Balancing the narcissism?

[Wen4cd]

I've been dressing for years, and while I don't have a problem with it, I do have some issues with the reasons.

I don't wish to be a bad person, but cd'ing is a self-obsessive thing, and that is bad. In other words, I don't feel guilty for dressing because it's not wholly accepted by society, but occasionally because I think it's not exactly healthy to be so self-absorbed.

My main question is:

Am I narcissistic in general, or do I do this because I'm so not narcissistic in real life that I want to balance the scale.

In normal guy clothes, I dress basically in rags, and I have no thought of my appearance whatsoever. This has cost me jobs in the past, and no real physical self-image to think of.

But when I dress, (maybe twice a month,) I am completely aware and obsessed with the fantasy image. I guess that's the point.

What I am wondering is am I deficient in self-love, or am I over-indulged in it? Even in introspecting this, I am wondering whether I am thinking about myself too much.... or too little, so that it seems uncomfortable and wrong whenever I do so. (Think about myself, that is.)

I'm not keen on exactly what a 'feminine side' is and I think if I used that reasoning, I would be making a false rationalization for my self, so I believe that when I dress, I'm basically luxuriating in an altered self-image to fill a need, or as a pleasurable recreation. This isn't universal I'm sure, but it's true for me, and probably a lot of others.

I'm worried that dressing might be a sign that I am way too self-centered. And if I am, how do I not be?

This make sense to anyone?

Wendy

[WindyCityBluz]

This is something that I have noticed in my SO. I am GG, for the record, and am completely supporting him in his efforts when he wants to be her.

When he is she, she is very self-centered and narcassitic. I am very reassuring that she looks great as I do the makeup and hair and pick out the clothes so she can look her best. A totally different person in terms of self-confidence and constantly looking in the mirror. It is interesting that when she is around we do only what she wants, talk about what she wants and that's pretty much it. I don't mind really because she is still new and exciting.

I have noticed this in others as well. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing and would not be hard on yourself about it.
In my opinion, when it becomes a problem is when you are doing things that preclude functioning as you usually would. I don't know if that makes sense but if you ignore responsibilities in relationships and the world in general to concentrate on dressing, primping, etc. then it's not so great. This can happen with ANYTHING though--not limited to anything to do with dressing.

Probably haven't made much sense but I wanted to support you and not be too hard on yourself!

[Wen4cd]

Thank you for the response.

My wife supports me also, and I am grateful for it.

But I have heard stories from other GG's about the self-centeredness being a much huger problem for them than the fact that their men were dressing.

One person I know had a problem with her boyfriend's dressing, because, while he presented it as a romantic activity to share with her, she soon realized that it had nothing to do with her at all, and he was more interested in dressing than in her, so she got hurt and jealous for his attention.

They broke up over it, and she's had a strong distaste for cd's ever since, from her bad experience. This is the fear I have about the activity, that you won't even notice that it's hurting other people, because you're too busy 'exploring' yourself. It's a good, releasing feeling, and it has the potential, I imagine, to work like a drug, and take over your life to the point where you're neglecting your real relationships.

The guy in the story I just mentioned apparently blamed the girl for being intolerant of his dressing, and now, having broken up, significantly increased his dressing to the point where it's a lifestyle. I'm sure he is happy dressing a whole lot, but he is now living alone with his alter-ego, and having turned one more supportive GG into a critic. Is the end result that the only person he cared about was him/herself, and now that's all he has?

My wife is present with me about half the times I dress, and I always try to keep the focus on her, and do what she wants, and dress how she wants. The problem is that I have to try. It's an effort to keep the focus on her. I suppose some people would call it constructive: 'working at a good relationship," but I feel like if something wasn't wrong, that it would be a more effortless thing to do. After all, she seems to have no problem at all focusing on me, so sometimes I feel like I'm giving her an unfair trade-off in attention.

Which is why I have to also reciprocate when it's 'her turn.' When it's time to indulge in her favorite activities, I don't complain, because I owe her, and because she doesn't complain at me.

It's mutually beneficial, but I worry that there is no one thing we both enjoy at once, together, romantically speaking.

Wen

[Collette]

Well, I guess if your worried about it you can do service work, I mean like doing work at a homeless shelter, doing stuff for other people. That ought to get you out of yourself for a little while, I know I'm self centered. I do, do stuff for others that are less fortunate than I to a point, watch out cuz then the other person will want to take advantage of your kindness. There is a balancing act + or -. Collette