Too much macho?

[Jennifer Brooks]

Just wondering if anyone here besides myself feels that being a male most of the time gets in the way of being a Transgender? I mean, does being a guy and all the emotions that go with it conflict with being the person (Female) you would want to be? I sometimes feel that my male macho side gets in the way knowing that I am a transgender. I feel confused at times and almost guilty that I try and put out this tough/macho person (When the situation arises). I kind of down myself because I know that I wear women's clothing and to the world, it is not normal and then I sometimes come off as this bad-ass guy but if the world knew I dressed, then I wouldn't be taken serious and well, you know what names would be thrown my way. It's just confusing as to what I should be doing. In male mode: Be tough and rough? In female mode: Gentle and loving? Just when I get things squared away with this CDing thing, more stuff comes to the surface. Any thoughts or comments to this?

[Ronni Seymour]

Jennifer, for me it has been a process of coming to terms with my feminine side. Over the years I've struggled with similar issues and slowly began to learn to accept myself. I honestly believe that the macho image that most men, especially young men, try to project is just a cover. When we can allow ourselves to be feminine, and not allow our maleness to feel threatened by that, I believe we are on the way to full self acceptance.
Gentle and loving is not the sole attributes of females only!

[Tess]

I can think of many examples of where I have acted as I think the world expected me to act as a male rather than do what I would have preferred. It goes beyond being a CD. I have two son-in-laws who are so wrapped up in being macho guys that they won't allow themselves to enjoy more refined or gentler activities. Fortunately I've not allowed my interest in the arts to be suppressed by male expectations. At the same time I'm not brave enough to be anything but a closeted CD.

[PamelaTX]

Oddly enough, recently wearing femme clothing has made me feel more macho. I guess it's because I feel more like I'm master of my own fate.

The urge to crossdress used to make me feel dirty and inferior. As I've come to accept this as something normal, something to be proud of, I feel much more masculine. Or maybe it's just that I feel stronger, and I associate that more with masculinity than femininity.

In the past, however, I did put on the macho act as a way to compensate, so I guess I understand how you feel.

[Jennifer Brooks]

Thanks for the replies. I know I have a lot of self work to do that is for sure. I do see a therapist but sometimes coming here answers things more than my therapist could.

[Karren H]

I think I've reached a happy balance between the two.... Thanks to my wife... else I might start swaying to the fem side but "she who must be obeyed"... won't let that happen any time soon... And I'm cool with that... :)

[Kate Simmons]

I was just the opposite. As Ericka I was rough and tough, as Rich gentle and loving. Now that I'm balanced I'm the same regardless of mode. It's all really about balance my friend and we are the caretakers of it.:)

[Rachel Morley]

It's just confusing as to what I should be doing. In male mode: Be tough and rough? In female mode: Gentle and loving?
Why do you have to be rough and tough? If you don't want to be and it's causing conflict in your mind then don't be. Just try to think and act as a woman would do. Women are plenty tough enough. Just relax let yourself be true to yourself and if that means you're less macho in guy mode, so be it.

For me, I try to copy my female role models all the time, even in boy mode. You could do the same .... just make sure to first choose a powerful female role model to copy :D

[Tora]

Newbie from S.E. Michigan, could we be trying to over compensate while in male mode. Proving that we are REAL manly. At 58, with 36 years with a great wife, alas a non-approver. Two great daughters and grandchild. I have come to terms with what I have. Ultra Macho is not needed.

[docrobbysherry]

I was just the opposite. As Ericka I was rough and tough, as Rich gentle and loving. Now that I'm balanced I'm the same regardless of mode. It's all really about balance my friend and we are the caretakers of it.:)

Altho I'm not very familiar with Sherry's personality, I DO sense she is a show off, flirt, and exhibitionist! I don't think she has NEAR the sensitivity that Robert has!

Robert has always cruised around almost completely un noticed. And, I've always liked it that way! At least, I thot I did!?:eek:

[michelle2b]

Jennifer,

I think you can be gentle and loving in male mode too! You are the same person (assuming you do not have multiple personality disorder) regardless of whether you are in male mode or female mode.

Do you think you are just playing into the role that society expects you to play in each gender, instead of just being yourself?

M2

[Sally2005]

Once you understand who you are the conflict goes away. What remains is frustation that you have to sometimes put on an act for certain people.

It ticks me off some when I break a nail or inflict an injury because I have to do the dirty rough guy stuff and it messes up my fem image which typically would require smooth skin and longish clean nails... that's just the physical limitations of doing both roles though.

[Jennifer Brooks]

Do you think you are just playing into the role that society expects you to play in each gender, instead of just being yourself?

M2


I would probably say yes. I mean, when in male mode I tend to try and protect myself and put up this front as not to mess with "Me". I work around a lot of rough ol' country boys and being nice is some what looked upon as being soft. It's hard to be what I would like to be and that is gentle and loving. I guess that's why when I get the chance, very little, to talk to females at work, I jump at the chance. Being around "Old School Society" sometimes makes thing hard and you revert back to old way thinkings of being ashamed of your other side and try and cover it up by being someone who is not nice at all. I love being Jennifer because she is kind, loving, exciting and has a great smile.

I do thank all of you gals who have replied and those who have just read my thread. I will try and use the advice given today at work. I know it all starts with me. I can change me but not them. Hugs and kisses always.

[deja true]

If you recognise that being overly macho is an over-compensation, then you know it's not the real you, eh?

Try dropping the uber-macho act little by little until you're happier with yourself, calmer and less threatening with those around you.

We're not talking about going from being Mr.T to Alan Alda overnight, here. Just lighten up on the shoulder punching and sexist commentary. Do less and less of it until it drops away entirely.

As the fake personality drops away, the real you will start to emerge. If you like your male self (without the fake machismo) anyway, you don't have to worry about becoming Richard Simmons to your acquaintances. You can still wear that skull and crossbones t-shirt without being a jerk!

:D

[victoriamwilliams1]

For me I have learned how to balance both worlds and integrate them. It used to be when I was driving as Victoria I would not be as aggressive as I am in guy mode, now I am not very aggressive in girl mode but I will not let a person run me down either:) In guy mode I will almost cuss you out if I get very angry so far girl mode has not gotten very angry.

Anyway it is an balancing act that we all mus endure.

[Michelle 51]

For me i think i use to over do the macho thing to prove to myself that i was all guy but now that i know i.m ok even though i like to dress i still act that way sometimes because thats how people expect me to be and to hide my femme side