Not sure where to post this, but...

[lorna2cute]

I recently posted a thread about a GG friend's bridal shower.

Well, the very same friend of 4+ years whose bridal shower I am attending this Sunday could have been the perfect wife for yours truly.

I’m probably way off base here, but I just can’t help but feeling very depressed at yet another lost opportunity. I am so tired of tossing my feelings aside for the purpose of “logic” and what “makes sense” and what’s “the right thing”.

How much longer will I have to do this? When am I ever going to be allowed to TRULY express what I feel in this world? I have to confess: repressing my true feelings all for the sake of “playing it smart" is really starting to suffocate me. And the repercussions will NOT be good.

But hey, it’s too late to do anything about it now...

More repressed feelings for me to live with – oh joy… :(

This woman would have most certainly not only totally accepted Lorna but also If there was only one woman in this world I know I would have had a chance with, it was her. Tears well up in my eyes as I look at photos of this beautiful person. I think of what could have been.

But once again, it’s time to face reality. That ship has now sailed. :(

I don't know... it just hurts.... I'm getting tired of "missing the boat". I'm not getting any younger.

[DonnaT]

:hugs:

[lorna2cute]

Thanks, Donna... http://img161.echo.cx/img161/5964/hugs0st.gif

[Tristen Cox]

You deserve the goods, they will come ;) *hugs*

[Sharon]

I know you're feeling really down right now, Lorna, and nothing I say will make you feel better. But I've been where you are a couple times myself and the hurt eventually softens and I somehow manage to give it another try when I least expect it.
Hang in there Sweety, and I'm sure that this will pass. :hugs:

[Sigrid]

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. For what it's worth, I didn't meet my wife till I was in my mid thirties. We're still happily married, two wonderful children and my wife accepts and supports my CD'ing.

When you see her this Sunday, wish her the best. Then let her know how special you think she is, and, that one day you hope you'll meet someone just like her. Then make it clear that if she should happen to meet someone so special, then you would love to meet her.

Have faith, good things will come your way!

~Sigrid

[uknowhoo]

Hang in there, sweetie.
I was in a similar position b4 meeting my wife 18 years ago. I kept getting close/attracted to friends whom I knew were engaged or already married. I recognized the pattern, intended to change, and hoped for the best...and she came along just few months later. It'll happen in due time 4u2. In the meantime, go on out and buy yourself something pretty, it'll help ou feel a little better. hehehe

[mariej]

Hold on Lorna I'm going to swim over with a box a kleenex to dry your pretty eyes.
I'm so sorry for you babe but just hold on to your dream and love will find a way.
I'm crying for you now.
Love and hopefully peace of mind.
Mariej
xxxx

[Stephenie]

You're to pretty to stay single for long. Some one out there is looking for you. keep smiling so she can see how pretty you are when she finds you.

[Pip]

I was 34 before I had a relationship that lasted more than 3 months. I truly felt that I was going to go through life alone.

Now, 8 years into my marriage I am very happy and have just revitalized a somewhat sleepy sex life with crossdressing.

Life has a way of working itself out if you let it! Hang in there! :hugs:

Pip

[Melissa A.]

Hugs to you Lorna, we are all thinking of you. Don't give up, another ship will appear in time.

By the way, you are sharing your feelings, so they are not repressed. Live and learn. At least now you know what you need in a partner, and next time will go for it. I'm betting you will get that opportunity, cutie.

Hugs,

Melissa :)

[lorna2cute]

Thanks so much girls!! I think a group hug is definitely in order... :hugs:

I know I shouldn't worry so much & shouldn't place so much pressure on myself. I also know that the best time we find is when we're not looking.

The thing is that every time I have to attend an obligatory get together (family parties, birthdays, baptisms, weddings, funerals, etc) we see friends & relatives we haven't seen. Those we grew up with are all married. Out of all my old friends with whom I grew up, I am the last single one. Out of all my siblings and cousins, I am also the last one.

The bottom line is this: If i do get married, it will be because I want to, not because "I feel that I should be" or because "it's the thing to do" by a certain age. And I know I should NOT compare myself to other people.

But it's much easier said than done (single folks in here know what I'm talking about), especially when the pressure mounts at every single one of these social functions involving family or old friends. Older relatives ask me at every get-together: "So why aren't you married?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, the Wife Store was closed that day." :lol:

What do they think? That love & marriage is as simple as walking into a store and buying a shirt? :rolleyes:

[Kimberly]

Tell them you don't need the girl, she's already inside you! :lol:

... Then again, we don't want any heart attacks.

It sounds to me like you haven't expressed enough of the emotional side of your being. Your original post describes how you did things because it "makes sense". Most things we do in life don't make sense... we're here to understand them :)

Take some time out for you... take some time out to meet new people (Yes... GGs :p) and do things that don't make sense.

Go on, I dare you. ;)

[tammie]

HI Lorna: I am sorry U R lonesome tonite, but there is something worse, and that is being married to some nightmare bitch from hell who is going to hurt U and take anything and everything U got then broadcast that U R a flamming faggot/pervert to all who know U. Been there done that.

So buck up sweetie, U R the best and smart, not to mention a great fashion statement. In the great scheme of life someone has to be last at getting married, on the flip side U won't be the first to get divorced. I used to just be so lonely and miserable. When I finally stopped being lonely I found women at every traffic light it seems. Actually I enjoy being alone so much I have to have some "Tammie days" each week. Patience dear.

[lorna2cute]

Kimberly - thanks so much hon! Time for me? I'l try... I think that will be my biggest challenge...

Tammie - :hugs:

I'm so sorry to hear all that, hon, I know that must have been a nightmare. In fact that actually sounds a lot like an ex-fiancee of mine. She knew nothing of my CDing (back then I was still closeted) but she was this total uptight prissy type of person who would totally freak out st the slightest thing. Hence when she and I split, that was one of the happiest days of my life.

i guess my only problem is tha right now I am "married" to my job - can you believe this? A minimum wage job demands all of my time, all of my weekends... heck, it's the main reason why I don't even get many opportunities to even so much as go on a date!

I work in Retail - meaning I have to work ALL weekend, EVERY weekend. :(

I cant wait to find normal work again soon. I didn't break my a** in college for nothing.