What have you done in these situations

[JoAnne Wheeler]

What have you experienced or done in the following:

1.) How did you explain CDing to your spouse, SO, girlfriend or family ?

2.) How have each of the above reacted ?

3.) Has your spouse, SO, girlfriend or family agree to your CDing with certain boundaries ?

4.) What are those boundaries ?

5.) Do you try to live within those boundaries, or do you try to fudge and go farther ?

6.) What have you done when you want to go farther than the boundaries allow ?

7.) Are you happy with those boundaries and/or can you live and enjoy CDing withing those boundaries ?

It would really help me to hear from you regarding the above because of the situation I posted yesterday entitled: "LONG NIGHT -
NO SLEEP - BOUNDARY DISPUTE"

JoAnne Wheeler

[Karren H]

Well I told my wife after she found some of my fem things... And she freaked... But after discussing it.. And some tense weeks/months... She became ok with me still as her husband.. But is not a big fan of my hobby.. So even though she know I still crossdress... She doesn't want to know.. And is pretty happy as long as I keep it out of her face... So I basically have no written or agreed upon boundries except no crossdressing around her.. And I'm more than happy with this arangement.. So without boundries I do what I want when out enfemme..

[Jenny Doolittle]

Wow,,,,,,, So many good questions,a nd they do string to one another but hard to answer all in one post.

I am like Karen above, Wife and I have talked. She knows it is a part of who I am, but cant understand why and wishes it were not so.

We in our talk cleared some questions up. R U gay, Do U want to be a women/, ect.... But......will even those answers change as time goes by?

We have talked about compromise and bounderies, but I think it is something that will constantly be a discussion point.


Alll I can say is communicate, be honest, and good luck cause each situation is different.

Jenny Do

[Desiree2bababe]

See bold below.


What have you experienced or done in the following:

1.) How did you explain CDing to your spouse, SO, girlfriend or family ?

I sat down one evening and just told her ( then girlfriend ) I liked to dress in women's clothes.

2.) How have each of the above reacted ?

She couldn't believe it. Went and dressed for her and she criticised me. Asked if I'd ever been with a man. We even went out a month later and she tried to get me to "go get some men" that evening. We later married and when I asked if the dressing would bother her, she said "there could be worse".

3.) Has your spouse, SO, girlfriend or family agree to your CDing with certain boundaries ?

Once she found out how often and how serious my cd'ing was, it turned her off.

4.) What are those boundaries ?

She didn't mind as long as I stayed at home, which I could not do. Getting all dolled up and having no one to show off to wasn't much fun. I've always pushed the limits and thrown caution to the wind..


5.) Do you try to live within those boundaries, or do you try to fudge and go farther ?

I pushed it all the way out the door and down to Midtown to the gay bars. After children, though I have respected her wishes. I refuse to let my transvestism influence the sexual direction of my children.

6.) What have you done when you want to go farther than the boundaries allow ?

Went out to gay bars. Dated men.

7.) Are you happy with those boundaries and/or can you live and enjoy CDing within those boundaries ?

No, but I am happy being a father.

It would really help me to hear from you regarding the above because of the situation I posted yesterday entitled: "LONG NIGHT -
NO SLEEP - BOUNDARY DISPUTE"

JoAnne Wheeler

[mklinden2010]

1.) How did you explain CDing to your spouse, SO, girlfriend or family ?

"Here's the thing, I..."

2.) How have each of the above reacted ?

Individually. Generally positive. Only negative experiences I have had were "surprise" questions that I had not thought of - you don't get a second chance to make a first impression.

3.) Has your spouse, SO, girlfriend or family agree to your CDing with certain boundaries ?

It's not a matter of agreeing, it's a matter of hearing what I said and respecting my position. I note no major difference in response to this issue than anything else we could discuss - like which car to buy, where to live, what parties to go to. I agree to no boundaries that disrespect my basic thoughts and feelings. "You heard what I said, you know what I think. I will not argue these facts with you. How about those Mets?"

4.) What are those boundaries?

The same as with other things: "I think we have a good thing going here, please don't mess it up." I can respect that and I adapt to holidays, extra hours at work, family needs that come up, and don't bother tilting at windmills - like a conservative church whose members would (actually) prefer to be left alone than to be made to deal with issues off "the" beaten path.

5.) Do you try to live within those boundaries, or do you try to fudge and go farther ?

I do not cheat myself or those I care about. "Fudging" would be cheating so I don't do it. If I think I might, I just speak up before I do anything that might be "stupid" and I/we see what can be worked out.

6.) What have you done when you want to go farther than the boundaries allow ?

See "5," above.

7.) Are you happy with those boundaries and/or can you live and enjoy CDing withing those boundaries ?

Life is good.

[Toni_Lynn]

1) My wife - After we had fallen truly madly deeply in love, I knew that I had to tell her. I rehearsed what I wanted to say. It was mostly to reassure her that I wasn't gay or weird and that I would never hurt her or humiliate her as a result of my CDing. I also prepared myself to lose her. On a Sunday night 3 years ago (almost exactly!) - I told her on during a phone call.

My family - No preparation. My mum found my stuff when I was 13. Then when I was 30, I was outted by a cousin who was 'filled with the Holy Spirit' and also was a follower of that paragon of Christian virtue, Jimmy Swaggart :eek:

2) My wife - it went beautifully. She accepted immediately, but had questions which she actively researched on her own. She accepts me as I am 100%.

My family - My sister accepts me. As to the rest of them, my CDing official doesn't exist. Yes, I was cured, because -- I had sex with a woman - thus making me into a 100% missionary position only heterosexual. At least that hetero bit is correct.

3) My wife - the boundaries are essentially that I don't do anything to embarrass either of us. In truth, many of them are set by me, and mostly common sense -- like not going out and spending the food budget on panties! :)

My family - Well, I can get away with my long hair and wearing 3 earrings. Past that everything else is forbidden. Thank God my wife defends me if my mum says something hurtful. I can sum it all up in one statement from my mum" Get a haircut, you look like a dyke!

4) see 3

5) The boundaries as far as my marriage goes are based on trust. It is only through those boundaries that I can feel the free-est to me and live and love. I pledge that I will never place my CDing above my love for and the needs of my wife. If something should come up, I feel free enough to talk with her about it first .. i.e. things like 'There a big sales a Victoria's Secret, can I go shopping?'. If her reply is no, I will comply, rather than deceive her.

With my family, I'll do everything I can to be me, and at the same time keep life on an even keel. But if attacked, as I was because I wore my hair down at Thanksgiving, I will stand up for myself and tell them that its none of their business. Plus, I know that my wife will defend me in this.

6) and 7) see 5. With my family - I don't care what they think. This is between my wife and me, and with her by my side what they think is a moot point. Besides, they'd freak if they knew that she's worn guy's undies and jockstraps for me :)

Huggles

Toni-Lynn