DinaMature
12-18-2008, 02:24 PM
Well only 4? weeks after my awakening, the holidays and social obligations are upon me. I'll have my SO with me full time for the week, with relatives circulating through in holiday fashion.
For these past weeks, I've been in the fog, raiding discount racks and thrift shops, shopping for shoes that I can't afford. Like my own sisters, a lifetime ago, I swapped out pieces I'd picked up, trying combinations and seeing what other pieces I need to get. I did my make up 2-3 times over an evening, for many evenings, experimenting with a whole new medium.
What would have fit into a shoe box at any earlier time now fills a nice suitcase plus a small carton for jewelry and cosmetics. I get very obsessive anyway and of course when the light bulb came on in my head, I got real invested.
Now, I'm decompressing back into male mode gradually but packing my stuff away was a big step. All ready I feel sorta undone. My male clothes, so familiar before, just aren't as comfortable now.
Most of this is just venting, sharing my experience as a relative newbie; having swung from zero to virtually fulltime for a month and now back to some new position in the continuum. I'm experiencing it very subjectively, but objectively trying to keep my head straight and learn about myself.
I'm still kicking around the discussion with SO. We've been an item for a number of years, and I really think she can handle this... enough of my latent feminine traits have drawn her attention all ready.
For these past weeks, I've been in the fog, raiding discount racks and thrift shops, shopping for shoes that I can't afford. Like my own sisters, a lifetime ago, I swapped out pieces I'd picked up, trying combinations and seeing what other pieces I need to get. I did my make up 2-3 times over an evening, for many evenings, experimenting with a whole new medium.
What would have fit into a shoe box at any earlier time now fills a nice suitcase plus a small carton for jewelry and cosmetics. I get very obsessive anyway and of course when the light bulb came on in my head, I got real invested.
Now, I'm decompressing back into male mode gradually but packing my stuff away was a big step. All ready I feel sorta undone. My male clothes, so familiar before, just aren't as comfortable now.
Most of this is just venting, sharing my experience as a relative newbie; having swung from zero to virtually fulltime for a month and now back to some new position in the continuum. I'm experiencing it very subjectively, but objectively trying to keep my head straight and learn about myself.
I'm still kicking around the discussion with SO. We've been an item for a number of years, and I really think she can handle this... enough of my latent feminine traits have drawn her attention all ready.