Blue fog? Thoughts on purgings and loss of desire

[battybattybats]

I wonder if the bouts many go through of feelling like they have no desire to dress or should get rid of their femme things might be quite comparable to the 'pink fog' where their femininity is all-consuming.

A sort of Blue Fog, where masculinity is ascendent to the point where it eclipses the feminine desire.

The two forces then being in constant flux, or is it that the more one is allowed to reign the weaker it becomes and the stronger the other till one fades and the other comes crashing in?

Or are the loss of desire patches the result of unconcious issues of repression of ones femininity rather than a conflicting masculinity/femininity balance?

[Janet Bern]

Trust me dont purge. I often have had the urge to purge and in my early years have done it. DONT it will just cost you money in the long run and you eventually will be shopping all over again and wishing you hadnt thrown out the good skirt or dress you liked so much. I have found that if you put in all in a suitcase in a place where it is a project to get to you will probably not bother dressing and leave it there. However eventually you will get the big urge to dress again and will be glad you didnt purge
Janet

[Shelly67]

Who knows ......I think its prolly certain issues or our souroundings that at times cause us this unsettlement.
I lost all desire to enfemme whilst on holiday ......felt disgusted with the whole idea even at times .
But , lo and behold , on coming home , it came back with a vengence . I,ve purged , and realised how costly it became .......still feel like it again sometimes tho... I just close the cupboard door , and walk away .
On reflection however , for me personally it made me realize how selfish my dressing ( or not ) could at times make me be .....blinkered and sometimes unhappy.
Talk about a rock and a hard place . The devil and the deep blue sea.........
I,ve often thought "what if the desire were to diminish totally , but leaving the peace and calmness I felt when dressed in its wake " - would I accept it ?

You betcha .

As loving my female side as I do , it certainly has it,s pitfalls ..............
but then thats life in general isnt it ?
And I,m sure we all feel this at times , both male and female ........

[StephanieT]

Currently I am on the PINK side but I have spent years on the Blue side with no dressing at all. Not sure if and when the Blue side might come back. Right now I am just trying to find the right balance as I truely enjoy both sides of me.

[battybattybats]

Believe me I'm not personally considering ever purging again nor am I currently suffering any loss of desire beyond an occassional putting it off for a day or so that I catch myself at.

Just discussions in another thread, pondering the way I used to feel and the way many still do had me wondering about the mechanisms of it.

The better we can understand it the easier it is to manage. If those going through a loss of desire coul equate a blur fog with their pink it might be easier to resist purging or getting upset over it and instead to enjoy their blue-phase knowing the pink would return once they'd got the manlyness out of their system enough.

Or alternatively if it isn't a blue fog but unconcious repression then ehen people feel they don't feel like dressing they can know they are kidding themselves and it's really a desire not-to-dress and them convincing themselves unconciously that this is the case and they can work on deeper self-acceptance.

So either possibilities could lead to helping people through those states without expensive purging or fears of the loss of their feminine selves.

[Karren H]

I hear mascalinity is highly over rated? Must have read that in Cosmo??

I personally gave up on trying to be uber mascaline or ultra feminine and have reached a happy balance in my life where both sides can coexist.. Together and at the same time.. Nothing like being smooth and smelling of perfume and knocking some guy on his ass in a heated ice hockey match! Lol

I haven't purged in a decade or more.. And though the urges to dress come and go.. The urges to get rid everything is never there... Plus in the current economic climate.. Your money foolish of you throw out perfectly good clothing especially when you know and I know you will regret it and reacquire them at a later date...

I think Ben Franklin said "A penny saved is a penny earned... a bra in the hand is worth two in the trash"? Yeah... Something like that.. Hahaha

[Shelly67]

I think regardless of our sexuality and gender our desires ebb and flow like the tide . Perhaps we should ask ourselves will we ever find the answear .....or does the quest for a solution pose more stress than a result ?
In times of question , for some reason i always remember this ........
I once had a teacher write some bars of a piece of music in an excercise book of mine on a piece of my handi work ... how I wished I could write music as it meant a lot to me .....it went , Never B flat , Never B sharp , Always B natural ............

[cindym5_04]

For 2008 and near the end of 2007, I've definitely been on the blue side. I've had so much going on though, that I haven't had much time to really think about any of it. I mean there are times during the day that I'll think about dressing (having just discovered this site, too, hehehe) or chat with people that only know my femme side. I just haven't had so much of an urge to follow through after I get home.

If you are going to purge, though, do what I do- purge the stuff that doesn't fit. That way, it's not taking up space and it's not like you'd be able to wear it anyway. :)

[MarciManseau]

Being the loving and wonderful person that I am, :devil: I'm hereby offering to take all the things you girls want to purge. We have two spare rooms so I can store it and make good use of the things that fit me. Hey, no sense in letting all those cute things go to waste :)

I know, I know, I'm a saint :brolleyes:

Purging is one thing I'll never understand. Getting rid of all my nice things has never even crossed my mind.



Hugs, Marci :hugs:

[Kate Simmons]

Actually Batty, in my case , it's no longer a "this" vs "that" scenerio. Having balanced the feelings and integrating them into my overall self, it's just a matter of choice as to how I wish to present. Neither side is "better" or "worse" than the other. Both sets of feelings are actually additive to one another rather than subtractive or opposed. There is no "correct" way to act and I can be either male or female, both or neither as desired and needed. We are all unique individuals but most miss the point as to what that means in a real sense.:)

[Crissy Kay]

Yeah, I kind of lost any desire to dress up for the time being myself. It may have something to do with the new S&W 9mm that I bought last week!!!

[Julogden]

For me, it's more a gray fog, as I never really feel very masculine, just not feminine. When I'm not feeling the need to express myself in a feminine manner, I just basically feel nothing. At this point, I know better than to purge.

I do feel that there is an inner, semi-subconscious struggle going on with me.

Carol

[Shelly67]

What was it someone once said to me .........."never loose faith in the colour of the sky " ....perhaps it holds a little truth in our being ....
Its always beautiful , clear , blue , pink sunsets , grey and turbulant ...........:daydreaming:

[CD Susan]

I used to experience ups and downs in my desire to dress to the extent that I would purge everything thinking I would no longer want to do this. I have purged three times and regretted it each time. This was many years ago and I now have a desire to dress that remains at a constant level. I dress every day and could not be any more content with the life I lead. I do not experience any pink or blue fogs anymore but rather am in a constant state of a "white fog". I will admit to being very caught up in some kind of obsession with my newly pierced ears though.

[Sarah...]

I see no pink fog or blue fog. I'm in a clear, high visibility patch. I don't think that'll change now. But even so, I'm desperate to NOT experience either kind of fog. This clarity is soooooo, addictive....

Sarah...

[Aurora27]

For me any desires to purge don't come necessarily from an overwhelming sense of masculinity, more that sometimes dressing can seem so utterly futile when I realise my body isn't as feminine as I'd like, and that I never have the time to make the clothes I have look any good on me etc etc It makes me wonder what the point of it all is?

[rickie121x]

Yes, ups and downs, pink and blue - and of course, the very drab mix of the two when there is no motivation for either dress mode. I :) just don't worry about it and let the desires flow whichever way they seem to flow.

Then there are those days when I have made a commitment of some sort, where crossdressing is "the thing to do". Say, a party or Halloween celebration. And on that day, I might be in a mixed or bluish mood. It is so very hard to begin the whole process of shaving, and selecting clothes, and the makeup process! There have been times when I truly have not enjoyed doing it, but went ahead and completed dressing anyway. It's not a bad thing, but somehow not really good either. It's weird - being dressed and feeling "blah" about it. And worse, there were times when after arriving at the function, I still was not in the right mood, and just packed up went back home.

One of the really nice things about being older, one recognizes that most of what happens doesn't make any difference anyway... and so by the next morning it really doesn't make any difference - at all! Pink, or blue - just fassing pantasies!

[Sammy777]

It seems that the journey is more times then not,
better then the destination.

For some the journey ended long ago.

For some it may well never end.

For once the journey is over it can never be taken again,
but you will spend the rest of your time at the destination you seek.



So, Get in, Sit down, Hold on & Enjoy the ride. LOL

And in case your wondering,
The Journey is Discovery, The Destination, Balance
Confucius has left the building.
Thankya, Thankya very much.

[Angel.Marie76]

I would say, in the past 10+ years, I had a mini-purge / pack-it-all away session some long time ago. Literally just tossed any of the few little things I had, kept a pair or two of stockings/hose, and stopped dressing for some significant time (mostly due to SO non-compliance, son/custody battles - it's amazing how that bologna will sometimes gum up life).

Then, really, a bit from left field, I began to realize I had been starting to buy clothes that were unusually form fitting OR when my jeans started to get a little tight on me - I liked it.. Or t-shirts made of a fabric I've now similarly matched to several of the shirts I now own of a more femme styling... and I think the kicker was when I started to buy mens long underwear from stores like EMS that were of the Nylon/spandex variety (level one insulation), etc.

At one point I stopped, went through my drawers and closets, and was like WTF??
*face--palm* I've been getting closer and closer to femme wear one item at a time. It snuck up on me!!!

Even if the world came crashing down on me tomorrow, I may pack it up and hide it all away with a trusted friend - but I'll likely never purge again.

[Tess]

I doubt if its a blue fog, it's more like a change in the weather that has caused the pink fog to clear. With the pink fog I seem to seek out the most feminine things I can find to wear. When the fog passes I don't grab the most masculine things in my wardrobe to counter balance the other side. So maybe its repression...or maybe not. Anyway, I don't purge, or at least I haven't in a dozen years or more. I know the weather will change and the fog will be back.

[Cassia-Marie]

Yeah, I kind of lost any desire to dress up for the time being myself. It may have something to do with the new S&W 9mm that I bought last week!!!

Was it the M&P 9mm? Mmmmmmm... I have GOT to get one of those to go with my HK .45 USP Tactical. LOL! But seriously... I do.

[Anna the Dub]

I don't do masculine any more. Not that I ever really did, my male persona was only really a construct, completely made up and not me.

[Laura Evans]

I have purged a number of times always thinking the desire would go away and it would for a while but each time the desire would return usually with a vengence. I finally realized it would not and that that was who I was. I dress now almost 24/7 but as others in this thread have said there are days when I don't because I don't want too, or because of the inconvinience. You should be comfortable whichever clothing you are wearing whether in drag or drab it does not change who you are only how you behave.

[leesametz]

more that sometimes dressing can seem so utterly futile when I realise my body isn't as feminine as I'd like, and that I never have the time to make the clothes I have look any good on me etc etc It makes me wonder what the point of it all is?


i agree with this and the fact my SO would SO NOT understand nor would my daughter because ive always been the strong manly guy in the family (well okay the ONLY guy in the family)...

ive only really been out of the house a couple of times in full dress in instances that were NOT going to a friendly club (which really isnt that friendly nor overly populated with gurls) and that was to go wash the car last winter in a skirt and mary janes and once to the local mall about 10am during the week and walking around. granted i DIDNT want a lot of attention, i got NONE so i dont know what to think. the last time i went to the club (4th of july) i spoke to no one in 45 minutes other than the bar keep for a Coke...

ive been considering another purge just recently because of these reasons among others. the only thing i miss from earlier purges are the pair of matched white and black 3" heels i gave up to the Salvation Army...

[Ronni Seymour]

No purging anymore, for me. I've settled down to a happy medium of going with the flow. Most of the time, though, underdressing keeps me on the softer side of life. Funny how it does.:battingeyelashes:

[izzfan]

A sort of Blue Fog, where masculinity is ascendent to the point where it eclipses the feminine desire.

The two forces then being in constant flux, or is it that the more one is allowed to reign the weaker it becomes and the stronger the other till one fades and the other comes crashing in?



This seems to sum up my feelings about my masculine and feminine sides perfectly. Luckily, I have never purged (getting rid of all of my clothes without anyone noticing would probably be a lot harder than it was to hide them in the first place LOL!) and to be honest, it seems a waste of good clothes.

But yes, I definately go through times when I have very little desire to dress and become more masculine than usual and quite enjoy it (I think I am in danger of this happening soon as I recently went on a fancy dress pub crawl and I actually wore a shirt, waistcoat etc..., I seemed to get the same feeling of elation when I put it on as I sometimes do when I CD... wierd.) Normally, my clothing is reasonably casual and androgynous (black combats and a T-shirt, usually a heavy metal one) so I guess wearing anything that is particularly "gendered" (eg: formal male clothing or skirts/dresses) tends to do this.

But yes, the two sides are in constant flux as you described. Which is sort of annoying when I enter a "feminine" phase because although it is really brilliant, I know that it will come to an end and I will not miss it until it happens again.

[Stephanie Stephens]

I purged once - tossed out all of my male panties.

[catriona36]

Yeah, I kind of lost any desire to dress up for the time being myself. It may have something to do with the new S&W 9mm that I bought last week!!!

Thats just so wrong. i wanted a .40cal sig :D but allas the law says no more fun for me in that aspect :(

But batty for me i dont think there is any deep issuse that make me do anything. for me cd is give and take. or more to the point i can take it or leave it. i dont need heels and the like to explore my fem side, like wise i could sit here in fem taking guns cars trucks or what ever.
but maybe cos that is me :) and just like you and all the other chicks in here sis, im a indervidual :D

[Angie G]

Batty you had me worried there for a bit hun.:hugs:
Angie

[DAVIDA]

I have never purged. The older I get, it seems that I am completely consumed by just being a crossdresser! It is just who I am and I am happiest when I am dressed.:daydreaming:

[Wendy me]

lol blue fog ???? .........ok and yes it happens for the most part i enjoy my softer side but i do get caught up in my blue fog ...... like that time of year when it's hunting season there i am out running around playing the part of the guy and some times i don't give my softer side a thought... i won't purge lol tried that once ... i just have too much stuff to get rid of lol......

as quick as the blue fog rolls in it goes away...... i don't worry about it ..... it is what it is................

[Marshchild]

Pink fog, blue fog - I sometimes used to feel like I was going through that kind of thing myself. In my instance, though, I drew an analogy between my state of mind and the behaviour of a planet with a highly eccentric orbit (y'know, one of those newly-discovered extrasolar worlds that literally brush against their respective suns at perihelion, yet reside in the frozen depths of space at aphelion (at a point where their suns are likely to be nothing more than unusually bright stars in the sky)). When I was at the most masculine extreme of my "orbit" (the hottest point, I'd decided), I'd usually feel the urge to disavow not just my dressing, but all the other softer aspects of my personality as well, but thankfully, I never let those feelings impel me to do anything drastic. I just dismissed them as neurotic and decided that, like all neurotic urges, they were best simply ignored - an approach that always worked.

As unreasonable as it could be during the above times, I've never had a problem with the masculine side of my personality. Given I've often lamented the tendency of so many men to try to ruthlessly suppress the feminine sides of themselves, the last thing I'd want to do would be to make the opposite mistake myself. Besides, I think that in many areas of life, success depends on having a mix of both masculine and feminine qualities - not just one or the other.

As for purging, I've never done it myself (I wasn't even aware of the phenomenon until very recently), and am very thankful for that. (Even if there are certain items of femme attire I don't seem to wear any more, I still like to be able to take them out from time to time and admire their beauty.) No, actually, I lie - I did once get rid of my (then) small collection of women's clothing, many years ago. The problem for me then was that my dressing had a head-on collision with my religious upbringing, and unfortunately, my upbringing won. It wasn't just my clothes I got rid of then; I also chucked out a bunch of heavy metal albums, and removed a couple of nipple piercings. The worst thing about it was that even as I was doing it, I thought it was all bullshit - I knew I was chucking all these things out because I felt forced to do so, not because I actually wanted to - and of course, I regretted it as soon as I'd done it. Not surprisingly, it wasn't long before I started replacing all the things I'd gotten rid of, and I vowed never to make the same mistake again. As one small consolation, though, I didn't allow my women's clothes to go to waste. I actually gave them to my mother, who was very grateful for them.

[CharleneT]

No, haven't purged before, kinda close to it right now though. At the moment I'm slipping into a blue haze/funk. For many reasons. I think I do swing back and forth on some sort of an arc, although I can't say it is regular.

[SBryder]

I've certainly had my spots where I couldn't get motivated to dress...

Lately I'm trying to find time to dress again and get some new pictures. So far though I only have time to strap on some heels around the house XD

[erickka]

I too know better than to purge. I just pack it all away when the waining cycle starts. I just did that for about 6 months, and am now getting back into the pink cycle. I think our environment and prevailing circumstances have a bearing factor on the pink/ blue swing.