cannot stop

[firststepnow_whynot]

hi,

i am dying to come out and have reached a stage where it is almost unbearable. i am a married man with a loving wife (who doesnt know about my other side) with a 5 year old daughter.

the state that i am in is everyday i am dying to come home and wear my wife's bra under my sweater. a while ago my desire to dress up was infrequent; say once in a couple of months. this was typically when my wife was out fetching errands with my daughter.

it has gradually increased to the point where i am doing it frequently where i know the chances of my wife coming to know is statistically very high. i am pretty sure that when she will come to know and then i can imagine her response. she will be surprised and taken aback.

knowing all this, i still cannot stop. i need to be in touch with my other self and i cannot control or stop.

i wanted to know whether you have gone through this phase and what happens next. i am confused where my logical self is asking me to slow down and be careful, while my expressions and desire are forcing me to go all the way.

i have become like raskolnikov who desires to be caught and be granted my deliverance.

i would appreciate your thoughts on my predicament.

[Karren H]

Well welcome to the pink force... lol overwhelming for sure.... and weve all been there... and let me tell you... getting caught sucks!! Ask my wife.... I've been crossdressing for 5 decades and I've been caught up in the pink fog soo bad that your blind to anything reasonable!!!

There's not much else to say except that if you hang around here for a while... the urges are going to get worse... we have that effect on people!! and Welcome!!

[Sally2005]

For me, I took years to learn and explore this part of me and I never told my wife because I didn't understand it and I didn't know what to tell her. Now, I know who I am and accept it and I'll tell her somehow...

You might do well to just tell her you like it now, you don't know why, but you are going to experiment to figure it out. My wife actually told me its okay for guys to wear panties... I know she doesn't know I've gone off the deep end! In my defense, by doing it privately, I feel better, I have learned a lot, I am more tollerent, I am confident...so when I tell her, I can do it from a positive position vs. feeling like I'm doing something wrong. I still struggle with what to tell her because its not like I desire a major life change for me, I just enjoy dressing up and experimenting, but I want to keep my male role as is.

[docrobbysherry]

In order to decide the "rite" thing to do for u AND your family!

I advise seeing an experienced therapist ASAP! It may cost u a few $$, but also mite save your entire future!

[DawnRodgers]

Honey, it doesn't get any easier unless you can decide to stop, purge and stick to it. I'd derfinitely advisse, if you're going to continue, that you work up the courage and the nerve to tell your wife. Especially with a 5 year ole around. Chances are, if you continue to "try things on" you are likely to get caught eventually. If you want to build a wardrobe, haave make-up and lots of shoes and jewelry, your will be found out eventually.Ir is a wierd world we inhabit btu there are certainly anecdotal reasons why we are afraid to be looked on as "strange". Questions will arise as to sexual proclivities, who we really want to be, what we really want to be. That is only natural. Spome partners aren't ab;e to live with that, some live with it but don't accept it, some just can't live with it. It does seem that we are always pushing the envelope. As you say, it becaomes something we can't be without. Is it just forbiden fruit, being what we want our women to be, or really a deep seated drive. Only you have the answers to these questions and can answer them yourself. There are all kinds of reasons why we dress and how we really see ourselves. You have to decide what is most important to you.
Dawn

[sometimes_miss]

In order to decide the "rite" thing to do for u AND your family!

I advise seeing an experienced therapist ASAP! It may cost u a few $$, but also mite save your entire future!

Be very careful. Perhaps list where you live and get some therapist references from folks here. The one we went to pretty much steered us towards divorce. Going to therapy isn't a cure-all; there's no guarantee it's going to go the way you want it too. Best of luck.

[Sandra]

. What you need is a long, cool, light-hearted, honest chat with your wife.

The idea of her accidentally discovering you wearing her undies, at a moment when she has her arms full of shopping and an inquisitive 5-year-old in tow... Yeccch! You really don't want to be there.


And believe me, buying your own underwear is more fun than borrowing.

I totally agree with what Katie has said here.

You need to talk to your wife before she finds out by accident, it's not going to be easy but belive me, it will be a whole lot worse if she does find out herself.

[Angie G]

I was much the same as you are now hun. Me wife didn't know and I needed to dress more and more. I got her to let me wear one of her skirts on a very hot day and now I fully dress 5 days a week and wear panties 7 days a week Except at work. And I'm happier then ever hun.:hugs:
Angie

[Mean Green Irene]

I was seeing a knowledgeable therapist about my CD'ing when I finally told my wife of 35 years about it. She hit the roof about it but agreed to talk to the therapist as well. After a few weeks and her spending many hours of research on the net she accepted my CD'ing and we now go shopping together both dressed and in drab.

Take it easy and have plenty of information to support CD'ing Expect her to feel plenty of bad emotions such as betrayal, mistrust, and abandoned

[JenniferR771]

katie is right. Don't lie (much). Maybe introduce it as you like to wear frilly silk panites. If she goes off ballistic or off the deep end or refuses further discussion. You have your answer. If she tends toward open mind or acceptance--she will surely ask more questions...

[Shelly67]

Lieing won't do you one bit of good .
Deception , will be regarded as decietfullness.
And I,ll wager both will certainly be brought up with venom ( quite rightly so ) if you are discovered .
Heres the reality check ....... you say youre urges have grown to a desperate need .... well , I,ll bet youre giving off some strange signals right now . If this is the case , youre wife will become suspicious , frightened and very stressed .
And so will you be for trying o hide youre femme side.
As partners ( for better for worse ) I think its only right to come clean and tell her .... but its youre choice .
For now I,d seriously consider this if I were in youre shoes .
Calmly if possible.
Then I,d read up on this most common issue on here for advice on how to go about perhaps telling her , what to look out for and to prepare for any conflict youre actions may develope .
More than anything ... please take this to heart - do not allow her to catch you dressed .

The rest is just careful considerate communication .
keep us posted - good luck .

[mklinden2010]

hi,

i am dying to come out and have reached a stage where it is almost unbearable. i am a married man with a loving wife (who doesnt know about my other side) with a 5 year old daughter.

the state that i am in is everyday i am dying to come home and wear my wife's bra under my sweater. a while ago my desire to dress up was infrequent; say once in a couple of months. this was typically when my wife was out fetching errands with my daughter.

it has gradually increased to the point where i am doing it frequently where i know the chances of my wife coming to know is statistically very high. i am pretty sure that when she will come to know and then i can imagine her response. she will be surprised and taken aback.

knowing all this, i still cannot stop. i need to be in touch with my other self and i cannot control or stop.

i wanted to know whether you have gone through this phase and what happens next. i am confused where my logical self is asking me to slow down and be careful, while my expressions and desire are forcing me to go all the way.

i have become like raskolnikov who desires to be caught and be granted my deliverance.

i would appreciate your thoughts on my predicament.


Dear Can't Stop,

So, you're hoping your wife will play Sonia to your Raskolnikov?

This predicament, like Raskolnikov's, is very much of your own making. Give up the idea that you're somehow so different from the rest of humanity and communicate to your wife that you have a confession to make. This is what you need to do to quit obsessing over your "secret" thoughts and actions.

Katie is right, get it off your chest (no pun intended) and clear the way for living the rest of your life without guilt or fear.

Katie's also correct about the other thing: buy your own stuff!

[amanda w]

she needs to know and the sooner the better (after the holidays ) wright a short and to the point note on how you feel and ask her to help you understand what is going on. be thair at time of reading pick a time with just you and her good luck and we are all with you the( girl next door )

[charlie]

Hello FirstStep!
Welcome to the forum! I see that you have few posts and must be new. You are in a bind between competing forces. You have your need to be the husband your wife married and the girl that you want to be. Unfortunately, telling your other half may end both of your worlds. So many here tell of disaster when they tell their wives about the need to crossdress. The pain, loss and wish they never had told comes out after the fact. So ask yourself, will your wife be one of the 5% that will understand or the bulk that ask for divorce, psychiatrists, threats and ultimatums? If it really looks like you may end up with a bad result, consider getting a room once or twice per month and dress in peace. It is much cheaper and costs less then divorce and seeing your 5 year old daughter every other weekend.