JoAnne Wheeler
12-10-2008, 09:35 AM
DEAR SISTERS:
Last night was a semi-disaster. My spouse of 38 years accidentally found a SPANX Box in our garage. She was mad ! She said that I was spending too much on clothing and underwear. She said that I have enough underwear to change them three times aday for several years - which is only partially true. She blew up and then I blew up. In the heat of shouting, I told her that I was ready to leave. (separate)
We then sat down and talked for several hours. (communication) She told me that the reappearance of my "urge", "desire", "compulsion" and the depression that I exhibited before the reappearance was very traumatic to her. She said that I was not taking her feelings into consideration. She indicated that "JoAnne" had become number one in our home and she said that she demanded to be number one.
Earlier this year, we spent many long hours discussing my deep, deep depression that I had been going through. "JoAnne" had been dormant for approximately ten years and then out of the blue, "Bamm", JoAnne came back with with the greatest urgency, longing, power and pink fog that I have ever experienced in my life and I have been a CD since I was 7 or 8 years old. Prior too and even now, "JoAnne" has taken over my own life. I find it hard to work at my job or to enjoy sports or do anything else without thinking about JoAnne.
My wife, whom I love very much, has told me that she does not care if I dress up, as much as I want - as long as she is the number one woman in our home. That is good and I love her for that. I told her last night that JoAnne is tired of dressing up at home with no place to go. My spouse likes to attend museums and go to musical concerts. My male side is not overly found of that and usually go along to appease my spouse. I told her that when JoAnne is present, she would love to attend those activities which is true - JoAnne actually has a different personality (better) than my male side.
She said that she would consider doing that. I also told her that JoAnne would love to go shopping and go out to eat with her.
This website has been a true blessing to me. I wish that it had been available when I was in college many, many years ago. The knowledge, compassion and advice that you sisters give is wonderful and reassuring.
I love to read the threads and the posts. I truly love to look at your photographs. So many of you are truly beautiful. I am so impressed and envious (actually jealous) of you all. I cannot begin to descibe your beauty and poise and adventures. I am so impressed with KimberlyTx and the rest of you all. I think I already said that. I wish that I could look like you and attend the social activities that you do and travel like you do. I am so envious of you your smooth legs and arms and the way that you all present yourselves and your ability to pick out clothing, makeup, wigs that make all of you look so perfect.
Even though my spouse has told me that I can dress up as much as I want, so long as I devote the majority of my time with her, she has set "BOUNDARIES", that painful word. She does not want me to wear a nightgown to bed and she does not want me to shave my body hair. Those are her compromising boundaries. Well, I have more dark body hair than Smoky the Bear ! I hate it. I have hated it since it started growing on me when I reached puberty. Unfortunately, my spouse loves it and loves to run her fingers through it. Well, I tried to make a compromise without telling her, not good, although I have read your threads about shaving your legs and such. I decided that I would pluck all the hair off my fingers and hands and feet and ankles. I thought that I could compensate by wearing long sleeves and opaque pantyhose and get by. Well, that did not go over good last night. She gave me an ultimatum of letting my hair grow back or do not bother ever coming back home. I told her that I felt like I was the GEICO CAVEMAN. She also demanded that I not go off my depression medication - I am taking 3 anti-depressants at this time - I told you that "Joanne" had come back with a vengance and desire that is the most powerful desire that I have ever experienced.
What should I do ? I long to be like you all. You all are so beautiful and you seem to have such a good time with your female side. I don't want to "Be Like Mike", I want to be like you. How can I cope ? JoAnne's demands are overwhelming. When JoAnne has been in our home for a couple of days, my male side mood is soo much better! JoAnne wants more and more and more. My spouse wants more and more of me. I feel as though I am destructing inside. I stay depressed, even with three anti-depressants. I have suicidal thoughts. I am so frustrated. JoAnne and my spouse are fighting over me. I am at my wits end. I love my spouse and I love JoAnne. JoAnne can be a beautiful woman - my spouse has even commented how beautiful and well put together that she appears.
I treasure your advice! I know that only someone who has waked in my shoes like you all have can give advice and can understand what I am going through.
I love all of you.
JoAnne Wheeler
Last night was a semi-disaster. My spouse of 38 years accidentally found a SPANX Box in our garage. She was mad ! She said that I was spending too much on clothing and underwear. She said that I have enough underwear to change them three times aday for several years - which is only partially true. She blew up and then I blew up. In the heat of shouting, I told her that I was ready to leave. (separate)
We then sat down and talked for several hours. (communication) She told me that the reappearance of my "urge", "desire", "compulsion" and the depression that I exhibited before the reappearance was very traumatic to her. She said that I was not taking her feelings into consideration. She indicated that "JoAnne" had become number one in our home and she said that she demanded to be number one.
Earlier this year, we spent many long hours discussing my deep, deep depression that I had been going through. "JoAnne" had been dormant for approximately ten years and then out of the blue, "Bamm", JoAnne came back with with the greatest urgency, longing, power and pink fog that I have ever experienced in my life and I have been a CD since I was 7 or 8 years old. Prior too and even now, "JoAnne" has taken over my own life. I find it hard to work at my job or to enjoy sports or do anything else without thinking about JoAnne.
My wife, whom I love very much, has told me that she does not care if I dress up, as much as I want - as long as she is the number one woman in our home. That is good and I love her for that. I told her last night that JoAnne is tired of dressing up at home with no place to go. My spouse likes to attend museums and go to musical concerts. My male side is not overly found of that and usually go along to appease my spouse. I told her that when JoAnne is present, she would love to attend those activities which is true - JoAnne actually has a different personality (better) than my male side.
She said that she would consider doing that. I also told her that JoAnne would love to go shopping and go out to eat with her.
This website has been a true blessing to me. I wish that it had been available when I was in college many, many years ago. The knowledge, compassion and advice that you sisters give is wonderful and reassuring.
I love to read the threads and the posts. I truly love to look at your photographs. So many of you are truly beautiful. I am so impressed and envious (actually jealous) of you all. I cannot begin to descibe your beauty and poise and adventures. I am so impressed with KimberlyTx and the rest of you all. I think I already said that. I wish that I could look like you and attend the social activities that you do and travel like you do. I am so envious of you your smooth legs and arms and the way that you all present yourselves and your ability to pick out clothing, makeup, wigs that make all of you look so perfect.
Even though my spouse has told me that I can dress up as much as I want, so long as I devote the majority of my time with her, she has set "BOUNDARIES", that painful word. She does not want me to wear a nightgown to bed and she does not want me to shave my body hair. Those are her compromising boundaries. Well, I have more dark body hair than Smoky the Bear ! I hate it. I have hated it since it started growing on me when I reached puberty. Unfortunately, my spouse loves it and loves to run her fingers through it. Well, I tried to make a compromise without telling her, not good, although I have read your threads about shaving your legs and such. I decided that I would pluck all the hair off my fingers and hands and feet and ankles. I thought that I could compensate by wearing long sleeves and opaque pantyhose and get by. Well, that did not go over good last night. She gave me an ultimatum of letting my hair grow back or do not bother ever coming back home. I told her that I felt like I was the GEICO CAVEMAN. She also demanded that I not go off my depression medication - I am taking 3 anti-depressants at this time - I told you that "Joanne" had come back with a vengance and desire that is the most powerful desire that I have ever experienced.
What should I do ? I long to be like you all. You all are so beautiful and you seem to have such a good time with your female side. I don't want to "Be Like Mike", I want to be like you. How can I cope ? JoAnne's demands are overwhelming. When JoAnne has been in our home for a couple of days, my male side mood is soo much better! JoAnne wants more and more and more. My spouse wants more and more of me. I feel as though I am destructing inside. I stay depressed, even with three anti-depressants. I have suicidal thoughts. I am so frustrated. JoAnne and my spouse are fighting over me. I am at my wits end. I love my spouse and I love JoAnne. JoAnne can be a beautiful woman - my spouse has even commented how beautiful and well put together that she appears.
I treasure your advice! I know that only someone who has waked in my shoes like you all have can give advice and can understand what I am going through.
I love all of you.
JoAnne Wheeler