Telling the Wife

[markie v]

Anybody ever have to tell your Wife that you want to be a Girl? How did you do it and did she freak out?

I have 2 kids, a toddler and a 5 year old and would like to stay with them.

My Wife knows I have some serious issues and says that no matter what she would stay with me as long as I am in Therapy, even if I got disabled like a vegtable she said she would stay with me and I honestly do believe it by what I have put her through the past 10+ years but changing into a Girl may be another story.

I dont think of myself as a Crossdresser anymore since I rarely wear any Womens Clothes, I concider myself a Transgender. I concider myself as a Female ready to be corrected. I will wear the clothes if and when I start HRT and when my body starts changing. I dont want to be a hairy non figured Male dressing as Female.

I am in Therapy now and having my second session Tomorrow.

[Kimberley]

Well, you know the odds of a spouse supporting you through and past transition. Not very inviting.

As to telling her there is no real right way. Just your way. She will need support through this so you might want to suggest couples counselling to help.

My only advice is this. You are still relatively young and have a lot of years ahead of you. IF you are going to do it then dont put it off as long as you know you are committed to living your life in your true gender role. There is a personal price to pay for sure but as I said, you are young.

Only you can work through this. It has to be your choice and made with your eyes open to the consequences. It really is a choice of consequence.


My spouse and I live in a "platonic" relationship. I am stuck because I am also financially dependent. So, becoming independent has to be the first consideration, even before disclosure. You dont know how she will react so make sure you have covered all the bases.

My marriage is for all intents and purposes over. Still there are emotional attachments. She rejects anything to do with my being trans and believes that I am "sick".

So, all I can offer is my best of luck.

Huggs,
Kimmie

[vikkymax]

well i have got mixed views :confused: maybe at present our wife is agreeing whatever you are thinking but don't you feel after Therapy maybe she got frustrated with you after some time . I hope everything goes good after your therapy you are in 2nd stage may god bless you & best of luck for your future . Please don't feel bad these are my perception.
Anyways Merry Christmas :Party2:

[PortiaHoney]

From your question I can't figure if you asked her how she feels if you are physically disabled or if you decide to trans?

Is the reason your wife is understanding of your "condition" because deep down she believes you can be cured? It is a huge leap from living as a "vegetable" to changing your physical and mental appearance to the same sex as her.

Some see it as a choice we get to make. Others go into denial until the changes becomes obvious and they then decide you are serious and they didn't choose to be lesbian.

Every situation is different. I didn't change anything about my general appearance, just felt a bit free'er about my situation and that was enough to cause instability. Not enough for them to decide to leave, but caused enough waves to rock the boat and other problems to emerge.

In the end, you have to be you. Also, you have to be honest with her as well as yourself. Whatever the outcome.

:hugs:Portia

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Markie...

i think you are getting the picture that there is no right way....probably lots of wrong ways..

i'm divorced and i have a 12 and 14 yr old daughter...i'm working on a plan to tell the kids in january and my ex has promised that she will "support" me and not turn them against me..

this is SERIOUS stuff and has nothing to do with disability or even "being a freak" as on person said to me....it's about identity and living a real life...a life that we can't seem to have unless we solve our gender issues...

i've mentioned before i'm in group therapy...the number in my group is 0% of the wives stayed ....a couple wives tried, a couple freaked out...its really across the board but you are going to have to consider that all you can do is tell her in a way that puts HER in the best position ...then she will decide what to do..

pls keep posting...when i was going through this i never ever felt more alone and frightened...when it blew up in my face...it really sent me down a terrible path which i am only now feeling better about..(4 yrs later)