must be a girl thing

[cdsteph]

My normally supportive SO has had a change of heart lately and has begun to verbally attack my CD'ing, threatening to expose me to friends and toss out my femme attire.
This is a radical change from the lady that would shop for clothes and shoes for me a month ago...

The anniversary of her Mom's death two years ago is weighing heavy on her, it could be part of the reason....

I haven't even been dressing lately, so I can't see the cause.... no changes in our relationship otherwise...

Has anyone had a similar experience?

[Shari]

Steph, the scenario borders on tragic.
Most thankfully, I cannot relate to excatly what's happening with you and yours. My own wife has been very supportive for me.
Clearly, it's best to allow this latest development to cool for awhile. I would adopt the don't ask, don't tell angle. If she brings it up, just let it go or change the subject, at least until you sense her returning to her more normal self.
Age of your wife? Late 40's to 50's signal menopause. Women can get crazy during that period in their lives.
That aside, she may even feel threatened that you're the prettier one in the relationship. Maybe you should even try to go into a guy "slob" mode for awhile. Let the beard grow, drink beer, etc. Play macho man.
Let her cool and she'll most probably bring it up to you at a later date. Then you can talk less emotionally.
Without more info, it makes it kind of tough to make a call.
I wish you good luck. Keep your head up.

[Jennifer Giovannetta]

Steph my wife sometimes flips on me too. My SO does not talk about my dressing.What sets her off is my shoe purchases. She flips out when the package arrives and says things that hurt but later cools down.
Basically she knows I dress, but it is not something we talk about all the time. 99% of the time she is OK with it.
I would just ride it out. Keep the dressing out of her face. Try to be understanding of what she is feeling. Tell her that you love her.
Remember this too shall pass.

[Karen1969DD]

Steph,

As a wife with a CD hubby, I know that my enthusiasm for his dressing has its ups and downs. I suggest that you back off a bit when your SO is less than enthusiastic and treat her like a lady as a man. She has needs for male companionship as well as female companionship. I hope this makes sense to you. Help her and she will help you.

Karen

[Elizabeth2-]

I think what has rattled my wife the most is that I am prettier than she is and it brings out the green-eyed monster at times. I have adopted a practice of getting her into prettier things and more and better makeup.

She also took up exercise and dieting with me! But, like Karen, she comes and goes. Cool it for a while and stay out of her face, but DO NOT LIE!

Liz

[Sandra]

I haven't even been dressing lately, so I can't see the cause.... no changes in our relationship otherwise...


Have you bothered to ask her why she's like this?


I would adopt the don't ask, don't tell angle. If she brings it up, just let it go or change the subject, at least until you sense her returning to her more normal self.

Totally disagree with this statement. You both need to talk to find out what has caused this.



That aside, she may even feel threatened that you're the prettier one in the relationship.

FFS why do you have to think she feels threatened. Every time we have a thread like this were the SO is having problems does this come up :Angry3: some of you have such a high opinion of yourselves.

[Kelsy]

My wife is very accepting BUT if we have a major argument, about anything, the threats of exposure and ranting about my collection of Kelsy clothes comes to the forefront. When things cool down we get peaceful and nine times out of ten she gets me something girly - I'll buy her flowers and all is bliss!!

:)Kelsy

[Momarie]

"I think what has rattled my wife the most is that I am prettier than she is"

"...she may even feel threatened that you're the prettier one in the relationship"

"Late 40's to 50's signal menopause. Women can get crazy during that period in their lives"

[Sarah...]

It's not "tough to make a call" on this. You two have to talk. It's a relationship, not a game. Don't guess - ask.

Sarah...

[KymM]

I agree with Sandra, it seems to me that something is bothering your wife, you need to talk to her, make her feel loved and stand by her no matter what, my Tracey knows when i am feeling down and knows how to react to me, this could be and usually is the monthly cycle, its only 2 years since your SO's mothers death and its christmas, that would affect me thats for sure, it's definitily not a not a girl thing, its think its something else, talk to her

[Naray]

It's surelly the anniversary the problem. You should help her in those difficult days and when it passes, return to the normal lifestyle.

[kathtx]

so I can't see the cause.... no changes in our relationship otherwise...


Sounds like you two need to have a talk.

A person's reason for anger isn't always obvious. She may not say anything directly to you. She might not have even realized consciously what she's angry about. She may have dropped hints that you missed, and so is going for something certain to get your attention.

People sometimes say & do hurtful things when angry.
Going after your CDing is something sure to hit the mark, so if your wife is of a temperament to be spiteful when angry, it's a natural target.

Sit down and have a talk. Find out what's going on with her. It may or may not have anything to do with CDing.

If it does have to do with CDing, the big swings in apparent acceptance may be because she wants to be generally accepting but isn't completely comfortable with it. If the two of you aren't good about talking through difficult problems, her discomfort with CDing might come out only in the form of sniping comments.

It almost certainly has nothing to do with worries that you're the "prettier one" or any other such dumb-ass reasons (as Jamie's SO so eloquently put it).

But you'll never know the reason until you ask. But it sounds like the
two of you aren't so good at communication, so my guess is the initial answer will be "I'm not angry about anything, what makes you think that?" So be patient, and keep talking.

One of the most important things you can learn as a couple is how to argue well. Learn to keep disagreements from turning into fights, learn to stick to the point, and learn to avoid saying deliberately hurtful things just to express anger. Learn to look inside yourself and see what you're *really* angry about; the immediate triggers aren't always the root cause.

The good news is these are skills you can learn. None of us are born knowing how to live happily in a long-term intimate relationship with another person; we have to figure it out as we go. If lucky, we have good examples to draw on. If not, we can at least try to use the bad examples as models of what doesn't work.

Books and counselors can help as guides, but only if you both realize that you're both undertaking a learning process. The work is up to both of you.

But the first step is to talk. "I'm confused. Sometimes you're supportive of my CDing, sometimes you make angry comments about it. What's going on? What can I do to help?"

Let us know how it goes. We're all here to listen and help where we can.

Kath

[cdsteph]

Thanks to all who have answered thoughtfully... and yes I've covered all of the mentioned bases, including asking why.
I've not dresssed for a couple of weeks and have regrown a moustache.

I've had no response fromher other than more anger and can only assume that other events in her life are causing her to lash out in unreasoned anger to mask the pain she feels from losing her mom. It is Christmas after all, a time to be close to family.
And yes, I've brought that to the table, too.

I'll take the advise of those who said to wait it out...but it's damn hard being a target of hatred that one did not deserve.....

Merry Festivus!

[DanaR]

Talk to her, she might be dealing with something else that is bothering her.

[Samantha Kelsey]

Hi,

My very supportive (when sober) ex wife did exactly the same thing. From nowhere came a sudden change, she did tell others and burned some of my clothes. Thats when I decided to come out to family & friends and let them know how I really am instead of the goulish character she portrayed. Now several years later and in a very happy relationship with my girlfriend Katy I understand better. My ex had other problems, drink, and secret childhood abuse. There have been many posts recently about being honest to your SO, I wasn't until five years after our marriage. Why? I thought if I told her I could lose her. Well in the end I did or rather she lost me, I called it a day with her. But I now know realise that she she probably only supported me at first because she was afraid that if she didn't then she may lose me. SNAP. It's a two way thing this honesty isn't it?
I hope this helps.
Merry christmas to you all.

[CD_DIANE]

Hi Steph,

I would guess that your SO is in pain because of her mother's death, and that pain affects everything in her life. Be supportive , and let her know that you are there for her. Since the lines of communication are open DO NOT adopt the don't ask/don't tell concept; that could destroy what you already have. Be what you need to be... her best friend !

Diane

[sweetcheeksbev]

oh girl my wife did the same thing to me about two mounth ago told me to get rid of every thing i didn't just stopped for a bit
not with the panties that's all i own have only one mens for dr visits last week just started to wear a bra no forms when home and this week end started to use forms again taking it slow she hasn't said anything only time will tell

[sometimes_miss]

Don't forget that lots of times a woman will lash out about one thing, when she's really angry about something else. Happens more often than we like to think. Yes, you should sit down and talk, but remember the above. Although, my ex just reached a breaking point, we think, when she finally realized that we were telling the truth, and that I would probably never stop crossdressing. I think she just thought it would just be a phase I was going through, and it would stop; and when it didn't, the borderline 'understanding' she had, turned into pure anger, then hate. The divorce wasn't long coming after that. Tread carefully.

[Jess_cd32]

...........I've had no response from her other than more anger and can only assume that other events in her life are causing her to lash out in unreasoned anger to mask the pain she feels from losing her mom. It is Christmas after all, a time to be close to family.
And yes, I've brought that to the table, too.

I'll take the advise of those who said to wait it out...but it's damn hard being a target of hatred that one did not deserve.....

I wouldn't say its hate towards you but rather bitterness that just gets directed your way because your there.

My SO also lost her Mother approx three years ago and sometimes acts similar to a point around hollidays but it passes. There may also be underlying things she won't talk about that bother her, not even related to you.

Keep trying to get her to open up and wish you both the best.

[kathtx]

Don't forget that lots of times a woman will lash out about one thing, when she's really angry about something else.

Lots of times a person will lash out about one thing, when he/she's really angry about something else. This is a bad habit common to both women and men.

[Tamara Croft]

That aside, she may even feel threatened that you're the prettier one in the relationship.

I think what has rattled my wife the most is that I am prettier than she is and it brings out the green-eyed monster at times.I feel sorry for your wives if this is what you think. You 2 are so far up your own backsides, you aren't even funny. How about you take a good look in that mirror and see what assholes you are. Don't come on this forum spouting this bullshit again, I'm sick of :censor: reading it :Angry3: No wonder wives hit the damn roof when they find out... especially reading this shit on the open forum... fgs get a clue already :rolleyes:

[Sheila]

Age of your wife? Late 40's to 50's signal menopause. Women can get crazy during that period in their lives.
That aside, she may even feel threatened that you're the prettier one in the relationship. Maybe you should even try to go into a guy "slob" mode for awhile. Let the beard grow, drink beer, etc. Play macho man.

Well I think Shari your GUY "SLOB" mode shines through very well here. your wife must be delirous with happiness ;)
Women can also get crazy if they have to live with idiots for any length of time .....ur wife showing any signs of crazy :heehee::heehee:


I think what has rattled my wife the most is that I am prettier than she is and it brings out the green-eyed monster at times. I have adopted a practice of getting her into prettier things and more and better makeup. Liz

I would doubt your ability to get anywhere near the inside of your wives mind let alone think .... like her I meant :D

You have adopted ................ you have adopted .......... my word ... we do have an unbelievable idea of our ability to persuade others, that sometimes it almost borders on disbelief

AS AN 50YR OLD GG, WELL OVERWEIGHT FOR HER SHORT STATURE ...... NEVER EVER WILL I BE JEALOUS OF ANY CDR ....... NO MATTER HOW WELL THEY PRESENT .... PERHAPS ENVIOUS OVER THE GENES THAT GOD ....... OR WHATEVER DIETY YOU BELIEVE IN ..... GAVE THEM TO WORK WITH ..... BUT, NEVER, EVER OVER THEIR FINISHED PRODUCT ....... COS NEVER EVER WILL IT MATCH THE ORIGINAL

[DanaR]

I feel sorry for your wives if this is what you think. You 2 are so far up your own backsides, you aren't even funny. How about you take a good look in that mirror and see what assholes you are. Don't come on this forum spouting this bullshit again, I'm sick of :censor: reading it :Angry3: No wonder wives hit the damn roof when they find out... especially reading this shit on the open forum... fgs get a clue already :rolleyes:

I agree Tamara, how could anyone say something like that about their SO?

[Tamara Croft]

I agree Tamara, how could anyone say something like that about their SO?Because they don't have a real clue about life. They are wrapped in this little bubble, which they think they are so perfect and one day, that bubble will pop and reality will smack them straight in the face. And have you noticed, it's always those that say this, never post pictures... like the saying goes... proof is in the pudding...

And to those that keep getting pissy about wives etc not being supportive, well get the :censor: over it. They don't have to support it, they don't have to like it, they don't have to do any damn thing at all. You told that person, in the hopes they'd embrace it and share it... well guess what, some aren't going to like it, embrace it, pave the goddamn pavements with gold for you to walk your vain asses down... wake up and smell the damn coffee. You've put them in a position that they don't know how the hell to cope with and then come here pissing and moaning about it like it's their fault... get a clue and grow up!!! Stop whinging about it... it's your problem, not theirs... it's like listening to whiny babies.... jeez... :Angry3:

[Sherlyn]

Im going to agree with Tamara on this ...how can anyone.. no matter what gender make or model..can say they are better in any respect than there SO..that is disrespect and doesn't have a chance of any support as far as I'm concerned..Does anyone actually have the nerve to say that to their partner face to face ?

[DanaR]

Im going to agree with Tamara on this ...how can anyone.. no matter what gender make or model..can say they are better in any respect than there SO..that is disrespect and doesn't have a chance of any support as far as I'm concerned..Does anyone actually have the nerve to say that to their partner face to face ?

I would think that (if you are that type of person) this might be something you said to them on your last day. If you feel that your SO is so horrible, then do them a favor and leave; or get out of their life. Abuse is abuse anyway that you look at it.

[Edyta_C]

I went thru something like this myself. Not someone else being mad but me. Xmas 1, our cat died! Xmas 2, my wife died, Xmas 3, my dog died. Skip ahead a three years and my mom dies. Al at Xmas time. Might this explains why I still have trouble with having any Xmas spirit?? Grief effects different people differently. Some people need help to get past a loss and move on. Not forgetting, but remembering the good and releasing the bad. It took me years but now I am over it. I'm not a bundle of joy at Xmas but a can sing carols with feeling now.

You need to talk with her very badly! Use your girl skills to communicate i.e. turn off the man method of communication and empathize.. listen..

Hugs Edy

[DanaR]

I think that this time of year is always hard on a lot of people. Sometimes expectations are high.

[MarciManseau]

May I ask how old she is?

Marci

[Satrana]

There is a distinct possibility that her previous acceptance was not complete, meaning she was trying hard to show her support but was still having issues with the whole idea. That kind of situation can wear you down until you reach a point where the batteries run dry and you can no longer generate the effort required, at which point a flip flop will occur and suddenly acceptance turns to condemnation.

While it is important to support her if she is getting emotional about other issues, you do need to tell her that her change of heart is hurting you deeply too. You both need to support each other and neither of you should ever believe that it is correct to sacrifice your own happiness for the other.

[sallyjones]

my SO has outed me to her entire family and some of my friends. i feel im a pretty good guy and when we have a argument that is all she really has to throw at me. the first time i was outed i was soooo upset but nothing really happened so it kinda went away. when she told me she told her dad and even grandfather she pretty much got the response" hes a good guy and ive known men that cross dress and that doesnt make him gay, it just means he wears womens clothes."

[Genifer Teal]

I feel sorry for your wives if this is what you think. You 2 are so far up your own backsides, you aren't even funny. How about you take a good look in that mirror and see what assholes you are. Don't come on this forum spouting this bullshit again, I'm sick of :censor: reading it :Angry3: No wonder wives hit the damn roof when they find out... especially reading this shit on the open forum... fgs get a clue already :rolleyes:

Such language! Where's a moderator when you need one? Umm . . .

As a whole, I feel that 99% of the time a woman can and will look better (as a woman) than a man. One thing, which may be what is referenced here is how certain body parts on a man may look better. How often do we hear we (cders) have great legs? I could list other areas and compare differences, but I think you get the idea. All too often men focus on specific areas of the body as opposed to seeing the whole picture. Women can do this too when they focus on parts of their own body they are not happy with.

When compared part for part, there may be a few areas where we look better. With that said, there is a certain component to beauty that women have just by being GG's. This is their ace in the hole and something we can never trumph, no matter how hard we try.

FWIW, I belive I can look good as a woman, which does not mean I look as good as a woman. I can appreciate the difference.

Gen

[JoAnne Wheeler]

That is just part of the price we pay for being CDers - even though we are CDers through no fault of our own. And being a CDer isn't all that bad. GGs
just have a hard time dealing with us. We even have a hard time dealing with ourselves - purges, shame, guilt, anxiety, depression, thoughts of suicide. We fluctuate, so why is it unreasonable to expect real GGs not to.
JoAnne Wheeler