, gay folks) as I went along. I learned to go with my gut feeling, which is usually right when it came to others.
Regardless of what our actual objective may be, we need to be prepared up front for potential encounters. As the saying goes:"If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen." As I said, this is especially true if we look good. So, use discernment and sound judgment but above all, always have fun because being free to be ourselves and express that is a lot of what it is all about.:)
While I realize many do this for validation and acceptance and are pretty much prepared to tell a guy to buzz off, I'm wondering what something like that says about our credibility when it comes to the guys who may be interested? True, it is an ego boost of sorts when we do get hit on but if we become adversarial about it to another person, especially the one interested we can potentially injure their self esteem as well which may not be so good in the long run. So, what do you do in a case like that?
Usually when I get in a situation like this, I still talk to the person and try to be civil. Of course, some guys only have one thing on their mind but this is where discernment and experience comes in and "letting them down gently" sometimes is not all that hard as it seems. In any case, I can usually hold my own unless the person is a total idiot. I do endeavor to threat others with dignity whenever possible however which goes a long way towards our acceptance as a community.
Interacting with others is an art in itself that is best honed by experience and being a people person helps in that regard. In any case, if we are unsure about how we ourselves or others will react in this situation, it's best at first to go out with a friend or group to watch out for one another. It may not always be possible though and I know from my own experience I was a loner for a time but picked up new friends (lesbian couples, TG folks, TS folks, gay folks) as I went along. I learned to go with my gut feeling, which is usually right when it came to others.
Regardless of what our actual objective may be, we need to be prepared up front for potential encounters. As the saying goes:"If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen." As I said, this is especially true if we look good. So, use discernment and sound judgment but above all, always have fun because being free to be ourselves and express that is a lot of what it is all about.:)