passing vs apathy

[txrobinm]

hello, ladies! I'm requesting clarification on "passing" and it's usage here. I'm still new to the forum. My questions may seem a bit of "devil's advocate" and amateurish, but please give it an honest appraisal.

1. When you say you "passed", did you really look/move/act like a woman?

2. Or was it that no one called your bluff on your disguise, with cat calls, negative comments, or threats? (This doesn't mean you "passed", it means the other people were decent)

3. Or disguised enough to withstand a 2nd glance from someone who KNOWS you as male, but were far enough away from normal circles to minimize such a chance encounter?

or something else I haven't thought of....

In the past (pun intended) I counted on #2. I'm trying to move to #3 now.

[ReineD]

While you're waiting for responses, if you click on the thread tag "passing" in Advanced Search, you'll come up with these four threads (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/tags.php?tag=passing).
:hugs:

[tamarav]

My fears of "passing" turned out to be my fears of having a lack of confidence and attitude to actually carry off this constant presentation of a female appearance. Now that I do it every day, the fears are turning out to be just that, fear.

We all define passing in different ways, to many it simply means that no one yelled a derogatory remark at them. To others it means that they felt they were admired as a woman their entire time. To others it means that they moved about with absolutely no attention being paid to them. Each of us picks a level and works toward it, many times changing our minds during the day.

I have written more on this subject than any other and feel that it is a self-defined term, not something that each of us recognizes the same.


Look around. How many women "pass" using your criteria?

Your sis,

Tami

[Karren H]

Tami is always right!!! People are to busy these days to care what you or I wear.... I don't pass that well but hell I don't care what I wear either!!! or what the other people in the mall are wearing!!

Ok... maybe a few cute girls... in dresses.. hahaha

So if come back alive... unharmed... im my book you passed!!! :)

[Sally24]

We all define passing in different ways.
That's so true.

In the most general way, when we say "passing" we mean that no one gave any outward sign that they noticed anything unusual or out of place about us. In public crowds that usually just means that we didn't attract any attention because we "blended" well.

In one on one situations that meaning changes a little. If you interact with and talk with someone and they seem fine then that is a higher level of passing. Whether they are just being kind and accepting, or you did a good job is not something to dwell on.

If I'm treated as a woman than in my book I "passed".

[Glenda]

I think of passing mostly as blending into the crowd. It really depends on how anonymous you want to be. Most of my friends know I crossdress and on occasion I will go to bars en femme where I am known as Glen but almost everyone knows what Glenda looks like as well. I've sat at a table with friends for a couple of hours before one of them will say, "Oh my God, you're Glen!" Everyone else will say, "We thought you knew." So I guess I passed. Of course there are always the guys that try to pick up every new girl that shows up and it is especially funny when one of them buys me drinks and trys to work his charms on me. I generally attribute it to an excess of alcohol but it is fun for me and the other patrons when they figure out who I really am. So while I generally feel that I am a #2 on your scale, I do sometimes reach the #3 level.

[Sarah Martin]

I think there might be a variation on 'passing' here. I would never pass as a gg (40 years of testosterone have seen to that) - no matter how much I'd like to think I could.

But I would like to be accepted as a well-dressed/good-looking tranny.

The difference in emphasis is that I would be looking to be socially accepted as a CD, as opposed to a woman.

Nit-picking, I know. Sorry - having a pedantic redhead moment here.

Sarah.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm sure u know that "passing" means; "passing as a woman".

Beyond that, everyone's use of the word is all over the map! Specially when referring to their own "passing".

Even closet CDs, like me, r concerned with passing. In many of my pictures, I don't. To my satisfaction, anyway. U won't ever see the BAD ones!:eek:

That's really the BOTTOM LINE in passing! How well we accept our own looks!:D

[Sally2005]

Well... It is related to confidence, no matter how you look, you will always think you look like your male self. So one aspect is passing to your self. You have to get confidence and play the female role. At the same time you have to be realistic and dress to blend, you have to try to act and move like a woman and if you get no unusual feedback you are passing. I think the key is to pass on that first impression after that you can make all kinds of mistakes. 100% passing would be if you told someone you were a male and they just could not be convinced you were not female. I think passing for the purposes of going out in public is blending in, but that doesn't mean your goal should not be to pass at 100%. If you goal is to blend you could keep your beard on and wear colors that make you look like part of the background. I feel like I pass when no one does a double take.

[izzfan]

I;ve never really tried to "pass" as such, probably due to the fact that most times when I have been out "en femme" have been Halloween. Although I like to think that someone who only saw me briefly might mistake me for a woman. The instant I start speaking, it usually becomes obvious that I am male.

From all I've seen, confidence does seem to be the key to passing but seeming as I have very little of this (even in "bob mode"), I don't think that I will be trying to pass any time soon.

[Helen Raines]

Sally has it right.Blending in means being able to act like a woman with a lot less stress.

[Kate Simmons]

Beats me Hon. I never think about moving or acting like a woman as I'm sure women don't. I just act like myself. Too much work to put on some kind of "act". I think a lot depends on what you do and where you go and what your purpose for going out en femme is to begin with. As far as if I "pass" or not, that's the last thing on my mind really.:)

[Alice Torn]

I may pass best,playing quarterback, or as a Lane Bryant mannequin.

[Rachel Morley]

In the most general way, when we say "passing" we mean that no one gave any outward sign that they noticed anything unusual or out of place about us. In public crowds that usually just means that we didn't attract any attention because we "blended" well.

In one on one situations that meaning changes a little. If you interact with and talk with someone and they seem fine then that is a higher level of passing. Whether they are just being kind and accepting, or you did a good job is not something to dwell on.

If I'm treated as a woman than in my book I "passed".

As far as I'm concerned Sally nailed it! That's pretty much exactly what I was going to write. :hugs:

[StaceyJane]

For me passing is just getting out my door without anyone seeing me.

[avril findlay]

Well when I'm out dressed I certainly try my best to look, move, and act like a woman. I think I "pass" as woman in a lot of people's eyes. But I don't live in a dream world. I'm very well aware that I don't "pass" in a lot of other people's eyes! and that a lot of people are too busy with their own problems to worry about what I'm wearing. And that there are others who are just too friendly and/or polite.

[Cari]

My definition of passing is simply being accepted and not getting any negative attention.

I really dont think of it as a bluff or disguise - Its just my fem side coming out to play.

The longer it takes people to read you the less likely you are to get comments. Who would want to be wrong on that call ? You see the "what a tall woman" then the " Is that a woman" looks.

Women seem to be speed readers.I think allot of it is just showing respect for women by acting like a lady. If they think that you are making fun of them you will definately get comments. I guess thats blending.


Cari

[Sarah...]

Yay Tami! Right again. For me it's all about confidence now. And that's stopped me worrying about it.

And another angle? I've told my family and some close friends that I am female. They have all accepted this and treat me accordingly, so does that mean I am "passing" as far as they are concerned?

Who knows!

Sarah...

[britneylove]

LOTS OF HARD LOOKING WOMAN IN DELAWARE SO I BLEND VERY WELL LOL:heehee:

[Nicki B]

hello, ladies! I'm requesting clarification on "passing" and it's usage here.

This thread (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=87757) might help you, too? :)