The two women in my life

[crystal99]

Since joining this forum i have began to come to terms with myself and done alot of soul searching, im at a junction of self discovery and probably a transition that i have put off for many years and you girls have been amazing, but enough with that same old record yada yada we've all been there, or are there and i know its my choice xx.

My question is this, i would like to know if anyone has been in my situation:

I feel like i am cheating on my partner, shes a gg, doesnt know, but suspects something im sure. We haven't had sex for a while, and thats not through lack of trying, we just dont seem to see each other like that anymore. We get on really well but something hasnt been right for ages, i do love her and she is my best friend but i feel like thats all we are. When i dress femme all my axiety goes away and i feel i am myself but also feel like i am having an affair (something i would never actually do), on the flip side when i am with her i feel like i am cheating on myself, like im behind my own eyes yelling "how could you do this to me".

I know it may sound a little insane but i assure you i am fine. Advice/criticism please

Crys xx

[Jessicaparkson]

I understand why you feel that are cheating on her. In my view I don't see you as, provided you aren't with someone else. I do suggest (read that "highly advise) that you talk things over with her. Secrets kill, remember that. If you have discussed it with her continue to talk with her about it etc. Have the two of you come to an understanding. When you reach that point your feelings of cheating may dissipate.

[Kimberley]

Sounds like a page out of my diary 20 years ago.

Today my SO knows I am TS. She also knows transition is highly unlikely at this point. We exist under the same roof is about all that can be said. The feelings are still there but the "values" (for lack of a better word) and directions are divergent.

Will we survive? I doubt it but I am still trying to keep myself together. The only way I will be able to go forward is to leave the present behind; painful as that will be.

:hugs:
Kimmie

[crystal99]

Thanks Jessica, i have tested the water in telling her but it didnt go down well, she has this comical view of transgendered girls and would never accept this as a part of me. She suggested a while ago that we have a break, but this never happened, im contemplating suggesting this again.

Kimberley, thanks, i hope you are happy, but i dont think i could get to the point where we're still living together with no relationship other than freindship.

Life sucks sometimes, but it does make us stronger, maybe thats the point?

Did you have a partner to tell jess?

[Valerie]

Crystal, I wonder how things have developed. I understand very well your feelings, since I have been there and agree with you in that one must change out of that situation, hopefully by helping your SO understand better what is going on. I believe that sex is crucial (but not essential, of course) to maintain a warm relation with someone with whom one lives as a couple. Some people speak of therapy as a positive intervention. I have not tried it, but perhaps others have and can tell us about their experience. You do look absolutely wonderful in your avatar photograph!

Valerie