Were you ashamed and disgusted by male stuff?

[michelle2b]

I have met literally thousands of trans people over the last 9 years that I have been out and about. One thing I have heard in common from all of them is how much they dislike certain things.

One of my transwomen friends called me a little while ago. I mentioned to her that I am dealing with hot flashes this evening. She said that it does not sound as bad as how she felt about her male life. I have heard similar things from other trans people too.

She mentioned that she has always been disgusted with her male organ. It seems she never enjoyed using it. She said that the pleasure was very short-lived and she has always felt dirty, guilty and ashamed after masturbating. She said that it also felt immoral, even though she is not religious.

I am wondering, why do transwomen see it that way! Is it the urge and the act of masturbation that makes transwomen feel guilty, ashamed, disgusted, etc or is it the male organ itself? Even cis-gender men feel guilt, shame, etc after getting sexual release.

During my discussion with my friend, I mentioned to her that if she goes ahead with bottom surgery, the same penile tissue will be turned into a vagina. I asked her how she would feel if got pleasure from her vagina which is the same tissue as her penis. She said that she does not know the answer to this question.

In my case, I have never felt guilty, ashamed or disgusted with my male stuff. To be honest, I do not know what being a female really means. And neither does any transwoman (even after SRS). Likewise, no transguy can honestly say what being a man feels like. I would not claim that I feel like I am female because I do not honestly know what being a female would feel like. I merely never felt a sense of belonging on the male side. I find myself happier and more content on the female side of the world. For me, being trans has nothing to do with sex, sexual orientation or sex organs. It is purely gender identity, my internal identity, which is really about who I am inside.

What is your perspective?

[Teri Jean]

Michelle,
We are what we are and sometimes it would be nice to be a genetic female but you are right in that we can never realy know what it would be like completely. The point is to feel comfortable as we are and hope to be in the future. Huggs Keli

[Debutante]

Virginia Prince, the Mother of the trans movement, identified herself as a "transgenderist". She wanted to keep her male organ, took limited hormones to develope breasts, but also like the erotic, sexual parts: of seeing herself dressed in a mirror, getting very aroused, even for hours -- and this, even into her 90s! She loved that sexual part and did not want surgery. Hence her very stricy views on transsexuals.
What i'm getting at: we are all different in the transgender tapestry -- some CD, fetishist, TG, TS... and all types and places in between. One has to discover who she is. This takes time... study, talking with others, comparing, and looking into your own experience: likes, dislikes. You are probably no different from others in our community.
Take you time.... and be good to yourself!

[Karren H]

I love myself and I'm not ashamed of myself........... no matter what I wear...

[Kate Simmons]

Except for the purely physical stuff, most of what we believe and learn about sex and gender is all social conditioning. From the time we are born we are bombarded and brainwashed by our parents and others on how we should act as a "boy" or a "girl". Despite the plumbing we are are all a mixture of both and are all equally capable of doing anything. I was watching an old PBS Nova tape last night that explained that very well. Never forget that we are who we are for a reason and there are no "mistakes" even if SRS may be necessary and indicated for some folks. When it comes to liking or disliking who or what we are, it is a matter of purely personal choice and feelings.:)

[Alice Torn]

Male shame. It seems to be growing in modern society. Since, The Honeymooners, Fred Flintstone, Al Bundy,on Married With Children, no doubt, society, and especially the TV media, have been devaluing the male energy. Poet Robert Bly wrote a book, called, "Iron John", about male grief. In 1957, there was a book, entitled, The Decline of the American Male." I gave the book to a friend, and forgot the author's name. The scools today shame the boys, about their boy behavior. I grew up with shame about sexual organs, especially after my older sister saw them right in front of her, when i broke my ankle, and family had to take my pants off, carry me naked, several times. The male energy, is feared, as predatory, aggressive, dangerous. I think that is why some turn to dressing, becoming more like the lovely, positive, gentle, feminine gender. I know this is not true of all of us. There are many reasons we dress. Lady clothes are more silky, soft, sexy, beautiful. feel wonderful, compared to most drab stuff! Seeing that pretty lady in the mirror, is a real WOW, especially, when I don't have any dating life. I like a lot of myself as a guy, but not somethings- the being thought of as a predator,loser, misunderstood, rejection, sorrow, grief, lonliness, not appreciated, or respected. Males suffer a lot of this, today, when the feminist movement, and society has devalues the male energy. No wonder so many more are depressed, and seeking their feminine sides, as the feminine energy has been on a roll, for 40 yrs. Just being honest, and thanks for hearing me.

[deja true]

I'm thinking that this body dysphoria thing is often a part of gender dysphoria, in fact, almost has to be for some trans folks to be absolutely positive of their need for srs.

But as with all of us collectively, there is no doubt a spectrum... a wide range... of opinions and convictions among TS people, too.

Some are disgusted by their natal genitalia, some may be satisfied with them, some may not be concerned one way or the other.

It's a good question for srs candidates, I think! Does the discomfort with physical maleness come from having a penis ...or using it?

[Toni_Lynn]

Male shame. It seems to be growing in modern society. Since, The Honeymooners, Fred Flintstone, Al Bundy,on Married With Children, no doubt, society, and especially the TV media, have been devaluing the male energy.

This struck a chord with me. Years ago I felt like I could see nothing good in anyone who was male. And then I looked and found that there are men out there that I could admire and have as role models. You may disagree with my choices, but among them are men like Jimmy Carter and Pope John Paul II. From them I learned that it is who we are as human beings way beyond what is between our legs! Past that it doesn't matter that some of us have lace on our underwear.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Schatten Lupus]

For me, I've never really been ashamed, but rather disgusted at the buldge. I think it's ugly, unatractive, and disgusting. I do feel alittle shame though when my penis is erect and I'm in public. That I am very self conscious of, and have come up with quick, easy, and subtle methods to cover it up. Allthough I usually wear baggy jeans, or put my hands in my trench coat pockets, to cover it up should it happen.
Allthough since I have started wearing panties all the time, unwanted erections happen much less frequently. It just makes the buldge more unsightly.

And I agree with the male shame growing in public. If you stay in a CVS long enough, eventually (or at least a couple months ago, it may not be there any longer) you will hear a commercial on there radio advertising photo slideshows that are so easy to make "even dad will help out." And it's nothing to see on TV a commercial, or a dozen of them, that make men look like complete idiots. But then again, most males I know do think there dick is there brain.

[Sharon]

It's difficult to explain to those who are not transsexual, but I don't feel shame or disgust at my male "stuff," though I'm none too fond of it. What I feel, to put it simply, is a disconnect with the genitalia I was born with and then there is the ever present yearning for what has been denied me for so long simply because of what I view as a birth defect. The parts I was born with are just wrong. It's as if you were to wake up in the morning and you saw a face that wasn't yours in the mirror. That's what my life has been like, every single day, though my sexual organs are just the most obvious tip of the iceberg.

[Edyta_C]

I like being a boy (sometimes) and I like being a girl (more). Both have good and bad qualities. I don't hate my male organs, but sometimes they are inconvenient. I just accept both parts of me.

Edy

[prene]

Michelle2b,
Love the name.
You look great and sound as though you have a level headded outlook on life.
Your "transwomen friends" are lucky to have a friend like you.
Welcome to the website.
I am glad you are here and hope to hear more from you.
Irene P

[Marshchild]

I don't dislike my penis, although I sometimes think it's a bit of a silly-looking organ (particularly when erect). It can also create a few minor practical problems, such as unwanted public erections (something I still occasionally suffer from - I thought they were supposed to end when puberty did!), or unwanted erections full stop - for example, there's nothing like waking up busting to take a leak, but being unable to because you've got some stupid (and not at all pleasurable) hard-on. (Yes, if you're a guy, you can be too pissed to get hard AND too hard to take a piss!) Then there's its annoying tendency to just flop about in the absence of support - many a time I've decided to sleep naked, only to get up later and put on some underpants simply to stop things in the downstairs department moving about.

Funnily enough, I've never seen my penis as some source of macho power, as so many other guys seem to, since... well, it's pretty bloody obvious, isn't it?! It's soft, fleshy, vulnerable and very sensitive (in short, one of a man's most obvious weak spots): something that never seems quite so obvious as when I'm taking a bath and watching it just bob about in the water. Before puberty, I was always very squeamish about touching it, realizing how easy it'd be to damage it; and I suppose I still am, to some extent. (Maybe that's one reason why it's never really bothered me having one, despite the fact I'm a guy who has, and likes having, a strong feminine side.) So, yes, overall, I'm pretty indifferent to it - like any other part of my body, I'm sure I'd miss it if it was gone, but otherwise I generally don't have terribly strong feelings - good or bad - about it. One good thing about that is that I won't be throwing away large amounts of money on dubious treatments to make it bigger!

[KellyCD]

Male shame. It seems to be growing in modern society. Since, The Honeymooners, Fred Flintstone, Al Bundy,on Married With Children, no doubt, society, and especially the TV media, have been devaluing the male energy. Poet Robert Bly wrote a book, called, "Iron John", about male grief. In 1957, there was a book, entitled, The Decline of the American Male." I gave the book to a friend, and forgot the author's name. The scools today shame the boys, about their boy behavior. I grew up with shame about sexual organs, especially after my older sister saw them right in front of her, when i broke my ankle, and family had to take my pants off, carry me naked, several times. The male energy, is feared, as predatory, aggressive, dangerous. I think that is why some turn to dressing, becoming more like the lovely, positive, gentle, feminine gender. I know this is not true of all of us. There are many reasons we dress. Lady clothes are more silky, soft, sexy, beautiful. feel wonderful, compared to most drab stuff! Seeing that pretty lady in the mirror, is a real WOW, especially, when I don't have any dating life. I like a lot of myself as a guy, but not somethings- the being thought of as a predator,loser, misunderstood, rejection, sorrow, grief, lonliness, not appreciated, or respected. Males suffer a lot of this, today, when the feminist movement, and society has devalues the male energy. No wonder so many more are depressed, and seeking their feminine sides, as the feminine energy has been on a roll, for 40 yrs. Just being honest, and thanks for hearing me.

You took the words right out of my mouth.

I agree and I've noticed it too.

[michelle2b]

Thank you all for sharing your perspectives!

While I personally seem to have a view that is totally indifferent to genitals, I loved reading all the different perspectives that opened my mind to more ways of thinking about it - almost everyone who posted here has a different way of thinking about the topic.

Thank you for bringing up the issue of "male shame". I think it is even worse as a transgender person. I dread to approach any kid anywhere, even though I live most of my life as girl (and I do look and sound like a genetic girl), because if anyone were to even remotely guess that I was born male, they would treat me as a predator. While a man might have to register as a sex offender, while a transgender person might end up with a lethal injection. Society is unnecessarily suspicious about transgender people.

By the way, I loved Marshchild's response. You are hilarious! I love your style of writing. I can visualize exactly what you are saying while reading your message!

[Marshchild]

By the way, I loved Marshchild's response. You are hilarious! I love your style of writing. I can visualize exactly what you are saying while reading your message!

Why thankyou. :)

[RobynP]

I think I was most ashamed of my male equipment when I used to let it do my thinking for me... It's like my brain was voted off the island... Crossdressing has helped me keep my brain between my ears where it belongs and not between my legs. My heart continues to be strategically placed between them both... :)

Robyn P.

[suchacutie]

I'm very pleased with both sides of me. When I'm male, I'm very much male. OKOK, I'm sure that Tina has infused some sensitivity into my male side, but football and cars and all that intimate stuff is great with me! When Tina appears, she's pretty happy with herself too, especially as she begins to understand herself. This is basically why I enjoy flipping back and forth!

tina and him!