Passing or Blending?

[Cathytg]

BeckyAnderson started a wonderful thread which asked why passing is important. Thank you, Becky; you caused me to think.

A new question came to me as I read all the replies. What I saw was that "passing" is not as important as "blending in" is to many of the ladies. Now, that got my attention because I always thought the two were different expressions of the same thing. For me. "passing" is a wonderful ability to simply "blend in". Put another way, "Passing" is the ability to be taken completely for a lady and, so, to assure that I am lost in the faces of the other women.

So, my question is:

Do you distinguish between "passing" and "blending in"? If you do, how do you describe each of the two concepts in terms of your own life?

[victoriamwilliams1]

Well for me I subscribe to the 3rd element that is often missed ad thats acceptance, with acceptance comes comfort which in one of the flickr groups I know a member who looks like a male but wears just the clothing and they are out shopping.

For me it means they accepted themselves and are comfortable with how they look and example is Dale Miller http://dale-miller.com/ he is know as the guy who wore a skirt and heels here is his flickr photo http://flickr.com/photos/domiller/2676043984/

Thats my 2 cents

[Nicki B]

Do you distinguish between "passing" and "blending in"?

I certainly do (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=87757).

But the most important thing to me is acceptance, for who and what I am?

[Cathytg]

[QUOTE=Nicki B;1492202]I certainly do (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=87757).

Wow! Thank you for the link. That is interesting, indeed.

[Michaella]

I would certainly agree that "blending in" is what I want to do when out en femme, but I think that implies I must "pass" as a woman. This language is very subtle!

Michaella

[Joanna-Louise]

I certainly do (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=87757).

But the most important thing to me is acceptance, for who and what I am?

My centiments exactly :love:

[Nicki B]

I would certainly agree that "blending in" is what I want to do when out en femme, but I think that implies I must "pass" as a woman. This language is very subtle!

But... if they don't notice you in the first place, how can you be taken for a genetic woman? :idontknow:

[Joanna-Louise]

lol how many gg's ask one another if there born that beatiful/ugly whilst walking down the street :heehee:

I would say not being noticed maybe is a good thing?!?

[Jenna1561]

For me Passing is being accepted as a woman while interacting with others, up close and personal.

Blending is not being noticed as anything other than a woman. To me this involves minimal interaction with others, such walking in a mall, driving down a street or such.


Jenna

[joann07]

For me Passing is being accepted as a woman while interacting with others, up close and personal.

Blending is not being noticed as anything other than a woman. To me this involves minimal interaction with others, such walking in a mall, driving down a street or such.


Jenna

I agree with Jenna on those lines.
To me, "passing' is being able to conduct yourself appropriately as a woman.
That would be things, such as, your mannerisms, walk, talk, how you eat, how you drink, how you sit, your posteur, etc, etc, etc.
It's such a wonderful feeling when you get treated like a lady because in the other person's eyes they perceive you as such.

"Blending in" would involve how you present yourself while out in public.
That is knowing things, such as, what to wear at a particular time or place or dressing within your age range.
For example, you wouldn't want to wear a red low cut top, mini-skirt, fishnets, and 5 inch stilleto heels to the mall in the middle of the day on a Saturday.
Typical GG's wouldn't dare wear that because it's just not appropriate for that time of the day.
Save that for late night clubbing.
And if you wear something appropriate which makes you look good, who knows, you may even get a nice compliment.


Hugs!

[Kendra (Tx)]

Being 5' 20" in heels, I don't think I much "blend" or "pass" very easily...( unless you count the fact that in Texas, 6'+ GG's are a dime a dozen...LOL ) I'd just like to be accepted as who I am...No more, no less...Either a "Guy in a dress" or a "very statuesque lady"... :o I'm not out to make a "statment" when I go out...I'm just "being me..:)

http://kendra954.com

[Jonianne]

.......So, my question is: Do you distinguish between "passing" and "blending in"? If you do, how do you describe each of the two concepts in terms of your own life?


I url=http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=87757]certainly do[/url]. But the most important thing to me is acceptance, for who and what I am?

Hey Cathy and Nicki,

Maybe this is not the place to talk about this, but everytime this comes up, it really makes me feel yucki.

I haven't shared this before, but the first person that accepted me as a crossdresser was a GG friend that was a hairstylist who worked with some gay guys that dressed and she also roomed with one of them.

She very readily accepted me, but she did say one thing that me hurt me deeply. She bluntly said I would never pass (and I took it as I should never go out) because I did not have the face for it. She was probably right, but she never knew how deep that cut and how far I wanted to crawl into the closet. That is why every time this subject comes up, I feel that pain again.

It's like if we try to define passing in the strictest sense, then many, if not most, will never feel like they meet the grade and many, if not most, will never go out and will miss out on one of the most wonderful aspect of our femme selves - feeling the sun on our face - because they will never feel that they pass well enough to go out. That's why I prefer not to put such a definative defination on this subjective term that eliminates 99% of us.

I like what Karren said in another post: "We can all pass as a crossdresser!"

Sorry for my ramble. :love:

[Jolene]

Why can't we just be ourselves and dress in the way that suits each of us? As far as I think passing may just be in the eye of the person trying to do it.
Jolene

[Kelly DeWinter]

Just remember that if you take the time to properly BLEND your makeup, you won't have to PASS the time wondering whether you BLEND or PASS.

Kelly

[Tracii G]

I agree Jolene most here fear passing as a GG.Most of the girls here are very beautiful and would have no problem.
There are tons of ugly women out there so why worry just get out there and try it out you never know.

[BeckyAnderson]

Hiya Cathy. This whole passing thing got me to thinking also about what I try to achieve when I dress. First and foremost there is an unexplainable "need" to dress as a woman and when I dress I want to feel pretty and look as best as I can. To me feeling pretty entails many things. I try to act as feminine as possible in stride, body language and style yet keeping those traits as natural as possible without over doing any of them.

From my photos I have receive many compliments on how I present myself and I should have no trouble "passing." A little secret? I get read far more times than I don't. But being read doesn't bother me in the least. The important thing to me is that I am freely expressing who I am. Another important point is that no matter where I have gone or what I have done while dressed I have been graciously accepted by all whom I have come in contact with.

I feel that if I present an image, both verbally and visually, that people are comfortable with I can gain their understanding and perhaps their acceptance. The combination of a smile, kind words, confidence and self-acceptance goes a long way in gaining acceptance from others around me.

To me "blending" is dressing appropriately for the venue. If I'm at a mall I will dress like any other shopper. If I am out to dinner in a nice restaurant I'll wear an appropriate dress or pants suit and accessories. And so on.

Trying to "Pass" as a woman is something that has never really crossed my mine. I'm not a woman, I'm a man who likes (or needs) to dress as a woman. Whether or not I get read means nothing to me. I am just so happy to be able to express my feminine side and not have to hide it or feel guilty in any way.

I guess confidence and self-acceptance plays a huge part in my attitude towards going out in public. I have reached a level of comfort with myself and my feminine side that I have never attained before. I have gotten to a point in my life where the opinions of others has little impact on my life's perspective.

At all times I try to blend with my surroundings. If I feel pretty on the inside, there is sunshine in my heart and a twinkle in my eye then I have passed.

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

Ya know, I actually like that term BLENDING much better than passing. Fits me to a t.

*hugs*

Zarabeth

[SarahLynn]

There are tons of ugly women out there so why worry just get out there and try it out you never know.

I resemble that remark and it does not hurt me a bit. In fact me pappy says i'm purdy. Purdy ugly and purdy damn likely to stay that way. High complement from a man who when younger was accused of being ruggedly handsome. Rugged, is a kind discreption of his appearance now days.


SarahLynn

[Joy Carter]

I do this for me. If it offends someone else to bad. I'm not out to impress them. I dress the best I can and act accordingly.:D

[Suzy Harrison]

For me:

Blending - is managing to get around with no one really noticing me, with no interaction at all.

Passing - A lot of interaction - talking etc, getting noticed by many others and passing totally as a female.

[Jess_cd32]

.............There are tons of ugly women out there so why worry just get out there and try it out you never know.

Well Tracii when its last call, your single and had 15 drinks, their not that ugly anymore:heehee: Oh some of those nights I'd rather not remember, glad they were few and far between way way way back then:doh:

Eventually when it comes to CDing and I reach the point of probably going out I'll settle for blending in, kinda to tall to pass totally etc... so live with what ya got I guess and just enjoy life.

[Sara Jessica]

For me Passing is being accepted as a woman while interacting with others, up close and personal.

Blending is not being noticed as anything other than a woman. To me this involves minimal interaction with others, such walking in a mall, driving down a street or such.

Jenna




For me:

Blending - is managing to get around with no one really noticing me, with no interaction at all.

Passing - A lot of interaction - talking etc, getting noticed by many others and passing totally as a female.



There's a similarity in both of your comments but I think there's something there which misses the mark. I feel each statement is an example of blending.

Why?

Because passing in tg circles implies that you are perceived as being a genetic female, that no one reads you as tg.

So if one can accomplish the up close interaction and not be perceived as anything but a gg, congratulations, you passed. But do you really know for sure? Maybe those you were interacting with are just being polite and not saying that they have read you. You will simply never know for sure...and there's nothing wrong with that as long as you've achieved what you were aiming for in going out.

For me, I'm not kidding myself. I know that in personal interactions, I'm going to be perceived as tg. And I'm OK with that, as long as I'm accepted as and treated like a woman in those interactions. And Jenna & Suzy, please don't take my comment as a statement that either of you cannot pass. I'm not saying that at all. I'm just trying to point out the differences in the two terms, pass & blend, and what it means to me.


I certainly do (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=87757).

But the most important thing to me is acceptance, for who and what I am?

I agree 100%!!!

[Sarah...]

Gosh, you know, you girls have left me way behind on this discussion! I'm finding the distinctions way too subtle to understand clearly.

I really just want to be able to say (or present) to people that I am female - I am a woman, and for the people I tell to be able to respect my point of view and to interact with me accordingly.

If they can do that then there is no need to pass or blend.

Sarah...

[renee k]

I agree with Jenna and Joann passing as the gender you present. Is interacting with the public, up close and personal. Which most of the time I'm able to pull off, thankfully. I really don't want to be looked upon as a man in a dress.

Hugss, Renee

[carhill2mn]

I agree with what Renee said.

[tricia_uktv]

There's stacks on my blog about this but for me its about being myself. Sometimes I dress in a flamboint way deliberately not to try to pass, other times I try my best to pass. The one comment I would make though is it is almost impossible for us to pass 100% of the time and blending seems to me a much better word.

Have just written a blog entry - won't be on there until the new year about how I really blended in (almost passed) on a wet and windy day in Manchester. People were more concerned about the weather than me. So I think it differs. I also think its far harder to come out if you believe you have to pass.

[charlie]

Blending in is just that. You are basically like everyone else and not being noticed. That is almost like passing, however, if one truly passes then you can get out there and be noticed and still nobody notices. You are a woman to all that see you. Blending you will be recognized as a CD from time to time.

[Jenna1561]

There's a similarity in both of your comments but I think there's something there which misses the mark. I feel each statement is an example of blending.

Why?

Because passing in tg circles implies that you are perceived as being a genetic female, that no one reads you as tg.

So if one can accomplish the up close interaction and not be perceived as anything but a gg, congratulations, you passed. But do you really know for sure? Maybe those you were interacting with are just being polite and not saying that they have read you. You will simply never know for sure...and there's nothing wrong with that as long as you've achieved what you were aiming for in going out...

I agree 100%!!!


I totally agree with Sara's assessment. For years I labelled myself a crossdresser; I now recognize that I am truly a pre-op/non-op transsexual. I live most of the time as a woman, I present myself as such and am always treated well or at worst with indifference. I like to believe I am being perceived as a woman, but I really do not know. It would certainly defeat my purpose if I asked others whether they "read" me, but it is a question that haunts my mind ALL the time.

Passing or Acceptance, I live as I desire and haven't encountered an adverse reaction in years. That said, it's easy for me to present as a woman. I don't mean to be rude or insensitive and I mean the following only as a compliment in the highest. Those who don't readily "Pass" but still venture forth knowing such, are so much braver than I.

It's easy to dress and go out when most accept your presentation. It is so much more difficult to do so when one knows they will be perceived as a "man in a dress." I am in awe of your perseverence and fortitude. Way to Go, Ladies!


Jenna

[Nicki B]

I really just want to be able to say (or present) to people that I am female - I am a woman, and for the people I tell to be able to respect my point of view and to interact with me accordingly.

If they can do that then there is no need to pass or blend.

Would you call that being accepted - as trans? :)

And doesn't that help ALL of us who don't pass (few of us do, all the time)?

[victoriamwilliams1]

Being 5' 20" in heels, I don't think I much "blend" or "pass" very easily...( unless you count the fact that in Texas, 6'+ GG's are a dime a dozen...LOL ) I'd just like to be accepted as who I am...No more, no less...Either a "Guy in a dress" or a "very statuesque lady"... :o I'm not out to make a "statment" when I go out...I'm just "being me..:)

http://kendra954.com

I have seen many GG's in my area at or near 5' 20" come to think about I am 5'20" :) To help those out its 6'8"



Just remember that if you take the time to properly BLEND your makeup, you won't have to PASS the time wondering whether you BLEND or PASS.

Kelly


I agree with what Renee said.

Agreed:)

[mykhelee]

I'm no beauty queen but I do pass when I'm out. I think it really comes down to attitude and mannerisms as much as appearance. :2c:

If you move with the confidence, natural and in control, most folks won't take that much notice of you. If you're worried about "passing" go out to a few glts bars and get an honest opinion.

I never though I could pass, until I did.

[LA CINDY LOVE]

Blending in is just that. You are basically like everyone else and not being noticed. That is almost like passing, however, if one truly passes then you can get out there and be noticed and still nobody notices. You are a woman to all that see you. Blending you will be recognized as a CD from time to time.
This is very well put.

LA CINDY LOVE

[Sarah...]

Would you call that being accepted - as trans? :)

And doesn't that help ALL of us who don't pass (few of us do, all the time)?

Yes, I would call that being accepted. Which makes more sense to me. And yes it helps all of us.

Thanks.

Sarah...

[Nikki A.]

First of all I don't for a minute think that I do pass, especially when I see some of u other girls.
That being said, I try to dress appropriatly and look my best for the situation and like to be accepted as a person. Whether they want to treat me as a male or female as long as I am treated w/respect and common courtesy, I am happy. I do try to blend and not make a spectacle of myself.
I think that all we're looking for acceptance to be what we want to be. Some of you want to be a woman (srs and all), fine. Some of us want to feel good about what we can wear and there are others here who are happy being a man in a dress. As long as you're happy and society accepts you as you are is all I could want.

[CTsarahbakerCT]

Well in my case... im still in the beginning steps of coming out as a CD. I'm still very shy going out and about my area (in fear people i know might recongize me).

I would LOVE to be able to blend or pass as a female.

That would be my ultimate goal in life.