So There's This Aunt...

[ZenFrost]

We celebrated thanksgiving a day late to accommodate different schedules, and I've got this one aunt... she's the only one on my father's side who's like this. She asked me all the bad questions and said all the horrible things you can say to a transgendered person. In the hours she was there, I got everything from:

"You're going to hell."

to

"Why are you killing [female name]?"

to

"You're always going to be my niece."

"I'm never going to call you [male name]."

"You're not a man."

"How can you compete with men when you're not one?"

"Why are you destroying yourself spiritually?"

and

"Go look in the mirror, you'll see [female name]."


She kept calling me by that name the whole time, even getting to the point of saying it repeatedly really fast (how childish can she be?) in my face. All those things and more, for hours. :witsend: I got lectured on religion and the afterlife and my soul, and how women were supposed to serve men. All my explaining about how I never was a girl, that I tried to be but couldn't because I wasn't one, didn't even knock her arguments down a notch. It's impossible to make a point with someone that doesn't see logic, I learned that long ago with my mother's family.

Goodness, a day of shopping, two days of cooking, and then having to listen to that. :rolleyes:

[Felix]

Oh Zen my friend ((((((HUGS)))))) I feel for ya really I do. It is so not good having these things said to ya and so not true ...... I have had similar things said to me and it is so demoralizing......Thinking of ya my friend and sending positive thoughts xx Felix

[Devon James]

Now that's crap, so much for thanksgiving. Some people just never learn or want to learn. Let her sit up the highest tree and don't let her get to your mind.

We all know who you really are! :hugs:

[deja true]

So if the rest of your family accepts you, why did they even invite this benighted ol' harridan? The diatribes and stress must have ruined everybody's holiday as well as yours.

So very sorry Zen hunny! If it were me, I'da excused myself early on and not bothered with a day of abuse. You owe her nothing, especially respect...

But you have ours...and there are thousands of us!

[Andrea's Lynne]

Sorry to hear of your ordeal, Zen. Hang in there, love ... you have LOADS of support here!

[noeleena]

hi..... Zenfrost...not my day out in the park.. so women were to serve men ....the words i could use hmmmmm. a male attatude . that has not been put in its place . a hang over from victoian days yea right ...our women stood up for the vote . & other things . oh the list goes on . what they were really saying was we dont have a mind ..or could think for our selfs ...oh i think we can ...sorry you had to put up with that bullshit ....now not all men or women are like this just some ....pity. it would be nice to just be accepted for who ...you ..are . ....noeleena....

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

its been said many times,,,dont argue with an idiot,,,

just let her rant and dont invite her to any more family gatherings,,,,:2c:

[NateX]

Dude, I'm sorry to hear all that. Just remember, as so many others have said, I'm sure, that not everyone feels that way, and if the rest of your family is supportive of you, talk to them, talk to us, talk to someone if the aunt puts you in a depressive slump. We're all here for ya. :hugs:

[tamarav]

Just dismiss it as the rantings of someone who probably spent her life "serving men" and regrets every minute of it.

You are on the right track, keep your head up.

Your sis,

Tami

[Susan Loves Life]

I know that I'm going to get bashed by everyone for saying this, but ---

Not only is she your aunt, she is also another human being. If nothing else, you still need to be respectful of her and her opinions. Remember - judge not, lest ye be judged. We, and I mean everyone, are entitled to our opinions. The way to effect a change in others is through tolerance, respect, and love.

Ok - now blast me - I can take it :):):)

[Sarah...]

I know that I'm going to get bashed by everyone for saying this, but ---

Not only is she your aunt, she is also another human being. If nothing else, you still need to be respectful of her and her opinions. Remember - judge not, lest ye be judged. We, and I mean everyone, are entitled to our opinions. The way to effect a change in others is through tolerance, respect, and love.

Ok - now blast me - I can take it :):):)

Yes, it's true. But there are right ways and wrong ways to make a point. The situation described seemed all wrong. Unfair. You have my sympathies Zen, that wasn't good behaviour for anyone to have to tolerate, regardless of orientation.

Hugs

Sarah...

[Nicki B]

Zen,

It sounds as if she has a big problem - and she's trying very hard to make it your problem? :sad:

Look behind the behaviour and ask yourself why she has behaved so strongly and childishly? Is she bottling up trans feelings herself?

Dump the monkey back on her shoulders... ;)

[sandra-leigh]

In my opinion, your host should have asked her to leave or stop the attacks!

[ZenFrost]

One thing I can say about her that she's a few fries short of a happy meal, and I mean this seriously. She (like my mother's side of the family) is honest to goodness crazy, and she's been that way for a long time. We don't know if it was because of the accident (way back when) or if she was just this way naturally, but there really isn't anything we can do about it.

She wasn't actually invited either, but she's my cousin's mother and he was. So for the first time in many years, he brought her with.

I often tell people 'judge not, lest ye be judged' and I know that everyone is entitled to his or her opinions, but with her, you've really got to take into consideration her often spoken opinions that: people sneak into her apartment to poison her water, black people use a telepathic network to 'get back at' white people, public water fountains turn into glue in her mouth... I could go on for pages. I know she's entitled to her opinions, and through all of this no one told her to shut up or shot her down. At one point she was politely asked to stop talking about religion (as she kept telling other people what they believed, even though they didn't) but that was about it.

But something else to keep in mind Susan is that though being entitled to one's own opinion doesn't mean being entitled to force your beliefs on others or do things to change their lives without their consent simply because you do not believe that what they are (or are doing) is right.

[Susan Loves Life]

But something else to keep in mind Susan is that though being entitled to one's own opinion doesn't mean being entitled to force your beliefs on others or do things to change their lives without their consent simply because you do not believe that what they are (or are doing) is right.

Did I miss something here? All I said was that we are all entitled to our opinion, and that we need to show respect, tolerance, and love to others. I never said anything about forcing ones beliefs on others.
:sad::eek:

[Niya W]

I think what Zen was saying Susan is how can you be respectful of some ones opinions if they don't respect your opinion and try to force views on you that you don't believe in.

[Sally2005]

The only success I have in such situations is not to take the bait and refuse to argue. If they still won't leave you alone then move physically away from them and if that still doesn't work then excuse yourself to the host and leave the dinner. If you aren't going to enjoy being there don't stay...go do something enjoyable. People like that will never change, the only thing they understand is being alone and having no one left to complain about...then they come crying back asking why you don't like them!

[ZenFrost]

Did I miss something here? All I said was that we are all entitled to our opinion, and that we need to show respect, tolerance, and love to others. I never said anything about forcing ones beliefs on others.
:sad::eek:

No, I did not think you said that or mean to imply that you said that. I was merely expanding my point. You said that I needed to still be respectful of her opinions and I said that I didn't say any ill word to her, but she was forcing her beliefs on everyone in the room. I was agreeing with you that, yes, she is entitled to her opinion, but I was also pointing out that it didn't mean she was also entitled to force her beliefs as she was doing.

It's one thing for her to have an opinion that I am not what I am, but it's quite another for her to try to make me think that.

[jazmine]

(great big hug)..............I'm so sorry.

[Punkster]

Sorry to hear that Zen, thats really rough. I particualy saw that she said it is ruining you spritually. Hah! I beleive trans folk are in a very unique and priveliged position in that respect, ok daily life is crap but spiritualy not at all. We have the ability to have a foot in both worlds something most people cannot do let alone understand.

[Sheila]

Zen hugs hun

Last wek I got into an bit of a funk on the bus to town when an older female was going on about a young lasses dress code aparently because she was 72, she felt he principles were better than mine because she had had them longer :Angry3: ( I did not know that at the time as I was sat directly in front of her when I started).

I know it is hard when family are harsh with us, but remember we can't choose them, but we can our friends and you have made many on here.

:hugs:

[MJ]

i am sorry zen. i get that from my family too. now days I'm just not invited to any events any more. and thats fine by me. apart from my children you are my family. :hugs:

[Sharon]

I recently attended a gathering that included many relatives and friends of my parents. I too was subjected to some nasty comments and no matter how much I told myself that the opinions of some people don't matter, particularly those who I rarely if ever see, the words still stung.

The one thing that salvaged my mood, at least after I gave everything later consideration, were the nice things and encouragement that most other people said to me.

Hang in there, Zen, and embrace the opinions of those who respect you for who you are. Those who don't respect you just don't deserve any respect from you.

:hugs:

[Wendy me]

you know this hurts for sure .... thing is she is closed minded and as you say "she is a few fries short of a happy meal," and "We don't know if it was because of the accident (way back when) or if she was just this way naturally, but there really isn't anything we can do about it."


OK then let it go if she is as you say could this be even worth your getting stressed over ???? see your young in the years to come you will hear things that you don't like ... and you will have to decide is it something you want to let go or dose it warrant a stand ....

life is not something that sails on by with out a challenge or more add this whole gender issues mix in it and your going to have encounters for sure ..... (lol in my 51 short years i have had a few lol)..........

Zen theirs encounters are life's way of getting one ready for the test that we all receive at one point in our life ..... study each of them and see how you learn from each of them ... they are all lessons preparing us for our test...........


in the end "it is what it is".................

[Holly]

Zen, I'm sorry your day was so unpleasant. From what you say, your aunt is pretty emotionally disturbed so I would just consider the source. It is sad, though, that other members of your family did not say something to the woman. Always remember, you have the truth about yourself locked into your heart and nobody can take that from you... ever.

[ZenFrost]

It's not actually bothering me too much. Yes, it hurts that my own family is like that, and the things she says don't feel good coming from anyone, but I try not to let things bother me. Aside from the aforementioned stuff and craziness, she's not that bad of a person (which is more than I can say about my mother's family) so I'm not going to bother stressing over her too much, especially when I have other family members who are much, much worse (a certain other aunt comes to mind).

[RevMoonSerpent]

I'm glad you have such a positive outlook on things Zen. You are a better man than me. I would have gone off on her. So kudos for you my friend. :)

[GG Pearls]

I'm sorry, she sounds like an unhappy and mean person. And you know what they say about mean people--they suck!

[metalguy639]

Sorry your aunt cannot seem to understand.