Why do I feel so insecure?? T_T

[tgirlinva]

I have been dating this guy for couple months now and the relationship, all in all, has been wonderful. But my feelings of insecurity are driving me crazy and I wonder if I'm over-reacting or if some of you girls would feel the same. The main source of my stress and worries are with his ex-gf. I was surfing the internet and "accidently" stumbled upon his pictures. Most of them are of him and his ex-gf on vacation and more horrendous, of them having sex. When I saw them, it felt like a ton of bricks just fell on me. I mean, I think that he is still in love with her and that no matter what happens between him and me, I won't be able to fill that void. For one, she has completely transitioned (while I am not) and she is totally dependent on him, something I guess he likes (I'm educated and independent). I mean, the other day, he ran to her rescue when she needed her light bulb fixed. Every time he is away or late, I wonder if he's with her... I don't like to be jealous or feel insecure, but I feel like I'm falling for him and I'm not getting those feelings in return. No matter what I do, I feel like he's just "blah"... doesn't notice it. Everytime I want to walk away, I feel like he's a good guy. But why is he still keeping pictures of his ex, naked pictures for that matter... I posted a thread about him watching porn online. I feel that the bottom line: he is not attracted to me. I feel like he is using me until he finds someone better.... but I don't know if that's true or not. I'm probably over-reacting or what not, but I just felt like ranting, I'm sorry.

[melimelo]

I have a feeling that if you remove any reference to transgenderism and transition in your post, you would end up with a quite universal story: I'm not sure that my bf really loves me!

It is an important part of becoming a woman, to experience the difference in how both genders are dealing with relationships. My therapist was reminding this to me, in our last session. In a sense, you are gifted with the memories of your male life and the learning of being a better female. This could help you understand things in a better way than a GG ever could.

From my own (limited) experience, honesty and transparency are almost always the means to maintain a healthy relationship. If you don't like the way he acts with his ex, tell him it hurts you and that you want a clear explanation on he views his ex. And if you don't like the answer, it might be better to walk your separate ways.

In any case, good luck!