i can't take hiding anymore

[gagirl1]

i am so friggin' wrecked right now. the words were on the edge of my lips the other night. i almost came out to the rest of my family. i literally had to cover my mouth when talking to my mother.

i promised myself that i wouldn't ruin my little sister's last year of high school. i don't want to put that burden on my family, and i really don't want to face the difficult questions and the lack of understanding i know i will face.

i know that when i come out and live as the true person i am i will be a happier person. i want so badly to be myself, but i can't without causing huge disappointment and worry to my family. how can i hold this off until everyone else is ready? i know how the rest of my family will react (i'll pretty much be cut out of the family).

does anyone have any advice about just holding on until it's the right time?

[Jamie S.]

There's never really a "right time" to do it. People are going to react the same regardless of when you choose to do it for the most part. There's nothing I can really think of that would make it easier for you to bear, I know because I tried.

You have to sit down one on one with people though, don't announce it to more than one person at a time. Don't be defensive and answer all the questions they have if any in a calm informative manner. Let them know you love them and that nothing you can do will ever change that. If they want you to leave or give them time or space to think, respect that wish. Sometimes people just need time to digest things.

So far, by being honest, direct, and polite I've managed to tell my mother, my 80 year old uncle, and two of my closest friends and they've all be very supportive and accepting.

People will usually surprise you with how positive their reactions can be, but you also have to mentally be prepared for the worst case scenario.

[Miss Tessa]

I ruined every year of my sisters's school and mine too.
Hell, I was raized up in an adult male prison at age 14.
I got involved with drugs, a gang, and got charged with Kidnapping, False Imprisonment and trying to hold Ransom and Battery on a L.E.O. There was a hostage.
Yeah,hostages!
Things got quiet for a while then I got back into the Full swing of drug addiction once again, then transitioned, and went back home to the prison camp after Transition and the guys that weren't part of my Latino click take turns pulling my hair while another guy tried to knock me out and pull my pants off.
I got wise real fast and defended myself all the time, being one of about a dozen tranny girls in with a bunch of men.

So after I got paroled I cleaned up my life entirely.And got a good support system with the methadone clinic and the Jesus Christ.

So needless to say my sister and the rest of the family was put thru pure heartache most of the years.

Only now that I'm not hiding anymore and I let the sweetness,caring,femininty, and sobriety take over my soul, things are getting better and they actually trust me now and enjoy when I visit.


My sister actually talks to me now and what really made me happy the other day my mother said she is finally starting to heal from all the pain.

[Suzy Harrison]

The 'right time' will be when you are comfortable in the fact that others know all about you.

For many years it was my ultimate secret. But now, since I intend to go full time, I am now telling others about my condition.

So far 20 of my friends and family and work collegues know. If anything I have gained their sympathy, as they hadn't realised I had been struggling all of my life with this.

People are far more understanding than what you think. I'm sure that eventually I will meet with a very negative reaction, but this person will be outnumbered by many others.

It's also a great weight that is lifted from your shoulders and it's possible to feel far more realxed about the whole issue. Not only that, I've also now had the chance to go shopping and to restaurants with my GG friends.

[aussie24tg]

Yer when I came out to my parents my older brothers was getting engaged that night and I didn't know and they tried telling me after that I would ruin his wedding..I was his best man and he said I never ruined it.

Telling parents is soo hard, I got a friend thats always wanted to be female and he is a only child and when he came out to his parents they basicly said they would cut him off the family tree if he went through with it and some other nasty things..and now he feels so bad he is going to stay male which is sad..

My parents don't like it and alot of my family also but I'm still sticking with it and going to become a female..this is me not them..You goto look up to your self don't listen to them cause they will just give you there opinion which can be good but can be bad and if its bad it will just put you down :(

Just go slow with telling your parents, I told my mum first cause I knew she wouldn't go really crazy..my dad was a Minister so when he heard well..lets just say I made it so I wasn't home when he found out..heh

I wish ya luck :)
Amelia

[Chloe84]

I say, tell people when your ready. There will never be a perfect time to tell anyone anything. So if the timing feels right, go with it. And, please dont think that you will ruin your sisters last year of school. Shes a big girl, and i think she would be up to comprehending your situation.
In life, you have to make yourself happy first and foremost.

Oh, and sometimes the people you think to be the least supportive actually become the most supportive of you, but first you have to speak up.

Good Luck,
Chloe XOXO

[Kaitlyn Michele]

hi geri..

you see we are all saying the same thing....it's your life!!!

it sounds to me you are suffering a very classic gender dysphoria....this built up in me over many years as i held it all in....i lost mymarraige and still held it in!!! is this building up in you??

Last year at christmas i was holding the pills in my hand...i was thinking how i was going to ruin everybody else's life by transitioning...what was i thinking!!!>>!>??? arghh.. how sad for us that we are forced to worry about ruining a graduation or a holiday when our entire life stands in the balance...luckily i'm more of the wishing i wasnt alive type and never really seriously considered ending my life.

i've finally come out to my family and friends and started my hormones and i have to pinch myself to make sure i'm awake...

my lifelong dream is coming true...i've found that to your face EVERYBODY pretty much supports you...behind the scenes its more murky...but that's ok...I AM LIVING MY LIFE..so it's ok..
and if i'm "ruining" anybody's life, i havent heard about it yet


I told my dad last week and he cried and told me how much he loved me and that he never knew how much i suffered...he said if he could take it all away, he would...i told him that he just took it all away by saying that..(tears now flowing..heh)

telling your most compassionate, openminded friend and family member might be a great start for you and that may slow down your need to tell everybody, which is your gender dysphoria taking over your life (at least it did for me)

if you focus on one or two people, you have a better chance of getting some much needed emotional support...yes it's a risk...but consider that vs. telling your whole family at once..
by the way...laying the groundwork is important too..

perhaps you can share with someone how anxious and out of control you feel ...how you have tried to suck it up for everyone...that "sucking it up" is draining the life from you...etc etc...if you can get at least one person in your corner, you may find the naysayers have much less impact and control over you,,

there's no real right way, but if you want this to happen
you can do it!!

michele

[Miss Tessa]

I think it's terrible when people are forced to be in the closet over gender or sexual preference issues.

People deserve affection they want if they're gay

And people should have the right to live how they feel if it means expressing their gender identity their own way

[MJ]

there is never a good time. but i strongly suggest that to get as much information as you can before you tell them. that way they have the information everything they need in there hands. else they just won't look in to this .. i wish you live near me you would be welcome here anytime sis i understand how you feel .
maybe it's best to say nothing until after the holidays just in case :hugs:

[Jessicaparkson]

Yeah, there is never a good time. Least there wasn't for me. If you are positive of what you want to do and are completely dedicated to it then I don't see much of a reason to wait. Hugs to you hun

[Kimberley]

Suzy has it right. It is right when YOU are comfortable with it and only then. Some people will accept, others will walk away. My daughter has become Kimmie's bestest supporter and I never expected that. My boss was okay with it and very supportive as well. (As in what can I do to help?)

When you cant live the lie any longer you know it is time. As for me, I am only partially out but there are good reasons for that. The day will come though.

:hugs:
Kimmie

[gagirl1]

so far i'm out to my dad, and a couple of friends. i just want to get it over with so i can start my transitioning. the secret just eats at me every day. i'm tired of adjusting my behavior to fit in to the norm. thanks for all the advice, everyone. it's great to have such a large support system here. i don't know what i'd do without you all.

[Schatten Lupus]

I know my parents will take it so hard, that I have contemplated just sorta disappearing, and update them about some fictitious life I'm living that keeps me too busy to come around. I really do think the pain of that would be less painful to them than the pains they would go through if I came out to them.

[Holly]

If YOU can't take it anymore, then it's time to stop hiding. You are to be commended for your sensitivity to others feelings but you just can't do it at the expense of your own feelings. My suggestion is for you to harness that sensitivity and use it to convey the feelings you are having in your own heart to those who mean so very much to you. You have my best wishes.