being bullied at work

[sophieuk]

Hi all, im not having the best of days and hope fully some of you great people can help. where do i start? ok. I CAME out a year ago to my best mate emma ( GG) she had been great. She even ( i did not want her to incase i got beaten up) told her other half who looks like the sort of person you don't want to mess with. Well, i was so wrong. He has also been a bloody great mate and both of them will be. They both are under standing. Well, jump now to a few months ago. The place i work, full of males and two females in the reciption. I get on ok with evey one. Well, apart from one male, who has bullyed me since i started working there over seven years ago. To make it worse, my so called uncle is working there in the office, top staff. Also my brother who works on the road for the company. I put the bullying down to this. Any way, back to the point. Every one knows when there has been a fancy dress party or that, i have gone as a female in some sort. I even showed photos to people and they found it funny, good, thats what i wanted. Well, the girls in the office, a few months back, asked if i was a cross dressers. Sod it, i said yes. Then i got asked if i was gay. NO, im not, never will be. They have been good. Never taken the piss. Well, today it seem to kick off. This person who has picked on me said to some one i was working with at the time " hey, do you know any cross dressers" . This other guy turned round and said " well, only lee, ha ha". BUT, it seems this other person does know, how i have no clue. I belive that some people who i thought i could trust have let me down. The way i have been treated at work has been bad. Ok, so some will say " JUST LEAVE" but it is not as easy as that. The money is good. The job is not bad. Around this area, i won't find work that pays the same. What with a morgage to pay, its not easy as it is. I know that he will bring up the cross dressing when i have a meeting tomorrow with the boss. Some thing i do not want to do.He is really making things bad for me. Has any one any had problems like this. I don't want to, but this could go to court due to the hell i am getting. Can i get him done for any thing like sexualy discrination. Any advice would be great. love sophieuk :)

[Ibuki_Warpetal]

Ask him/them how you can earn their respect.






And if they keep giving you crap tell them I will beat them up. n_n

[DonnaT]

There is a duty on employers (under the Health and Safety at Work Act 1974) to to ensure the health, safety and welfare of their employees. If employers do not do this then they are breaching an employee's contract of employment. Allowing bullying and harassemnt to take place at work, whatever the grounds, could constitute such a breach.

I'd suggest you approach senior management or HR and tell them what is happening and point out that they have a duty under the law to put a stop to it.

They may also be in breach of the Protection from Harassment Act 1996 in which case you could go the police and have them served with an anti-harassement order.

Also, check out the website at http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/

http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/harass.htm

http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/harass.htm

http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/amibeing.htm

[sophieuk]

Hi donnaT,
Sounds like you know aht you are taking about. Every one else, i can have a great laugh with. But it is just this prick who wants to pick on me? i will go through them sites you sent me. Sounds like you know your stuff, i will let you know how i get on.
Love sophieuk

[Julie York]

Hi,
I don't know the legal aspect and all that stuff, but does this guy have some authority over you? Or is he just the office prick?

I'm not clear if everyone 'knows' you are CD for real, or not, so that would make it clearer as to whether you are being picked on because of something that is known, or are being intimidated by this guy without him having any solid grounds.

Either way you have my sympathies. I would handle it very badly (wrap a spanner round the back of his head in a dark cupboard probably) but a more thoughtful approach might be to get others on your side and then fight back by asking him his dress size etc. Do and say to him exactly what he is doing to you. You'd be amazed how effective it is . He obviously has an ego and self confidence problem or he wouldn't be a bully.

[Stephanie Brooks]

Deflect it. Make sure that you're dealing with things at work as work issues.

If this guy is making it difficult to do your work, that's a work issue. An employer is going to be interested in resolving that. Document incidents of harassment from the person - dates, times, details. Get your boss involved. If nothing else, an employee that keeps another employee from doing their work is harmful to the company's bottom line. That's one person keeping two people non-productive.

You're in the UK, so I don't know what legal protections you have, but MonaSMith has recently applied and interviewed for a new job. She indicated on her application she's transgendered and bisexual. That leads me to believe you've probably got some legal protections. Do some searching, Girl. You need to be your best advocate.

In closing, if you're out to a few, you need to assume you're out to all. You can't expect people to be quiet about things, unless you're dealing with state secrets (and even then there's clearly no guarantee of silence). Don't assume malice from people you told. Besides, at least on this side of The Pond, if a guy went to special parties en femme all of the time, the guess would be that he's transgendered. Going once en femme can be a gag; twice or more isn't.

[SohoRose]

Or you could go to work all femme and kick his ass.
Now that would be a sight albeit wrong.

[Marianne]

What the others said.

If it's a reasonably large company, contact the HR department. If it's a big company then there's probably a well documented set of procedures to follow.

Do NOT resort to violence, that will get you fired with no recourse.

[DanaJ]

Sophie, I read your whole post, but I could not find where you said what he did to you? All I could see is where you said he treated you "bad". I am just curious, and it would help with the response more I think - did he physically threaten you? Touch you? Make suggestive comments? Or was it a bit of teasing?

DanaJ

[CharleneCD]

Sounds like your guy is just a pr**k. He sounds the type to use anything he can to get under your skin. Kicking his butt would be fun but as said before, not a good idea. I have found with bullies its sometimes best to turn their bullying back on them. Since you are definitely out now, next time he bugs you about being a crosssdresser, ask him in a loud voice if hes interested in you because he cant get any other woman to go with him. Then say sorry your not my type. He will probobly get all mad but then you can tell him, hey you brought the subject up. If you can make it seem like he doesnt bother you and that his comments keep comming back to bite him, he may back off. I would still also look at filing harrasment charges against him. The U.K. seems to be a bit more liberal on the gay issue from what ive seen, so even though you are not gay, he is making it an issue like you are.

[Sierra]

Well thats what I do [working in a steel shop and out as a tg with breast]man you can take control and if he's to big to whip at least you show you dont take any crap from him,dish right back.But its better to be able to laugh and joke about it like its no big deal and no sweating what some diks think because they are jelous your happier and have the guts to be real and yourself.Honesty and openess helps get respect and not acting like a limp wrist flamer me thinks.I dont bother my boss crying about some @ss,just speak your mind right to his face ,you may really embarass the jerk :D

[SohoRose]

What the others said.

If it's a reasonably large company, contact the HR department. If it's a big company then there's probably a well documented set of procedures to follow.

Do NOT resort to violence, that will get you fired with no recourse.

Hi there. I totally agree about Violence not been the correct persuit. I was just trying to be lighthearted.
I totally sympathize with the situation. It must be terrible.

[Elysia]

I don’t know what type of environment you’re in but in general I’d advise you to stay professional. Get familiar with laws in your area and your companies work place policies.

This doesn’t have to be about cross-dressing and since you’ve been experiencing harassment for quite sometime, I’d guess it’s not really about cross-dressing. The stigma associated with cross-dressing just happens to be the latest weapon being used by a bully who will use whatever is available as long as he is allowed to. If you want to come out about cross-dressing fine, but you have no obligation to discuss your private life in anyway that you don’t want to. Taunting someone about anything is an unproductive activity and has no place in the work place. Good management would want to put an immediate stop to it for that reason alone.

[sophieuk]

Hi all,
Well, i have writen a letter explaining every thing. Ok, the sort of things would be verbal attacks ( not about dressing,,yet) once phyiscal. Many running in the offcie saying every thing i am doing wrong, which is nothing. His nothing there. On same level as me. The other day, some one set fire to the work bench. Did he say any thing about this,,no. But he did say to the top man that i had taken FIVE screws home:. What a complete wa.....
The volionce bit. Never go that low. Oh, trust me, i can handle me self very well. But this idiot would then only try and sue me.
will find out tomorrow. tell all then.