Some Advice

[spandexgirl188]

Hi all. Its been a while since i've posted anything on here, so im not sure how to start but here goes. I was wondering how many of you have a kid or kids, and how you handle being a crossdresser and haaving kids at the same time. Do you hide your femme persona from them? do you tell them?

The reason i ask is because i have a very supportive wife, she knew about my cd'ing when we were just dating. the issue of kids came up and i keep thinking about how difficult it must get as the kids get older and they start to understand things. Am i making any sense?

jessica.

[Karren H]

Yeah... Have two and they don't know... My wife didn't know and isn't a big fan so her greatest fear is that the kids find out.... If she was supportive that would be a completely different ball game....

[TGMarla]

My wife had a kid. He was eight when I met her, and he found out about it when he was about 12. That was tough, especially since I wasn't his favorite person at the time. What step-parent is, especially at that age? He was very cruel and hurtful about it. He told my wife, and that was rough. He told others about it, and I just had to hold my head up and maintain my dignity about it all the while. Not a good chapter my marriage. He did it all just to be hurtful, and he was far too immature back then to know any reason not to be.

He's passed away since, though. It rather makes some things seem a lot more unimportant in retrospect.

[GG Pearls]

but we keep it as our private world. We are SURE that if the kids knew or anybody else, it would ruin it.

[Carol A]

I dressed from the get go when I got married, my wife and her sister were really turned on by my CDing. When the kids started coming along we had to be very careful. As of today my daughter knows and one of 3 son know, but who cares I am retired and my kids live a long long ways away.:love:

[docrobbysherry]

Certainly wouldn't want my youngest to know! Read Marla's tragic post above to see why!:sad:

[marny]

one of my three daughters knows. she seems okay

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

I have a 7 year old stepson and all he knows thus far is that pappa's got a pretty faery for a sister ;) Thats all he needst o know for now, but hwne hes older we'll fill him in if he hasnt guessed it by himself.

*hugs*

Zarabeth

[DonnaT]

We kept it hidden, until they were in their 20's.

Generally, the younger they are when informed, the easier it is for them to accept it. Not always the case, of course, but most CDs I know who told their kids early have had an easier time than those who were found out when the kids were in their teens.

[Intertwined]

I don't want to give you advise, every family, every situation is different, you are there, you know your family better than we do.

But, this is how it went in our family

When my wife (she knew) and I married, her daughter was 13 years old. I told our daughter when she was 15 years old, she was completely indeferrent about it. I have since adopted her, making her my legeal daughter, something she VERY much wanted. I have always been Dad, and she also wanted her last name changed to her mothers and mine. My wife still does not want to see Marsha or her things, other than that, were one big happy family!

[CD Susan]

My ex-wie outed me to everyone including our son who was ten years old at the time. He handled this very well and did not reject me as his mother did. She outed me just to spite me for wanting the divorce but actually she did me a favor. My son is 25 years old now and has no problem with knowing that his Dad is a cd. I do not dress in front of him but I do not hide my fem clothing either when he visits me. He accepts me for who I am and I love him for that.

[ErikaLeigh]

I have 2 children, a boy 14 and a daughter 11. Neither of them know and I would like to keep it that way. Kids have enough to deal with at those ages, and they dont need to be trying to figure out whats up with dad in a dress to put more pressure on them. If they should find out someday I would tell them the truth, but if I have it my way they will never know. My wife knows and thats good enough for me.

[DawnRodgers]

Have three kids, two boys and a girl. As far as I know, they haven't an idea that I dress. I did tell my wife many years ago but she is not supportive and probably think I'm nuts. My kids are all married and live far away and I don't plan to ever tell them. If they do know (you know how kids like to poke around in closets to find interesting things - like Chirstman gifts) they have never let on. BUt you never know.

[Kathy4ever]

I have 5. They don't know. My youngest son told mom I had a skirt on one day. Don't remember that happening. She started snooping around but did not find my stuff. I'll keep that way as long as I can. It is hard to a have a secret but kids do have many more things to deal with than we did at there age.

[Desiree2bababe]

I feel it's best for the kids not to be exposed to it. Too confusing for children plus it may influence their sexuality. Best to let nature do that.

[Sandra]

We told our daughter when she was 14,thats five years ago now, and she has know problem with her dad cding, infact when we told her she said "yeah I kinda knew" then "can I borrow your clothes".

I will say though that if you don't want anyone else knowing then it is not fair to tell the kids and expect them to keep quiet. We had got to the stage where we didn't really care who knew and our daughter was able to talk to her mates about this if she wanted to, which she did.

Children are a lot more accepting than adults, and take things in their stride a lot easier, but don't expect them to keep your secret

[Katrina red nails]

My 3 "kids" are all male over 16. I don't think they would take it well. My wife and i have discussed it and currently our joint viewpoint is we don't tell them but from my selfish viewpoint it would mean i could move more freely about the house but the risk to the relationship with my sons means it is staying secret to my wife and i only

Katrina

[Sarah Martin]

We have two boys in their 20's. Although they are laid-back and liberal in their views I would not want them to know about me - as I would not want to risk any upset with them. They'd probably be OK with it, but I have such a good relationship with them both that I would not want to take any risk.

My wife is also careful not to 'give the game away' to them - if I leave something 'femme' out by accident she will say it is hers and tidy it away.

[Jonianne]

Because my previous marriage was going sour, I had to tell my sons about me and they said they were ok, but did not want to see me dressed. That was fine with me.

Going into my second marriage, my wife and I discussed it and decided at that time not to say anything, but she and her grown daughter talk about everything so eventually all the step children knew. I glad we don't keep secrets in our family, but we do keep it private.

The only time I have dressed in front of them was for Holloween years ago. They know I dress on occassion when my wife and I go out and get a hotel room. They once concidered buying me a dress for fathers day, but decided on something else. I was pleased they let me know they considered it. They also joke with me about my dressing quite often. The youngest is 14.

[Jilmac]

I was married twice and neither wife was supportive of my dressing (even though both knew while we were dating). I had kids from both marriages and hid my dressing from the kids because of the non support. If I could have dressed openly there's no doubt I would have told my kids at an early age because I believe family secrets cause dysfunction. Anyway that's my :2c:

[Lisa Pomeroy]

Having only just discovered my CD side at the age of 46, and being the father of a 13-year-old boy and a 16-year-old girl, this is a big topic for me. My short term answer is easy...I'm not telling them about this until I know what it is about myself, and I'm still a ways away from that. But say, a year from now, if I'm still dressing, what about then?

On the one hand, I don't want to add to their burden of things they are already trying to figure out at their age, but on the other, I want to be open and upfront with them. And if they find out years later, what will they think? Will they be hurt I kept such an important part of myself secret for so long? Will they assume I was ashamed?

Am I ashamed? I don't think so. Not ready to be seen by anyone yet...bashful...feeling unsure. But all my years of learning (really learning, internalizing) acceptance of other peoples' gender/sexual identities now bear unexpected dividends...I'm all ready to accept my new self.

Last week my children were with their mother and her boyfriend (with whom I'm friendly) at a big holiday family gathering, and it turns out the boyfriend has a sister who used to be his brother. "She was really nice," said my daughter. They talked about how she still looked somewhat masculine (she's 6' 4"...) and my son said in a casual, non-judgemental accepting way, "the hands weren't quite right..."

If they are that easily accepting of someone who has actually gone all they way through the change, I wonder if my new facet might not faze them at all...but then, their mother's boyfriend's sister is not their dad.

I'm subscribing to this thread and will follow it with interest.

Lisa

[charlene_d]

I have two sons, 22 and 25. Crossdressing decreased significantly during the time that the kids were young and living at home. The kids found my stash when they were young and we told them the clothes were for Halloween. But no heavy discussions. I'm not sure if they know or not. They are smart kids and may have put 2 and 2 together.

I think a lot of parents would freak out if they knew a parent leader was a crossdresser. It would be very difficult not being a coach, den parent, home room parent, etc. in my kids life.

Charlene D.

[marny]

as of today ,two of my three daughter's know. the youngest caught me coming out of the bathroom. Dohh!!! i suspect the third has already heard. Oh well. i guess I'm out!

[jessielee]

it is difficult keeping my disguise up but its preferable to them being devastated tho they would be more understanding than my so. for now i shelter them from what they've been conditioned to despise but show there is another, non judging approach to characters like the "ugly stepsister" in Shrek 2 and 3 to many other pop examples we encounter everyday. they, 6 and 9, may sense their daddy has reason for not slamming them as others would do.
but as for subterfuge, have felt in a disguise all my life, not one of choice. what mannerisms leak past my disguise must be due to being a "sensitive" guy, one raised by women.
my so wishes more guys were like me.
if she only knew.
many are!

[Tracii G]

I have 2 daughters 26 and 31 both married and I don't think they would take it to well so I don't mention it.

[TerriM]

I have 5 children, the youngest is 23. As far as I know they are not aware of my dressing. When I first told my wife I spoke to a priest at her request. He told me that my dressing was something between my wife and I. He was a special priest. My wife is paranoid about the children finding out. I say if they do, we will deal with it. I have a friend that told his children and found out that they knew for years and never let on except to a aunt that explained it to them in a very good way. My attitude was as my children was growing up was that life is hard enough for kids today, they dont need my femme side to make it harder.
Yours terri

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I don't have any kids - but I do have two golden retreivers - and they know !

Why is a dog mans best friend ? (Because the dog won't tell on you)

How do you determine who loves you the most, your dog or your wife ?
A surefire way to find out is to do this test.

First of all you lock your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car for at least an hour. Then you go and unlock the car trunk and see which one is still happy to see you and still loves you.

Love,

JoAnne Wheeler

[Carin]

I have 7 kids. One is 14 and the others are between 18 and 22 years old. Starting about 3 years ago I told them one at a time. They were very accepting. The boys are a bit protective about it, and the girls borrow my makeup all the time. My SO and I separated earlier this year. For the past few months I have presented in an undeniably transgendered mode 24/7: forms, colorful nail polish makeup, ladies jeans, boots etc. My daughters friends come and go through the house all the time. My son's girlfriend sees me regularly. Their respect for me has not changed because I am transgendered or present in a feminine way.

I would not feel good about hiding this from them. It is very much part of who I am. They all appreciated me telling them and not hiding it. If crossdressing is an occasional thing for you then I understand the balance of telling them vs not telling them. However, it is it an integral part of you and your life, and if you have (or want to develop) a good relationship with your children, then you have to be honest with them.
:2c:

[Angie G]

I have 2 kids a boy and a girl And they don't know I lost a lot of dressing time with not letting them know bot I think it was worth it. My wife is the only one who knows.:hugs:
Angie

[Samantha43]

This is a difficult subject and is different for everyone. I have two teenagers that know I am a crossdresser. A girl and a boy. My wife and I had discussed about telling them when they were younger and decided not to. My wife and our kids go to her out of town parents house for weekends several times a year. These were my crossdressing times. I would stay home and dress for the weekend. they would come home at around 7:00 or 8:00 on Sunday evening and I would be back to my normal male self. Well, one weekend they came home at noon on Sunday. Her parents had something going on that afternoon, so she couldn't stay. I didn't tell her that I was going to crossdress that weekend, and she didn't think to call to tell me they were coming home early. There I was, sitting on the couch watching a movie with my makeup on wearing a skirt, nice top and heels when my 12 year old daughter walks in. She didn't bat an eye. She told me that she had know for a while. My son just kind of blew it off. Guess you can't hide much from kids.........

I make sure I am the dad my kids need. I coach and lead their various activities. They are a few years older now and have been very accepting of me and my "hobby". I am very close to both of them. I don't push things too far.

My teenage daughter advises me on the latest trends in makeup and fashion....I have to keep reminding her I am in my mid 40's.....I'm not a teenager.....:) My son still just blows it off for the most part, although we have some great conversations when I am crossdressed. We are both college football freaks and spend our Saturdays in the fall together watching the games.

My wife dealt with it all pretty well. She realizes that we had a communication breakdown (isn't that a song by Led Zeppelin?) when the kids found out and has always been supportive of me.

The bottom line is that everyone has a different situation and needs to evaluate it individually. Kids are more accepting than adults are. They don't have the pregiduces (sic?) that adults have. Should you tell them? I think that depends alot on how well adjusted they are. If they have problems in their lives, you may not want to add to them.

[Maxi]

My wife is pregnant, due in July. Should I hide it or not. I'm thinking under 2 they won't remember when they get older.

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

I chose to tell them both earlier this year and both my children were accepting of my crossdressing. A situation with my daughter happened which gave me an opportunity to tell her and then I told my son about 2 weeks later. Both kids mentioned, that they knew I crossdressed for several years but never told me.

I realize now that when one tries to hide crossdressing we are the only one that thinks its a secret, everybody else sort of just knows, but doesn't mention it. So I found out that its easier now to reveal to others in small steps that, "Yes, I'm a crossdresser".

Nonetheless, it was the scariest thing I have ever did revealing my crossdressing. But worth it. :battingeyelashes: