Kate Simmons
12-13-2008, 10:09 AM
Originally, I accepted the challenge from myself to create a new persona that was able to function as a separate entity. I didn't realize this at the time but just went ahead and did it. I had always been "in the closet" so to speak but decided to come "out" and basically be a different(i.e. feminine) person. I really got into things and it altered my life in many different ways not all necessarily good. In any case, I pretty much succeeded in my goal and became a more or less functioning feminine person. I looked at it as a fun thing and crossdressing as an art form to express myself and my feelings.
I eventually saw that this was not my real goal, however, as I saw the real goal as balancing the feelings and integrating them into my overall self. This created a bit of a quandry for me. Recently the challenge has been to just become myself with the integrated feelings. This is a bit difficult since I never really had the opportunity to be myself due to others more or less "dictating' to me who I should be as Rich. This is more or less unknown territory to me and quite frankly is a bit scarier that being my femme self, which is easier sometimes.
While things seem to be going okay so far, the thought in my mind is whether I can actually continue to just "be" myself or will I have the need in the future to revert to being Arianna again? While that would not be a problem, the challenge I now see for myself is whether I can continue being just myself with the integrated feelings or will I find the need to express it with the "glitter"? Time will tell I guess.:)
I eventually saw that this was not my real goal, however, as I saw the real goal as balancing the feelings and integrating them into my overall self. This created a bit of a quandry for me. Recently the challenge has been to just become myself with the integrated feelings. This is a bit difficult since I never really had the opportunity to be myself due to others more or less "dictating' to me who I should be as Rich. This is more or less unknown territory to me and quite frankly is a bit scarier that being my femme self, which is easier sometimes.
While things seem to be going okay so far, the thought in my mind is whether I can actually continue to just "be" myself or will I have the need in the future to revert to being Arianna again? While that would not be a problem, the challenge I now see for myself is whether I can continue being just myself with the integrated feelings or will I find the need to express it with the "glitter"? Time will tell I guess.:)