Had a bout of depression

[Rayna]

I don't know what's going on. I had a bout of depression for the last week or so, and i pretty much rejected Rayna for that time. I almost wound up purging. Today all of a sudden I feel like I want to reject Jason. This kills me... i dont know what i want anymore, and for some reason my depression is worse than it has been in years...

it kills me to think of how many people seem to have it easier.

[eileen1969]

I too have gone through bouts of hell with both my identies...in hte past year prior to coming out I thought I was free! Little did I know my depression hit even harder-faster-and to the piont of death. I did not know how to handle society at large let alone people! This included family, so called freinds and our community at large. I hit my addictions hard to escape my pains, that was hard enough just to deal with that! I succesfully died for two minutes, then I suffered a major stroke and my last episode I nearly bleed to death! Three times the charm and that was all through no fault of my own...Three times dancing with death and three times of painful discriminations from what was supposed to be safe places. One a recovery home , second was my own home and then a treatment centre! Eileen is so strong and more freeier than ever to perservere such overwhelming odds against me and people! much love Ron/Eileen xoxox

[Mona]

Hi Rayna,
Don't feel alone, I think we all go through this. I have times I need to be a guy, I have good companions and great activities that I can only enjoy as a guy. Then all of a sudden, when I'm alone again, Mona will need to come out. I used to worry about all this but now I just accept that all of this makes up who I am, and no one has the right to tell me I'm wrong or bad!
So try to take it easy, don't worry to much, and trust time will make things easier.
Hugs, Mona

[Melissa A.]

Yeah, I know Rayna. Sometimes life seems unecessarilly hard. But for every person who has it easier than you feel you do, there is at least one who has it harder. I don't mean take solace in other people's hardships, but just know that you are not alone. I have never suffered from deppression, but I do have ADD, and even with medication, some days are just so HARD! Everything seems to go wrong! Makes me crazy! The key for me is to remember what I DO have, instead of wishing things were different. I have a sharp mind(when it's working!), a good job, a loving, loyal family and friends who like me. When I remember this and other good stuff, the daily "stuff that happens" seems less important. I know suffering from ADD is less serious than deppression(although I have a sometimes dangerous job where paying attention is VERY important, so...) and I can't pretend to empathize with deppression, being eternally optimistic. But I know you must have parts of your life that make you relaxed, peaceful, and happy. And there must be things that you are proud of. Short of therapy and medication, I would say when you get down, try to focus on what's good...And you always have your sisters here to listen and care, and that's one more good thing.

I don't know if I've been helpful. I really hope so. And I hope that's another thing you can be happy about-Your'e not alone, and there are those who care enough to want you to find peace and happiness.

Hugs,

Melissa :)

[Rayna]

Yeah, I know Rayna. Sometimes life seems unecessarilly hard. But for every person who has it easier than you feel you do, there is at least one who has it harder. I don't mean take solace in other people's hardships, but just know that you are not alone. I have never suffered from deppression, but I do have ADD, and even with medication, some days are just so HARD! Everything seems to go wrong! Makes me crazy! The key for me is to remember what I DO have, instead of wishing things were different. I have a sharp mind(when it's working!), a good job, a loving, loyal family and friends who like me. When I remember this and other good stuff, the daily "stuff that happens" seems less important. I know suffering from ADD is less serious than deppression(although I have a sometimes dangerous job where paying attention is VERY important, so...) and I can't pretend to empathize with deppression, being eternally optimistic. But I know you must have parts of your life that make you relaxed, peaceful, and happy. And there must be things that you are proud of. Short of therapy and medication, I would say when you get down, try to focus on what's good...And you always have your sisters here to listen and care, and that's one more good thing.

I don't know if I've been helpful. I really hope so. And I hope that's another thing you can be happy about-Your'e not alone, and there are those who care enough to want you to find peace and happiness.

Hugs,

Melissa :)

That's on my list too... Bipolar II (manic depression), ADD, dyslexia... and a few others i'm SURE i missed... seems like no matter what i do to try and get ahead, something always pops up to stop me... be it depression, money, relationships, work...

i lost a bunch of employees at work recently... lost 1 who quit with no notice, and i had 2 that were let go for other reasons i wont get into.... so now i've been working 80-90hrs a week with no days off.. that's been getting on my nerves...


my wife has been wicked withdrawn lately too...and that has been pulling at my heart. i cant help but feel that i've been doing something wrong, but she tells me i haven't.


and of course money is always a problem.... i've fallen way behind on my condo association fees and can't seem to catch up... i have a ton of debt from hospital bills, and from the year i was unemployed.... and beign a compulsive spender doesn't help matters.


like i said.. it seems like some people have it easy... how come i didn't get one of those lives?

[Melissa A.]

All those roadblocks and yet you have found the strength to run your own business, and have a wife who loves you and is supportive of your dressing...I'm not trivializing what you are feeling, it is obviously real. But you do have some good stuff going on, even if work seems more like a burden now...Perhaps a proffessional to talk to would help you. The help is there if you seek it. I know Priscilla has some experience in the area of deppresion. All I can say is never stop trying(there goes that eternal optimist in me again!).

Your friends here care about you. PM me any time, sister.

Hugs,

Melissa :)

[Jeri Kay]

;) Take it easy,Rayna. We all go through it.It's overwhelming sometimes.
Personally, I thank God for Jeri.
My therapist said I was deeply depresed, and had been for many years.That was in 1986, just before my open heart surgery.She tells me the same now.
At times I feel depressed. I don't take their drugs. When I am down I take a long walk, practicing my swish a little as I go, pretending I am in femme, and the guys I pass have their eyes on my hiney.
I go back home and do my exercises,working on my figure,so I will look good when I am dressed.Then I usually go take a dip in the pool,sun awhile, and hit the shower.
I slip into my panties and T-shirt, and try to relax with a good book.
If all else fails,go femme shopping, whether you buy anything or not.
That's my way of dealing with the depression.
Take heart that we are your sisters, and we are here for you.
If possible, find someone you can confide in. With me it is my SO, and my therapist, and of course, our sister CD's right here.

Love and Kisses

[Glamour]

CRY

and then just jam out to some rock and roll
like punch the f****** air and s*** *BAM BAM POW*
JUST GO ALL OUT

it works i promise ;)

[Priscilla1018]

I don't know what's going on. I had a bout of depression for the last week or so, and i pretty much rejected Rayna for that time. I almost wound up purging. Today all of a sudden I feel like I want to reject Jason. This kills me... i dont know what i want anymore, and for some reason my depression is worse than it has been in years...

it kills me to think of how many people seem to have it easier.

Hi Rayna,

Yes some people SEEM to have it easier,but we never really know what personal Hell they are going through.Like Melissa,I too have ADD plus clinical depression and paranoia.I have gone through the purge :eek: thing so many times in the past.I felt that I wanted to get rid of Priscilla,then later wanted to get rid of Tom.You will eventually reach a point of balance in your life where the two personalities can exist together.
You may wish to join the depression section,it helps to be able to open up in a safe setting and talk about problems.Trust me,it does help.

[orchard]

sorry sweetie...
I get mixed up too, and I am just starting to realize that I am the same person fem that I am normally...its just wierd.
The depression sucks too.