Why is it important to you to "pass" as a woman?

[BeckyAnderson]

Having dressed for well over 50 years, I never really thought of trying to actually "pass" myself off as a woman. For all these years as a crossdresser I have always strived to be myself and to present myself as tastefully as I could and that includes not only the clothes but hair and makeup. I am not trying to pass as a woman I am just exercising my dersire to dress as a woman and being maticulous about my appearance. A man trying to actually pass himeself off as a woman (even right down to attempting to attain a feminine voice) has really opened up a new chapter of curiousity for me and perhaps, even, a learning experience.

"Why is it so important to you as a "crossdresser" to "pass" as a woman?"

[StaceyJane]

For me it's because deep down I want to be a woman.

Stacey :)

[Deanna2]

As with many things in life many people have many different reasons for doing the things they do.

For me it is a case of just liking to wear a skirt and other soft clothing in which I can relax and be comfortable.

[MsJanessa]

It's not terribly importand that I "pass"--what is important is that I look as good as I possibly can---I would rather be thought of as a beautiful, stunning CD than as a plain GG---most of the gurls here, when they talk of passing usually mean to pass as a beautiful lady-- but that is not usually the case for most cds who "pass"-some of the most passable cds I know look very plain as women, but still pass as women nonetheless due in part to not calling a lot of attention to themselves. When nobody looks once, let alone twice, at you, passing is easy.

[Karren H]

Its not really important.. And it's more important for me to look as good as I can.. Not that I pass that well but hey....... I enjoy my time out and about enfemme.. And it's fun.... After all that's what crossdressing should be .... Fun!! :)

[Nadia-Maria]

I never really thought of trying to actually "pass" myself off as a woman.
(...)
"Why is it so important to you as a "crossdresser" to "pass" as a woman?"


You asked an excellent question.

As for me, the most important is to feel inside femme.
It's a very personal feeling.
As a rule, I don't like to "pass" as a woman at all, because I don't like to fool others, or to lie to them. That's why I don't disguise my voice when enfemme.
In fact, I prefer to pass unnoticed by others.

But I love to be pictured as the most convincing woman I can, on an internet site where it is clear for everybody that I'm just a crossdresser.

I like looking at myself (in the mirror and on the pictures) as a somewhat convincing femme, because it reinforces my feeling as femme.

[sometimes_miss]

I've had to face the facts that it is not important to me. It can't be, because it will never happen. The best I can ever hope for is to be accepted as a straight guy who really, really likes being pretty. The only passing I can hope for will be that the lunatics will pass on making any rude comments about me, and pass me by when they are out in a group looking to 'beat up on the weirdo'.

[Michaella]

At one time I would have said it was not at all important to me, because I never went out in public. But I wanted to try it, just to be able to say I had not let the opportunity pass. And then I realized it was important to me because passing, if I could do it, would give me the freedom to wear feminine clothes in a way that I could not otherwise do. As a male wearing a skirt -- something I had done a number of times -- I still did not feel comfortable wearing other items usually considered feminine at the same time, for fear of attracting ridicule. As a male I could, in certain circumstances, be casually accepted with one or two items of feminine attire at a time, but presenting as a female I could wear the full range of things that I like -- a dress, high heels, nylons, nail polish, etc -- without it being that big a deal, so long as I fit into the time and place. I think, I think, I was able to do it for the most part. Even if I was read as male by some, and I know that most people did not notice at all, there was no fuss made, while as clearly male and dressed like that I would have created a stir.

Michaella

[DanaGlendenning]

Being one that could not pass on a dark night, the abilty to pass is a dream I've long had...........when I am dressed at home or in a motel room laid over, I'd love to be able to go out and enjoy myself.....but the fear of ridicule is just to much to overcome.........I have often thought of visiting a professional make over service, but the money never seems to be there.....and being an OTR driver, along with living in a small town does not lend to being able to join support groups........maybe moving to Silverton OR would be an answer

Dana

[suchacutie]

A few years ago my wife and I recognized that I have certain feminine traits in thought patterns and modes of organization that I turned on and off without really thinking about it. At the same time we noticed that I have certain physical traits that are feminine as well (lol but certain masculine physical traits that are a darned pain to cover!). At that point we agreed that I would investigate this feminine side. Well, how to do that? We started with the physical appearance we all talk about so much here from walking in heels to all of the details of feminine dress, makeup, body language, etc. At the same time, however, the more detailed mental issues came up, such as my male side wanting to "solve" problems, while my wife explained to Tina that she really wanted to discuss them, not solve them! This rush to solve was soooo male. That opened Pandora's box. What else does my male self do that my female self should not expect as natural? It is this conversation that we are having now, and it's an immense issue that I see before me if I am really to be able to transition from one gender to another smoothly.

Solving these mental problems so that I can "act" and "think" as a woman is my goal. Then, in my mind, I will be confident in my ability to present myself as a woman. My internal journey/adventure/investigation will have been completed. Once I know that I can shift back and forth in front of my most harsh critic (my loving wife) I'm not sure whether the rest of the world will matter.

When I started, it was an unfocussed adventure. Now I'm realizing that the more I learn, the more I understand my wife. That understanding is a goal I will always strive for as she helps me and us on our bigger journey.

tina

[Sarah...]

I just need my body (for my own benefit) and my appearance to others to say "woman". Living in a man's body is purgatory.

It's not about passing for me, it's about being.

Sarah...

[Raya]

Not to hijack the thread, but personally, I've never liked the term "passing". To me, it implies that we're getting away with something illicit. That's just my opinion, though, and I know nobody here means it that way. Anyway...

Physically, passing isn't really important at all. I'd like to achieve a more feminine look, but I see it more as a skill than a spiritual need. If I'm happy with the look, that's all that really matters to me.

Mentally though, "passing" means everything. For lack of better words, I see the clothes and everything as a tool--a way to help me bring out and soothe the long-suppressed feminine parts of my soul. There's just something about the way that women see the world, the way that women relate to each other that I have always wanted to experience firsthand. I know there are limits, so I suppose this'll bring me as close as I'll ever get.

[Deborah Jane]

I,m just trying to pass as who i feel i should have been born and lived as, but unfortunately nature decided to play it differantly, so i have to try and create her myself with the materials i was given!

[AliciaWeb]

Passing isn't terribly important for me but being accepted when out is. I try to blend in when out so this sets a level of presentation that I aim for. I suppose the ultimate achievement for me is not to be noticed. Sad really.

Alicia

[Nicole Erin]

I don't know if I pass or not, I always get mixed reviews. No one ever tells me I don't pass except other CD's, but I know I get read.

So is it important? I don't really obsess over it. I kind of figured if I do great but if not, oh well.

When I did obsess over it, I don't know why I did.

[Ruth]

Going back to what Michaella said, if I'm out in public en femme I feel as if I need to pass as a woman to avoid the unwelcome attention that a man in a frock would get. I can wear all my nice things but simply be accepted as a person who is dressed normally.
Back home in private there is no need to pass especially, but I still try to look pretty.

[avril findlay]

I want to look to look as feminine as I can. I don't want to lay myself open to ridicule when I'm out dressed. The last thing I want to be is "The man in a skirt !". I love dressing and looking like a woman.

[paulaN]

I can't really "pass" however I am not to bad at blending. And that sure makes it a lot easier to go out and be me. And have a good time doing it.

[Cathytg]

That IS THE QUESTION, I think. It forces me to take a position on who I am and how I feel about myself.

If I wanted to actually BE a woman (I don't) then being able to pass would be of obvious importance. But I don't.

If I wanted the freedom to wear women's clothing any time I wished (I do) then passing is important to me because it would allow me to go out in a dress and heels and have no thought at all about my acceptance. It becomes a freedom issue. It is difficult for me to feel relaxed now because I feel that I do not pass very well. It's a problem that I am working on since it is, after all, my own invention. If I am uncomfortable because I pass only slightly, then it is a problem that I can resolve without changing my body. But, passing is the simply way to be comfortable at any time in any situation.

As a footnote, I guess I distinguish between passing and looking great. I have seen a great many women who could not possibly be men but who look awful.

[Joanna-Louise]

That IS THE QUESTION, I think. It forces me to take a position on who I am and how I feel about myself.


As a footnote, I guess I distinguish between passing and looking great. I have seen a great many women who could not possibly be men but who look awful.

I think we are all in someway worried about passing whether or not we deny it or are aware of it. I drive a bus with a stammer and try as i might this can rive difficult as i drive buses for a living. Guarenteed at school kicking out time a group of mindless kids will ask me something (some regonise me and know about the stammer) and have a giggle when i fall over my words.

*back to the point*, it goes back to my theory. Most human beings cant handle something that is different. Someone in a wheel chair doesnot try and act like someone with legs so why should we be so fixated on passing to blend in with other women?

If we all stepped back and spent more time on what shop to go into next, other than how we look we would all enjoy the expeirence alot more (easier said than done i know, myself am trying to gain more corage to go out in daylight)...

:2c:
Jo
xx

[LA CINDY LOVE]

At one time I would have said it was not at all important to me, because I never went out in public. But I wanted to try it, just to be able to say I had not let the opportunity pass. And then I realized it was important to me because passing, if I could do it, would give me the freedom to wear feminine clothes in a way that I could not otherwise do. As a male wearing a skirt -- something I had done a number of times -- I still did not feel comfortable wearing other items usually considered feminine at the same time, for fear of attracting ridicule. As a male I could, in certain circumstances, be casually accepted with one or two items of feminine attire at a time, but presenting as a female I could wear the full range of things that I like -- a dress, high heels, nylons, nail polish, etc -- without it being that big a deal, so long as I fit into the time and place. I think, I think, I was able to do it for the most part. Even if I was read as male by some, and I know that most people did not notice at all, there was no fuss made, while as clearly male and dressed like that I would have created a stir.

Michaella
Very good point Michaella...........I feel that we all have our own way of passing and when you walk out that front door dress you better have confidence in your self our you better pass and yes it is good to have both.

The confidence in your self can fall very fast if you get read in a crow of people

LA CINDY LOVE

[Shannen]

I'm scared people won't treat me like a woman unless they think I am one...

...and I want to experience being a woman, which includes how people treat you, not just looking like one.

Funny thing is, my most enjoyable times have come when people treat me kindly knowing that I wasn't a woman... I was just trying to look like one.

[MJ]

very good question Becky,

from my point of view please don't shoot me people. but i feel i don't pass and my voice is no were near what i would like to " pass " and i am full time ...

for me i have found if i just be myself male voice and all i get along just fine IMHO i doubt I'll ever pass for a gg. but i do enjoy being myself what ever that is in the eyes of the beholder .
thank you..
huggs

[Priscilla Ann]

It is not important for me to pass as a woman.

[LilSissyStevie]

I don't try to pass as a female. I'm a sissy and I dress like a sissy. In public, I try to pass as a regular guy. I'm not always successful, I'm afraid.

[Kim_Bitzflick]

This is a very personal and thought provoking question.

I want to pass because:

A. I seriously would like to be female (but I doubt it will ever happen).
B. If I can't transition, I certianly want to be as close to a GG as I possible can when I'm dressed.

I feel that If I pass (or come close) I can truly experience the female perspective. I love feeling pretty.

[Sally24]

When I'm out in public I try my best to "pass". I'm not crushed if people seem to read me but I do prefer to be taken for female. I've worked on my voice some but have a very long way to go with that. With my overall look and movement, usually I can pass most places I go, and not just by blending in. I try to look as nice as possible and maybe a little trendy.

As to why it is important to me, there are several reasons. The simplest of course is that it's much easier and safer to dress when I'm just a woman out shopping. No confrontations or sour looks. But probably the primary reason is that when I'm dressed I "am" a woman to myself. I used to feel like I was wearing a costume or disguise but most times now I just feel like Sally. I don't know if I could have been a transexual if my life had been different but this works for me and my present life. I get to party like a young woman with my t-girl friends, I go shopping and dining with other GGs, and I go out by myself to run errands and anything else I feel like.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Somtimes it's the competitive nature, when I see a gal blocking the isle in the store, I have the urge to pass her, When I see a woman driving slow in the fast lane I WANT to pass. When I ......... for some reason I think I might have gotten off topic, Oh well it will pass ! :tongueout

[TGMarla]

Becky, what you describe as trying to look the best you can, doing your best on your makeup and your hair, etc., is very much like trying to pass. I guess for me, I try to be the person I would have been had I actually been born female rather than male. I don't do much with voice, but I still don't overtly try to have a distinctly male voice, either. Most of all, I want anyone who looks at me to see me as any other woman they might look at, and if they think my look is appealing, that I'm pretty, then that's an added bonus. I try to present myself as pretty, as feminine, and as tastefully attired. Like you, I try my best to pay some careful attention to the details of my hair and my makeup, and really, everything else as well. So if I get read, well, fine. It's not because I didn't make the effort to try. Women don't want to be read as men in drag, and I really don't either. I guess part of the reason I go out of my way and pay attention to the details is because I don't want to attract any overt attention to myself as a crossdresser, rather, I'd like to be seen as a well-dressed woman.

[jayme357]

There are some truly profound comments in this thread. What is most evident is that each of us has different needs which will satisfy our desires, dreams, or fantasies. How wonderful! One of the points that was emphasized, and the one that I am most comfortable with, is that we simply be allowed to share in this wonderful world of femininity without fear or ridicule. I don't think I have ever "passed" but everytime I have summoned the courage to enter the world of my dreams I have been treated with respect and even encouragement. Admittedly, I try to dress appropriately and behave in a manner consistent with the environment. I try to blend in and be a bit inconspicuous. Maybe not as much fun, but certainly appreciated by others. Hang in there girls - we shall overcome!

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

It's not terribly importand that I "pass"--what is important is that I look as good as I possibly can---I would rather be thought of as a beautiful, stunning CD than as a plain GG---most of the gurls here, when they talk of passing usually mean to pass as a beautiful lady.

This is my philosophy as well, but I'll add more.

I don't do this enough to warrant "passing" in public for the everyday sort of stuff. I find it boring and mundane and not a need.

Truth be told, I am an attention *****, so when I get all dolled up for performance in the realms that I like to play I go for the gusto. I want it all, the paparazzi, the fans, and the FUN! Nothing else equates to that initial 30 minutes when I get out there and am surrounded by photographers.

Then its off to play with the masses in the lanes who are there to see fantasy characters. Flitting about, curtseying to nobility, playing games with the wee ones and making a spectacle for all to see is what I do and I LOVE it!! At the same time, I get to express my feminine side without fear, shame or guilt of any kind. So Liberating.

That is what works for me.

*hugs*

Zarabeth

[NylonMan]

For me it as always been to Look, Dress, and feel like a women. So passing is number 1. I never wanted to be a guy in a dress. When I see a beautifull women walking in a nice skirt and heels. I don't wonder what I would look like in the clothes, I wonder what she must feel like in those clothes, and then I want to experience that feeling.

[Clara]

A very, very good question. After thinking a lot about it I realized that I am not trying to pass. Yes, I have a female nickname and I dress like a woman. So yes, I am expressing my female part of me. But at the same time I am aware that I am a man and I am content with it. I like to be a man. And I do not want to be a woman. When I dress I want to be an attractive MAN in attractive clothes (and the most attractive clothes are FEMALE clothes) with attractive (female) hair... As I said I am letting my female side out but I am not trying to pass. I actually dress like me-woman would. And that is very different from striving to pass. For example, I am most happy when wearing a cute fitted hoodie with matching pants, no makeup just a lipstick and polished toes. When I feel the need to dress less casualy I put on a blouse and knee-high skirt or mini. Again no makeup just lipstick and a bit of eyeshadow. I truly believe this is how I would dress most of the time if I was born a female. Now, if I tried to pass I would use makeup to cover my facial hair. I would use forms to create more female body...
I really appretiate this thread. It helped me understand myself more. I am happy to be a man. And I do not want to be a woman. I only want to be able to freely express the feminine side of me while being a man.

[Michl41]

For me it as always been to Look, Dress, and feel like a women. So passing is number 1. I never wanted to be a guy in a dress. When I see a beautifull women walking in a nice skirt and heels. I don't wonder what I would look like in the clothes, I wonder what she must feel like in those clothes, and then I want to experience that feeling.

NylonMan is absolutely right, that's what it's all about........................:daydreaming:........ .........Michelle

[LisaElizabeth]

Passing means just being allowed to be who you are as you are dressed. At least that is how I think of it.
IF I dress appropriately for the venue I am attending, then I blend in and can just go about enjoying myself with very little distraction, whether it is dinner, dancing, shopping, doesn't matter. IF I am dressed appropriately for that particular activity, I have found that most people are more wrapped up in thier own lives, they have very little time to stare or point fingers at me. Of course not wearing a dominatrix outfit to a 4 star restaurant helps!! (ALthough that would cause a little dinner conversation!!)
SO 'passing' is all about whether you are dressed appropriately and act accordingly in the situation. If you do things way-y-y-y-y out of character for the activity, you will ALWAYS draw attention to yourself. If you don't.... then you are 'passing' to some degree.
Just my opinion!!
Lisa E

[Nadia-Maria]

Why should anyone respect me if I wear a face that doesn't match my clothes, a skirt that doesn't match my age, an outfit that doesn't match the occasion?

Maybe just because, like about any other human being, you deserve it.

"L'habit ne fait pas le moine" .... as we use to say it in french.

Kisses

[renee k]

I want to look to look as feminine as I can. I don't want to lay myself open to ridicule when I'm out dressed. The last thing I want to be is "The man in a skirt !". I love dressing and looking like a woman.

Thanks Arvil, my thoughts exactly!!

Huggs, Renee

[docrobbysherry]

I have an equal chance of doing them both! Since I can't do either, passing is NOT a goal for me.

I dress to BECOME A DIFFERENT PERSON! An attractive female. NOT, Robert in a dress! My fantasy is to become Sherry. In whatever shape and form I imagine her! If she only lives in my mirror, and pictures, than so be it!

The illusion of changing into an attractive, sexy woman is a very enticing fantasy for me!

Just as the illusion of passing as any kind of woman out in public, is to others!

[Michelia]

Sally, you could have been reading my mind!

Personally, I'd add a further point. My (other) hobby is theatre, and there's a saying to get actors to perform better: "Don't tell me, show me." This means that it's not good enough to say: "Oh what a rogue and peasant slave am I!", you actually have to behave as if you meant it; if not, the audience will see you as a fake.

For me, passing is like this - it has something to do with sincerity, with looking as if you mean it. If I went out in public but didn't try to pass, I really would feel like a fetishist with a kink about high heels, and an exhibitionist into the bargain. Tacky.

(Any high-heel fetishistic exhibitionists out there, don't take it as a criticism. This is me talking about my feelings.)


OK, I know there are days when I pass for fifteen minutes at a time, and days when I can see the shop-assistants trying hard not to giggle. But at least if I've tried my best there is a chance that people will take me, not for a woman but for a "good tranny". By which I mean a person with style, skill and self-respect.

I would neither admire nor respect a woman who went out dirty, in ill-chosen clothes, with holes in her stockings... Why should anyone respect me if I wear a face that doesn't match my clothes, a skirt that doesn't match my age, an outfit that doesn't match the occasion?


Just from these own words I will say that theatre many times experiments without accoutrements or choreography of any kind and it is convincing presentation and attitude that win the night. You can actually behave as if you meant it without the dress. The dress can make you a fake just as well. But if people see you as a "guy in a dress" they know you are for real. This is not to point out that I disagree in any way with the above but that the same premise works both ways.

I am not a proponent of dressing fully or partially. I do not even know where I stand on this anymore. I have heard all the arguments over the years. From representing the transgender well if you go out fully dressed. doing the best you can, as opposed to misrepresenting us if you go out as a "freak". From attracting attention and putting yourself in danger if you do not dress as everyone is dressing or the virtues of going "stealth". From the courage of going out as a "guy in a dress" thus letting everyone know we are out there and that we are nice regular people as opposed to "blending in" in jeans and low-key clothing items and passing imperceptively so that no one even knows we exist. Then there are a whole bunch more issues that are personal like feeling female or - not or a whole being or not - or being true to yourself, etc.

I waited for two years to be passable ot go out and finally gave up and have been out the last two weeks as a "guy in a dress". I felt femme the whole time even though everyone called me sir. People have been very nice to me. Many have told me how nice I looked. I have gotten a lot of unwanted attention, but this has helped me toughen up and when I do go out again fully dressed I will be prepared.

If I make myself up, no amount of make up will make me look femme. I end up looking like a clown because I can never hide my large pores or my beard well enough. When I go without make up, I plainly look like a guy, but I have tried to make myself pretty and be in good taste. It is really hard to find a tasteful middle ground, but it is possible. I have followed the suggestions of many an SA so I am improving all the time. I have added a purse and more accessories, etc. So as time goes on I have been dressing more completely but it is plain I am still a guy. At first I thought wow why should I do earrings and necklaces and a girly watch if I am still seen plainly as a guy. But for the most parts these girls have been right. I feel more femme and I act more femme. I still do not use make up or forms, but I can see myselft adding that sooner or later.

I guess eventually I will enjoy going out in both fully dressed and partially dressed as the mood or occassion dictates. I really do not know what most people think when they see me but I have been treated with great respect. I cannot complain.

My old thoughts on the value of "passing' have surely changed these last two weeks. I still look forward to having my waist cincher on and totally looking the part and see if I could ever pass for the fun and the feeling of it. But there is not question that going out like a have the past two weeks has given me a chance to interact with people in ways I never dreamed of. It has given me a chance to open a lot of minds. I have been treated as if I am someone special and more often than told been told to come back with sincerity. I have also been complimented for my courage and have even had a few girls flirt with me in a way that would never happen to me in male mode. The majority assume I am gay and get blown away when I tell them I have a family and they are accepting. Many have told me how I have to come back with my wife and children. Overall, it has been a lot of fun.

I do worry about over doing this. Again, as Katie B pointed out it carries more risk - maybe? I guess that depends on where you go. I would not go llike this to a straight bar where people are boozed up or walk by myself down a dark street.

Sorry this post has been so long. This a great thread by Becky and I have been thinking a lot about this for two years. And much more so the last two weeks. And I hope it encourages those that are still in the closet. Because if shy me can do it in such a conservative place, then everyone should be able to do it.

There is one thing I can say for certain. And it has been said many times before by many on this forum. Go with confidence and really... how you have fun and relate to others and how femme you feel ... It is all in your head.

[CarrieSheer]

Well for me, I don't like to just be a guy in a skirt. If I am going to dress like a woman I want to make sure that look classy. Its hard being a woman and I don't want to disrespect the women that look good daily.

[Ashley Lyn]

I have quite a lot of interest in this thread, as I really 'thought' I wanted to 'pass'.. However, after reading the posts, and wondering if I should reply, I have come to the decision (in my situation) that I will never 'pass' the way I want to be seen...:sad:

I too, enjoy being a man, but have always had the 'desire for frilly' or 'school girl theme' in my mind... The if only's have always been there, but guessing my desire to "be that little girl", have faded with age, as I realize that a 60 year old male will never be able to 'blend' while wearing an outfit such as that...:eek:

'Dressed' this AM in what I considered something that would 'blend', and the DW approved that it was something I could go out in, but I realized immediately that "it wasn't who I wanted to be" en femme..:straightface:

I went back upstairs and changed to the 'school girl' look, and have decided I really DON't want to 'pass', if I can't be who/what I really want to be.. Back to reality, and we'll keep the 'passing', as I want to be, as a fantasy..:daydreaming:

I've seen some avatars on posters on this thread, who could certainly 'blend', and actually fulfill my wish to be a 'young girl', but it "isn't gonna' be me". For those who are still young, and can fullfill your dream, go for it.. If only..

[Nicki B]

I've had to face the facts that it is not important to me. It can't be, because it will never happen.

Is't that just a self-fulfilling prophecy? :sad:



Passing isn't terribly important for me but being accepted when out is. I try to blend in when out so this sets a level of presentation that I aim for. I suppose the ultimate achievement for me is not to be noticed. Sad really.

Surely that's being ignored, not accepted? :strugglin

[Cassy11]

I agree with Deanna. I don't feel the need to pass, I just love the feel of soft clothes and I feel very relaxed when dressing. Passing for me would involve much more, like the voice, the walk and other mannerisms. I would feel more stressed trying to pass and that's not for me.

[maid phylis]

for me to be able to pass is looking as best as i can when i board the subway in brooklyn and travel to 42nd st in manhattan.i have to sit in a crowded subway car going and coming from our group meetings.i have been doing this for the past six years and i always get a thrill doing it.:love:phylisanne

[maid phylis]

When I'm out in public I try my best to "pass". I'm not crushed if people seem to read me but I do prefer to be taken for female. I've worked on my voice some but have a very long way to go with that. With my overall look and movement, usually I can pass most places I go, and not just by blending in. I try to look as nice as possible and maybe a little trendy.

As to why it is important to me, there are several reasons. The simplest of course is that it's much easier and safer to dress when I'm just a woman out shopping. No confrontations or sour looks. But probably the primary reason is that when I'm dressed I "am" a woman to myself. I used to feel like I was wearing a costume or disguise but most times now I just feel like Sally. I don't know if I could have been a transexual if my life had been different but this works for me and my present life. I get to party like a young woman with my t-girl friends, I go shopping and dining with other GGs, and I go out by myself to run errands and anything else I feel like.
you go girl :love:phylisanne

[carhill2mn]

Whether I am going out in public or not, I try to present the best image of a lady as I can. Do I "pass"? Maybe, most of the time.
What is important to me is that I be accepted and treated as a lady. I also do not wish to cause anyone to be uncomfortable around me nor do I wish to draw any unusual attention to myself. I do my best to emulate being a lady because I admire what that stands for and do not want to deigrate that image.

[Michelia]

Don't apologise - it's been fascinating!

I have to say, my only impression of "men in frocks" until now had been of aggressive political activists out to shock. You've given me a whole new perspective. Thanks


that sometimes I feel as I could be perceived as being a little militant. As if I am saying to the world : "here I am and you better learn how to tolerate me because I am not going away". Not that there is anything wrong with that, except it really does not help our cause.

But I do prefer and try to have the attitude of "I should be able to wear girl clothes if I want to without going through the incredible trouble of dressing completely up for nothing (or for a little trip to the coffee shop). I am not a freak - and if you give me a chance, you will find out I am just a nice married harmless family man who loves girly clothes and hates his boy "uniforms"

[MarciManseau]

It's important to me because it's who I am - I'm really a woman. Mother Nature just made a mistake, and it's up to me to correct it.

Hugs, Marci:hugs:

[Angel.Marie76]

As I've been diving heels first into dressing fully, I can tell you only what I feel - As an example, the last night I dressed completely, makeup, skirt, heels, everything.. when I finished, and stood to look the mirror, I nearly cried. I FELT more like a woman than I think I have in a long, long time.. I felt like I looked beautiful, complete, 'put together well' if you will, and so on and on.. At that point I didn't really care if I would have passed or not in public.. not one bit. I pranced around my house beaming with energy! It is this feeling that has enticed me to start training my voice for an acceptible key that may or may not assist in 'passing' if I felt the need to attempt to.

I was dying to step outside, even to go to the convenience store (though I certianly was overdressed by FAR) and breathe in the world because I felt good. I didn't really care if I passed or not really. Soon I hope to go on another shopping adventure with my SO dressed a bit more casual - it is likely that I will glaringly not pass at all for female, yet I'l be dressed like one. But I'll be happy, that's all that matters to me.

Question is: What really matters to you in the end? :)

[Veronica27]

But I do prefer and try to have the attitude of "I should be able to wear girl clothes if I want to without going through the incredible trouble of dressing completely up for nothing (or for a little trip to the coffee shop). I am not a freak - and if you give me a chance, you will find out I am just a nice married harmless family man who loves girly clothes and hates his boy "uniforms"

Hi Michelia

I have read all the postings on this thread and have found yours to be the most intriguing. I am now 69, and many years ago I managed to finally accept the fact that I enjoyed crossdressing, that I had nothing to be ashamed of and that I was a perfectly normal straight guy with a wife and kids who simply had a liking for something that a lot of guys would rebel at for a variety of reasons ranging from fear to disinterest. I have also been able to formulate the reasons why I think I like to do this. I have no desire to be a woman, nor to release any inner female side of my psyche. I simply enjoy the escape crossdressing provides from the usual demands of a male existence, such as the need to conform to an artificial image of manhood that is brainwashed into us from the time we are toddlers. Demands equate to pressure which leads to stress, and I find crossdressing to be very relaxing because those demands have to be put aside.

Having said all that, the major problem to be overcome is this question of passing. What does it mean to me and to others? How important is it? If all I wanted to do was dress up at home, then it wouldn't matter what passing was or whether I was able to achieve it. But once I had figured out who I was, and realized why I wanted to crossdress, I began to realize that being totally closeted all the time was somewhat self-defeating. I was not escaping from those demands at the very times when they are at their height, namely when we are interacting with other people. Even though we usually act manly when alone, because that is what has been drilled into us, and may feel awkward doing otherwise, it doesn't matter because we are alone. Besides, crossdressing and escape involve adventure, excitement and novel experiences. Being closeted denies us those things.

And so getting out became the primary objective, and that meant dealing with all the aspects of passing that you listed. At 6' 3" and 240 lbs I was not a very convincing female. Dressing to blend in with other women in their jeans, track pants, t shirts and so on did not accomplish the sense of adventure I was seeking by exploring this whole world of femininity that is staring us in the face, but which as a man we are supposed to ignore. I have still not come to terms with what "passing" means to me, or how far I want to push the boundaries. I do not want to be a woman, but do I want to play at being a woman? Do I want others to see me as a woman, as a guy in a dress or as a CD or TG whatever their definition of those terms might imply? My only public appearances so far have been ones where passing didn't matter, (Halloween costumes and attending crossdressing events). These allowed me to explore the feminine side complete with dresses, makeup, jewelry, heels etc. while meeting the public in places where they would be expecting to encounter crossdressers. Sure, I was a guy in a dress and it was obvious but my appearance did not offend anyone and it satisfied my desires. But it still represents a "holding back" because I do not pass and not passing could mean facing possible ridicule aimed at myself or my family. Thus, my search for meaning goes on.

Veronica

[DeeDeeB]

My enjoyment in crossdressing comes from trying to look and feel as feminine as possible. So to "pass" as a woman is an ultimate goal for me. I can blend in at this point, but I will be made by people who are paying attention. So I'm not there yet, and probably never will be, but the journey is so fulfilling.

Dee :fairy1:

[Anna the Dub]

It's important to me as I don't want to be perceived, or interacted with, as a 'bloke in a dress', I want to be accepted as a woman, especially by genetic women. Whilst this is nigh on impossible to achieve, it is something I crave.

[BeckyAnderson]

I am fascinated by everyone's thoughts on the importance of "passing" and what it means to each of us. Everyone's response has been so enlightening. For me, passing is a state of mind. I'm not sure if that's because I have fully and unconditionally accepted my need to dress in woman's clothes or maybe it's just age or both. My quest to pass is within, feeling pretty is within and these are the things that count.

On a related note, I just had an incident happen Tuesday evening that, I feel, is related to the passing thread. I had to go out of town on company business and had to stay overnight in a motel at which we have a company account. At the end of my work day I stopped, ate dinner and then went to my room to fully dress for the evening. After finishing my makeup I thought I would walk around to the back of the Motel and sit on the benches by the river to relax after a hard day. I sat for about 30 minutes then wanted to go back to my room before going shopping for the rest of the evening. When I put the magnetic key in the door IT DIDN'T WORK! Uh Oh, I thought, now what? I thought about it for a minute or two and decided to go to the lobby and have the clerk reprogram the key. Now the problem was that I had just checked in about two hours before and I was sure she would recognize me.... I thought, I guess this will mean that someone in the company will be told about the crossdresser in the room that was checked out to me! I bit the bullet and went in, walked up to the counter, told her in my best masculine voice that the key didn't work....She didn't even bat an eye and gave no indication whatsoever that she recognized me in the least. She re-did the key, gave it to me and I went back to the room.

So what's this got to do with passing? I don't think she thought I was a woman especially after I spoke. However, I felt confident and pretty in presentably dressing as a woman and interacting with her being cheerful and smiling all the while.

So now this begs the question, "Is it a matter of passing" or "Is it a matter of confidently knowing the person(s) you are interacting with doesn't recognize you?"

[il.dso]

I've really enjoyed reading these thoughtful and thought-provoking posts.
For me,"passing" has never really been the goal or my motivation.

[Veronica27]

When I put the magnetic key in the door IT DIDN'T WORK! Uh Oh, I thought, now what? I thought about it for a minute or two and decided to go to the lobby and have the clerk reprogram the key. Now the problem was that I had just checked in about two hours before and I was sure she would recognize me.... I thought, I guess this will mean that someone in the company will be told about the crossdresser in the room that was checked out to me! I bit the bullet and went in, walked up to the counter, told her in my best masculine voice that the key didn't work....She didn't even bat an eye and gave no indication whatsoever that she recognized me in the least. She re-did the key, gave it to me and I went back to the room.




Hi Becky

I enjoyed reading your story, and it made me think back to the thread I started a few weeks ago about the desire to be caught. Your story would have been perfect for that thread as well. I have reached the point where I don't care if perfect strangers happen to see me, but I am not ready to let on to any of my friends, neighbours or relatives. Most probably wouldn't care, but others might be troubled because of their concern for me and my family. I don't want to lose them over a misunderstanding about the nature of my habits. It was difficult enough for me to understand it and come to terms, but when all you know is a lifetime of stereotypes and misrepresentations they cannot be swept from your mind overnight. What people would accept in a stranger, as they know things like crossdressing do exist, could upset them in a loved one who they have known all their life but never thought of in those terms. Having said that, there is always that secretive desire to be caught by someone you know to get it out in the open and take away the decision and hence responsibility for them finding out.

As far as whether you passed, or whether she did not recognize you, I don't think that either is necessarily the key. You probably looked gorgeous, but as you said, you did not try to hide your voice so she would have known you were a man. I think that people in the hospitality business, like the medical profession, are quite used to seeing crossdressers and are aware that hotel and motel rooms are frequently used for this activity. By showing your confidence and smiling, you were conveying the fact that nothing furtive was going on and would lead her to believe you were quite open with most people about your dressing. You gave her no amunition to gossip about you, especially to anyone in your company, and the most she would probably say to anyone was how attractive the crossdresser was that she saw that day.

All the best

Veronica

[Michelia]

These allowed me to explore the feminine side complete with dresses, makeup, jewelry, heels etc. while meeting the public in places where they would be expecting to encounter crossdressers. Sure, I was a guy in a dress and it was obvious but my appearance did not offend anyone and it satisfied my desires. But it still represents a "holding back" because I do not pass and not passing could mean facing possible ridicule aimed at myself or my family. Thus, my search for meaning goes on.

Veronica



I am glad you finally accepted the crossdressing side of yourself. Maybe you will get out there a little more often. It is fun, even if you do not pass.

I, like you, am still holding back and I am not sure yet how far I want to take this. I am far from being able to walk into a mall or a place where there are a lot of men or kids. It was easy for me to accept my crossdressing, but it has been very hard to actually get out. But I realize now how much I needed to do it. It is my personality. Some of the things you said in your post about our human needs for interaction hit a cord with me.

But I do have this story from this week that is very touching involving a child I just thought of . I think I will make a thread out of it.

[S. Lisa Smith]

It's important to me as I don't want to be perceived, or interacted with, as a 'bloke in a dress', I want to be accepted as a woman, especially by genetic women. Whilst this is nigh on impossible to achieve, it is something I crave.
Bingo! I agree completly!

[Nicki B]

So now this begs the question, "Is it a matter of passing" or "Is it a matter of confidently knowing the person(s) you are interacting with doesn't recognize you?"

Wasn't it just a case of being accepted for the person you are? :)

No lies, deceipt, self or otherwise - just being yourself. ;)