oh you gotta love ex girlfriends

[gagirl1]

so, the hard times have started apparently. a friend of mine (that just came out to me as bi and possibly trans...we'll get to that) just told me that my ex of almost 2 years has been spreading rumors about me to friends, outing me before i was anywhere near ready. well, i haven't heard from that group of people in a long time, and now i know why. she's telling people she turned me gay, calling me a fag, and all kinds of shit. so now, i've lost a group of friends, a few of which i was pretty close to, because of her bull$#*&. i know it's true that if they can't accept you then, they aren't true friends, but it still hurts. a lot.

ok, let me setup the next part. my friend just came out to me last night, and has been asking for information and support. i'm not into guys. never have been, probably never will. well, he decides, after all the support i've given him, and after dropping the bomb of my outing, it's a good idea to hit on me! i mean, come on! i just counseled you for an hour and now i find out you just want to have sex with me? i've had to deal with tranny-chasers before, but not people i've known as friends. thank god it was over chat and not in person. i would've lost it.

so, at this point i've lost friends, been hit-on by someone i thought wanted help from a friend, and on top of that, my other psycho ex decides to call me up to chat and apologize for being a crazy bitch. i would've been happy never speaking to her again. now i've got to deal with her problems again. my head is about to explode. i'm freaking out over the future problems that each of these events presents. 3 is certainly not a lucky charm for me. all i wanted to do today was remember those who have sacrificed so much so i could have some freedom of expression. consider my day ruined.

sorry for the long post, i just need to rant to someone.

[Kimberley]

Let me ask you one simple question.

Whose problems are they?

Now ask yourself why you are taking ownership for other peoples issues?

Keep your eye on that ball girl and things will be a whole lot easier.

It really is a common problem with younger people that they take on other people's problems and miscontrue that intimacy as friendship. Dont let it deceive you. At this point most of your friends truly are transient. Think about how many have gone in the past 2 years; 4 years.

In your life if you can count your TRUE friends on one hand you have done well. The rest are just acquaintences. Give it some thought?

:hugs:
Kimmie

[Melissa A.]

Transition isnt easy. No one told you it was going to be. But Kimberly is right. You have enough to do without stressing yourself over other people's issues. Your "friends"? Right now, you don't have enough information to know that it's over and done with all of them. All you know is that your ex is bad-mouthing you to them, and none have reached out to you. Not a great sign, but in the big picture, a mere blip on the radar screen. Some may think you're nuts. Some may think your ex is a crazy b*tch. and some may simply be too uncomfortable to reach out to you right now. Your ex's? one is an immature, vindictive little person who has to deal with the consequences of her own actions. Believe me, there are people who hear her bad-mouthing you, and roll their eyes, if they know right from wrong. The other has issues that arent your's anymore. If you want to be nice, and be a friend, that's your choice. But you aren't required to take on her problems. The guy who hit on you sounds really confused, and immature. But you didnt create the situation. And apparantly you made your feelings, or lack thereof, well known. So pat yourself on the back. You did the right thing. No need to freak out. Your comments on all of these issues tells me you have a reasonabley sensible head on your shoulders. Be happy for THAT. You're gonna need it.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[gagirl1]

thanks, ladies. i need to just let go of everyone's problems. i guess it's been a problem for me for a while. it's a large reason why i haven't taken the time to get to know myself until recently: too involved in other people's lives.

Kimberley, I know exactly what you mean about problems misconstrued as intimacy. it's typical of children of a hard divorce. i'm working on that, though. it's alot easier to be happy when i don't have to worry about every little problem, and can just be.

[Scotty]

Been there myself.....I definitely feel your pain.

Damage control....

[tgirlinva]

Yup. It is true. Although I am not out to any of my friends, most of my friends I got from growing up in a very conservative catholic community. Having said that, they seemed to be pretty acceptant of some gay people that have come out. So, I don't expect them to understand what I'm going through. I think that if they're truly my friends though, they will accept me for who I am. But then again, being gay and transgendered isn't the same...

[gagirl1]

i think i sort of understand what you're saying, inva. coming out as transgender is far different from coming out as gay. the problem i think we face this: we dismiss too quickly those that don't immediately accept who we are. especially with the advent of the internet we don't really 'need' those people anymore because there's a whole worldwide community of support (which is great!). after coming out to everyone i know, i'm realizing that i have to work just as hard to keep their friendship. the symbiotic relationship still exists, but both sides have to work towards a happy medium.

if your attempts at keeping friends fail solely because you are transgendered, move on. however, don't drop everyone in the dust just because they have a hard time accepting who you are. it's a lot to take in, and it takes time.

[MJ]

i don't wish to sound mean. but like others have said it's not your problem. you need to concentrate on yourself. once your out to family and friends it's not over it's only just begun. then the real fun starts.
have you made a thread yet about your time line or will you go full time as of now? the day you put on that dress or skirt wig and makeup and step out in to the real world is the day you enter the battle Field. all the best sister