Are we really protecting our SO?

[Ranae]

I just read a blog about a t-Girl hiding her lifestyle from your spouse/SO it was written by a TG, It that started off with this statement:


"There are a lot of TG's that think that hiding their dressing that they are "protecting" their GG and SO's."

So you tell me, Is it really our GF's and Wives that we are trying to protect by hiding our lifestyle? Isn't it that we are really protecting ourselves, our self shame we may be compressing? A big lie that we are holding with-in ourselves looking for an excuse? The thought of what our SO/Wives may spread about us to our family and or friends? Our worries of what others may think or say about us?

Is this really us? Have we really grown to be liars in this inner-circle to be this low and self-centered to only care about ourselves and not the ones we love?

Could it be we are far too embarrassed to acknowledge the truth, to the ones we love about our TG lifestyles. Some of us don't really understand it ourselves, so how are we supposed to explain it to anyone else mainly our spouse?

Telling the truth about yourself to the one you love can be very difficult, specially when you are so embarrassed about being the way you are. It is always a fear that she will not want to be with you or she will look at you in a way that you can never over come.

Girls by hiding the fact you are TG is a huge lie within your self. In likely, over 95% of long term relationships or marriages the SO will find out about your very hidden secret.

We can choose to tell those that we want to share our lives the truth. But remember, The truth does not always have the results we want. Although T-Girls have ways of becoming very good at lying, and hiding who she is and what she is doing behind her SO and loved ones, telling your SO/wife the truth gives her the well deserved right to feel however she feels about it and it gives her the choice to be with the real you or not.

Honesty is the best way to go. Wouldn't you rather be loved and wanted for the true you and not the hidden you? Truth can be hurtful but then again it can be the best thing you ever do . It may be your best acceptance in your relationship. At least it will be truthful and the real you.

[RylieCD]

Yes, I hid it from my Wife for many years untill she found out on her own. Yes I thought I was protecting her. But you are right I should have afforded her the respect to make her own decissions. First I needed to accept me and then she needed to know the whole me if we were going to be true to ourselves and have an honest and long relationship. I wish I would have had the courage to tell her but I am glad that she knows and we are open about it.

[MJ]

great post .. for me I'm a coward big chicken . i was "protecting" my ass.. that is until i got found out.... now i wear the dresses :straightface:

[FlygrlChristy]

Telling the truth about yourself to the one you love can be very difficult, specially when you are so embarrassed about being the way you are. It is always a fear that she will not want to be with you or she will look at you in a way that you can never over come.

That is exactly what happened to me, I was always embarrassed about the way I was, and didn't know what I was, all I knew was that I enjoyed being feminine immensely. I wasn't even sure I wanted to know, much less have my wife, or any one else find out. The fear is that nobody wants to be thought of or looked at as less than in their loved ones eyes, and we know that the hurt this is going to dispense on our loved ones is something we try to avoid like the plague.


Girls by hiding the fact you are TG is a huge lie within your self. In likely, over 95% of long term relationships or marriages the SO will find out about your very hidden secret.

You've got that right, I've learned from experience, this forum, a therapist who specializes in TG issues that living that lie is terribly destructive, not only to your relationships, but your core being and self esteem. My SO found out in a not so good way, and our marriage damn near ended, she has since learned that I can not go on living the lie I was living, and is more accepting now that she sees I'm much happier, she still doesn't understand all of it, and neither do I. That little bit of insight and acceptance on her part goes a long way.



We can choose to tell those that we want to share our lives the truth. But remember, The truth does not always have the results we want. Although T-Girls have ways of becoming very good at lying, and hiding who she is and what she is doing behind her SO and loved ones, telling your SO/wife the truth gives her the well deserved right to feel however she feels about it and it gives her the choice to be with the real you or not.

That couldn't have been said any better, "The truth does not always have the results we want", yeah, that was my greatest fear, in that telling my truth, that my marriage would end, I would lose my kids, etc, etc, but with some willingness to finally be honest with myself, and her, and some hard work on other things, things are starting to look up. The end result is that my relationship with my wife and family are better that they had been in a while. I attribute that to the freedom I feel from not living my lie.


Truth can be hurtful but then again it can be the best thing you ever do . It may bHonesty is the best way to go. Wouldn't you rather be loved and wanted for e your best acceptance in your relationship. At least it will be truthful and the real you.

We don't always want to be truthful, when the results could hurt our loved ones. We'd rather live with the comfort, and safety of living our inner lie than think of the consequences of being truthful to ourselves and our SO's.
But your right, the truth can set you free, but first you have to admit that you haven't been.:straightface:

Christy

[Alison010274]

I have no doubt the keeping of a secret this big is to protect ones own personal interest. It takes an enormous amount of courage to share with a significant other, but in my opinion the only reason not to, is to keep yourself from experiencing what you fear (rejection, humiliation, etc.)
Being honest with my wife was the best thing I could have ever done. Granted my story had a happy ending while others do not, but regardless of the outcome, the "protection" was not needed by anyone at that point...what a relief.