Rachel_740
06-03-2005, 12:28 PM
Hi girls,
Going back to late summer 2003, my second wife threw me out. From there I took on dressing in the house more and more regularly and I rapidly increased my wardrobe (by fair means - buying clothes - and foul - there were a large number of clothes in my house).
During autumn and winter 2003/2004 I was dressing almost every night when I got home from work and staring to consider if I really wanted to, and if I could acheive what I had really wanted my entire adult life - to transition, to be a woman.
Every time the answer came back no, even if I could live most of my life as a woman, I could not say anything at work, so I couldn't transition.
In (I think) April 2004 I found this website and joined up (I ad a different user name then), and realised (as lots of you girls have) that I wasn't alone in dressing and people were at all stages of dressing, for many reasons. Chatting with people here, getting advice (and ignoring some of it), and hearing what others were doing gave me the incentive I needed to get out in the real world. Prior to finding this site I was, under the cover of winter darkness, starting to go for a walk round the village at night and when I went out shopping in the evening I would stop in a layby and slip a skirt on to drive home, teasing myself on the way by driving round the town centre. I was terrified that if I stopped at a junction and people were stood on the corner, they would look in and see this guy in a skirt.
As my confidence built I got to a point where I had to go out and interact with somebody, so I planned my first outing. It was about 2am and I drove to the nearest city, knowing that I didn't have enough petrol to get home, so I would have to stop and buy fuel. The first time I went to the filling station there was someone on the forecourt filling up so I just drove off. I came back a while later and the forecourt was empty. I was shaking like a leaf. The lights on the canopy gave almost daylight and there I was - heavy beard shadow (as I have always had, even after shaving), skirt, top and handbag - filling the car. When I had finished putting petrol in I then had to go and pay! I had taken cash instead of compromising my ID with a card. As I handed over the money I was trembling so much that my hand was moving literally inches.
That was my first and worst outing over a year ago now. From there I gradually increased my outside activities, but when I look back I really don't know how I could have done it with that beard shadow - I might as well not have shaved, it wouldn't show any more.
A year ago next week I had a fancy dress party, so I had my make-up done for me and I went - as a woman. It was a wonderful experience, and again, increased my confidence.
As my confidence grew, I got to a point where I had to be dressed all the time outside work. I was still looking at if I could transition and the answer was still no, I couldn't let anyone who knew me into my secret.
By this time I was doing most of my shopping en-femme (not in my local store though, in case someone from work saw me).
As time went on, my desires to be female became stronger and stronger, and it got to a point where I had to transition.
I told my family of my plans, which was (except one cousin) accepted and I was told that it was my life to live as I want. I found a counsellor and after a while it came time to say something at work. This I did, and they supported me with regular meetings from then until I transitioned very early this year. I have also had a few meetings since then to assess how things are going.
It took me a while to get used to the new me, but immediately after I transitioned I was a lot happier in myself, and now I am happier than I have ever been in my adult life.
I can't have the operation until next January but I plan to leave it a little longer than that. I saw my doctor last week, and he has now referred me to another doctor (I need two opinions) and to the surgeon who withh do the operation for me. It's (arguably) a bit early to be seeing my surgeon but there are questions that I am keen to ask and I would like to have more details of what actually happens (although I think I pretty much know) and if possible have a look round the hospital etc.
I know this is a bit long, but I am so happy and just had to share the reasons with you girls.
Anne
Going back to late summer 2003, my second wife threw me out. From there I took on dressing in the house more and more regularly and I rapidly increased my wardrobe (by fair means - buying clothes - and foul - there were a large number of clothes in my house).
During autumn and winter 2003/2004 I was dressing almost every night when I got home from work and staring to consider if I really wanted to, and if I could acheive what I had really wanted my entire adult life - to transition, to be a woman.
Every time the answer came back no, even if I could live most of my life as a woman, I could not say anything at work, so I couldn't transition.
In (I think) April 2004 I found this website and joined up (I ad a different user name then), and realised (as lots of you girls have) that I wasn't alone in dressing and people were at all stages of dressing, for many reasons. Chatting with people here, getting advice (and ignoring some of it), and hearing what others were doing gave me the incentive I needed to get out in the real world. Prior to finding this site I was, under the cover of winter darkness, starting to go for a walk round the village at night and when I went out shopping in the evening I would stop in a layby and slip a skirt on to drive home, teasing myself on the way by driving round the town centre. I was terrified that if I stopped at a junction and people were stood on the corner, they would look in and see this guy in a skirt.
As my confidence built I got to a point where I had to go out and interact with somebody, so I planned my first outing. It was about 2am and I drove to the nearest city, knowing that I didn't have enough petrol to get home, so I would have to stop and buy fuel. The first time I went to the filling station there was someone on the forecourt filling up so I just drove off. I came back a while later and the forecourt was empty. I was shaking like a leaf. The lights on the canopy gave almost daylight and there I was - heavy beard shadow (as I have always had, even after shaving), skirt, top and handbag - filling the car. When I had finished putting petrol in I then had to go and pay! I had taken cash instead of compromising my ID with a card. As I handed over the money I was trembling so much that my hand was moving literally inches.
That was my first and worst outing over a year ago now. From there I gradually increased my outside activities, but when I look back I really don't know how I could have done it with that beard shadow - I might as well not have shaved, it wouldn't show any more.
A year ago next week I had a fancy dress party, so I had my make-up done for me and I went - as a woman. It was a wonderful experience, and again, increased my confidence.
As my confidence grew, I got to a point where I had to be dressed all the time outside work. I was still looking at if I could transition and the answer was still no, I couldn't let anyone who knew me into my secret.
By this time I was doing most of my shopping en-femme (not in my local store though, in case someone from work saw me).
As time went on, my desires to be female became stronger and stronger, and it got to a point where I had to transition.
I told my family of my plans, which was (except one cousin) accepted and I was told that it was my life to live as I want. I found a counsellor and after a while it came time to say something at work. This I did, and they supported me with regular meetings from then until I transitioned very early this year. I have also had a few meetings since then to assess how things are going.
It took me a while to get used to the new me, but immediately after I transitioned I was a lot happier in myself, and now I am happier than I have ever been in my adult life.
I can't have the operation until next January but I plan to leave it a little longer than that. I saw my doctor last week, and he has now referred me to another doctor (I need two opinions) and to the surgeon who withh do the operation for me. It's (arguably) a bit early to be seeing my surgeon but there are questions that I am keen to ask and I would like to have more details of what actually happens (although I think I pretty much know) and if possible have a look round the hospital etc.
I know this is a bit long, but I am so happy and just had to share the reasons with you girls.
Anne