My reason for transitioning

[Carole Cross]

This is the edited story of my life so far:

MY first experience of crossdressing was at the age of three which is probably the time when I started to realise that something did not quite feel right.
For the next few years I used to try on my sisters clothes in secret but it was only for a few minutes at a time. I did have a lot of the usual boys toys like Action Man, Lego and Scalelextrics but I also used to plat with my sisters dolls, I even kept one in my room! I diidnt play football or other sports with the other boys.
My parents were divorced when I was ten and for the next couple of years I was moving around a bit before I ended up in a childrens home because none of my family could look after me.
This was when I started dressing up again and found out about people who had a sex change, namely Stephanie Anne Lloyd andthe former Bond girl Tula. This discovery was the first indication that made me realise that I had been born the wrong gender and I started to fantasise about becoming a woman. This feeling intensified until the age of sixteen when I was caught crossdressing. At this time I did nit have the confidence to speak out about how I felt, something I now realise has affected me ever since.
After this I tried to push my feelings away but they were always there, sometimes more stronger than others.
I tried to live a 'normal' life but eventually I found it impossible to resist the urge to dress up and bought a few things to wear in secret. I never told any of my girlfriends or friends about my desires and up until now I had never thought about going out dressed and so never bothered with makeup or trying to get rid of body hair.
Over th past year I have been thinking more and more about going out but was worried about passing until I found this site and dicovered that there are a lot of people like me.
Ihave now decided to go and see my GP (Docto0 in January to get a referral to a therapist who specialises in gender reassignment.

Sorry if this seems like I am just rambling on, but I cant sleep and I needed to let my feelings out to people who can understand how I feel.:sad:

[Deborah_UK]

Carole,

Its not "rambling" on if you want to talk about yourself then feel free, I've found by putting things down in a written format it helps get ones ideas into some sort of focus.

Be warned about referrals under the NHS though - its not an overnight process :sad: I went to my GP in May 2006 and I'm only now on my third appointment at the Gender Clinic!

[michelle2b]

Carole,

I am glad to hear that you are reaching a point of self-acceptance.

I think that there is too much unnecessary shame and guilt around the topic of CDing or being transgender or transexual. This is a perfectly normal human condition. There is nothing abnormal about it. The problem is in society. Society has very narrow definitions and most of our customs come from ancient times and rely on ancient texts written when we did not have the understanding about life that we have today. Society is too slow to change and mature. That is the problem. The problem is not within you. I think you should feel confident about being yourself and exploring the only life you know you have, without letting the dogmas of society influence your happiness in being yourself.

I hope your appointment helps you feel better and I hope you can sleep better too.

M2

[avril findlay]

Not rambling at all Carole.
It really is "good to talk".

[Carole Cross]

Thanks for the feedback girls, I feel a little better for letting my feelings known. Its just a liitle frustrating that I cant see my doctor until the new year. :love:
Deborah, I am aware that it can take along time with the NHS, I need time to buy more clothes and work on my makeup anyway,lol. :heehee:

[Jessicaparkson]

This forum is designed for just what you did. Talking. State your thoughts. We're all in this together hun and we're here for you. Whether to give advice, to share victories or tears, or maybe just to listen. We're always here for you.

[avril findlay]

This forum is designed for just what you did. Talking. State your thoughts. We're all in this together hun and we're here for you. Whether to give advice, to share victories or tears, or maybe just to listen. We're always here for you.

Jessica,

Your few words are a hundred times better than any of that "What colour of knickers are you wearing ? " nonsense.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Hi carole..
your thoughts and dreams are real and your decision is courageous.

You are allowed to be yourself and also to write about it!!

I'm very happy for you and wish you the best...hopefully as you push ahead and continue to grow you'll feel confident and share your experiences as a way of continuing to affirm your own identity

michele

[Karen1969DD]

Carole,

Keep searching for what you want and when you find it, go for it. Best wishes.

Karen (GG)

[Melissa A.]

your story is always worth telling, Carole. As Jessica said, that's what we're here for. Our stories are all unique, in some ways, but it's the common ground, and knowing we aren't all alone out there That forms our bond, and is the source of the support we all need. I see similarities in your story to my early life. And I suspect it brings both of us some comfort to know that. I wish you all the strength and luck there is on your Journey.The good, the bad, the joyful and painful. There's nothing like it.

Hugs


Melissa:)

[Steph Butterfield]

Hi Carole,

All the best with your transition, I won't bore you with my transitional diary cept to say I saw my GP in august 2005, and I am told I could have my gender reassignment surgery in mid 2009, so aproximately 4 years from GP to op.

I hope the therapist meeting all goes well when the time comes, and that your journey is more bearable than mine has been.

xx


Stephanie

[Carole Cross]

Thanks girls for your messages of suppport. I did a bit of retail therapy today to cheer myself up.:)

My biggest regret is that I didn't do this 25 years ago.